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Everything posted by rNOW

  1. Back story: I've been in a very toxic relationship once. That was my one and only relationship and I've never dated anyone since or before. It has been 7 years being single now, and I knew I had to fix a lot of issues in myself to avoid attracting another toxic relationship. I've thought about what I want to do in life and how I wish to live and what kind of relationship I want, and I'm unwilling to compromise on it. I wish to pursue awareness work and that would mean the person I choose to be with, must be walking in the same direction. This poses some problems, because I'm not sure how to go about looking for such guys, or should I even bother? I'm fine being single all my life. The reason I'm posing this question is to understand if I'm probably just projecting my past on all relationships? Or is it me being too picky? A lot of guys who show interest in me want to earn a lot of money and live on a yatch and get famous etc. etc. and I do not wish to be onto that. Not that I'm judging it, but I'm not sure I am capable of taking joint decisions of any kind with someone who is walking in a different direction. I don't live in a place where dating is the norm, and I'm not very sure of arranged marriages. They are just like making a financial deal and it puts me off. So the question being: Have you guys wondered, if romantic relationships are worth pursuing at all? How did you come to your decision?
  2. How do you guys manage setting up deadlines for yourself and sticking to them? What is the system you follow to handle very stressful deadlines and how do you ward other people off from putting up inhumane deadlines for you? Given that you're also into self realization work, meditation and personal development, do you find it all takes a back seat whenever a new urgent deadline pops up? How do you navigate this balance? And lastly, how do you enforce your boundaries so other people's agendas do not ruin your plans? Thanks a lot!
  3. I am fairly new to meditation. I do not follow any music or guidance for meditation, I just sit with my eyes closed and remind myself to focus on the blankness in front of my eyes. Sometimes thoughts come by, mostly it keeps me focused. Around 15-20 minutes into the meditation, there is a sort of a click or a shift and I see some sort of circles forming in between the area of my eyes. They are either zooming in or zooming out. They sometimes have images in them, but mostly they are just fuzzy shapes. This state is like a trance, though I think it doesn't last very long. My question is - is this something related to meditation or am I dozing off mid meditation? And what are those fuzzy circles and shapes. They are rather fast though, I find it hard to keep up with them if they have any images in them.
  4. Shoe Dog by Phil Knight
  5. Yes. Used to. Realized it is because you feel judged by their presence. Try to remind yourself that you do not have to look at yourself the way they look at you. And everytime you're going in their presence, remind yourself, you are not what they think of you. Repeat it everytime. Just a reminder.
  6. So over the past few years, trying out various things and methods of upgrading myself, I've come to realize something: I can come to like things I hate doing. In fact, I can come to even love them and look forward to doing them. Example: I disliked cooking very much. Situation forced me to cook, not only for myself, but for others in my family too. Initially I resented the situation, but when I realized it is not going to change, I'd rather do it joyfully than waste my mind over how awful it is that I have to do this. So I began experimenting, trying out new recipes, and watching cooking videos on YouTube. It has been 1.5+ years since, and I look forward to cooking everyday now. It is like one part of my day's purpose is cooking. I earn no money from it, however it brings me and those who eat joy. Another example: I used to have a triggering reaction to anything that had to do with finances. It had its roots in the way my handled money and the topic of finances, but once I realized I cannot change my family, I started studying personal finance everyday. For over a year, I read and studied the basics everyday for 30 minutes. I came to love it. I even started sharing what I learned with others. I attended seminars to know that very few people in the audience have even the 10% knowledge that I have. I suddenly felt I could learn anything. And be anything and teach anything. This has happened to me in a lot of things - doing dishes, cleaning bathroom, etc. I have found that the thing that determines if I love something or not is the investment of time, attention and effort I direct towards it. There is no special love in any thing. Which if you look at it is extremely liberating and at the same time, limiting. Things have become more objective, free of heavy emotions, I try to do what is necessary for me in the moment. But then I find there is a lot of things necessary. How do I choose or pick? Like I could spend 1 hour cooking a regular dish or spend 3 hours trying out a new one. I find I need to set limits to my creative expressions to a certain few things otherwise I'm spreading myself too thin in all things! I find this often applies to people- I spend more time and attention to someone, I start loving them, even parts of them I did not like much earlier. I'm not talking of romantic love, though this is also why I find it hard to date. And it kept me in a toxic relationship for a long time. I'm assuming this is a deeper issue for me than I see. And I maybe blinded in my beliefs. Any perspectives on this welcome!
  7. I have been there in the past. I asked myself what my ideal day would look like if I had all the money, health and unconditional love in my life. If I had nothing to work for, how do I go about the rest of my life? Spent about 30-40 minutes on it, and came up with a list of about 10 things which are just iterations of the same 4-5 things. I was shocked when I looked at the list, because I did not need any money to do them, neither did it cost me more than my health right now and required no one else's love. I picked one task from that list - say reading and started doing it everyday for 15 minutes. Little by little I increased the span of time. Now I read about 2 hours everyday. The rest of the day is my other items on the list. I made that list 4 years ago. I'm not motivated yet. But I have a reason to get up early and go to bed on time. There will still be days I don't feel like doing anything. And I'm still learning to navigate those days. You start little by little. If you don't know where to start, start doing what you loved doing as a kid- drawing, dancing, running in the fields, etc.
  8. I've read and watched extensively about narcissists. From what you've posted, you do not really fit into the definition of a narcissist. However, you maybe a codependent. A codependent is someone who often worries about how other people perceive them, not necessarily trying to be better than others. If you are someone who goes out of your way to put others first, try to avoid conflict for fear of their reactions and have suppressed emotions because of fear of them being laughed at, you maybe a codependent. Look up videos on it and you can learn how to heal yourself. P.S. A narcissist never realizes they are a narcissist, unless someone officially diagnoses them. Even then, they are often in denial.
  9. Write it down. And observe whatever you wrote. Write what you're feeling everyday. Even if words fall short. Bring your feelings out on the paper. If you can't write, then draw, scribble, doodle, scratch, whatever, and then just observe them without judgement. You can try to do this too - Look at those desktop wallpapers and try to write what emotions do they evoke in you. Numbing is when you're scared that your emotions might not turn out to be what you want them to be, so you bury them inside. But your emotions don't care. They just want to be noticed. Emotions are just data of what's wrong or right in your life. Once you honestly and openly see them, they'll feel more free to come out in the open.
  10. And if you want to be in Indian's good books, brush up a little bit about their favorite three topics in the world: Bollywood, Cricket and Marriages. And go back after your studies otherwise, they'd get you married here
  11. @bejapuskas It means everyone in your neighbouhood or your friends or people you interact with on a daily basis would sometimes share their food with you, if they get to know you're a student. Even if they don't, it is a thing in India, where everyone just passes meals around, especially during festivals. I was once sick with fever while living alone and hadn't had the energy to cook, and my domestic help cooked a vegetarian dish for me at her home and bought it over, even when she was a non-vegetarian, just because she knew I was a vegetarian. Of course, don't accept food from strangers, like on a bus or a train. If they insist, tell them you're not hungry or have a fast or something. Also, one more point - don't leave your belongings unsupervised. Even in college campuses, thefts of trivial things would take place - like a ruler gone, or a pendrive would go away from your bag pocket. Or your phone and cable. They would be your own classmates, and it would not do well if you have to 'accuse' them of such a thing. And don't keep your apartment door open. I had someone steal a newspaper from my apartment door everyday. It just blew my mind what those 4 rupees would buy for someone that they had to steal it. So just be careful, and watchful.
  12. I wonder now, how Leo would talk about the same topics he talked about 5-6 years ago. I can see a huge change in the direction his channel has gone and even though his focus now isn't personal development, I would like to see what new insights he can bring to the same topics he spoke on many years ago.
  13. Books have influenced me immensely. There are some very few ones which I could go on reading and rereading and recommending to everyone I know. So I am curious to know if you have any such books on your shelf. Making this thread to collect and share recommendations for the best of our encounters with books. A) How many books have you read over the past 5 years? B) List top three that have influenced you and why Beginning with my own response: A) 150+ approximately B) (1) Conversations with God, Book 1, By Neale Donald Walsch because it made me realize I had collected so many false belief systems when reality is beyond all beliefs. (2) The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer because it showed me I'm living my life in contradiction, wanting it to be passionate and intense whilst simultaneously being afraid of passion and intensity on the other hand. Also it offers meditations after each chapter that are very effective. (3) A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle because it gave me a clear understanding of what an ego is and how it operates my mind and my life.
  14. There's a technique called "Grey Rock" technique to be used to dealing with toxic and narcissist people. You can look up many videos about them on YouTube. It's a technique by which you do not need to block people or reason with them, since toxic people can handle neither of it. So you have to do it in such a way that they lose interest in your life. Is that manipulation? Yes. But the other option is cutting all ties. Which if it works for you, great. Otherwise Grey Rock technique is pretty good. Also, it is better if you let go the idea of 'mother' as a loving parent. Sorry but that may not be for you. The more you expect her to love you the way other mothers do, you're going to be disappointed. Instead, give yourself the love you wish to receive from her. Show her how you need to be loved. If she learns, well and good. If not, well and good too!
  15. You have to be authentic, you do not need to adjust yourself to match other people's interests. That way, you will know exactly which people are your people. I find that if I fake interest in trivial gossips that many people engage in, I find they will think I actually like it and give me more of that. If I express interest in exactly what I am actually interested in, those who aren't interested in those same things, will automatically fall away or drift away. And the ones who have similar interests are drawn to me. Example: You do not need to discuss TV shows if you don't like to. Let others know that you do not watch TV because it doesn't interest you. They might ask what you do in your free time. You can then share your personal development or spiritual practices. It might even interest them on this path. Or they might call you boring and ignore you. That way, you do not need to calculate on which level of spiral dynamics they are or how much conscious or less conscious they are. If communication is a two-way street, half the road, is yours. You keep walking in yours. That's the only thing you can do.
  16. Can you do a job as an assistant to a yoga teacher who is already established and then learn ways from there before you start on your own? You can even make a network of clients that way. This way, you integrate your purpose even in your job, you get to talk about your purpose to people you see, and get to express your values.
  17. Agreeing to the points others have made, yes, foreigners are scammed for money because they do not know the market price of things. So get your Indian friends to do the dealing for anything that doesn't have a MRP tag on it. Buy groceries from supermarkets instead of local shops. You will find people are usually very hospitable and will offer you food for various occasions if they find out you are a student. Language is no problem in Mumbai, most people speak English there, even cab drivers and small shopkeepers manage broken English. The local language there is Marathi. You can find all kinds of food there. There is no dearth of eateries and varieties you find there. If however you do not live in Mumbai and move out of it, this whole thing will change, language and food choices. But I find that the smaller the town, the more loving and hospitable the people. But you have to be careful at all times, no matter what. Don't keep your wallet in your back pocket, especially on railway stations and other crowded areas. Travel in groups whenever possible. And let someone who is not travelling with you know about your whereabouts. For easy language learning, I would suggest you keep a translation of basic phrases like how are you, where is this, where can I find this, who is this, etc. in a piece of paper or your phone so you can ask anyone and manage by gestures. Some Indian pronunciations of English words are hilarious and you may take a while to get them. But best learning is when you move here. You can begin by learning the alphabet, so you can read things, maybe? The grammar is similar to European languages, I find. You will find the best way to build a network of people is your neighbors and people you know. You won't find listings of things on Google here. The people around you are your Google. If you need to buy or sell something, ask your neighbours or your domestic help. Domestic help is cheap and affordable, though comparatively expensive in Mumbai. Again, ask your neighbours before hiring anyone. There are lots of festivals since India is a hub of all cultures. And we celebrate all kinds of festivals, irrespective of whether it belongs to your religion or not. That means there are many holidays and you get to eat different varies of foods and treats made on these occasions. So try to find out what the next festival is, and you can plan to enjoy them all. Most important: DO NOT ASK OUT ANYONE YOU DO NOT KNOW and have just met. It is considered creepy behaviour here and the society isn't that open minded. If you like someone, first just get to know them generally before you ask them out or invite them home. Also, though we have lifted the homosexuality ban now, it doesn't change people's beliefs. So keep your sexual preferences and activities to yourself. (Don't kiss in public.) If you bring someone home, people (neighbours and nosey people) may get judgemental towards you, though in Mumbai this is not the case, but there are always diamonds in the rough to look out for. Try not to eat street side food. It may taste very good, but may cost you a lot of your health. Try to keep an emergency contact for a couple of local doctors if you need to. Yeah and don't fall into the drug market. It is ugly and better not let it affect you when you are student. Travel and have fun, cause it is cheap. All the best!
  18. It depends on what industry you are in. Most internet forums are based on specific fields.
  19. @Nahm Exactly my point. What is love though. Don't you think it is easy to find connection to everything and everyone once you know how to direct absolute attention to it? Though until one experiences this, there are specific activities one must do to feel the connection.
  20. I live in India. Ask away. (Though I am not sure much about Mumbai, but I have visited it a few times.) One book which I really liked was Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. Don't have your parents read it. They might get more worried
  21. My dad is a doctor. He has cured some fine diseases with Ayurvedic herbs. The cure and recovery rate is slow so it is hard to believe and often patients give up hope without going all in on it. Also they tend to try out many things in a short span of time, so it sometimes messes up their system. But know someone who was given 5 years to live due to some lung disease and they had been cured by some herbs in our garden. Point to be taken. The patient is now cured, but they did not change their lifestyle, so we cannot say they are healthy. Also the mental state of the patients affect the recovery greatly. I also know someone who had very simple disease which was easy to cure, if they just got up and exercised. They did not, and had no desire to live or get cured. They spent 3 months in hospital just like that - with no reason, just benefiting the hospital profits, even after the doctor had asked them they were fine to go. No medicines can work on such people. I've personally used silver colloidal water to wash my eyes in conjunctivitis. Infection gone in 6 hours when I washed my eyes every 30 minutes. If you're interested, read about Ayurveda and the food system it advocates. It says all diseases are an imbalance of elements of water, fire and air in the body. Once you understand how it works, you can recover from anything. One interesting book (not Ayurveda) is - What your doctor doesn't know about nutritional medicine may be killing you by Dr. Ray M Strand.
  22. I've always wondered why people get passionate about doing 'fearful' things? Why do they get so addicted to it, that they are willing to risk their lives for it? We all do it for a thrill- going on a roller-coaster or sky-diving or bungee-jumping. You see, this is not at all about overcoming fears. It is that, fear beings your awareness into the present moment. And in the moment of great danger, your mind goes blank. People doing these stunts, are not overcoming fear, they are chasing the bliss they get from being present. And too bad, they need dangerous situations to remain present. Some others can do that sitting in a cubicle all day. Unfortunately, it is easy to see what people do, and not easy to see what goes into their minds. I haven't watched this documentary, but I believe this is the very reason people climb mount Everest. It looks like bravery, but feels like meditation, becomes an addiction, an attachment, and they call it passion. But no. The most fearless persons I know are those who aren't addicted to any 'moments' or 'things to do'. They do whatever is required of them in any situation. And it ends there no strings attached.
  23. Here's a simple explanation: You were born, and someone gave you a name. You noticed everything and everyone around you, how they behaved, what worked and what didn't. You noticed what got rewarded and what got punished. You noticed what was appreciated and what was criticized. You noticed what was valued and what was devalued. And just like that, in all that noticing, you cast yourself into a mould that everyone around you put you in. That, is so gradual and unconscious, that you end up thinking, this is me. That you, the image you have of yourself is your personality. As an example: Ever since I was a kid, my mom would interrupt me whenever I tried to speak something. If someone asked me a question, she would answer on my behalf before I do. And then over a period of time, I felt it is not really a good idea to open my mouth. I retreated into a shell and became an introvert. I disliked being around people even though I could not pin point why. Then that became my personality - shy and quiet. Then I move out and go to college. I no longer have my mom around. I also get to do stuff that I find interesting. I am able to ask questions openly and answer them honestly. And people started saying I'm so confident. Then that became my personality. That is what a personality is. People at in my family have a hard time believing I am confident and outspoken. People at my college have a hard time believing I'm shy and quiet. None of these extremes is me. Both are acquired traits. Personality, the word, comes from 'Persona' meaning a 'mask'. So it is something that actually covers up your real face or the real you. How do you know what is the real you? When you let go of all your masks and stand naked. Decide which aspects of you are acquired and let them go. It's a hell of a process and hurts your ego a lot.
  24. As an architect, here's what is most unfulfilling- Designing the same things over and over and over again. I love when clients are genuine and open and voice their requirements and personal quirks which I can then convert into bricks and stones and plywood. BUT these types of clients are rare. Everyone wants what their neighbours want. It takes me all the life in me to convince them that their life and lifestyle is not their neighbour's lifestyle, so it should be unique and personal, like a fingerprint. But of course, that means more effort and more time, which doesn't market well in the industry that learns by 'how it looks'. I dislike designing apartments which look exactly the same matchboxes as those in the whole 20 sq km area. It is very disheartening to look outside the window and see nothing 'new'. People start behaving similarly when they live in similar houses, and I don't want to be a part of this mass-produced humanity. I have no idea how to go about it, but I recognize that THERE IS NO COMPETITION IF YOUR WORK IS AUTHENTIC. Sure, others may copy my designs. Let them. They may get paid more for it. Let them. As long as I get to express my creativity, why bother?
  25. This is amazing. Bumping up. Appreciate what you do!