Law of state transference and social anxiety

[Farnaby]

I was watching one of your videos in which you talk about the law of state transference @Leo Gura and this is something I have been aware of my whole life but I wasn't sure if I was projecting and misinterpreting that emotional "contagion". It's actually a fascinating thing IMO. 

The problem for us folks who struggle with social anxiety is that knowing that my anxiety and feelings of unease in my own body transfer to other people is yet another source of anxiety lol. 

I guess the key is to stop ruminating about this and just practice a lot and work on getting into a good relaxed mood but sometimes I can't help thinking: "don't be anxious, you're gonna make other people uncomfortable", which, as you can imagine, just creates more anxiety. 

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

[flowboy]

I dealt with a lot of that, to the point where I can have a "bad trip" in my mind, sober, with an unsuspecting girl on the couch, lol.

Self-amusement is really helpful.

I think practicing and commanding oneself to "relax" is difficult and often has the opposite effect.

It's much easier to find something funny.

[Farnaby]

Dude, I have experienced the same thing so often. I have to remind myself not to get stuck in my thoughts and come back to the present moment. 

I agree that trying to "calm down" usually backfires. Same as focusing on breathing. Sometimes it helps, sometimes I start obsessing over how I'm not breathing correctly lol

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

A woman will smell any ounce of fear in you and run away. All fear is easily seen in your eyes and will transfer onto her.

You don't solve this issue by thinking your way out of it. You solve it by facing your fear until it kills you. Throw yourself into difficult social situations until you become completelt desensitized to it and are able to fully relax and enjoy yourself without giving a fuck about anyone.

You can def solve this, but it will be emotionally brutal. You must throw yourself into the challenge and be persistent as a motherfucker. Trust the process. Only worry about taking action. Never doubt the process. Eventually you will be so comfortable in social spaces people will think you are supernatural.

Don't worry about faking your calm. Be anxious. It's natural in the beginning. That will go away as you gain experience.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Farnaby]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

A woman will smell any ounce of fear in you and run away.

Maybe, although I have gotten laid being extremely nervous so that's not really true in my experience. But it definitely makes things flow less smoothly.

So how can you have this awareness (of the law of state transference) and not let it make you more anxious? 

[BuddhistLover]

44 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

A woman will smell any ounce of fear in you and run away. All fear is easily seen in your eyes and will transfer onto her.

You don't solve this issue by thinking your way out of it. You solve it by facing your fear until it kills you. Throw yourself into difficult social situations until you become completelt desensitized to it and are able to fully relax and enjoy yourself without giving a fuck about anyone.

You can def solve this, but it will be emotionally brutal. You must throw yourself into the challenge and be persistent as a motherfucker. Trust the process. Only worry about taking action. Never doubt the process. Eventually you will be so comfortable in social spaces people will think you are supernatural.

Don't worry about faking your calm. Be anxious. It's natural in the beginning. That will go away as you gain experience.

@Leo Gura If a woman is going to be running away from me if she feels fear from me. I don't want to be around her anyways. I don't want a soft girl, I want a hard girl. For me those mousey mousey soft girls are too be avoided. I want a hard girl not a soft girl, someone who has real nerve.

[Chives99]

Smile and look confident, its an amazing feeling when u smile at a girl and she smiles back from across the room then you realise u both are attracted to each other , then you realise you are full on mutually staring at each other, then whatever comes out of your mouth doesnt really matter well within reason, if its someone you know you can relate it to something youve talked about in the past women love it when u pay attention, like i might repeat a common phraise they said like the german girl at uni I said Hallo in a german accent, which shows u pay attention if its someone you dont know just break the ice , make jokes, flirt, be playful funny. If u r needy u have nothing to give, but if u are full u only have to give, ur relationship with the girl is just an addition to ur abundance of love

Edited February 7, 2023 by Chives99

[Leo Gura]

19 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

So how can you have this awareness (of the law of state transference) and not let it make you more anxious? 

Just stop thinking and take action.

ACTION!!!!

All your thinking is destroying your natural game.

5 minutes ago, BuddhistLover said:

@Leo Gura If a woman is going to be running away from me if she feels fear from me. I don't want to be around her anyways. I don't want a soft girl, I want a hard girl. For me those mousey mousey soft girls are too be avoided. I want a hard girl not a soft girl, someone who has real nerve.

That's some serious cope.

You shouldn't want your woman to respect if you if you are so fearful.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Chives99]

17 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

Maybe, although I have gotten laid being extremely nervous so that's not really true in my experience. But it definitely makes things flow less smoothly.

So how can you have this awareness (of the law of state transference) and not let it make you more anxious? 

if u dont maintain strong eye contact with her, she'll feel uncomfortable because u want her to be the masculine leader, Ive seen this happen right in front of my face she looked at me all sweet , then i looked like shit i dont know what to do, then she look at my confident mate then he kissed her and she just started necking him when she hadnt said one word to the guy

[Farnaby]

23 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Just stop thinking and take action.

ACTION!!!!

All your thinking is destroying your natural game.

Yes you're right. When I don't overthink things I can be quite charismatic naturally and the more I practice the better it gets. 

23 hours ago, Chives99 said:

if u dont maintain strong eye contact with her

I agree, but it has to be calibrated or you may end up looking like a psychopath lol Strong but playful eye contact works best IMO