'Nice guys aren't actually nice' is a shit-test

[SeaMonster]

3 hours ago, Tenebroso said:

Murderers, abusers, losers, bums, drug dealers, thieves have no issues attracting women yet the average struggling guy is struggling because women can see into his soul and feel that he is toxic and inauthentic. Give me a break, women have no special intuition for sensing the true nature of a man. They preemptively vilify the men they find unattractive and make excuses for the men they find attractive, only to play victim when it all goes wrong.

They are not looking for the "true nature of a man" (which is like saying "soul" or another ill-defined reification.)

They are looking for certain markers of masculinity, and while it would be preferable to them that the guy is good and masculine, they will take bad and masculine over non-masculine.

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Are these the type of women you want to attract- the ones that are attracted to this type?

This.

Being an "asshole" might get you the attention of women with low self-respect, but is that really the female attention you want? Perhaps it just reflect the lack of self-respect in the man who seeks this type of women?

I think it's all about integrity, communication and your emotional intelligence. Other people will make you experience negative emotions. "Nice guys" often have problems expressing these negative emotions, so they just eat them up and become passive aggressive as a result. On the flip side you've got guys who can't deal with their emotions internally and thus have to externalize and constantly barrage others with them.

Having a healthy balance is important. It's important to show her that you're a real human being that can feel a certain way about her. If you don't like her new hair cut, don't lie about it just to be "nice", because that's not nice, it's fake. That doesn't mean that you've got to be an asshole about it either, you can be honest while not being a dick. It's not so much about WHAT you communicate, but HOW.

Think about it in reverse. Do you want to be in a relationship where you're in a constant guessing game of what goes on inside your girlfriends mind, because she doesn't openly communicate her thought and feelings to you? Do you want a girlfriend that constantly nags at you and criticizes you at every step of the way? Or do you want a girlfriend that is honest with you and can openly communicate her issues, without being toxic about it?

Whatever the answer is, it all starts with whoever you are. Know thyself.