How to stay confident when you are competing with more attractive guys

[hyruga]

4 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@hyruga Yes i have my strenghts for sure. But my strenghts are not related to me getting laid. Deep thinking, good understanding of reality for my age (im like 23), not being ideological or dogmatic, decent emotional mastery and high integrity and honesty (again for my age please dont compare me to gurus haha). These things are nice and shit but they do not get you laid ;( 

You are already ahead of most people in your age group. Just believe in yourself. You can also continue to do inner work to further improve. 

Haha why would you want to get laid so much? victory is pretty hollow and you ended up having to abandon the girls or she abandon you in the end.

If you want to get laid, just follow those dating coaches who focuses on that.

 

Edited December 30, 2021 by hyruga

[zazen]

6 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@hyruga Yes i have my strenghts for sure. But my strenghts are not related to me getting laid. Deep thinking, good understanding of reality for my age (im like 23), not being ideological or dogmatic, decent emotional mastery and high integrity and honesty (again for my age please dont compare me to gurus haha). These things are nice and shit but they do not get you laid ;( 

You have strengths of a higher order and quality. Not to say strength of body/looks is bad but its more superficial, animalistic and was the first step in our evolution of attraction/survival. When dealing in romance and aspects of biology it is a lower consciousness realm and you can play it at that level. Women have evolved to be attracted to more than just looks in a partner, such as emotional control, stability financially, or life wise. Biologically they are hardwired towards being aroused by the alpha, so the body will respond to alpha looks and behaviours, we evolved for the longest time under harsh conditions where brawn trumped brain for survival and so women evolved attraction for brawn and raw strength.

Over time and for a shorter part of our evolution we got bigger brains, allowing for more consciousness/intelligence to seep in,and to be able to think of longer term security, build tools etc so women could use their intelligence in selecting a mate. For example, she may have been aroused by the alpha with muscles and got his resources through aggression, but using intelligence and now in a more evolved society where being a jerk gets you imprisoned its the smarter guy who has social savvy and gets along with people who is better able to survive and she consciously/intelligently decides he's the better mate for long term survival.  She will logically/intelligently be attracted to that mate, but can still be emotionally/physically aroused to the jerk bum with nothing. The body gets instinctually aroused, the mind gets intelligently attracted. 

 

A woman of higher quality will recognise higher quality in a guy who has developed himself and be intelligently attracted to higher quality, which can lead to her body being aroused also, but the body and our natural instincts pull on us is still stronger as we evolved for a much longer period of time in the wild where physicality / brawn is prized for survival. Women who haven't developed themselves or have lower self esteem may even not want to be with a higher quality guy as it makes them feel bad about themselves, or they don't even appreciate your qualities or are aware of what higher quality is. This can be particularly true if you just go to clubs etc. I may be wrong but Leo's advice can have a bias towards attracting these kind of women as his experience is only of Vegas party girls. Lower/higher quality isn't a moral judgement however, it just is what it is. 

 

The arousal of the body is raw/savage, instinctive, amoral, towards reproduction, without care for the survival of whats being reproduced. The attraction of the mind is refined/romantic, intelligent, moral selecting for what ensures the survival of the offspring being reproduced. The mating game is the interplay of the two, our instinctive animal nature from where we came and the intelligent human being we'r evolved into and evolving into.  The appeal of romance and romantic gestures (marriage, rescuing, flowers, commitment rings etc) is it signals our commitment to that woman's long term survival.

 

Use your development to play on all levels of life. When we develop ourselves we find it hard to relate with others playing at lower levels but part of being developed is to play the role of the below levels and integrate them,not to stay in the clouds but come back down to earth, play in the mud enjoy the roses too.

For example having mental/emotional mastery, use that to let go of the logical mind and be loose and fun with girls and don't get into a mindset that its lower consciousness that your acting silly and saying certain things. Your higher conscious but playing the role of man interacting sexually with a woman, your a spirit playing as a human. One side of life is to honour our incarnation and play it impeccably. We just do it with awareness that there's more to life.  

Edited December 30, 2021 by zazen

[Karmadhi]

@zazen

6 hours ago, zazen said:

You have strengths of a higher order and quality. Not to say strength of body/looks is bad but its more superficial, animalistic and was the first step in our evolution of attraction/survival

Thank you. I am really fit because i work out regularly but short hehe. I look muscular though at least.

6 hours ago, zazen said:

I may be wrong but Leo's advice can have a bias towards attracting these kind of women as his experience is only of Vegas party girls

I kinda agree with you here. To be honest i have noticed that the girls i have enjoyed the most talking to do not really go to clubs much. Sure they go couple times a year but that's it. So if you go to clubs a lot you can definetly find such girls but you need massive volume. Usually girls that club regularly even if hot i do not vibe with at all. I am an introvert so i enjoy more chilled introverted girls and club regularls are usually not like that.

6 hours ago, zazen said:

Use your development to play on all levels of life

I am doing that. I wrote above a list of things i do to improve.

6 hours ago, zazen said:

For example having mental/emotional mastery, use that to let go of the logical mind and be loose and fun with girls and don't get into a mindset that its lower consciousness that your acting silly and saying certain things. Your higher conscious but playing the role of man interacting sexually with a woman, your a spirit playing as a human.

I am trying to and made big progress with being less logical and more playful/funny. Still a bit to go.

11 hours ago, hyruga said:

You are already ahead of most people in your age group. Just believe in yourself. You can also continue to do inner work to further improve. 

Thank you.

11 hours ago, hyruga said:

Haha why would you want to get laid so much?

It is a part of life i have yet to experience, the whole dating/relationship thingy.

 

[Jacob Morres]

Also I just realized that mindfulness is a great tool you can use. When you are mindful and in the moment, such thoughts just get observed in the present moment rather than identified with (therefore reducing the suffering that it causes from them) 

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/SeeHearFeelIntroduction_ver1.8.pdf

I'm using shinzen young's technique for the time being 

[Ulax]

@Jacob Morres Nice. We love a bit of shinzen game lmao

[Jacob Morres]

@Ulax xDDD  you know it 

[hyruga]

The question is 'How to stay confident ...'

Keyword being stay. 

So since you were already confident in the beginning, you just need to remain in the same state as before to stay confident!