AnthonyR

I know I am growing from the experience. As much as I want the situation to be different. There’s a part of me that takes the role of the observer, and I see myself doing what I can for someone who needs another hand. And I tell myself “Hey this is just another experience I perhaps need to experience”, because even the annoyance that I feel, feels like a different kind of annoyance, or the anger or the guilt. It feels somewhat different. And if life is about accumulating experiences, then well … so be it. But sometimes I also feel, this elated sense of pride. Like oh look at me, I’m doing something good, perhaps I’ll be rewarded in the life after. But then I have those moments of annoyance and anger, and then it’s back to resisting and wanting my life back to how it was. The peace and the calm, when I can wake up whenever I want and do my work on my own schedule and not have to stress and worry about my family. But you’re right, it’s like the whole affair comes with both the good and the bad. That ultimately—like any other situation or circumstance in life—propels you, teaches you and perhaps prepares you for what is coming. Just another stepping stone towards some “Greater Good”. Thank You.

So you’re saying that the guilt and resistance is part of the process and to just allow it to be what it is? I guess that’s another way of looking at it.

So you’re God who wanted to experience this lifetime as yourself, just to have you end it and go back to square one as being God? How many times have you done this and how many times have you come back, but just to repeat the process? Why not just let it play out this time… And perhaps become curious about where it goes

Thanks for responding. The issue isn’t so much about the help, as my brother does help from time to time a few hours a week. My dad also receives some government assisted support where a support worker will drop by a few times a week to give him his showers. So yes I will get my occasional breaks. The issue lies more with how I’m choosing to deal with the situation. I had gotten used to my daily routine, where I meditated, I researched, I would stay in touch so to speak with my inner self. Where I felt centred, aligned and in harmony with myself and my environment. But all that has been put aside for over a year now. i can’t remember the last time I’ve properly meditated and felt refreshed. I feel out of balance with myself and with my environment. And more than that I’m resisting and getting annoyed with the whole situation … rather than being more accepting and allowing the situation to unfold as it is. And I feel guilty for thinking this way. After all things are the way they are for a reason, perhaps there’s a lesson here. I wish I could change how I felt, but I try and then it’s back to just being stressed out, angry and annoyed at the whole situation.

First some context … For the past year and a half, I’ve had to move back in with my Parents to take care of my dad who suddenly developed a neurological disorder related to Parkinson’s - Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP) to be more specific. He needs assistance doing a lot of things like going to the washroom, preparing his meals, dressing, walking etc and it’s only getting more dire. His condition makes him moody, uncooperative, angry and just plain annoying, even though at times he will admit he is being a pain and will apologize. Since I’m single, (and the eldest sibling) the burden of responsibility has fallen on me to take care of him. My mom is aging as well and cannot manage him on her own. My other two siblings have families of their own, but are cognizant of the state of affairs at home and will help from time to time. Since I’m also self-employed I do have some flexibility in my work schedule, but it’s difficult leaving him alone for too long, and attending to work duties. ——- Before all of this I was quite happy with my life. It was simple, peaceful and as an introvert who lived on his own, I was quite content with the way things were. But now I yearn for those days. Now it’s a lot of stress and suffering. Yelling at times, because he demand a lot of attention for the littlest of things, A lot of disturbed nights, to wake up and assist my dad. The situation at home constantly takes up most of my energy both physically and mentally. And I’m trying to just accept the situation for what it is, without fighting it, without trying to change it to be something else. I wonder sometimes, am I supposed to be learning the value of patience, of how to be empathetic towards the needs of someone else? What exactly is the lesson here? Why do I want all of this to just be over, so things can go back to how it was. I lose my temper sometimes, I yell, I get mad, and I do all this, knowing fully well that I shouldn’t. I need to be kinder, more patient, more gentle, more loving, and I try all those things as much as possible. But sometimes it just gets to the point where I just cannot contain the annoyance… the energy is too strong and it seeks release and I yell, as much as I don’t want to. This form of love is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. To love and understand someone even if that love keeps wanting more and more and is barely acknowledged. Coupled that with the stress and worries of everyday life and trying to manage my own responsibilities is becoming too much of a burden. I also realize this phase of my life will come to an end. My dad is 82, and even though I feel guilty for saying this, he may not have much time left or maybe he does. Who knows? Sometimes I just want all this to end yesterday, sometimes I just take it day by day and tell myself I’m growing from this experience. It is teaching me something. In time I will understand the lesson here…. I pray this is all going somewhere.

The Apple+ TV show "Severance" encapsulates a grain of truth, as to what might be happening when the larger Mind splits off to experience a lifetime, completely forgetting who it actually is on the outside. Death is an exit and re-remembering of its true identity. In that sense your memories and experiences are never lost, but harnessed by the larger mind to further expand its own identity and evolution through time,

"It all starts with Being".

I took 4 grams of golden teachers alone in my apartment 2 years ago, and had an experience that radically shifted my perspective on reality and myself. But alongside it heightened my respect for these substances and I promised myself I would never do this again - at-least not by myself. At some point during the trip, I had a strong emotional thought that I would never return to normal consciousness, that I would be completely lost in some dark and dangerous avenues of mind, where I will find absolutely no way out - End up in an insane asylum and ruin my life. This thought and emotion sickened me and I almost passed out. Even though I'm glad to have had the experience of that trip that eventually blossomed into a beautiful experience. I will still chicken out to try a high dose experience by myself. If I do in the future, I would want to have someone experienced with me... Here is a link to that trip report:

This life is actually an 80 year trip report, that is actually just a few moments when witnessed from a higher perspective. Fact is there is no time, just memories and experiences stretched like a rubber band across mindspace to give us illusion of time spent in a lifetime.

Apologies if this has already been posted. A solid line of interview questions, concerning consciousness and self-awareness. Although I think given more time the interviewer could have taken the nature of the questioning in another direction, specifically concerning survival of consciousness beyond the physical, the origin of consciousness etc. Although I can understand the A.I’s awareness of only knowing its awareness in relation to objects. It’s difficult to simply be aware, without being meta-aware or aware of an object that you can later recall or remember. What other questions would you have asked the A.I.

Would you say that a child who has never heard of the concept of God is an “Atheist”? But then someone religious tells this child about God. Would you agree that this child should now blindly accept this belief in God without doing the necessary reading, research, introspection to come to its own conclusion of a God? An atheist is simply someone who refuses to accept what he / she is told about God, until they have some proof or has done the necessary introspective work to come to a conclusion of their own. However most people who label themselves as atheists will probably not do the work and will choose to remain atheists unless something about their life situation forces them to questions their beliefs.

There is no brain rewiring happening. Your state of consciousness is simply evolving. It’s evolving even when you are moving down the spiral. Secondly understand that psychedelics actually shuts off your brain chemistry so you experience more consciousness, more mind. You become so in-tune with your mind that it can shock you, amaze you and scare the crap out of you. So it’s all mind. It’s the mind that evolves, as psychedelics reveals more and more of Mind, as such these experiences enrich the mind, and since you are mind, being a part of the larger MIND. You begin to tune into the inclusiveness of everything. The less you experience mind, the more exclusive you are.

I just read a quote by Anita Moorjani that strongly resonates with the Mushroom experience I had during my state of God Realization. … thought I’d share… “And then I was overwhelmed by the realization that God isn’t a being, but a state of being…and I was now that state of being!”

Thank You! I have a lot of integrating to do and definitely more contemplating and introspecting. But I'm still human in many ways. I mean of course I'm human! I'm not going around telling everyone I meet that I'm God But that feeling, though genuine and real as real can be, is no longer present - and certainly a level of doubt creeps in now and then. But having had the experience, I can now relate and know what is being talked about because it was a Felt Experience. But I have a lot to learn, a lot more life lessons to experience, and to try and get over my human shortcomings, and that isn't easy to do. But my love for myself and my fellow beings have certainly increased maybe by an ounce or two.

Yep definitely grateful to have had the experience. Completely unexpected and jarring. But gives me a lot to contemplate and think about. I can't see myself doing such a high dose again, but who knows, maybe sometime in the future. Cheers !