Mu_

@Javfly33 you may want to start a practice of appreciating and embrassing suffering and imperfection. Become cozy with not being where you want to be. Become cozy with the ego mind blah blah blahing. Become cozy with soreness and bodily discomfort to some degree and stretch that little by little without injuring your body. Ei take cold showers few times a week. Really be still and cozy with fear and agitation and anger. Appreciate it like a scientist and get cozy with it like a pillow. But don’t become addicted to this practice. Joy and pleasure is a good balance since this practice has a potential toll if done with force pride and angerly hard nosing it. Also read a little about stoicism. And let in some of their mindset these all seemed to help in some way during the phase of life you decribed while i was in it @Girzo

@Kalo can you tell me about your drug dealers vagina.

@tatsumaru honestly we’re you hoping to become a Jedi master also so your friend sounds wise. It’s an interesting experience and experiment to try and not pay attention or believe ones senses. Try for a while on and off in a safe place. Something may appear where you didn’t know something could appear.

@tatsumaru your awake in my eyes and missing nothing. Trust your instinct about enlightenment. It’s just in your imagination. And there’s not one to find. Even if hypothetically there was you would have no idea what your looking for, and no teacher agrees on how to find this undefined thing. I know you don’t like to hear it, but this IS it. And no I don’t mean IT is everything or no-thing or infinity or God. This doesn’t mean more wisdom and understanding may not still occur, it may but you can’t make that happen. Btw knowledge and understanding how something works is overrated, and rarely is enjoyed longer then a few days. Same with being right or wrong. Also I don’t know if this helps but it’s okay for other teachers to supposedly know more or stuff that doesn’t make sense or is unfeasible, no need to waste energy and perhaps feel incomplete on longing or rejecting what they say.

@tatsumaru great. In a sense you are not missing anything but since you want to understand more I’ll continue poking. Honestly, how do you know your not enlightened and what is it in you that knows this is this knower or knowing sense always kinda there Or does it come and go

@tatsumaru Also it seems like you have idea's of awareness/I amness (we all do you could say, and ultimately its not an issue), one being that it is immediate or something and not "unlimitedness". while I'm not going to argue one way or the other, look into the fact that there is still definitions and idea's on your part so to say about "awareness/I amness" and if its possible to drop even those and any others that may come up. This is another type of self inquiry/deconstruction (as an experiment). There may be some ideas of awareness being dependent on a body, or environment, or not being dependent, see if you can drop even those. This can lead to a literal kind of unknown which is could be said to be devoid of any knowledge, self reference, dependence, choice, no choice, reason, non-reason, meaning-no-meaning.

I'm mearly trying to give pointers. The sentences and pointers have no value in and of themselves. Are you confused or feeling like your not understanding something, or are trying to understand more? And if so, what exactly. What exactly happened when you said to Leo "I just realized how I was thinking of it in terms of a 'here' and 'there. What was the "it" also... My feeling is this is a good starting point, because it seems like you've "learned/understood" a lot already, are open to more, and yet kinda defending your position, which is fine, I have no issues if this was the case...

@tatsumaru Location is a mathematical idea of sorts you could say, however the advice I believe he was giving is more along the lines of investigating the "sense" of location "internally" where you/i feel like it is. Like often, there is a sense of self that feels like it has a experience, rather then just experiencing, you could say. Like you may have a sense of self that feels like "its" experience is close to something like a black-hole, rather then just experience. This sense of self may think "The direct experience of this 'I amness' is simply awareness which is not unlimited". This sense of self may of felt like "I just realized how I was thinking of it in terms of a 'here' and 'there'. How can I surrender my center?" Well if you are interested in finding out, read further and is said to play a part in such a result..... Looking into "where" in experience the sense is coming from is self inquiry. Becoming aware of this and its movements and influence one could say is a potential part of awakening. You may in time begin to see how this sense, arises and disappears spontaneously, and this sense may influence all senses when it does so. You may notice that when this sense arises, the idea's of being in control or lack of control also arise simultaneously and pass simultaneously along with "it". This sense of self may begin to be agitated as its made aware of so to say and may scream and fight and all sorts of irrational confusing thoughts and extremes may happen (dark night kinda stuff) and it may not be easy, it may be the hardest thing you've ever experienced, and as such don't run for the hills wondering what the fuck is going on, know what your potentially getting yourself into. And in time it may become obvious that this sense of self is just that, a sense in which arises and falls as happening happens.....experience passes, actions pass. Remember though, This sense of self is not an enemy or a not supposed to be there, but could be said to arise and pass just like all what seems to happen, in fact in may be useful to have loving kindness to this part/process, just like a person you may encounter "in the world"..... Theres a lot more that may appear to happen as well during this time, and wisdom that may fundamentally change Understanding, but this is not able to estimated ahead of time so to say.

Yes.

@tatsumaru I agree, the same things that bothered you about connecting experience with external reality that don't seem to make any sense of how they connect, really bothered me and still does to this day. However a lot of my questions and pointers are in much the same way your first teacher brought you to looking at awareness that brought peace, my same questions can do something similar if interested, however only if its something worth your while, then again maybe it won't do anything. It may also answer some of the questions, confusions and frustrations you express about all these views and how they know.

Ya, interesting isn't, all these "awakened" interpretations and subtle differences. Some say they are all saying the same thing, and others appearing to claim whats being said is different. Random enlightened guy 0: Your not awake, because Buddha said this, blah blah blah. Random enlightened guy 01: No your not awake because you haven't merged the emptiness and the everything. Random enlightened guy 010: But wait you didn't notice infinity or God. So its not complete. Whats a guy like you to do. Right? From your perspective, are the perspectives you shared true, possible, or neither? How would you actually be able to validate it? Is the source of your perspective, true, possible or neither? Is the fact that there is a perspective happening wether it matches your perspective or not, proof that "something" is in fact going on? Like could there be illusion/not real stuff if there wasn't at least "something" to be the source of such illusion/not real stuff? And if there is in fact "something" is it possible that it is separate from anything? Put more complicatedly, where would anything come from to begin with, 1. Wouldn't there need to be something always eternally so, like a basic ground in which stuff manifests from and as? Like you can make clay into many shapes and functions like a house or a chair, or a table or a car, but its still clay. Some may say this eternal is projecting illusion/imagination/dreams, but still these are from and as Eternal. 2. Some may say it arises from an actual No-thing or is a projection of, but still this would mean everything comes/connected to No-thingness, ie; an illusionary projection of/from No-thingnes is still No-thingness itself. This may take time to let in and understand, but once you do, you may notice, that essentially these metaphors are the same in practical purposes so to say. You see, as a questioner, which you appear to be, with a perception, in either case, are connected to Source/Sourcelessness. If that doesn't make sense, perhaps this video may help bridge some assumptions or lack of insights...

Ya hope @BipolarGrowth recovers. Are you in touch with him? Is he physically ok?

https://apolloneuro.com/ I have no idea if this will help you, but it may deal with some nervous system stuff and help you get back into feeling somewhat normal, although it sounds like you have some other body issues that may need to be address separately. It really is pretty miraculous, it seems to influence mood/thoughts/inner sense of being. My mom and even I have had some wacked out nervous system stuff and this device we bought and use daily has helped my mom sleep at night from night terrors and waking up in panic (nothing worked for her until this) and other hightened nervous system stuff. Seems to have helped me as well on a certain level thats hard to describe. Its a real mood shifter. It works with the vagus nerve through vibration. Its not cheap but you can find a discount code online for like 10-20% off. They also have a return policy if its not effective. Read up on it, its next generation stuff.

I'd imagine there is a difference in intending bad thoughts and feelings vrs them genuinely arising in a moment. So the effect of just intending vrs them coming from a place immediatly without trying would influence if the experiment was working, or at least it would need to be considered.......

What are "wrong" directions and "correct" directions?

ya everything you say is reasonable. Perhaps in time you will see that some of your judgements and predictions and estimations are not as accurate as you thought. This may in turn allow you to go in a little more naked so to say and just feel and be with what is and comes up. Here you may find more time reveals more evidence to make a more broad judgment, and again you may find out it wasn't exactly as you saw, thought or felt. This may make you even more open and less judgemental and open to just be in the unknown immediacy and perhaps intimacy of the moment. This may also start a dark night of the soul which causes some self doubt and deep shifting of your world. Don't beat yourself up during this phase, just feel, accept and don't be so harsh in judgment of "you". You also may start to find out what you judge in others, you yourself do just as much or maybe a little less in same or similar ways. This may in turn create a empathy or openness of likeness and a letting go of judgement since you both are the same in a sense.... Perhaps even now, as you read this, your future approach will change and the interaction of a moment with a stranger will create a new change or possibility.... Cheers.

And asldkfjasdlfj is as much of a sdfsdf as alksdfjsldkfjaslfkj, or alskfjsldkfjasdlfksjdflkasjdflk is zx,vmzxvzxkvjkl, or xzkjvoxuvzioxuvo, or .................... hahahaha

@Natasha At first it seems like a process done by choice, or perhaps it starts to happen on its own like a epiphany while sober or high from time to time. This deconstruction can continue as a "it feels like choice" or spontaneous epiphanies until perhaps its seen in a new way that it all lead to "something" or "nothing" or some notion of both sides of the same coin. This idea to can be deconstructed, leaving a ".....". Guys like Veganawake and Tony Parsons, and similar messages seem to land on a No one there to begin with message/realization that happens to no one with verbal symbols and metaphors for why that is, and symbols and metaphors for whats left over or has always been the case, which to is a construct of its own sort. Even this message is a construct of its own you could say...... Whats perhaps silly, funny, or scary, is if you inquire into what a construct is or a deconstruction is (or any word or idea you think means something to you or objectively so), you may find first hand that the meanings and the idea's around the words itself fall apart and lose any objectivity of substance or inherency of their own. You may find its just experience happening, or sounds and sensations of various tones and temperatures, and pressures, which again are just idea's that if deconstructed, lose a certain explainability......

Another simple and easy one as well is just to make some friends or do stuff with others who have similar interests.

You could start a simple meditation practice as a test to see what it does. I've found it to be relaxing, and a good tool to train the body/mind to be able to drop loops of thought/emotion that get us worked up. Start off small, like something 10-20 minutes a day 3-4 days a week. Just close your eyes and let every thought about the past and future arise, and then pass when it does, same with emotion, same with focusing on sounds, or bodily sensations or tastes or heat or cold (of course don't freeze to death). While doing this, just pay attention to your breath entering and leaving your mouth and nose. If you notice yourself distracted or sucked into any of the listed above, come back to you breath. This may be vary challenging at times, but stick with it. If you start to experience a lot of resistance to this after a while, just stop for a few days to a week and come back to a regular practice. Do this until you can remain with your breath consistently without much or any distraction of the other stuff. Then maybe increase your meditation to 30-40 mins. When you get good at this do the above, but drop paying attention to the breath as well. Feel free to come back and ask any questions during your process.

Thanks for sharing all the content, I'll check it out, I'm always interested in hearing how "others" communicate about this mystery we all share. I hope to at some point maybe hold a meditation class of some sort which may or may not open to other sharings of various sorts. In the mean time I make video's sharing a perspective that hopefully at least helps a couple of people hearing it at the right time, and work 1-1 with those interested. There doesn't seem to be a exact recipe for this kinda stuff, nor does there need to be one, and thats one of the rather interesting aspects in and of itself.

Well the funny thing is, "the spiritual realm begins" is actually whats happening now. So do you want more happiness, more peace, more often?

If your lifes pretty good, and you don't suffer much, consider yourself lucky. What more do you want?

How bad is the pain they felt? Do you know? Honestly? Or is it just estimated in your mind. This is really important to look at. Your likely putting yourself in suffering just thinking you know how bad they had it. This is negative empathy.

Right so why hold onto an idea that your alone in something called perception and will always be. Nobody being able to enter your own god hood, is another concept. To me it sounds like you have some ideas and beliefs of God and separation and loneliness, which are causing suffering. Inquire into your own beliefs on these ideas.