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About Nihal217

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  1. @tedens i did it because few years ago i learned that i had a "emotionally traumatic" childhood. i had lots of emotional problemm like i was introverted and neurotic on extreme ends. low self esteem, low confidence, couldn't hold eye contact and a conversation, mild ocd, like list all the mental-emotional-psychological problem and i probably had it. And i did not like me being that way. i couldnt see my future being that way. so i started reading books about emotional stuff and all that. it took me some time to realize that i was a really good child while growing up, but the reason i grew up to be such a person is that the influence my parents had on me. And my parents are seriously ill and disfunctional. all the beliefs that were acquired by me while growing up caused all the problems listed above. and this stuff goes DEEP in my mind. and i am still faulty in many ways but isolation and solitude is where i can stop being my"self". like i am completely different person when i am alone. i have no problem listed above when i am alone. and that is why i started doing introspection and awareness practise.
  2. I was on ganjya. @Serotoninluv @Nahm @Setty Thanks for your help
  3. @WelcometoReality Yes, pursuing enlightenment is the goal. @Setty I watched leo's video about 'zen devil'. and I was like that for about two months. I wanted to start a cult and all that. And I also had a experience this month that made me unable to function in the everyday world. I just wanted to do nothing & I had a non-stop smile on my face for about 10 days straight, without a break, even for a minute. I was feeling Good with capital G. That means that I need not to reinvent the wheel which will take about 80 years instead I just need to read books.
  4. @Leo Gura I had a no-self experience 3-4 months ago. I was wondering how common or rare is this? And my question is what do I do now, so that I cut the time researching about what to do and get straight to the point? Note: this was a sudden unexpected thing that happened to me. I didn't even know that its called a "no-self experience". when i did some research, I found out that this is enlightenment territory. I have done a lot of introspection and therapeutic work in past 3-4 years but I haven't read any books about enlightenment or haven't done any work for it. Any guidance will be helpful.
  5. Yeah 'cleansing', I did lot of that. Spent last three years doing that.
  6. @iPurpl3x exactly i feel shaken and then i just let it happen. and also it responds differently to different kind of music @NoSelfSelf i didn't do anything different in particular. i just changed few things in my routine.
  7. I just watched Leo's new episode on body awareness today, so i would share this interesting phenomenan that is going on with me. So what happened is that i am feeling this energy in my body that is different than anything i have experienced. It will almost push me and pull me(feels like it) while i am walking. Walking seems so easy and fluid than normal. I am not a dancer kind of guy and dont dance either because i have this stiffness and rigidity in body. But now-a-days i can dance. the other day i danced for about three and half hour straight. that is almost impossible. I was listening to music and i felt this flood of energy or power in me and i just let it do its thing. so my shoulder started jumping on the beat of the music and suddenly shortly afterwards i was dancing. I was moving my body so heavily and i wasn't just moving my body, i was doing dance moves, but never learned any moves ever. And also I felt this awareness of muscles in my body like i was aware of every muscle in my body. And not just that but also my sight and hearing has improved. I can notice minute differences in colors and shades that earlier wasn't possible. The music, now I can hear very clearly every instrument thats playing in the background. Also the differences in water temperature while bathing are being detected by my skin. I am not on any kind of drugs, and also its not like i am loosing control of my body. I danced for three hours because i let it happen.(you should seen faces of my roommates) I am feeling very lightweight and fresh Also the their is boost in my focus and creativity. the creative things that used take me few hours are now can be done in few minutes. And many more things happening. Does anyone have any name or explanation for what is going on?