ivory

What EternalForest said. Books need to be digested. Read slowly, go about your life as usual, see how the author's words apply to your life.

Care to elaborate on what you've heard and how he's influenced the people you know? I've watched quite a bit of Jordan Peterson and I find him quite inspiring. However, he's intense and a bit of a one-trick pony. For people stuck in the victim mindset, or stuck in a shitty life situation, JP is great. He taught me to take responsibility for my life in ways I didn't realize I had to. I had a number of blindspots and he helped open my eyes to them. I feel where he's lacking is on the acceptance end of the spectrum. Self-acceptance is a very challenging aspect of self-development. We'll never be perfect, but we can all use some improvement. Paradoxically, it's impossible to make improvements when you don't accept who you are. I don't think that JP addresses this nearly as much as he should.

When you are trying to develop a skill the only way to improve is to practice. Keep at it and maintain a journal to track the things you learned, the things you could do better, and the things you did well.

I started making music in the recent past and at first it was a big challenge to sit down and do the work. It just seemed like a massive undertaking. But, I kept at it. Slowly but surely. Sometimes only spending 10 minutes a day, and sometimes skipping altogether. Eventually I reached a "hook" point. Now I want to sit down and make music because I see myself making progress. It's a cycle, see progress, keep going, ..., more progress, keep going. That's exactly how I see self-development work in general. You start to see changes and it's less of a chore. Where people go wrong is by trying to accomplish too much at the same time. It's a slow crawl, one goal at a time.

Get help. Just don't talk about non-duality. A therapist can still help you. I would not rule out meds either. Meds are great as a short-term solution. You don't have to stay on them forever. Just out of curiosity, was there a specific event that led you to this place? Did something happen or was it a gradual darkening?

@Pilgrim Nice post.

It's harmful because life is hard. Life sucks if you don't have the strength and skill to deal with what life throws at you.

People are motivated by pleasure but shy away from things that are difficult. As a result, people gravitate towards things that are easy and that yield instant gratification. Developing skills and habits is hard so most people don't do anything that requires that level of investment. When you pick up a task, the little achievements result in pleasure and pushing through challenges results in skill. The more skilled you become at something the more pleasurable the thing is. This is how passion for something develops. It's all about commitment and developing the necessary strength and skills that bear the fruit of passion.

@Big Guru Balls is my hero. Teal swan is not enlightened. She's a faker.

Common causes of depression include spiritual crisis (dark night), self-esteem issues, avoidance of responsibility (ego backlash), loss, life transition, chemical imbalance in the brain, or some combination thereof. This is why I recommend professional help to people who have been stuck in depression for a long time. It's hard to pinpoint the cause and the treatment. Regarding my question about motivation, often times we will feel a false sense of self-esteem when our motives result from low self-esteem. So we try to cover up our shitty feelings with good ones, but this strategy is bound to fail because it's rooted in ego. I had experienced this and suspected it may be the same for you. But, honestly, I can't be sure what's true for you.

I found a therapist, learned everything I could about depression and anxiety, and continued to work on myself. I would recommend getting help. Finding your way out is very, very difficult. You almost have to do the opposite of what you think and want to do.

@Maccoy Your story sounds just like mine. I went from high functioning to not functioning at all. You say you were highly motivated in the past, what were your primary motivations?

"Growth" is a better term for "emotional maturity". Emotional maturity implies a lack of self-acceptance. Growth happens slowly over time. You have no control over how or when growth occurs (as you are clearly aware). However, you do have choice. Life will present you with opportunities for growth in the form of challenges and it's up to you to choose to accept those challenges, or to turn away.

It all depends on what you value. In fact, it's all about values. If you are asking the question then you need to get clear on this for yourself. Do you prefer creativity, physical outlets, fulfilling work, or relationships? The answers vary from individual to individual. To me, creativity is of highest importance. But I'm also highly introverted. Extroverts tend to have more of a need for socialization and will likely spend more time with friends and family. This is highly subjective. It's all about you. That said, you seem to make some distinction between life purpose and relationships. For some, life purpose includes relationships. Ultimately, you define meaning and purpose based on what you value.

The misconception about self-actualization is that it's about becoming someone. Self-actualization is about reducing suffering while maximizing enjoyment. Acceptance is a huge part of the practice. Accept who you are now, accept life as it is, but take action so you reduce suffering. When you do nothing you remain stuck. When you do too much or move too fast you become stressed and anxious and accomplish nothing. This is obviously suffering so this can't be it. When you learn to move at the right pace you experience peace, ease, and joy. The paradox is that when you aren't too attached to change, change actually occurs in small ways over time. Quick sand is a great analogy for self-actualization. Don't do nothing, but don't move too fast.

Your story sounds familiar to mine but I'd need to hear more to be sure. With depression comes negativity towards life and self. What sort of negativity do you experience?

I concur. Take your time and approach it with strategy. I've rushed into things before and regretted it. I wish I would have eased into my path. It would have been much less stressful and more enjoyable along the way.

Meditation, journaling, creative or athletic outlets, hang with good friends, take steps towards a future.

Sorry to hear what you're going through man. I can relate to your troubles, the panic, and the overwhelm. Life can be really hard at times. In times like these it's an opportunity to learn how to prioritize, be patient, and resilient. The thing I learned from my breakdown was that change, both internal and external, happens really slowly. In tough times it can feel like you're sinking in quicksand, and you are in a sense. As with quicksand, the way out is to move slowly and steadily. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it's hard work, and again, patience. The key is to learn to balance acceptance with commitment. Accept yourself and your situation, like if you were in quicksand, but resolve to push through at a steady. You will fall down, but do get back. Resilience is everything in these types of situations. Hang in there bud.

Sounds like some combination of depression and spiritual bypassing. Don't hesitate to get professional help if things get too dark.

@Hellspeed Care to bless us with your wisdom? What is growth then?

I highly recommend this book: Models. I started approaching women 8 or 9 years ago. I wish I had that book sooner. It really changed my life.

I was diagnosed with OCD as a child. I've had to learn how to pace myself as opposed to making many changes at once. I've also had depression. With depression you really have to learn what your needs and values are. Know thyself, as Socrates said. By that I mean, what makes you feel healthy, happy, and alive? In my opinion this is the first step on the actualization journey. The second step is to commit. Make commitments to that which you value so you feel healthy, happy, and alive.

In my experience growth happens by making a commitment and not shying away from the challenges. Just show up for the thing you want to accomplish. Growth happens on its own. For example, I find that by going to yoga I naturally become less lazy and physical changes take place on automatically. By taking music classes, I learn to take on challenges and grow as a musician. I also have relationship commitments to friends and loved ones. I'm committed to seeing through challenges or conflict that may cause fear or pain because I want to have friends and healthy relationships with my family. By not shying away from the challenges I face as I make these commitments I continue to grow strong, my belief in my abilities increases, and my fear decreases. Growth is a huge topic though, there's so much we could discuss on the topic.

I've gone through stages like this. These days I don't really judge people for their level of development. I enjoy making small talk and joking around with them. I will, however, state my opinion if I disagree with the things people are saying. Or, I'll call them out for being unkind. For people who have problems I empathize with them. For people who are toxic or highly negative I just avoid them. It took me a while to get to this stage though. Regarding your current judgements, just notice them and see if you are guilty of the same thing you criticize others for (projection). Don't make a big deal out of it though like you are doing now. Over time you believe your judgements less and less. As you develop yourself further you will have fewer judgements.