Soulmate

[Buck Edwards]

I'm experiencing some body heat as well. 

[Buck Edwards]

So I kept a box next to me and it had a sharp edge and it cut through my skin. Now I'm injured and feeling numb. 

 

[Bazooka Jesus]

Sorry for crashing your one person party, but there's plenty of soulmates out there for you... eight billion on this planet alone.

[Buck Edwards]

2 hours ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

Sorry for crashing your one person party, but there's plenty of soulmates out there for you... eight billion on this planet alone.

Not everyone resonates like family though. 

But you might find that one person who does. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

You're looking for some real stuff that will never come by. The world is too flawed for the universe to fit in. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

 

Eternal Healing Source 

 

Surrender 

 

Eternal Binding Source 

 

Infinite Intelligence 

 

Value

[Buck Edwards]

All I want is a healthy happy life

[Buck Edwards]

Sometimes it's just really hard to keep my cool. I feel like I want something I can hold on to. My association with people hasn't been exactly profitable. I feel tired, neurotic around people. Frankly just zonked.. 

I have anxiety disorder and I want to reverse nearly everything and escape back to my childhood. So many things that I just regret. So much sorrow, problems, relationship issues, family troubles. None would have happened. 

I feel like I just sank through it all. 

What did I do wrong? Where did things go wrong so badly that I couldn't get a fucking break to put a break on everything I was allowing myself to go through? 

Of course it's a lack of self love. Potent lack of self love. I want to feel loved again. 

I want to tell myself - everything will be alright. Will a day ever come that everything becomes alright? 

I came from humble beginnings. 

I had so much to struggle as a child. Parental issues and conflicts. Why why why this miserable life? 

 

I feel awful.

 

[Buck Edwards]

Why is there no sense of responsibility in me? 

[Buck Edwards]

Velvet Tambourine where did you go? 

You're my soulmate. You are my everything. You make me laugh. You make me want to live life. 

[Buck Edwards]

On 30/01/2024 at 1:20 PM, Buck Edwards said:

I think I have finally found my soulmate.. 

 

But in an imaginary sorta context. I like creating tulpas. 

 

This soulmate tulpa I created. 

 

I have named my soulmate tulpa - 

Velvet Tambourine 

They are made of velvet but they are strong as steel. 

 

 

 

 

My tulpa. You Velvet Tambourine. Beautiful. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I was having a severe headache a couple of hours ago. Now I feel somewhat okay. If I were talking to my soulmate Velvet what would I say - 

I have missed you and I love you. And love needs to be mutual. Then it's paradise Velvet. I want to write the most loving beautiful things to you. 

[Buck Edwards]

Are we to feel sad and happy at the same time? 

What kind of a mystery is life?

Why am I acting like a child? 

Why am I giving zero love to myself? 

I felt like I was too close to dying because I destroyed myself as much as I could. 

Somehow I can't find the strength. I just feel scared and life seems like an ordeal. 

An ordeal I attracted. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

I will always and forever be guilty of not being perfect to my ex partner. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Valentine Valentine Valentine. 

 

Roses are blue. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Those who love you want you to do better. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

Wherever I turn around, a lack of empathy is what I find. 

[Buck Edwards]

My condition has horribly deteriorated and I'm aware of that. 

[Buck Edwards]

But still... I keep my hopes up. 

I try not to let the past impact me. 

[Buck Edwards]

The amount of pain, hurt and heartache is just insurmountable.