@oldman Overall you're doing fine. This can be quite typical. It just sounds like the ego isn't fully ready to surrender yet.
Fairly normal. Remember, the ego is wrapped up with the body. It's a tangled mess. If the ego is not ready to surrender then anxiety and heart rate will increase as it tries to fight off the ego-death.
My first few trips I had a lot of fear and basically even a panic attack. But after many trips and ego deaths there is almost no fear now when tripping and heart rate hardly changes. It has become a smooth transition from duality & ego into nonduality & no ego.
I don't have that, but seems reasonable that that could happen. Your body probably has lots of emotional baggage stored in it from over the decades. It's good to let loose and shake/act that baggage out on psychedelics. That's a big part of the healing work. Sometimes the body has a lot of pent up energy which it wants to release or act out. Don't hold it back. Act it out without harming yourself or another.
It should because all fear is illusory in the end. Your probably underestimate how much practice is required. So keep practicing.
I'd recommend trying some other psychedelics like mushrooms or LSD. They can help you to deal with various baggage which will then make you pure enough for 5-MeO-DMT. You cannot go into full God-consciousness without being sufficiently pure and free of psychological baggage.
A breakthrough can release a lot of pent up energy. The body can shake, move, vibrate, etc.
Rather than going straight for a breakthrough I'd spend more time exploring the psychedelic space on mushrooms and LSD. Get comfortable in the psychedelic space. Have some pleasant trips. Contemplate consciousness. Move around and stuff. Then try to go for a 5-MeO breakthrough.
I think you might be trying to go too quickly to the end. There is a lot to be gained from psychedelics even without a breakthrough. Trust that the breakthrough will come when you're ready for it. Dosage is not the most important thing, your level of purity and intent and tripping experience is more important.
Basically, your first 10-20 trips are just like kindergarten. The key to success with psychedelics is patience and consistency. With practice the results will snowball into something amazing.

People who will the lottery do not experience any real change in themsleves as a result of the win. They don't grow. The money only exacerbates all their egoic tendecies and so they are no happier for it.
It's just a lucky event no different than finding a penny on the sidewalk. It won't solve anything.

Psychedelics are good for busting you out of a rut. They can show you a life beyond struggle. Which then becomes something worth growing towards.
I don't understand why 4 years of work hasn't improved your life. Why is the struggle so bad?
Remember, this whole journey of self growth is supposed to be enjoyable. Don't do it because someone said you have to do it. Do it because it's what you're interested in naturally. What else are you gonna do?
It might also be a good idea to take a break from personal development for a while. Come back to it later. Go enjoy life a bit. Follow what you're naturally passionate about, not some lofty ideal.

No. About 10 minutes is sufficient. After about 10 mins the substance will be fully absorbed and you are free to move around. I usually lay prone for the first 10 minutes and then sit up as the trip starts to really kick in.
I recommend sitting upright during the trip so you are not disoriented. With eyes open.

For fuck's sake no! That is God!
The solution you're looking for is LOVE! Practice being more loving towards yourself and others.
Replace guilt with love. Love is God! Not ego.
You are being egotistical when you judge yourself so harshly. Treat yourself with kindness.
Doubt is good at the beginning of this journey. But at some point you gotta drop doubt and replace it with absolute faith in Love.

@Farnaby Yup
If you probe deeper into what that luminosity actually is, you'll discover it's pure Emptiness, Nothingness, or Void. That is the Groundless Ground or Buddhamind. Your Original Face.
Mushrooms make you very aware of this Void. Basically all psychedelics do.
Technically it's not a sensation. It is Truth or Pure Consciousness. You gotta probe deeper into it next time you trip. Contemplate: What is this luminosity? while you trip. You will eventually realize that it's totally empty and indistinct. This is pure existence devoid of form. This is the Absolute Formless, the Godhead.
BTW, this luminosity is present right now in your direct experience! The Now IS pure formless luminosity!
So you don't even need to be tripping on mushrooms to access it. It's always here and NOW. Mushrooms just make it easier to notice.

I would not trust Jung as a source of deep authority about matters of awakening because I do not consider him to be deeply enlightened, regardless of his other valid insights and wisdom.
The "ego" is a bit tricky and clumsy here. We have to be careful how we define that term because it can refer to various things depending on who's using it.
From my experiences, the sense of human sense is a total illusion. The most enlightened people should have difficultly even distinguishing themselves from another human or animal because their consciousness is so universal. At my highest levels of consciousness I could not even understand how I ever thought I was born as a human. It just didn't make sense because it was so patently false & imaginary. And this was definitely not a pathological state. This is the most beautiful and profound thing ever.
What happens at the highest levels of nondual consciousness is that the ego collapses and you become the entire Universe. Every movement of the Universe is your movement and Will. Every molecule in your hand is materialized into being by your Will (God's Will). For example, I once picked up a stray black hair from an ex-girlfriend on my carpet and I was fully conscious of how I designed that hair using my Infinite Intelligence, and how I designed my ex-girlfriend. But this cannot be communicated in any linear fashion whatsoever. The only one who can know these things is God. You must be God to understand it. A human cannot understand it.
I think becoming God cannot be a disease if you do it properly. There can probably be many pathologies along the way as the ego-mind refuses to fully surrender and integrate.
Probably the biggest danger at this point is that you can become so conscious that you just leave the body and merge into total undifferentiated Infinity. Maha-Samadhi. But I think this would be a conscious choice, so you newbies don't worry about it.

I spend most of my time alone. If I worked at Starbucks, yeah, maybe I'd have to hide it. I'm fortunate in that regard.
Most days there are moments of such deep love and profound understanding that tears cannot be stopped.
For me this whole thing is not just about the state of consciousness but the profound understandings that pour nonstop. Reality is understood at higher and higher levels. Everything becomes so interconnected. I can watch a guy flick his cigarette out of the car driving at 40 miles per hour, catch a quick glimpse of the cigarette as it bounces off the asphalt and realize that in that cigarette butt lies an entire universe, as deep and infinite as the celestial universe our astronomers explore. Stuff like that all day long.
I think there's quite a range of variability in how people experience nonduality. For some it will be more heart-centered and feeling-based, for others more head-centered and intellectual, for other more visual, for others more visionary, for others more wacky & paranormal, etc.

I wouldn't say I feel it. I would phrase it as: I understand my body is the imagination of God. Sometimes I look at my hands and see them as magic. Most of the day, however, when I'm on autopilot, I lose sight of the magic, simply residing in the mundaneness of everyday human life.
There are moments throughout the day where I stop and consciously reconnect with the magic. Like, "Oh yeah! These hands are the hands of God!" But then I usually go back into functional living.
I know I can deepen this a lot more with more work.
I still need more work to calm the body and mind down to be still for long periods of time. I'm not so good at that because I am constantly bombarded with wisdom. Wisdom and insights pour all day long. I run out of energy just verbalizing them all for the benefit of mankind. I feel it is my duty to be a mouthpiece for God's infinite wisdom. And I enjoy it.

It's hard to say. For me, the awakening experienced on 5-MeO-DMT represents the purest form of nondual consciousness. I'm not sure what it takes to turn that into an unbroken state. It's total God-mode. You would be a walking God with that level of consciousness and you would transform the entire planet simply through the power of your presence. You could look a charging elephant in the eye and get him to bow before you. It is truly superhuman.
At that level I could no longer teach verbally. My teaching would be to walk around town blessing crowds of homeless people, children, and throngs of followers, and performing miracles. Grown men would be brought to tears from the radiance of my love. Birds would land in my hand.
People would write myths about it a 1000 years later.
I am nowhere near that level.

Yes, of course psychedelics cause your visual field to melt. That's what you call distortions. This is mostly a distraction. It's a cool effect but not too spiritually significant. Focus on probing the luminosity instead.
What's really happening is that the psychedelic is lubricating your mind, softening it up from its usual concrete stranglehold. As the mind softens up like warm clay, it becomes malleable, wavy, and flexible.
Taking a psychedelic is like melting an ice cube from solid to liquid to gas.
As your mind becomes more liquid your visual field starts to melt. It becomes unstable, giving you access to Infinite Imagination. This is why you start seeing faces in the carpet and so forth. As the mind becomes more fluid your literally start to materialize your thoughts. If you think of demons you will start to see demon faces in the carpet, and so forth.

Your thinking is very black and white.
You don't need to living totally in the truth to enjoy life.
You gotta find some ways to enjoy life. All of this spiritual work is ultimately just a way of learning how to enjoy life. It's not about living in some cave and being a hardcore monk. That is only done for a temporary period as a means to an end.
You can practice enjoying life right now. You don't have to finish your enlightenment.
Structure your life in ways that make you feel good about yourself. I don't mean shooting up heroin or partying every night. I mean more simple pleasures, like the pleasures of reading a good book, cooking a nice meal, going fishing on the weekend, going for a road trip, listening to some good music, practicing some cool hobby, etc.
There are many ashrams around the world. In India, in Costa Rica, and elsewhere.
You could also try to find a more laid back job which is either more enjoyable to do or gives you more free time. When you have a business that you enjoy doing, life becomes a lot sweeter.
I spend a lot of time on my work, but I love it so it rarely feels like work. That's the key to work. You gotta do something you find meaningful.

@Bryanbrax Too many wacky visuals in that video -- gives the wrong impression.
Think of it as nothing changes visually. Just awareness increases and sense of self collapses or expands.
It feels like being hyper-present. You become so present & aware that you literally see through the substance of physical reality. What once looked physical now seems like a hologram. Physical objects appear empty, like a hallucination or a mirage. You can see them still, but they lack reality. It can also feel like the air got sucked out of the room. Everything becomes crystal clear and luminous.
It also feels like divinity and pure magic.

@Dylan Page You'll need 5 to 10 years of study, contemplation, and practice to understand the highest things I talk about.
There's just no getting it without the work and mystical experiences.
So be patient and do the work. Things will become clearer over time.

The trick is that if the mind imagines that something has meaning, then it does.
So the irony is, people who deeply imagine Jesus can actually materialize Jesus. Of course the problem is that they then fool themselves into thinking that that's the only way.
If you imagine that Sanskrit is valuable, then it becomes so.
If you imagine that Sanskrit is just some sounds, then it becomes so.
The key is becoming conscious of how you're imagining all this. What are you giving meaning to?
For example, Ralston gives meaning to martial arts. But is martial arts any less silly than going to a shrine? What is martial arts really? It's the silliest thing in the world if you think about it. Two monkeys fighting each other to be top monkey. Why?
Then again, why do anything? So long as you're alive you gotta occupy your time somehow.

It would be rather selfish to hoard all that love for yourself.
Think about this very simply in human terms: if you just won the lottery for infinite dollars, what would you do? You'd give it all away to your family and loved ones. Why? Because it's fucking infinite! You've got nothing you lose!
How petty would you have to be to not share it?
What is the point of being an all-powerful God if you cannot share your Beauty and Goodness with everyone?
Can you think of anything better for God to do? What would you do if you were God? Seriously. Think about it. What would you do?
In the end you will come to this one conclusion: there is nothing else for God to do but share its infinite love. There can be no higher purpose. Any other purpose would not be worthy of God.
Remember, God has no needs. What would you do if you had absolutely no need or lack? You'd radiate Love!
Ta-da!
P.S. God IS bathing in Love for all of eternity. That bath is your experience. God loses nothing by creating you. You ARE God's Love!
If you truly love yourself, why not touch yourself?

No amount of psychedelics can help so long as the person maintains the context of "it's all just wacky stuff happening in the brain." That materialist anchor must be challenged until it is realized that the brain was merely a conceptual fabrication.
Of course it takes radical openmindedness to even take such a possibility seriously. It just does not occur to most people that their brain could be a hallucination. Let alone all of material reality, let alone their birth as a self.
This is radical work we're doing here folks. The mindfuck of it is epic beyond description. It is twisted as fuck.

@Harikrishnan Visualization is a very good practice for this. You can visualize every day whatever new belief you want to have. But you must visualize it daily for weeks & months for it to be effective. Once or twice will not work.

@clouffy Green generally reduces the importance of productivity in favor of deepening relationships.
This is not to say Green stops getting work done, but that macho desire to out-work all your competitors takes a back seat to building and enjoying relationships with human beings.
So maybe rather than working overtime to publish 100 research papers, you devote more of your time to working one on one with your students and you become known as the most beloved professor by your students.
Just an example.
Remember, relationships can be powerful. Deep relationships can open many doors for you in life, so you may not have to work as hard.
Then again, nothing wrong with work as long as it aligns with your values. Your work should be working towards embodying or spreading Green values. Then you'll be motivated. Instead of personal achievement and success, Green is more motivated to help people / environment.
For example, I work a lot less than I used to when my center of gravity was Orange. Today I make a lot of time for chilling out, tripping, contemplation, and deepening my connection to God. This would be unthinkable to an Orange person. I still do work, but it happens more organically at a deeper level. There's less raw output, but more depth and enjoyment. I'm less neurotic about work. My sense of self is less identified with the quantity of work I do.

There are many options.
Suffering mindfully is a very direct path towards awakening, but it's hard to do precisely because it involves the thing you hate most: lots of suffering!
Or you could do some other spiritual practice like meditation, yoga, psychedelics, etc.
The following videos might help you:
How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions Awareness Alone Is Curative Psychedelics are a great way to learn about suffering.

@Mada_ There is no such need.
All you need is to make direct eye contact and move your body/face within a foot of her's. If she doesn't hold eye contact or tries to lean away, she's not receptive. If she gives you puppy-dog eyes, then that's your green light.
One final trick is to slowly brush her hair to the side with your fingers, and slowly run your fingers down her jaw line. If she flinches, she's not receptive and do not kiss her. If she maintains eye contact then she definitely wants to be kissed.
Really, it's all about the eye contact. Look at her erotically in the eyes and hold it steady. If she maintains it, it's on boy!
Another trick is if you go in for the kiss and she refuses it by leaning away. You brush it off as though nothing bad happened and try again 5-10 mins later. Keep trying even if she is resisting. Eventually she should relent.
It's also important to time the moment. The mood has to be right. The best time to go for a kiss is after you've made her laugh. When she's in a good mood, she'll be much more receptive.
Also, don't make it a big deal. Don't make it some formal, stiff thing. The mood has to be light and casual so there is no nervousness or awkwardness about it.
When you go for the kiss, decide on it and commit 100%. The worst thing you can do is be seconding-guessing yourself in your mind and half-assing it. Just assume that she wants it and that it will succeed. Don't be playing images of failure in your mind.
If a girl is on a date with you, she's already agreed in her mind that she is willing to sleep with you. Otherwise she would have never agreed to the date in the first place. So all you gotta do is not be awkward or creepy.
You need to build comfort and ease by doing lots of touching throughout the date. Then kissing is easy and natural. It is awkward and creepy when you go for half the date without a single touch. Get your hands around her body ASAP. You gotta be finding excuses to touch her all throughout the date. Tickle her and so forth in a playful way to break the ice.
And finally, if you wanna use words, rather than asking, the better way is to declare it: "You look yummy. I feel like kissing you now." You must say it in a way where you are not fishing for her permission but stating your genuine desire and intention.

To survive as a self! Suffering is the resistance of the self to dissolution.
If you didn't suffer, you'd literally die and become God.
Suffering is the activity you invented to keep yourself from merging with God!
Ta-da!
Clever devil, eh?

Amazingly numerical infinities have various sizes.
Watch the video, Understanding Absolute Infinity - Part 2, where the work of Georg Cantor is explained.
Absolute Infinity is not the same as a numerical infinity. Absolute Infinity doesn't have a size. It is simply reality itself.

The universe is not indifferent.
But also the universe has much bigger plans than merely keeping every being physically safe.
The universe prioritzes freedom above physical safety.
The reason you're not understanding it is because you're trying to understand the selfless mind of God using your selfish mind. That cannot work. Your view of death and suffering is biased by the ego's hatred and fear of both. God doesn't hate, so this is not part of God's ultimate design.
To understand God you must stop hating and fearing things.

@Synchronicity But they are not equal. The conservative value set is lower consciousness. A conservative's sense of self is denser and fear greater. A conservative's cognitive and moral development are objectively lower and less truthful.
Be careful with false equivalencies and splitting all issues down the middle.
The mid point between slavery and anti-slavery is still backwards.
None of this makes liberals immune to ignorance or self-deception. But relative to conservatives they are 1 stage higher.
Note: remember, these are relative evaluations, not absolute. Spiral Dynamics is a relative model. But politics is a relative matter so it fits.