Transforming who you are in order to attract

[Illusory Self]

I feel like I have to completely reinvent myself & transform how I interact with the opposite sex in order to gain attraction. It seems to feel unauthentic/fake because I do not really enjoy socialising/talking to people. That's just not who I am. However I do get bothered by the lack of dating life I have.

I feel like am presenting this idea of who someone else wants me to be in order for me to attract them, does that not just trap you in mind games? Or... once this new identity emerges will it be effortless & second nature, like driving a car? I feel like this process of attraction is effectively killing your identity for a new identity to emerge.

I feel like doing nightgame feels very unconscious, I will likely not meet anyone who has similiar interests either. It is a good way to socialize though, I just don't really enjoy talking to the kinds of people at clubs that much. Feels very ego dominated.

My mind seems to be bending in a lot of different directions when it comes to attracting women. A part of me does feel like I have to 'fake it' in order to attract women.

Wondered what peoples thoughts are about this?

 

[Leo Gura]

Welcome to survival

[something_else]

16 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

I feel like doing nightgame feels very unconscious, I will likely not meet anyone who has similiar interests either. It is a good way to socialize though, I just don't really enjoy talking to the kinds of people at clubs that much. Feels very ego dominated.

Careful, this can be your own form of ego. People who don't socialise that much tend to build up this idea that all the normal people who socialise are beneath them

Source: Did this for many years and know several others who did it too

The people at clubs are not any different from the people in everyday life, really. It's the context that's different

[mememe]

55 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Welcome to survival

unfortunately the darwin award is kind of a brand and never goes to survivors - but maybe they are open for other subcategories.

sth like the darwin award in the category mating goes to… or the darwin award in the category species goes to… or the darwin award in the category selfishness goes to… there are other options like some of the main concepts of (your) leos content like self bias, ignorance and so on, which would also make good award titles, like the self-bias award or the ignorance award and so on.

ofc there is a colour concept for selfactualization in sense of selfactualizing into a person others would like vs a person oneself would like. the synthesis is probably if self actualizing into a person oneself can’t stand anymore, its def also not for others.

Edited December 1, 2021 by mememe

[Jacob Morres]

I have the same question actually.

 

Edited December 2, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[mememe]

could you just ask yourself for whom it is more important to live with a better version of yourself? for yourself or for your friend/partner/family? the answer you get out of this shows you your neglected shadow aspects. if not able to see the use in being more sociable, the pointers are def inverted.

Edited December 2, 2021 by mememe