Pattern of Woman Cheating On Their Husbands When They Start Underperforming in Bed

[integral]

Im starting to see this alot in marriages where the husband start to get a bit of Erectile disfunction or generally underperforms. As woman age they can become hornier and want to fully explore there sexuality before there candle burns out so to speak and becomes frustrated with a husband that ignores her advancements and basically does not satisfy her properly, she ends up cheating in secret while the husband continues to pay the bills. 

Its a common pattern is there any advice one can give to the men in these situation to get there head out of there ass before there woman starts cheating or for woman to learn to properly communicate the seriousness of the situation?

I feel like if the wife made it very clear to him she will resort to cheating if he does not get his shit together he will wake up and get the job done. But she fears he will leave them (and stop paying the bills) so they instead cheat in secret.

Men, women will leave you if they are not sexual satisfied. Don't fool yourself into a false sense of comfort. Understand what her needs are. If they are not met they will not stick around.

Edited May 18, 2023 by integral

[NoSelfSelf]

So you watched first season of Sex/Life on netflix?

[integral]

6 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

So you watched first season of Sex/Life on netflix?

lmao no but ill watch it.

This is a real life situation where a friend of my gf confided in her about her unsatisfying sex life. After years of frustration, the past few months she finally went for it and got in bed with some hot random hook up guy from Ashley Madison. Older women over 50 hooking up with a guy in his 20s, while the husband is working full time to pay the bills and supports her. 

Edited May 17, 2023 by integral

[NoSelfSelf]

@integral I strongly recommend it to watch first season not second.

Thats why many who makes game about women and just want sex,will get in this situation because they didnt turn themselves into someone women want like drug(just like in that show)they are like Cooper if you watch you will see...

You saying underperform someone with game is always on top of things you cant underperform if you know what you doing...

[ValiantSalvatore]

1 hour ago, integral said:

This is a real life situation where a friend of my gf confided in her about her unsatisfying sex life. After years of frustration, the past few months she finally went for it and got in bed with some hot random hook up guy from Ashley Madison. Older women over 50 hooking up with a guy in his 20s, while the husband is working full time to pay the bills and supports her. 

 

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

I strongly recommend it to watch first season not second.

Thats why many who makes game about women and just want sex,will get in this situation because they didnt turn themselves into someone women want like drug(just like in that show)they are like Cooper if you watch you will see...

You saying underperform someone with game is always on top of things you cant underperform if you know what you doing...

I recommend this book. 
https://www.amazon.de/Womens-Anatomy-Arousal-Pleasure-English-ebook/dp/B075DT1N3C/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=womens+anatomy+and+arousal&qid=1684350052&sprefix=Womens+anatom%2Caps%2C84&sr=8-1

It's good advice (I did not read more than two pages, yet it's great). I was recommended this when I had a lay from online-game and I had sex with her for 2h, yet I did not know what to do really she liked it, and was happy, yet she was lustful and wanted more. I presume the main issue is not doing anything about it and just moving on, as he's disappointed and needs more communication, because of stage Green....

100% the book it's way cheaper than a sex therapist and he definitely should communicate with her about this. If she really needs to cheat there are other perspectives and I personally would dump her and never marry and generally would have put the focus on sex more inside of the relationship & adventure etc. 

Why not bring it up? Is it that difficult to talk about this & do smth. about it, I bet the dude had no idea it was that bad. 

Edited May 17, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[integral]

@ValiantSalvatore Im not sure this advice applies, she easily has orgasms with her husband he is a independent guy that wants to spend time alone and do his own thing, so as a result he gives her no affection or quality time and doesn't really want sex, she has to schedule sex with him and push him to have it or else he will never do it. He enjoys being alone and doing his own thing, while she craves intimacy and love. 

1 hour ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

I bet the dude had no idea it was that bad. 

She cant tell him properly, your right if he understood how bad the situation was he would take more action and wake up. He really doesn't get the issue and what it will cost him. I'm not in a position to talk to him directly. I spoke to her and told her everything she should do but its just didnt work in practice, the guy doesn't get the message and does not show love with physical touch or affection, he just ignores her basically.

Some times shes trying to seduce him, he gets turned on then seconds later hes off playing guitar and spending time alone with him self. Its ridiculous, and she is left there hanging and frustrated that he showed her no interest and didn't want her. 

Edited May 17, 2023 by integral

[integral]

I'm baffled how clueless some guys can be.

Claim your woman.

Where is your pride as a man to satisfy her???

Have some pride!

Im guessing this is un-spiritual in some way, but at some level i feel like a guy should take some joy in his ability to satisfy his partner and be maybe competitive about it. Don't you want to out perform other men? 

Edited May 17, 2023 by integral

[ValiantSalvatore]

52 minutes ago, integral said:

She cant tell him properly, your right if he understood how bad the situation was he would take more action and wake up. He really doesn't get the issue and what it will cost him. I'm not in a position to talk to him directly. I spoke to her and told her everything she should do but its just didnt work in practice, the guy doesn't get the message and does not show love with physical touch or affection, he just ignores her basically.

Some times shes trying to seduce him, he gets turned on then seconds later hes off playing guitar and spending time alone with him self. Its ridiculous, and she is left there hanging and frustrated that he showed her no interest and didn't want her. 

Guess love languages do not align? As well as incompatabillity. I am no expert... by far. 

52 minutes ago, integral said:

Im not sure this advice applies, she easily has orgasms with her husband he is a independent guy that wants to spend time alone and do his own thing, so as a result he gives her no affection or quality time and doesn't really want sex, she has to schedule sex with him and push him to have it or else he will never do it. He enjoys being alone and doing his own thing, while she craves intimacy and love. 

Sounds insane to me, I do get the bigger idea though as I plan a lot also. That is unfortunate sounds like a "bad match", and generally beign incompatible... 

[ValiantSalvatore]

54 minutes ago, integral said:

Im guessing this is un-spiritual in some way, but at some level i feel like a guy should take some joy in his ability to satisfy his partner and be maybe competitive about it. Don't you want to out perform other men? 

I get the same point, the outperforming other men can put heavy peer pressure mentally onto some, for example me beign injured I don't get much pride in this notion anymore, yet I'd enjoy and did enjoy this notion, even if it never fully played out. This also heavily plays with envy as a mechanism imo to turns the girl on. As well as with the performance drive of stage orange. 
---
Many do, the point is at stage green people care a lot less, and just seek other feminine ways to meet feminity I figure, it's not as it was in the 60's maybe? Where there was a more "natural" notion of sexual liberation. The group I am in right now would give a good beating and advice the correct path you definitely should take pride at best "divine pride" like god impaling her etc. I dunno. All I can say, due to injury I also have less interest in sex, as it's an extra stressor as well as with a scar on my hip I don't feel as much as times, even with hypersensetivity. 

Generally the issue is Green&Orange and not having both partners at Yellow etc. etc. Could be plenty reasons, he might also just have low testoserone etc. Could also be trauma etc. 

I agree 100% I do have issues with this also, as I am quiet aggressive and need feedback.

Edited May 17, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[LSD-Rumi]

@integral It is not about sex, it is about emotional connection. No woman will cheat on her husband unless he is a boring human being with no affection toward her, Unless she is a piece of shit of course.

[ValiantSalvatore]

54 minutes ago, integral said:

I'm baffled how clueless some guys can be.

Claim your woman.

Where is your pride as a man to satisfy her???

Have some pride!

Im guessing this is un-spiritual in some way, but at some level i feel like a guy should take some joy in his ability to satisfy his partner and be maybe competitive about it. Don't you want to out perform other men? 

I meant I agree with this 100% fully the whole message not only the part lol.

[integral]

10 minutes ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

I get the same point, the outperforming other men can put heavy peer pressure mentally onto some, for example me beign injured I don't get much pride in this notion anymore, yet I'd enjoy and did enjoy this notion, even if it never fully played out. This also heavily plays with envy as a mechanism imo to turns the girl on. As well as with the performance drive of stage orange. 
---
Many do, the point is at stage green people care a lot less, and just seek other feminine ways to meet feminity I figure, it's not as it was in the 60's maybe? Where there was a more "natural" notion of sexual liberation. The group I am in right now would give a good beating and advice the correct path you definitely should take pride at best "divine pride" like god impaling her etc. I dunno. All I can say, due to injury I also have less interest in sex, as it's an extra stressor as well as with a scar on my hip I don't feel as much as times, even with hypersensetivity. 

Generally the issue is Green&Orange and not having both partners at Yellow etc. etc. Could be plenty reasons, he might also just have low testoserone etc. Could also be trauma etc. 

I agree 100% I do have issues with this also, as I am quiet aggressive and need feedback.

That's true pride can manifest as unhealthy orange, but at some level if you want to keep a girl you got to develop skills and you need some self-competitiveness to learn and grow. If it goes into unhealthy territory that's a problem. I think your right that he is green, he often does LSD alone and likes to chill in peace, The issue then is not meeting his partner and there needs, hes in lala land and he will learn this mistake the hard way. The heart breaking part is i recommended that they try doing LSD together last month and they had a wonderful experience, he then opened up and confessed his deep love for her... they bounded and unfortunately right after the trip he went back to his old self and she was left feeling unloved, and as you stated there love language is not compatible. So she cheated a few weeks after that experience, brutal as he has literally no idea what's about to come to him.

19 minutes ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

I get the same point, the outperforming other men can put heavy peer pressure mentally onto some, for example me beign injured I don't get much pride in this notion anymore, yet I'd enjoy and did enjoy this notion, even if it never fully played out. This also heavily plays with envy as a mechanism imo to turns the girl on. As well as with the performance drive of stage orange. 

No need to outperform other men, just listen and understand your partners needs and do your best to meet them with a open mind and flexibility. There are endless things that can be explored with a partner that 99.9% of people never do because they are stuck in the norm or misconceptions about intimacy.

[integral]

42 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@integral It is not about sex, it is about emotional connection. No woman will cheat on her husband unless he is a boring human being with no affection toward her, Unless she is a piece of shit of course.

I agree, if the intimacy where there then it would not be a problem. Another component is her sex drive is very high and his is low, she wants sex more then 3-4 times a week and he never wants sex. Another issue in compatibility. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

58 minutes ago, integral said:

That's true pride can manifest as unhealthy orange, but at some level if you want to keep a girl you got to develop skills and you need some self-competitiveness to learn and grow. If it goes into unhealthy territory that's a problem. I think your right that he is green, he often does LSD alone and likes to chill in peace, The issue then is not meeting his partner and there needs, hes in lala land and he will learn this mistake the hard way. The heart breaking part is i recommended that they try doing LSD together last month and they had a wonderful experience, he then opened up and confessed his deep love for her... they bounded and unfortunately right after the trip he went back to his old self and she was left feeling unloved, and as you stated there love language is not compatible. So she cheated a few weeks after that experience, brutal as he has literally no idea what's about to come to him.

I enjoy healthy competition as a challenge a lot, right on the edge I can't deny that even when I give my best to focus on myself and be in competition with myself I create the best outcomes long-term when I consider the gym, and I did my "crazy athlean x" workouts as a rebel etc. It sounds more like an incompatabillity if she acts from this space and cheating right after this is serious imo, I dunno I bet there are deeper issues. 

58 minutes ago, integral said:

No need to outperform other men, just listen and understand your partners needs and do your best to meet them with a open mind and flexibility. There are endless things that can be explored with a partner that 99.9% of people never do because they are stuck in the norm or misconceptions about intimacy.

Yeah attraction is a larger issue thanks to green values dominating academia, I see it daily it's not fun and causes a lot of guilt imo. The issue I see with green girls is that they are still pretty hypergamous, in contrast to Yellow~ish seeming girls and even orange girls at times. As hypergamy tends to break down due to wealth and egaliterian countries IIRC. As well as society. Especially in intellectual & ressource potential notions and nature, adventure and family types of consideration.

I can recommend the book again, and I'll read it again the point is doing this when you lay her the first time to make her your girl it's not easy to satisfy a girl imo. There are million of variables I noticed. The basics I bet are the most important anyway. I am out of this I barely attract any girls currently. As I can mainly do online etc. I also have issues with balance of aggression and stage red girls liking me which are totally delusional and stage red shadow type girls, yet they are ultra femine, so I have an appeal to that ... unfortunately.... 

Anyway, I feel bad for the dude. The communication is very off here. As well as masculine energy. I find it tricky to navigate. It feels often if you are not the top 0.5 of men, you fk*ed up in a sense, yet that mainly in one area. Or have some sick diverse features etc. 

I wish more would game, I find it horrible in Germany. Even in the second biggest city nobody is active anymore. 

Edited May 17, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[Roy]

8 hours ago, integral said:

I feel like if the wife made it very clear to him she will resort to cheating if he does not get his shit together he will wake up and get the job done. But she fears he will leave them (and stop paying the bills) so they instead cheat in secret.

The total lack of accountability and double standard between men and women is fucking knee slappingly funny to me . For almost every scenario I've seen or heard in life;

When men cheat, there is typically self-awareness and simple admission of selfishness. "She was so hot, and presented me the opportunity. I know it was wrong, but it felt good so I did it anyways." or "Got my dick wet, I'll deal with the consequences later."

When women cheat it is somehow the MANS fault, and it's a GOOD thing they cheated in their mind like it's justice. "You weren't paying enough attention to me, look what you made me do. This is on you."

It's awful no matter who does it, but it's interesting how we default to the angle of "Why didn't the man simply work on his bedroom skill? He could have avoided all this!" I get it's a self-improvement angle, but we should be more pointing out why doesn't the woman take emotional responsibility and just break up with a guy she isn't happy with? Or straight up communicate in plain English, "Please can we work on this or I will leave you." None of this bullshit of being vaguely upset and expecting the guy to omnisciently put together all the clues and mindread exactly what the woman wants.

If you're in a marriage that's even more reason you need to bite the bullet and have an uncomfortable confrontation to work out the issues. If you're such a child you need to cheat and insult the sanctity of your union you shouldn't have even got married in the first place. You took the vow girl, "man up" as they say 

Marriage doesn't mean a thing in this day and age anyways. People treat it like a joke and divorce all the time. Getting married is basically a meme at this point. Anytime I hear of an acquaintance or couple getting married I think "the poor bastard" and put my hand on my face (in my head not actually lol). 

Edited May 18, 2023 by Roy

[Roy]

39 minutes ago, RebornConsciousness said:

It never made sense to me to get married anyways, not just this day and age, but ever, in any country. It's just nonsense in my opinion. You can do all the shit married couples do - live together, have children, joined finances etc. - without having to have a goverment breathing on your back, and artificially and legally binding you to that person.

Exactly. Although I think it made sense in the past, but the cultural and economic climate now make it a suicidal endeavor for men specifically. Would you get on a plane that had a 50% chance of crashing? Obviously not, well that's what marriage is in the West now with the divorce rates. I've seen too many horror stories and sexist family court shakedowns. I won't go into it that deeply because it will trigger too many people here.

I've had my eyes opened after enough relationships and the things I've seen in life that I've pretty much got both my feet in MGTOW. I am extremely individualistic and won't take the risk that comes with conjoining with another person too much. It can ruin your life. I've been very careful to vet my partners so I haven't had anything bad happen to me, but I never want it to happen either. I am content having a series of partners I will love and spend time with, but it's a fairy tale to pretend each one of them will last "til death do us part". Reality just doesn't work that way. If you truly love someone you will allow them to walk out of your life at any time freely, and should expect the same freedom if you decide to leave. That's entirely easier to do when you don't live together and aren't bound financially.

Everyone thinks they know their significant other at some profound level, but are blindsided all the time when they do something that ends the relationship, or can't see the end down the road somewhere with incompatible life paths and circumstances.

It's bitter sweet because I grew up blue pilled and brain-washed about how love and relationships are "supposed" to go, only to find out humans work in almost the exact opposite way.

If life is a meal, your life purpose/career goals are the steak that gives you prime nutrients, your family/friends are the mash potatoes to give you a filling base to the meal, your hobbies/personal interests are the salad side that gives a little spice to life, and your partner/lovers are the vegetables that aren't that necessary or the center focus of the meal, but are a nice addition to compliment things.

Edited May 18, 2023 by Roy

[LSD-Rumi]

3 hours ago, RebornConsciousness said:

It never made sense to me to get married anyways, not just this day and age, but ever, in any country. It's just nonsense in my opinion. You can do all the shit married couples do - live together, have children, joined finances etc. - without having to have a goverment breathing on your back, and artificially and legally binding you to that person. Not that I would exactly rush to have kids either I'm sure there's some people on this forum who would argue otherwise. But yeah, still doesn't make sense to me.

I checked an Instagram profile of a guy I used to go to primary school with, and yeah, he was never the brighest tool in the shed. And, lo and behold, he's married with his girl pregnant in his early 20s I find it so dumb that conservatives are advocating towards that. It's always people with low aspirations in life who do that.

Why not marry? marriage is important in couples who are serious about each other. When you refuse to marry your girlfriend after years of dating, it means you are not serious enough about this relationship and you may want an easy exit at any point.

Also, marriage protects each partner financially, if you invest in a relationship you deserve financial compensation if you parted ways, especially women.

Edited May 18, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[LSD-Rumi]

1 hour ago, RebornConsciousness said:

Again, in my opinion, that's a good thing. Depends on your values.

It is not a good thing if you have already invested 3 or 5 of years in a relationship. Marriage is a sign of commitment. If your husband gets ill you stand with him, if he develops some trauma you stand with him, if he loses his job you stand with him. This is what marriage is all about. Dating only make you less willing to stand with your partner when things go south.

[integral]

10 hours ago, Roy said:

It's awful no matter who does it, but it's interesting how we default to the angle of "Why didn't the man simply work on his bedroom skill? He could have avoided all this!" I get it's a self-improvement angle, but we should be more pointing out why doesn't the woman take emotional responsibility and just break up with a guy she isn't happy with? Or straight up communicate in plain English, "Please can we work on this or I will leave you." None of this bullshit of being vaguely upset and expecting the guy to omnisciently put together all the clues and mindread exactly what the woman wants.

That sums it up. He was told for 10+ years the lack of intimacy and did nothing about it (the sex is good he just doesn't understand the big picture of intimacy outside of the bed room) and she struggled with communicating properly her needs do to general suppression and other ego mental blocks/games.

I'm realizing now I should of recommended they see a relationship therapist, but I'm skeptical of how useful that can be. Will the therapist be conscious enough to get to the root of the problem? 

[integral]

4 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Why not marry? marriage is important in couples who are serious about each other. When you refuse to marry your girlfriend after years of dating, it means you are not serious enough about this relationship and you may want an easy exit at any point.

Its unclear, Sickness is a brutal thing, you change and tend to become unpleasant to be around, there's no reason to drag someone along with you. A lot of sick people should just live alone as they no longer have the qualities needed to have healthy daily interactions (chronic stress and taking that stress out on everyone). There are many diverse situations and marriage forced commitment doesn't always work. In some parings its true that marriage can be a sign of commitment and be beneficial for the psychological health of the relationship but in others its better they separate. Rarely are people looking for easy exits in long term relationships, the exits tend to be brutal 10+ year struggles filled with regret. 

Edited May 18, 2023 by integral