Gabith

Feeling at odd with people

8 posts in this topic

I have gained confidence in myself over the last few years, loving myself more and meditating every day. 
I still feel bad when I do street interviews, I feel like people think I'm weird or unconfident. I always feel like an outsider and if they laugh I feel like it's about me or what I said.

I have this with almost every person I meet, one out of 10 times I feel more comfortable with certain people and talk with them for a few minutes. But why can't I feel comfortable with more people than 1 out of 10 ? 

It's like it's true, people judge me, find me weird, too different, I can't stand it.

I never feel like I belong here, when I go out I see people on their smartphones, people with a closed face, sadness, anger, unconsciousness, stress...

Even an exchange of eye-contact in public transport becomes difficult, when it's a girl I see on her face that she's disturbed just by a 2 second eye-contact, when it's a man it's like they wonder "what do he wants ?" "do he wants to fight me ?"  
We're so disconnected it's awful how will I find a deep relationship in this society ? I feel like it will never happens no matter how much I love myself 

Edited by Gabith

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There is so much to unpack here its crazy ?

And hate to break it to you...you cant love something you dont have and know (you)


There is nothing safe with playing it safe.

 

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What work have you actually done on yourself throughout the last years? 

Often the turning point is admitting that nothing has changed and 'work' was a distraction leading nowhere, some dopamine boost in a way. That's the case with the majority of people on this forum actually. I'm not saying that's the case with you but it'd be good to look at what worked and what didn't and what really came out of it.

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I'd like to share a few unknown quotes which I think are very true.

You can never feel other people rejecting you, you can only feel how you reject them

and

In your 20s you worry about what others will think about you

In your 40s you stop caring what others think about you

In your 60s you realize that they have never thought about you in the first place

 

What works best for me is to accept and love other people for who they are.

Making eye contact in a busy city with strangers can be tense. Many people are not good with tension and they might find it threatening.

With that in mind, work on your tension skills, get out of your head and feel into your body.

When people notice you are relaxed it allows them to relax as well.

Don't forget to smile :) 

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@JohnnyAb Yes I did meditation, using law of attraction, diverse exercices of self-love. It helped but not enough to stop caring about what others think.

I didn't do real work yet like for example a solo retreat

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@Gabith Mate I think you need to do some work with the emotion of shame.

It appears to me you are resonating on that level of emotion when in social situations, and hence projecting shame onto lots of things. If for example you resonated on the level of guilt you would project guilt onto lots of people.

To my understanding, I often project a lot of shame in social situations myself, and resonate with that emotion quite a lot. So i think i can relate to your post.

 

Edited by Ulax

Be-Do-Have

There is no failure, only feedback

Do what works

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48 minutes ago, Gabith said:

@JohnnyAb Yes I did meditation, using law of attraction, diverse exercices of self-love. It helped but not enough to stop caring about what others think.

I didn't do real work yet like for example a solo retreat

That's not a 'real work', neither is a solo retreat at your stage. These are big traps if you follow Leo's work. 

Try to break these barriers bit by bit. If you feel like someone is judging you and that makes you feel bad in some way, be compassionate with your feelings, comfort yourself, and try talking to that person or whatever. I don't know to what extend it gets in your case but at the moment you're retraumatizing yourself with most interactions and it's not going anywhere most likely.

It looks like you associate your shame with others, i.e. you project your shame onto others' apparent opinions of you. Which is what @Ulax suggests. YOU feel shame but are not conscious of it for what it is and you rationalize some of your feelings by thinking that others judge you, find you weird etc... 

I'd say find a good therapist (not self-proclaimed coaches from the forum or self-actualization communities) and work with him/her for a year or two. 

In addition to a good journaling practice of course.

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