kag101

You need professional help, dude. No amount of internet advice will truly help you. Nor will enlightenment work or even basic self-help work in your case. Oh and by professional help, I mean a psychiatrist (and also a psychotherapist, preferably). I could relate to what you said about "wasting your youth". Even though I'm a decently good-looking guy and also have charisma, because of mental illness, I couldn't be the real me. After all, I wasn't 100% alive. But numbed out. My teenage years I just wanted to escape everything: school, socializing, chores, etc. Now that my mood is stabilized (due to medication), I do kinda feel bad that I didn't seek help sooner. I mean, I tried... But I was trying the ineffective methods. That is, alternative methods. NLP, hypnosis, self-help, Reiki, psychedelics, etc. However, because I'm feeling good now and I know that my life is heading in the right direction, the fact that I "wasted" some years doesn't really bother me. You mentioned that you realized that you were trying to get enlightened in a neurotic way to compensate the suffering you were in. I can totally relate to that. There was a time in my life that I was meditating for 4 hours a day. Actually, I wouldn't even call that meditation -- I was simply tolerating discomfort. Another thing that I did to not get psychological help was to... major in psychology at college. I didn't think going through the process was necessary for me. All I needed was, I thought, the theoretical foundation. Then, I would "heal" myself and I'd be an awesome therapist. I was trying to overcome it all by myself, because deep down I thought I didn't need the help of professionals. I hit rock bottom at 22 also, which was in 2018. The thing about depression is that the longer you take to seek help, the worse it gets. The episodes get longer and darker. The first psychiatrist was crappy. But then, I found a really good one. He found a medication that fit me really well. And, man... I hope you get to experience what I have been experiencing. It's as if I were in hell for 10 years, and now I'm out of it. And reality feels like heaven. Sure, there are ups and downs. And there are problems. But nothing can be compared to that existential emptiness that I used to feel. Best of luck!

I want to try to write here every Sunday. I think it'll be interesting to keep it up on a consistent basis. Annoying back pain I have been getting a rather annoying back pain. It's more of a discomfort. But if I have to bend forward a lot (for cleaning stuff, for example), then it really becomes to ache. One thing that I have found is that moderate physical activity actually helps for pain. So I'm doing that. But more importantly: I want to go to a physiotherapist. Despite the quarantine, I suppose I can find one right now. It's the best chance that I have for improving this aspect of my life. I have always wanted to have a good posture not only because it looks good, but also because I don't want to have more pain when I get older. Take action, or it'll stay the same And the thing is, worrying about this problem will not help per se. I have to take some action, whatever that is. Or else, this will continue to be the same. Thinking about the problem doesn't solve anything. I must take some sort of action, and then wait for the results. Here are some examples of that: 1) My hair Since I was 16, I noticed that I was going to get bald. It's hard to accept that, especially because I have always really liked my hair. Earlier this year, I went to a dermatologist, and I started a new treatment. It seems as though I got good results. 2) My mental health I have known for a very long time that I had a problem with depression, and I'd worry about it. It would stress me out, I would get anxious because of it, and life was miserable. I had a lot of preconceptions about what psychiatry and psychotherapy were like. I did way too much internet reasearch on that. Had I not taken the first step, things would stay the same fucking thing - if not worse. I had a goddamned rocky start. I actually got worse. But then, I changed to a new doctor, and then he really helped . Off topic: How I was like when I went to this psychiatrist (It's been one year) I was really hurt back then. I had gone through years of struggle. Of feeling that nobody understood what I was going through. A deep existential emptiness would visit me every once in a while. And that shit was destroying me. The more the years passed, the worse it was getting. I would give self-help way too much value, and my expectations for the help it could provide me were highly unrealistic. Today I know that reading books, meditating, or practicing affirmations can help me. But to a certain extent. If I didn't have proper professional help, these things would be not only worthless but also detrimental to my well-being. Why? Because I'd understand everything wrong, and in the end, I would feel worse off than if I had never done it. Anyways, back to my point about taking action. I will try to do some research on a physiotherapist. My health insurance will expire in less than 2 months, so I want to see what can I do. See you next Sunday (7-19). Hopefully, lol.

Have you ever tried visualization and affirmations?

In other words, dying physically... ?

Just careful not to get neurotically nihilistic.

You should definitely work on removing that. Perfectionism can be a huge problem. I struggle with that as well. It's getting better, but it sure is a persistent son of a bitch... That's very common. It's called spiritual ego. The sneakiest of all egos... To transcend the ego, you first need to have one. No-self is not about being dissociated from the physical world. IMO, I think you're right. You should let go of spirituality for now. If you keep on this track, it will make matters worse for you.

So you're saying that to get enlightened, you need to lose your sanity?

Interesting. One that I like to use that is very powerful is: "It's okay to ........." For example, it's okay to be lazy, it's okay to be selfish, it's okay to be an asshole, etc. The moment I accept a nasty thing, it begins to fix it on its own.

Brute force and will power are not the answer to all life's problems.

Nah. I'm just saying that any type of practice that promises "amazing super-human results" are usually fishy. For example, NoFap...

Detaching yourself from worldly problems won't help you. This is called spiritual bypassing. For example: "Oh... I am not really this person, so all of this shit I'm going through doesn't matter because my spirit transcends all of that."

I'm very skeptical about intermittent fasting. "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence."

Lmao

It's good to hear the opinions of others once in a while. But it is really important to filter it by asking yourself. "Does this make sense to me?" Taking advice blindly is bad; not giving a shit about the opinions of others is also bad. The middle path is always the best path. Hope that helps.

This is a highly irresponsible advice.

Did you find that funny?

A good therapist: 1) Does not give too many blunt truths to you 2) You feel like he/she truly listens to you, so does not fake empathy 3) Doesnt speak too much. But when he does open his mouth, you knwo that something worthwhile will be said. It may be a remark, or a question. 5) is willing to change his opinion about something. Some shitty therapists are arrogant. if they say something, They expect for you to believe it as if it were handed by God. 4) you leave the consultation feeling less anxious, and with at least one insight. 5) does not rush your progress. He instead helps you to slow down your pace 6) you don’t feel as if you need to justify yourself all the time for him. 7) you look forward to going there 8) you feel some sort of progress maximum by 2 months

I can really relate to what you described. Depression is hell on Earth. It has a zombie-like feature -- not totally alive, not dead either. The thing is, no amount of books, advice, venting will get you out of this. Sorry. It might kinda help, but depression will sooner or later creep in once again. Why? Because it's a chronic illness. I'd highly suggest you go see a psychiatrist. Yea, I know that sounds kinda lame and pointless. But it is the best chance you have from getting out of this quagmire of numbness. Technically, depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. So, sorry, you ain't gonna win against your biochemistry alone. There are good psychiatrists out there. If you manage to find a decent one, it's totally fucking worth it. If it's a shitty one, it's better that you don't do anything. Bad treatment is worse than no treatment at all. See depression as a chronic illness, such as diabetes. It has no cure, but it is possible to keep it under control, If a person who has diabetes doesn't take insulin, things will get really bad for him. And as time goes by, it'll get worse and worse. Antidepressants have a bad rep, but if the doctor finds the right one, it can be life-saving. I speak from personal experience. Feel free to send me PMs if you feel like it. Best of luck, man! Remember that it is possible to get out of this and be your natural self once again on a consistent basis. And lemme tell you: it feels like paradise. The worldly problems that people complain about are fuckin peanuts compared to what depression feels like. The hope is in science.

Well-said!

I've been in this kind of situation before. Here's my advice: distance yourself from them gradually until you stop seeing them altogether. If you do that, they will probably insist that you go out with them, but say no nonetheless. It is simply not worth it. This action is not easy to do, especially if you're a people-pleaser. However... when we are able to let go of people that no longer resonates with us, it gives room for new people to come into your life. What do you think about that? Good luck, you deserve better friends!

He did a tremendous job. Jk, i never read any of his books. i'd recommend you read some of the reviews of his books on goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1032.Trump

I don’t think you need meditation right now — but instead good psychotherapy.

@rav You only tried one antidepressant. I think should try it again. Bupropion has worked really well with me, and it didn’t give me any sexual side effects (which was my bigest fear). It is not a SSRI. It doesn’t act on the serotonin receptors, but on the dopamine ones — which really help boosting your vitality and motivation. I’d suggest You ask your doctor if he thinks you can try this medication. It’s been life-changing for me... good luck ??

It feels so fucking good to be healthy It's so interesting to be healthy mentally. It's like I'm living in paradise. Sure, there are problems and everything -- but nothing can be compared to depression. It's a whole different thing. I've had depression since I was 9. On-and-off. But the thing is, this illness tends to get worse overtime. So my "breaks" from depression were getting shorter and shorter. Has therapy been helping me? Yes, for sure. But it wouldn't be as effective if I were not taking the medication. It's a wonderful feeling to feel like I am here. I am present in my body. No more of that zombie-like feeling. Yuck! I'm still in early recovery! I have to be extra patient with myself during this process. I think that the biggest trap in my case would be to be on a excessively high pace. I have to remind myself over and over again that I am not running a 100m, but a marathon. I want to learn how to use my energy in the most balanced, productive, and healthy way as possible. Did I suffer a lot in my life? Yes. And did that made me get behind people my age in terms of experiences, accomplishments, and development? Yes. Will I be able to catch it up? Definitely. But it takes time. If I simply manage to not overwhelm myself, then I am good to go. Affirmations: reminders I've been doing some affirmations daily. And it's not just a "I am" type of affirmation, but also reminders and acknowledgments. For example: "I tend to overreact" >> Repeating this 3x in the morning helps me identify when I am overreacting something. But anyway, the one that I wanted to share is regarding self-negotiation, which is: "Should I accelerate, break, or do nothing?" This is a practice, and I feel like I'm getting better at it. It has a lot to do with self-knowledge. My recovery strategy: 2018 - year I sought help 2019 - coming out of depression 2020 - stabilizing with easy and fun acitivites 2021 - begin to think about work & study

Dude, you are way too hard on yourself. Btw - if you don't take the antidepressant every single day, it will not work.