Letting go of Dreams can be ok

[Samsonov]

Hi, 

After traveling for six months I came back home with a vivid vision for a van conversion, that is, converting a regular transport van into a liveable space.

When arriving home I was about to purchase said vehicle but, to keep it short , I have encountered great Resistance:).

The resistance had send me abroad again while I was waiting for my visa for Australia to arrive, so I could build that van there...

Soon enough, not long after receiving the visa , and while staying in a remote Indian village, I've gone through what I could only describe as a confrontation with a demon, an outer and inner demon at once. The I left that village in a state of fear and frailness , and had an anxiety attack at the airport and ended up returning home.

Here I was going through rough times, always important, and ended up finding an undergraduate degree that aligns very well with my life purpose. 

Now, I am about to enter a late registration process to start studying next month, but I can't stop thinking about that van in Australia dream, what could this have lead to? who could I've become? what exactly am I giving up on?

Afraid to regret abandoning this path, I am wondering if I should wait another year with that degree and head for another adventure in Australia.

On the other hand, the van idea seems less appealing and a little irrational or immature now, and I could always go see Australia later, I even made plans to study there and get my masters.

Could the travel plans be just more of the resistance keeping me from the hardship of serious study? to is the opposite true, I am committing to a more comfortable life that will keep me from grander self-discovery and development? 

How does it all sound like to you? I believe it is good to hear view of a complete stranger, without personal interest and clouded thoughts due to giving responsible answers, and this forum is the best place I know of to post such concerns.

Thank you so much! <3

[EugeneTheSage]

I think to live in a van is a bad idea. I've had a hippie friend of mine who also had this idea and also had a ressistance - probably because the purchasing of a van is a shallow idea.

[Reignforest]

Without financial independence you'll be eating snakes and kangaroos.  Unless you find an intentional community. However in a community, a degree is unnecessary. Depends on what you want and in what order.

[Salvijus]

You have guts, I'll give you that.

A good question to ask before making any decision in life:

"Which choice would serve my highest commitment in life"

And see if you're following the voice of love ❤ or fear based egoic thinking. ☠

If u follow your heart it will naturally feel like you're going against the whole world ? because the world is insane. 

Another good question to ask before making any decision is: "what for?"

Tcare u have some balls really. Good for u ?

Edited September 30, 2023 by Salvijus

[Samsonov]

@Reignforest the van will provide me with some financial independence, I do have some savings and a working visa. Are you from Australia? Those intentional communities are what I was more or less aiming for. This is why Im thinking to visit before my degree, it might not be necessary and my aspirations fulfilled more directly. Worst case I will lose a year of my life and start to study next year.

@Salvijus I am always aiming to follow love and fear, the challenge is telling them a part, Both are invoke fear in me, Australia is the fear of the unknown, Wilderness and leaving home. School is the fear of long term commitments, mediocrity and wasting time.

Already I am starting to get a better sense of what stands behind each path while writing this :))

Thank you all so much, this forum is incredible.

[Salvijus]

1 hour ago, Samsonov said:

Both are invoke fear in me

The point is to find a vision that make your eyes sparkle with fire and it feels like your heart has become wide open as you endulge in that vision. 

Then of course the ego fear based part of the mind is going to come in with a milion reasons why you are mad and shouldn't do it. The point is to chose love anyways, then you will be following the destiny you were meant to follow.

And all things of heaven and earth will come to support your flowering.  Because God wants nothing more then to see your heart becoming wide open and support you on the way to walk the path of love. After all it is He who is guiding your every through the feeling of Love. It is He who is putting these desires in your heart that make your eyes sparkle with hope and inspiration. So also trust that He will take care of you as you allow yourself to follow that stream of Love.

After all you'll have to chose love over fear some time. It could be now or it could be after a 1000 lifetimes. But it's inevitable. And God can outwait you anyways. So your options are kinda none in the end

[Reignforest]

@Samsonov I am from Michigan. I have been looking into intentional communities here. However I'm married to someone that does not appreciate the value of community, farming, gardening or work. Unless I'm doing it all. If I could change her perspective we would already be in one. But being comfortable is no incentive to change. 

[flowboy]

@Samsonov  A purpose is not a purpose unless you align yourself to it like a North Star.

So without looking at your purpose, how can one say whether you should travel or study?

Which is best for it?

 

I also had a dream of living in a van for a bit, but I didn't do it, and now I'm 30 and too far into my LP journey for it to make sense.

I feel sad thinking about it, but life is making painful choices and sacrificing things to actualize other things.

The next moment that it would make sense for me to travel in a van like that, would be after achieving full financial independence.

Could be 2 years ahead, could be 10.

Who knows if I'll even still want to? Or practically be able to?

It doesn't matter.

Focus on doing what you can, with what you have, where you are.

Focus on what is here right now, what you feel in your heart is important.

 

Edited October 6, 2023 by flowboy

[Samsonov]

@flowboy Thank you 

[Salvijus]

I found this video only today. About a guy who traveled the whole world from age 15 to 18 and then went to africa for more insane adventures lol. Reminded me of this thread.