kag101

I recommend a song called "Dear Mamma - 2pac". It's really beautiful.

some updates: • i was having trouble playing this song, mainly because i was not using the most appropriate fingers to play each note. my plan was to post the video today, but that didn't happen. on this week, i managed to correct the fingers that i'm using. and that's going to help me play at the right tempo. i still didn't succeeded in playing a part that has a trill. this is basically when you play two notes alternately and rapidly. this is definitely not the most important thing in that song. but if i manage to pull it off, then it would sound really cool. here's the exact part that i can't pull it off: ughhh... it's so simple yet my brain bugs. goals for that song there are some parts that the sheet music says that i should hold the pedal. but honestly, i don't know if i'll waste my energy on this. because the difference is so freaking subtle. i feel like there are more important things to focus on. 4-9 >> play well at 75% of the speed 4-16 >> play well at 100%, and post if let's see if i can do that. i'm just making sure i don't get too neurotic about that. first college exam - studying has been helping my mental health i will have my first exam this next tuesday. it's on neurophysiology (quite a fancy name, isn't it? lol) all about the brain and stuff. it's really fascinating how this machine called brain works. it's so elegant. i think i'll do it well. i'm looking forward for the new subjects that i'll have this next month. they're more related to psychology per se. and college has been helping my mental helath so far. >> today, for example, i was pissed at some friends. and i was very low on energy. but then, i studied a bit and felt better lol. << this has been key! heavy interactions, but being aware of not being hypersensitive speaking of friends, i'm kinda fed up with relationships (not necessarily romantic ones) that are too heavy. seriously, it stresses me out. that said, i am learning how to not by hypersensitive about certain topics, but sometimes i just get tired and NEED to take a strategic break. or else i will burn out. one friend was considering cutting ties with me because..... we have different opinions about politics. and the thing is, i'm not an extremist. i got offended by that, tbh. what kinda of crappy friendship gets cut just because i think therre should be less government, and he thinks there should be more? so i decided to text him being assertive and saying that i got upset that he was considering cutting ties because of that. i still haven't seen what he has responded. let's see how that goes. thank you all for reading, my beautiful readers. haha. [/cringe off] lol

my chess.com rating goals i'm currently at 466. it's a pretty pathetic rating. • i feel like i'm at a point that if i manage to simply keep playing at least 1 online match per day, and analyze my match afterwards i will already improve. • doing the puzzles can also be helpful. • and, again, i don't think it's the time to focus on new openings. high expecation: i would be really happy if i could have a 1000 rating by my birthday (which is in September). i guess it's doable. April: 466 May: 566 Jun: 666 July: 766 Aug: 866 Sept 966 is that too ambitious? since i'm a beginner, i feel like there's a lot of room for improvement. as soon as i get the hang of the basics, i think i'll have a very big growth. and then, when i reach 1000, i think i'll be at a plateau, which is fine. balanced expectation: okay so let's do a more modest expectation: April: 466 May: 520 Jun: 550 July: 600 Aug: 630 Sept: 680 Yea... i think that's way more doable. the thing about this is that i'm comparing myself with others. i would get pretty happy if i got a 700 rating. but like, i see a lot of youtubers who are beginners as well and they are at that level quite effortlessly. pessimistic expecation: april: 466 May: 498 jun: 530 jul: 550 aug: 570 sep: 590 i admit that that would be pretty frustrating. lol. those 2 things are much more important than a stupid rating but anyways, i think it's important to not focus on the number per se. but instead if: 1) i'm having fun 2) i feel like i'm improving those two things are the most important. and having fun is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> being good. it's no use being good at something if you don't enjoy it. i think that chess is one of those activities that is so easy to start comparing yourself and thinking that you're dumb. i hope to not fall into this trap. ps: oh, and one thing i want to get back at doing is practicing arithmetics. i feel like it's going to help me somehow. i had downloaded an app on that.

focusing on a trap!! i was studying a specific opening for chess. but then i realized that i was getting too stressed out about that. i already know the basic concepts about openings. almost every game i make a really stupid blunder, because i am inexperienced and was not paying attention. if i manage to not make those mistakes, that would already be a big progress! my main practice is to play at least 1 online game per day. not with the computer. btw - i have been playing with a friend, who doesn't give a shit about technique, lol. And he ended up beating me twice, because I'm not used to his unusual moves, lol. college - babystepping study habit college has been pretty good. my habit has been to study at least 5 minutes per day per subject. i've been getting really good results. as for now, i only have 2 subjects. next month, it will be the other 4. i suppose that will be a bit more challenging, but we'll see... trying to play my childhood-dream piano song i'm trying really hard to play rondo alla turca, by mozart, on the piano. it's a really fast song. and i just can't get a specific part right. it's annoying, because it's simple yet my brain bugs. i was hoping to upload the instagram reels of me playing it by friday. but i have decided to change my goal. instead, i want to be able to play it well at 75% of the original speed by friday. then, i guess next week i'll post it. i do want to post it, but i won't do it if it's too sloppy. random thoughts • i had sort of a toothache today. i hope it's not cavity. • i received my SAT results (the one from my country). and i did better than i had expected. all subjects above average. and i did pretty well on my essay. 840/1000. • i wish i had a newer console. i only have my playstation 3. but i've started to play Red Dead Redemption (the first one), and it's really cool! i'm in this phase of my life that i want to get up-to-date with what's going on in the world, but i guess that video-games will have to be an exception of that for now, lol. • i tried to save more money this month. i'll see how that went.

I'm glad that you're aware of that. Lol. Did that shift happen out of nowhere? Can you explain us how that happened in greater detail?

Stop all your spiritual work! Your mind is sick. Nothing solo will help you. You're right. That's called spiritual-bypassing. If you had cancer, where would you go? A doctor, right? You see, there's a doctor for the brain. It's called psy-chia-trist. Don't spiritualize mental illness!!!

Wow, thanks for sharing. These interventions are pathetic. He assumes that he knows everything. Huge ego.

I don't agree. Mania is like a high. It can be addictive just like a drug. Are you able to maintain that "awakened" state? Or do you afterwards fall into a deep depression?

I think it's a great game to develop strategic thinking. I'm still a newbie, but i've been getting a kick out of it. Does anybody else also play? What are your thoughts about the game?

going to bed earlier i've been waking up pretty early every tuesday and thursday (which are the days that I have classes). on the other days, however, i'm going to sleep way too late. the other day i freaking went to sleep at 5 am. u gotta be kidding me... so i'll try to always sleep by midnight. MAX 1 am. chess - 3 super cool insights • as i am playing, i'm thinking: "Is this a good move? or will the engine tell me afterwards that it's a blunder?" this is such a stupid way of thinking. fuck it if i make blunders. it doesn't matter. what matters is if i win. if i focus too much on the form, i will screw it up. • i will try to keep in mind is to try to see the whole board. sometimes i just analyze one part of it, which i end up leaving a free piece for my opponent. • the people who actually improve are the ones who are unafraid of stepping into the arena of life (!!). sure, it's also important to study theory. but if one is not courageous enough to step out of his comfort zone and actually play a real game, then he'll make no progress. i'm starting to see some results. i used to be a terrible player. seriously. i had chess classes when i was a kid, and i would always lose. but now i feel like i'm getting the hang of it. my rating is below 500 though lol. childhood dream - mozart i'm practicing a song that was my childhood dream being able to play it. it's called Rondo Alla Turca, by Mozart. i'm sure you've heard it. it's a fast-paced song, so it really impresses people. i hope that i can finish practicing it, and then i want to post on my instagram by april 1st, maybe? cutting ties because of politics? O_O i've told a friend about my political views. it turns out he's on the polar opposite side of the spectrum. basically, i'm into liberalism (less taxes, less state, less regulation), and he's a marxist. lol. he told me that he was considering cutting ties with me because of that. i was like WTF. seriously, it doesn't make sense. i'm in no way an extremist. 3 important insights on politics 1) i'm working on consciously program into my mind: "The world will take care of itself" otherwise i get too hypersensitive and try to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. as opposed to focusing on variable that i do control. 2) i'm new to politics. so i should be humble enough to be an appretice. speak to people not with the intent of being right per se, but to actually find out the truth about that thing. ask questions. 3) i think i'm getting better at STOPPING inner hypothetical debates. seriously, it's so freaking repetitive. and it is a spell. and the way to unspell is by not feeding it. can't believe i'm in college AND healthy!! my neuroscience class is going well. it's a lot of content, but i don't think the exam will be that hard. it's really interesting to study the human brain. it's such a fascinating machine! intention of the year "I WILL GET IT RIGHT" basically a mindset of being a winner. that doesn't mean i will get obsessed about it. but instead of being full of doubt when doing something, be in the mindset of i am capable of getting it right. and if i don't, that's okay. the most important thing is to try. micro-steps i'm doing an online course about that. pretty transformative. i'm applying this concept to getting the habit of study. i dedicate 5 minutes per subject per day. sounds way too little, doesnt it? but well it's a strategic babystep so that i can get momentum. and it's working.

Have you ever gone to a psychiatrist?

It sounds like you're pretty lost. Ever done therapy? It can be really helpful.

NO! It is an unnegotiable need. That said, if the only source of fullfilment comes from your girlfriend, then that's a red flag. Some questions: Do you have hobbies? Do you work/study? If so, is it bringing you a pleasant sense of accomplishment?

Anxiety is a natural and important emotion. Pathological = out of proportion, paralyzing & last way too long Normal = proportional, don't prevent you do stuff that matter & last for the proper amount of time.

What future do you have in mind?

I don't agree. Nature is very brutal.

college classes! strategy for acing it! • my college classes have started. it's been going quite well. i've come up with a strategy to develop a study habit. >> study each subject 5 min a day. << it's a deliberate babystep. something that i can do every single day, even if my bad days. and it's been giving me good results. oftentimes, i end up studying more. but just this daily contact with each subject helps a lot. pandemic, lockdown • my country is doing horribly with the pandemic. there's very few vaccines, and the situation is chaotic. that has been tough. i fear the possibility of losing a loved one. and also the lockdown is very challenging mentally. but i'm trying not to worry too much, and focus on the variables that i can control. sleep schedule • i've been able to wake up early for my college classes. problem is, when i don't have to wake up early, i end up going to sleep really late. so i will try to never sleep beyond 1 AM. Maybe i'll go down to midnight. Yesterday I freaking slept at 5:30 AM! This is preposterous. Not healthy at all.

I think you're overestimating the power of direct experience. It looks like it's moving, right? But it isn't. Our senses can fool us. So the scientific method is an attempt to be more objective.

Specifically for morning routines, I think the one I mentioned is a good one. It can give you some ideas. The only thing I dislike about that book is the extraordinary claims he makes, which ends up setting a completely unrealistic expectation.

I would add that the thing about suicidal ideation/depression — if left untreated — is that it comes in waves. So there might be some stability for a while, but sooner or later it'll come back and probably stronger.

Set an intention. Take a small dosage. Don't do it if you're on a bad mood, or if you don't feel safe in the environment you're in.

Nonsense.

That's pretty silly

You need a good psychiatrist!!! ASAP

Have you read the book "The Morning Miracle"?