Losing and trying again

[Harman]

With losing or trying and trying but you have no results (which is what i feel like with a lot of projects or learning and trying new things) i do feel i cant really figure how to keep on going and to fall into traps of not trying again or just not trying other things cause i know how differcult the journey would be and the same other results from the past . I do want keep trying and try to i guess experience things where it will need patience and trial and error for example of going like 0-80 or some shit with trying to get girls on discord (but to be fair discord is a very odd place is something i notice). My question would be how do i get rid of this pattern of thinking because i feel like thats been an issue when it comes to questioning myself and seeing the reason upon why it happens and how to get rid of it. I do think that it has been a problem for a long time and the best i can do patiently is learn things very slowly like what leo said about having passions that only grow slowly but continuous throughout a long period of time to understand it. This may have a link between my other forum post that i did couple of days ago about life purpose. Thanks for the time

[caspex]

Doubting yourself, your process is natural.  Just keep trying and trying in new ways, learning from your mistakes, and practicing what works. Don't keep repeating the same thing too many times out of laziness. The only meaningful thing is to not give up, and even when you do, your desires to be better wouldn't let you stay down for too long.
For me, it's actually impossible to not pursue spirituality, or general self-growth, I can only take a break.

Don't worry about your thinking pattern and all that, just keep pursuing what you want. This resistance in your mind is natural and you'll overcome it as you keep pushing. One day it'll just make sense how to transcend it, but that requires suffering, which will only come from your desire to succeed.

[Ajax]

@Harman  I'm sorry, friend. I don't know what you are asking.  If you could simply it for me I would be grateful. Maybe make a short list for me?

[Harman]

@Ajax

To keep trying and failing but to not doubt everything about yourself and to not stop trying to find a way a problem that i have dealt with like all my life so it doesnt allow me to enjoy the journey and doesnt allow me to get started with other journeys and goals.

 

To be honest i know this belief is a huge problem like a lot of beliefs that are in my mind every day so to be honest i feel like getting therapy will be the best solution i hope just to become more aware how much i sabotage myself i dont know where to start to understand what type of therapy i need but if anyone knows different types of therapy it appreciate if you can share with me some information and key factors to them.

[Leo Gura]

You need to try new things.

Requisite Variety!

Don't just keep hitting your head against the wall.

Sit down and actually ask yourself: Why isn't this working? And generate some truthful answers.

You don't need years to see that something isn't working. You can see within weeks or a few months.

Edited July 8, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Harman]

@Leo Gura

Appreciate the response i felt like i have done that quite a bit but never really got to understand how to find a way or to keep on going. Tbh i may have done it too much where like now i dont really know what to do where now i feel like i cant really think for myself cause maybe i dont really trust my self anymore i dont really how to explain it myself but i feel like ive tried a lot to make my life better and more meaningful but kinda just gave up on it. So im left like wtf am i doing right now and i dont know its like this weird feeling of nothing and hopelessness i know i shouldnt feel this or think it or believe but its kinda hows it been for a bit. 

To be honest even i dont know what im saying right now but yh just the feeling of lost bored and tiredness and regret and anger is what i feel for whats like been like a year or so something like that. 

[Ulax]

@Harman I'd say work on taking a growth mindset. Everything you do towards a goal is an experiment. There is no winning or failure, only feedback.

Its feedback and reflecting on the feedback that is really valuable.

I'd recommend focusing on valuing getting feedback over achieving a positive result. This is called being process-oriented rather than results oriented. For example, if your goal was to practice your tennis swing you could approach it in a process-oriented or results-oriented manner.

The results-oriented manner would be that you set the goal of achieving a certain result in the world, i.e. hitting the ball over the net 60% of your shots. You therefore reward yourself when you get the specific certain result. 

The process-oriented manner would be that you set the goal of just taking certain actions, i.e. hitting 20 shots, and each 5 shots reflecting on one effective thing you think you are doing, and one ineffective thing. You therefore reward yourself when you take a certain action.

The results-oriented approach is destined to be less sustainable than the process-oriented approach in my opinion. Because you will have lots of emotional ups and downs because whether you hit your goal will change day to day. And you will have a tougher time dealing with frustration. The key issue is that you don't have total control over whether you hit your goal. So your metric of success is something you don't have full control over.

With the process-oriented approach, you have total control over whether you meet your goal each time. You will have less emotional ups and downs because your goal is just to practice effectively, rather than to achieve a certain external outcome. And, all you need to do is practice effectively and results will come.

So, in my recommendation, the key is to focus your goals on the process.

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A book recommendation is 'Atomic habits' by James Clear.