I'm Stuck

[28 cm unbuffed]

Hello everyone,

I've been on a challenging journey of self-discovery and overcoming personal blocks for most of my life.

For years, I struggled to start my own YouTube channel, facing an unidentifiable fear that held me back. Eventually, I realized this block stemmed from an emotional bond with my mother and a refusal to fully acknowledge her true, negative nature. This revelation was a turning point for me, leading to significant personal growth.

This wasn't obvious and rooted deep in my subconscious. I think I am facing something similar AGAIN and I need help with that.

Currently, I'm facing a similar block in forming relationships with women. Despite substantial efforts, I haven't found complete relief or breakthroughs.

Here are the steps I've already taken:

1. Personal changes, including circumcision, thinking it might address sexual anxiety.
2. Moved into my apartment to overcome the mental block of inviting someone over while living with roommates.
3. I engaged in social challenges like cold approaches, club visits, and pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
4. Enhanced my social skills by interacting with more people, attending meetups, and being open, honest, optimistic, and humorous.
5. I've been through a dark night of a soul experience, where I faced my emotional trauma, trapped in my solar plexus.
6. Took up martial arts to boost self-confidence and embody masculinity.
7. Practiced Wim Hof breathing techniques daily to reduce stress on a neurological and biological level.
8. I have organized my life, focusing on my career, passions, and personal business to enhance self-worth and reduce neediness.
9. Attempted online dating without much success, limited by financial constraints (low quality / not that flashy photos).
10. Underwent hypnosis and practiced affirmations to eliminate negative beliefs and reinforce positive ones.
11. Committed to NoFap and eliminated pornography from my life.
12. I've been to therapy and I am doing inner child work for some time every day.

In short - I did everything I could think of.

Despite these efforts, I feel there's an underlying, non-obvious block at an unconscious level, similar to my previous experience with starting YouTube. Maybe these efforts were necessary to face something bigger; I'm not sure.

I'm reaching a point where I desperately want to understand and overcome this block.

Perhaps all these things I've done, like drops of water eroding a rock, were necessary for me to face something greater.

This is something that I'm looking for as I'm tired of the constant struggle with myself.

Thank you for reading and your support.

[Yimpa]

4 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

In short - I did everything I could think of.

“When the 12 steps fail, you’ve got to take the stepless step.” -some enlightened master, probably.

[Raze]

Try ifs therapy, mdma trauma release, and trauma sensitive mindfulness 

[28 cm unbuffed]

4 hours ago, Yimpa said:

“When the 12 steps fail, you’ve got to take the stepless step.” -some enlightened master, probably.

??

 

@Raze I'm doing IFS with my therapist, I did psychedelics (shrooms) for trauma release, I meditate everyday

[PurpleTree]

maybe there is an early belief that you’re inherently bad, so you ron‘t want to burden these women

or you think relationships aren’t safe

etc

[28 cm unbuffed]

@PurpleTree

The first one sounds like something that might be true

The second one also lol, all my previous relationships ended up with me being traumatized and resentful towards women

But what can I do about these? 🤷🫠 

 

 

[Raze]

7 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

??

 

@Raze I'm doing IFS with my therapist, I did psychedelics (shrooms) for trauma release, I meditate everyday

Try EDMR 

[Yimpa]

3 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

all my previous relationships ended up with me being traumatized and resentful towards women

But what can I do about these? 🤷🫠 

You can start by making a serious commitment right now to not blame women for any of your problems. None of them whatsoever.

[PurpleTree]

5 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@PurpleTree

The first one sounds like something that might be true

The second one also lol, all my previous relationships ended up with me being traumatized and resentful towards women

But what can I do about these? 🤷🫠 

 

 

Well I haven’t really solved i yet unfortunately 

 

but things you can try are

inquiry

byron katie „technique“

psychedelics

shadow work

inner child work

trigger and „letting go“

etc

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Raze Never, I hate doing things with my eyes, I fucking can't, sorry

@Yimpa Umm, I don't

@PurpleTree Yeah I tried some of them, they are on a list

Yesterday was a day of me being like: "I'm sick and tired of this shit, I have no idea what to do anymore", and today I am having some kind of emotional trauma purge in my heart chakra area, interesting.

It is something that started happening to me this month, you can call it a mini dark night of the soul, today was tough, 2 hours of laying down, feeling old, stored, negative emotions, I went for a sauna afterwards to recover, now I'm feeling them again.

I n t e r e s t i n g 🤔

Edited December 10, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Raze]

What is the block specifically and how is it bothering you?

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Raze 

Cold approaching women.

This is something that I wanted to start doing for years.

It's strange, it feels like forcing, but not like breaking a comfort zone. 

[Raze]

1 hour ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Raze 

Cold approaching women.

This is something that I wanted to start doing for years.

It's strange, it feels like forcing, but not like breaking a comfort zone. 

So you haven’t cold approached any women yet? 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Raze

I did some challenges (as mentioned in points in my post), but all of that was cringe and I was really fucking nervous

[Salvijus]

On 2023-12-10 at 0:14 AM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

I'm facing a similar block in forming relationships with women.

I want to attempt to say something useful even tho I didn't quite get what's the problem clearly. 

I think for a relationship to be successful one needs trust, honesty, respect, self-awareness, don't be a vampire, be the one who emimates joy instead trying to squeeze joy out of others. And maybe some other qualities that I can't think of right now aswell. 

Maybe if you cultivate these things, your capacity to connect with others will increase more and more. However that is still not a guarantee for finding a gf. But there can't be a healthy relationship without these qualities imo. 

Edited December 11, 2023 by Salvijus

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, Salvijus said:

Maybe if you cultivate these things, your capacity to connect with others will increase more and more. But that's is still not a guarantee for finding a gf. 

The problem is having this fantastical goal of acquiring a girlfriend or a boyfriend. “I need to be in an intimate relationship.” Why? You need to be in touch with why you want one in the first place.

Will they complete a part of you that is lacking? Is it due to social pressure from friends and/or family? Is it to show her off like a sports car?

[Salvijus]

21 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

“I need to be in an intimate relationship.” Why? You need to be in touch with why you want one in the first place.

Will they complete a part of you that is lacking? Is it due to social pressure from friends and/or family? Is it to show her off like a sports car?

Yea but that's very advanced. Desire for a special relationship is rooted in some sense of lack. But transcending it... Not everyone is that serious to go down that road

Edited December 11, 2023 by Salvijus

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Salvijus @Yimpa

I'm not a vampire, I have a lot to give and overall I'm a cool and valuable guy I think.

To be honest, my main goal of having a gf right now would be to have constant access to sex, not gonna lie, but it doesn't mean that I would use that person, manipulate her, take advantage of her, or lie, none of these are going to happen.

I just have my needs and want to meet someone cool, that would want to meet on weekends, spend some time together, and have sex with. 

Currently, I'm still working on my business to gain financial freedom for myself and a full-time girlfriend isn't something that I want to spend a lot of time on.

I'm open to your suggestions, though maybe I'm being close-minded and close-hearted here.

[Yimpa]

6 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Yea but that's very advanced. Desire for a special relationship is rooted in some sense of lack. But transcending it... Not everyone is that serious to go down that road

I feel that. I tend to fall into limerence when I discover someone really attractive. 

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

To be honest, my main goal of having a gf right now would be to have constant access to sex, not gonna lie, but it doesn't mean that I would use that person, manipulate her, take advantage of her, or lie, none of these are going to happen.

I just have my needs and want to meet someone cool, that would want to meet on weekends, spend some time together, and have sex with. 

Currently, I'm still working on my business to gain financial freedom for myself and a full-time girlfriend isn't something that I want to spend a lot of time on.

Is it more accurate to say that you’re looking for short-term relationships and friends with benefits?