Ayham

Building the Ultimate Infrastructure

46 posts in this topic

woke up a bit late, great day overall though.

Life purpose

well, didnt do that, i have like a couple of videos to finish, i will finish them then sit and think about how to start implementing.

Diet

clean.

Reading

read a lot today.

Meditation

only 20 minutes, it was a normal session, i am thinking of switching to kriya, though i think it is hard to get started on.

also I am sick of these doubts im having ever since day 1 of meditation about whether am i meditating right.

Gym

did great today, very great.

Programming

super great, i currently do 2 hours of programming, 1 hour of freecodecamp training, the second one varies, currently it is reading a programming book, then i will watch cs50 in that hour, then yeah two more books.

 

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woke up late, i don't do much on Fridays tho.

also i am thinking of having a private journal instead, and updating this one on  a weekly basis, because i don't have a problem with commitment, and in a private journal i can write personal stuff and get it out, so it would be more about getting things out, and i would have this one as weekly review, great!

i will do that, tomorrow last day updating this daily, also means i will open forum only once a week.

i would also set intentions for the next week here.

Life Purpose

still havent finished it.

Diet

i ate baked goods (wheat) and drank quarter soda bottle, i went with my mother and sister to a relatives house and they offered, it wouldve been rude to say no.

Reading

great.

Meditation

33 minutes because my mom thought it would be funny to try to make me laugh in my session (it was lol)

and i will start reading about kriya until i have enough knowledge to do it, will try it for some time then decide whether to do it or meditation

 

 

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lol woke up even later. this is a worrying trend.

so today is the last day updating daily here, here is how it will look like from now on:

each Saturday I set intentions for the next week and do a weekly review.

of course i would have a private journal on my commonplace book where i will get my private emotions and thoughts out

my intentions for this week

  • Complete LP course
  • have enough knowledge about Kriya yoga to see if i want to try it the week after this one
  • Complete my physics self study course, start chemistry. next week.
  • complete programming book (code: hidden language) and start CS50

Life Purpose

STILL PROCRASTINATING THE LAST COUPLE EPISODES.

Diet

i think ive been off wheat for a long time now, i never felt a positive effect, i will continue like this tho because why not.

Reading

Ayy. finally got Meditations and Mastery.

and im still reading the big leap, about half way done, had lots of insights from it today.

Meditation

my session itself was normal, 28 minutes, higher concentration.

but when i was at the barber i started doing noting and labeling then had a huge awareness leap, i became fascinated with everything, i also got an insight on how i can optimize the technique.

Programming

AMAZING, i got a grasp on HTML in freecodecamp and i am continuing with CSS, and also reading: "Code: Hidden language"

Physics

ehh, its kinda a chore but i am doing it to understand science more and to get used to studying to do in school.

 

and goodbye daily journal :D

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I have returned :ph34r:

well,let me just say something, you know how i was supposed to replace this journal with a  private journal, i actually forgot to do that and just remembered LOL.

so lets see the goals i had

Complete LP course : Done

have enough knowledge about Kriya yoga to see if i want to try it the week after this one: I did that, sort of, and i decided to focus my energies on meditation.

Complete my physics self study course, start chemistry. next week: Fail

complete programming book (code: hidden language) and start CS50: realized this was unrealistic goal, also this book is pretty useless, so will start cs50 tomorrow.

so overall ok week, i struggled mostly with waking up late but found a briliant solution, i dont even wake up groggy anymore.

the second thing is that since some days i woke up late, which made me super groggy, my meditation became super ineffective and very short sessions.

 

Here are my goals this week:

  • Discipline: build a streak for when i study physics and programming, i will break the chain if i miss a session.
  • Meditation: also build a streak for reaching the WHOLE 35 minutes, no more canceling timer before it rings.
  • General: stop making this so grindy! i remember in the beginning i used to enjoy this stuff so much, i still do but i have made it a grind.
  • Life purpose: the course is done, i will watch the documentaries recommended though this week.

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On 6/11/2022 at 6:48 PM, Gesundheit2 said:

The only time wasted in life is the time we waste on negative thoughts.

Man I kind of felt a little wave of sadness while reading this. I keep having negative thoughts but it feels uncontrollable.

It's like there is a beast in my mind that constantly wants to be fed with anxiety. When there is nothing to be anxious about, it will be anxious about not having anything to be anxious about.

Sounds crazy and irrational right? I know... but it feels so uncontrollable. I want it to leave me alone and just let me live my life.

@Gesundheit2 How do you stop having negative thoughts?


Don't wait for things to get better. Take proactive action.

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sorry for completely stopping posting here, i started doing Journaling privately, worked much better. 

and i wanted to do weekly reviews here, but i went to my home city where me father lives, stayed there for a week, found out he is married, we argued a lot, he kicked me out of the house, he beat me in front of my grandparents, THEN I GOT ANGRY AND SLAPPED HIM, hitting your parents is one of the most taboo things here. 

so yeah lots of stuff happened, i did not want to have trauma happen to me, so i did a lot of feeling into the emotions and taking responsibility, but i am still not completely over it, and i don't know how to deal with social things much. 

but anyway i think all this resulted in ego backlash/burnout, i am starting to recover. 

i have not cut the activities i do tho, expect when i was at my father's place which was for about a week. 

i don't know, maybe i might return to weekly reviews, if not, then this might be goodbye. 

 

but i promise everyone who reads this, even though i don't think anyone reads this journal, but i promise that i won't give up on all the self improvement and spiritual activities, and that i will live my life purpose. 

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