Did that girl had poor choice of a guy ?

[Rishabh R]

I have been in this situation before but the same is happening with me in college. I talked to a girl , gave her a compliment she said thank you and laughed. I tried to made an eye contact with her but she turned her face away on( other day). Then I again talked to her but this time a boy came to me and started talking to me - he said that you like her ? I said yes. But later he told that ask her if she has a boyfriend and if she does then you have to move on. I later found out that the boy who said me this is dating her. One day in lab I saw that when another guy was talking to her , the  boy who manipulated me was carefully looking at her from a little away and to the another boy who was talking to her. I fear that tomorrow I will see them again and again feel jealous that the guy achieved in getting a girlfriend whereas I failed. I applied Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to the situation and my anger and got a reframe that - She had a poor choice of a guy, I have never done this with anyone so I am more attractive than that guy. I am currently moving on and I must stop thinking about her. Another reframe- I will have better oppurtunities with better/secure girls in the future. Is this a good reframe ?

[meta_male]

39 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

But later he told that ask her if she has a boyfriend and if she does then you have to move on.

You don't have to ask if she has a boyfriend, it's ok to just ask her out on a date. This dude sounds a bit insecure, but who are we to judge if she made a bad choice? If she did, good for you. If she didn't, good for you too.

Also, getting a girlfriend is not an achievement, you didn't fail.

47 minutes ago, Rishabh R said:

Another reframe- I will have better oppurtunities with better/secure girls in the future. Is this a good reframe ?

This is the way.

[Rishabh R]

@meta_male thank you. Yeah I must focus on finding a girlfriend rather than getting a girlfriend cause dating is enjoyment not an achievement.

Edited February 8, 2024 by Rishabh R

[meta_male]

@Rishabh R And remember, it could also be you who's found

[Rishabh R]

@meta_male sorry I didn't understand . 😂

[Yimpa]

16 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

@meta_male thank you. Yeah I must focus on finding a girlfriend rather than getting a girlfriend cause dating is enjoyment not an achievement.

Another way to think of it is exploring what you’re really into and forming more authentic relationships.