Samsonov

Hey:) I have taken the course for the second time, trying to come up with a new life purpose when realising hoe selfish my previous was. It was all about me, what I want to be and have. You can argue that life purpose is inherently selfish, as Leo does in the course, and going through it is part of your development. Anyhow, I have a new purpose, which is not as clear and doesn't feel like Me as the previous did, perhaps I just need to implement it further and the ME would change with it. Still I have got an unsolved issue in my mind, and a question I would like to raise for discussion: Should you intentionally aim for a selfless purpose or naturally let go of the self as you work and implement? My old purpose was Magic, an artform I have been practicing since I was a child, a dream never fully realised. The new is a vague purpose that has to do with sustainable agriculture, trying to lead and have a positive effect on society and making my life about something bigger than just myself. Magic could always take a backseat as a hobby, while I work on develop myself to become a valuable member of society. How does it all sound? like I am letting go of childish fantasies or running away from purring my art? There is a lot of guilt that I have been dealing with on this regard, not sure if I should surrender to it or fight it. Thanks

@destroyx6 Hi, I feel you man. Self study does put you ahead of the curb in many ways, but it comes with a price, for once the lack of testing can make one self-deluded about his own knowledge, creating a bubble that protects you from feedback. This feedback could be received from the world, market or society, but my thinking lately is that we are both pretty young, what harm is it in spending a few years in a system, I just want to make sure that I am not afraid of it or running away. If I am really as "ahead" as I believe, I should ace university and still have time for extra learning. On the other hand, I already got plans to start developing a permaculture site, would be hard to hold oneself back for four years now. Where are you from?

Thank you, I think the best course of action is to take another year to educate myself as I wish, then later if I'll feel I missed an opportunity I can always apply again. Its just that I already got accepted and will have to go through the exam again.. but well @Pav I agree, If I do decide the engineering is what I want to do then I will study. the 5 year degree...

I really don't know what is more likely, probably very few people are going to ascend to yellow, I can personally say that I felt the regression back to blue and group think, probably because I have got some integration to do in this stage, but his was not a healthy or conscious way to go about it. I like to entertain the idea. I really don't know what Israel should do, nor how to act as an Israeli citizen right now, this is why I am moving away. A step back feels like the conscious move

Hi, I want to start by stating that I am obviously not looking for answers from anybody to my own life decisions. Just looking to share my feelings, considerations and start a conversation. I have taken the time, over 4 years after high school to invest in my personal development and self-education. I read a lot on various subjects, have done a lot of psychological work and spiritual practice and development. Now even though I am clearer on my life purpose and feeling confident in my abilities to pursue it, I am strongly considering university, As I enjoy learning, looking for the social structure and for exploring my curiosities further, I am considering an Environmental engineering degree. But Im afraid to conform, after learning by myself for so long and getting used to my own pace and my own way of doing things I feel like I will get in the habit of being very critical of the system, seeing (or looking for) all of its biases, falsehood, schemes and frankly bull shit. Because it is bullshit isn't it? That's the question I would like to raise here What do you think of the university system generally? I mean, going for a science undergraduate, would it not just fill my mind with more beliefs? I want to understand nature, and the best way to do that I have find is observation and experiments. my plan is to travel and do some more practical permaculture courses, and I can supplement this with more reading and research to get more theory in, I am pretty comfortable with theory, practice is what I am lacking, the fear is that not having the degree will limit my possibilities, its sad but its true.

I would like to give some context to the internal affairs in Israel was an indirect cause of those events, As I have been born and raised in Israel. The central-left population has been rebelling against the current government, especially Netanyahu which has been deceitful and unclear in its intent. What I believe was really going on was a shift in democratic balance toward the right, the simple fact that fundamentalist make on average many more children that do the average leftist, they have just gained democratic power, but naturally increased the exiting finical inequality, cultural gaps and inner tensions. The situation has gotten to a point that seemed to lead to a civil war in its worse. I have mentioned this to try to force what will happen next, Hamas has seized the opportunity for an attack, with Israel displaying signs of weakness and lack of cohesion. I believe that this war will mark the change of a new rule over Israel, as I see many past leftist turning against their previous positions and claiming revenge and punishment for the Palestinians. This is what the right was waiting for in was, it was inevitable they will rise to power and gain more control, we might even witness the rise of an Orthodox Jew state. To be fair, this is what the Orthodox Jews predicted that will happen, they have been praying and visualising which I want to say has incurred an attractive power onto reality. The leftist green party has failed to solve the conflict in their naive way over the years, slowly losing their power, that is political power and faith... It would take a stage yellow government to actually solve the root systematic issue, such a government does not exist anywhere in the world. On a more personal note, becoming more aware of my own naivety and striving to ascend to stage yellow myself, I have decided to leave the country for the time being. War just causes most people to degrade to tribalism and close-mindedness, I find myself afraid to speak my mind lately, and lost hope for piece, at least not for the coming decades. There used to be talk of piece, we have not heard anyone seriously consider it for the last 5 years and you would be faced with cynicism if you did, and maybe rightly so... Internal affairs that have began from the time of the Covid-virus have been a distraction, national self-deception and denial. Now the disease of the system of Israel is rising to the surface and it ain't pretty... reality will catch up to you eventually, this has been an important lesson.

@flowboy Thank you

@Reignforest the van will provide me with some financial independence, I do have some savings and a working visa. Are you from Australia? Those intentional communities are what I was more or less aiming for. This is why Im thinking to visit before my degree, it might not be necessary and my aspirations fulfilled more directly. Worst case I will lose a year of my life and start to study next year. @Salvijus I am always aiming to follow love and fear, the challenge is telling them a part, Both are invoke fear in me, Australia is the fear of the unknown, Wilderness and leaving home. School is the fear of long term commitments, mediocrity and wasting time. Already I am starting to get a better sense of what stands behind each path while writing this :)) Thank you all so much, this forum is incredible.

Hi, After traveling for six months I came back home with a vivid vision for a van conversion, that is, converting a regular transport van into a liveable space. When arriving home I was about to purchase said vehicle but, to keep it short , I have encountered great Resistance:). The resistance had send me abroad again while I was waiting for my visa for Australia to arrive, so I could build that van there... Soon enough, not long after receiving the visa , and while staying in a remote Indian village, I've gone through what I could only describe as a confrontation with a demon, an outer and inner demon at once. The I left that village in a state of fear and frailness , and had an anxiety attack at the airport and ended up returning home. Here I was going through rough times, always important, and ended up finding an undergraduate degree that aligns very well with my life purpose. Now, I am about to enter a late registration process to start studying next month, but I can't stop thinking about that van in Australia dream, what could this have lead to? who could I've become? what exactly am I giving up on? Afraid to regret abandoning this path, I am wondering if I should wait another year with that degree and head for another adventure in Australia. On the other hand, the van idea seems less appealing and a little irrational or immature now, and I could always go see Australia later, I even made plans to study there and get my masters. Could the travel plans be just more of the resistance keeping me from the hardship of serious study? to is the opposite true, I am committing to a more comfortable life that will keep me from grander self-discovery and development? How does it all sound like to you? I believe it is good to hear view of a complete stranger, without personal interest and clouded thoughts due to giving responsible answers, and this forum is the best place I know of to post such concerns. Thank you so much! <3

Hi everyone. I wanted to share my what I have gone through in the past year. Last year I headed for a journey through India, it was a very purposeful journey and has exceeded any expectation I had. I had a few major breakthroughs and I have found a life direction I felt very passionate about. I have also set myself a project for converting a van into a house. coming back home I was noticeably happier more confident and sociable. Regarding that van thing, still very much committed to starting the project I began doing the research for what it will take but I guess It got overwhelming, in terms of the vague regulations and unsupportive family. I ended up deciding to basically move to Australia, planned a journey first through the UK, there something happened to me, I felt very bad all of the time, ordered a flight to India again, there I had a very bad experience which and ended up returning home very stressed. I am here in my parents house for two months, ever felt so depressed, I am seeing a psychologist and taking pills, But I wonder how can I feel so different, can't stop thinking about how I felt and who I was when first returning from India and what I could have accomplished. I feel like I betrayed my destiny, I am seeing it playing out in my mind while I am idle, I regret all of the last six month and unable to return to the same old habits and state. I am fully aware of how I am degrading my not too long ago perfectly healthy body and I can't explain this sense of hopelessness. Do I just need more time? time seems to play against me for the first time in my life. I've never been This way , I am ashamed, I forgot who I was. Who should I try to be?

Hi everyone, I have ben following actualised.org for years, and made constant progress and until recently was at the peak of my happiness, consciousness and love. While traveling, I had an experience where I have spent two weeks with a mentally disturbed individual. I blame only myself for getting myself into this situation. Since then I got really off track, I do not feel like I am the same person, not the same consciousness (I also cut my hair which makes me feel this way), I don't have the same motivation, focus and confidence I once had. In a bad state I also took some mushrooms which lead to a very bad trip I also got a stomach bacteria which may cause some of the symptoms... I feel like I lost it all, betrayed my higher self and Im scared I will not be able to return why I lost Did any of you ever felt this way? ~Amit

Hi everyone, Do you think it's good to take up old dreams that you regret never starting even if right now you are not as passionate about them? Or is it better to wait for new one to appear and chase the fresh ones? ~Amit

Hey, I feel that forgiving it always the way. You do it for yourself and not the other person. That doesn't mean you should expect the other person to change, you should forgive, which can feel a lot like forgetting about the other person and let them go. If that means cutting them off from your life so be it, but forgive them with love and empathy. That's my advice

Thank you all for writing, My indecisiveness is a real issue for me. Again, greatly appreciate this forum, and y'all<3

@vizual But the boundry between productive time and comfort is very loose, As I said, being social, especially with strangers that arrive to our place is'nt comfortable for me, In a way being alone is more comfortable but also more productive, and socializing can also be productive, for developing social skills and becoming a more social person. But I guess @Lincisman has a point, Its all about control, When living alone I can better manage my socializing. I also dont want to offend my friends, and I like living with them..tough stuff.. I guess I should do what scares me most, which is this new chapter of living all by myself