Existential Crisis With Vipassana Meditation - Anything I Might Have Missed?

[Jan Odvarko]

The more I observe the ever-changing nature of things using Vipassana meditation, the more my thoughts are oriented along these lines:

Yesterday's "now" is today's memory.
Today's "now" is tomorrow's memory.

As a result, time is rushing so fast for me, and I can't seem to find any joy or fulfillment in life.
The thought that everything ultimately leads to death takes away all the joy.
Often I think to myself "In a sense, I'm dead already."

Well, even if all of that is true, it doesn't make me any happier to be conscious about it. It makes me very depressed. Is there any milestone on the path that I might have missed? I'm quite desperate and don't know where to go from here.

Can anyone identify with this? Are there perhaps any books to help me find joy after this realization?

Thank you.

Edited December 23, 2016 by Jan Odvarko

[Prabhaker]

24 minutes ago, Jan Odvarko said:

The thought that everything ultimately leads to death takes away all the joy.

Everybody is afraid of death for the simple reason that we have not tasted of life yet. The man who knows what life is, is never afraid of death; he welcomes death. Whenever death comes he hugs death, he embraces death, he welcomes death, he receives death as a guest. To the man who has not known what life is, death is an enemy; and to the man who knows what life is, death is the ultimate crescendo of life.

Death becomes the ultimate celebration if your life is a celebration. Let me tell you in this way: whatsoever your life is, death reveals only that. If you have been miserable in life, death reveals misery. Death is a great revealer. If you have been happy in your life, death reveals happiness. If you have lived only a life of physical comfort and physical pleasure, then of course death is going to be very uncomfortable and unpleasant because the body has to be left.

[LetTheNewDayBegin]

10 hours ago, Jan Odvarko said:

The more I observe the ever-changing nature of things using Vipassana meditation, the more my thoughts are oriented along these lines:

Yesterday's "now" is today's memory.
Today's "now" is tomorrow's memory.

As a result, time is rushing so fast for me, and I can't seem to find any joy or fulfillment in life.

You've acquired some knowledge, but it hasn't yet become wisdom.

Have a look around this forum, I'm sure you'll find that missing insight.

Here are some from me:

* Stop trying to find happiness, embody the happiness.

* Don't take concept of time too seriously. Life is always now and will always be now (it won't run away from you).

* Think only when you need to think. Excessive thinking takes its source in attachment to something. Let things go.

 

Edited December 23, 2016 by LetTheNewDayBegin

[Leo Gura]

You're failing to apply Vipassana to your thought process, and so are getting lost in metaphysical monkey-mind.

After a bit of Vipassana your monkey-mind has moved up a notch from mundane monkey-mind to metaphysical monkey-mind. This is progress, but you still got a long way to go.

A little insight is a dangerous thing

Also, it's natural and good to contemplate your own death (as long as you aren't becoming suicidal). If you're like most people, you've avoided it for too long. And now all the sudden the dam has broken open. That's fine. Go through that process of hashing it out. You'll come out much stronger afterward.

There can be no peace without contemplating death.

The "depression" is just the ego's death-throes. Observe it with mindfulness and equanimity as best you can. And have compassion for yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and love.

[Aware]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

There can be no peace without contemplating death.

This is absolutely crucial@Jan Odvarko !

 

The psyche becomes strong by contemplating it by meditation, it reveals where we spend time and focus on and where not, what is useful to focus on and what not. Wise and intelligent people often think of their own deaths. (All things are temporary in nature).

Edited December 23, 2016 by Motus

[Esoteric]

18 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You're failing to apply Vipassana to your thought process, and so are getting lost in metaphysical monkey-mind.

After a bit of Vipassana your monkey-mind has moved up a notch from mundane monkey-mind to metaphysical monkey-mind. This is progress, but you still got a long way to go.

A little insight is a dangerous thing

Also, it's natural and good to contemplate your own death (as long as you aren't becoming suicidal). If you're like most people, you've avoided it for too long. And now all the sudden the dam has broken open. That's fine. Go through that process of hashing it out. You'll come out much stronger afterward.

There can be no peace without contemplating death.

The "depression" is just the ego's death-throes. Observe it with mindfulness and equanimity as best you can. And have compassion for yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and love.

@Leo Gura Just out of curiosity what is your opinion on Goenka style Vipassana? I am going through a bit of confusion at the moment where I really resonate with the body sweeping technique after a Goenka retreat, still love the "Do Nothing" technique and I have also read through Shinzen's Vipassana system which is also really appealing to me. I have also read that the noting style is a better method for passing stream entry enlightenment, that sweeping can be a bit clunky for that. If you have time to share some opinion on that I'd really appreciate it.  

[Emerald]

On 12/23/2016 at 4:09 AM, Jan Odvarko said:

The more I observe the ever-changing nature of things using Vipassana meditation, the more my thoughts are oriented along these lines:

Yesterday's "now" is today's memory.
Today's "now" is tomorrow's memory.

As a result, time is rushing so fast for me, and I can't seem to find any joy or fulfillment in life.
The thought that everything ultimately leads to death takes away all the joy.
Often I think to myself "In a sense, I'm dead already."

Well, even if all of that is true, it doesn't make me any happier to be conscious about it. It makes me very depressed. Is there any milestone on the path that I might have missed? I'm quite desperate and don't know where to go from here.

Can anyone identify with this? Are there perhaps any books to help me find joy after this realization?

Thank you.

I hope this is helpful to you. I've dealt with existential crises before, and these are my observations and reflections on the phenomenon.

[Jan Odvarko]

11 hours ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

I hope this is helpful to you. I've dealt with existential crises before, and these are my observations and reflections on the phenomenon.

Thanks Emerald, there's a lot of valuable information in your video.

[Leo Gura]

On 12/24/2016 at 6:42 AM, Esoteric said:

@Leo Gura Just out of curiosity what is your opinion on Goenka style Vipassana? I am going through a bit of confusion at the moment where I really resonate with the body sweeping technique after a Goenka retreat, still love the "Do Nothing" technique and I have also read through Shinzen's Vipassana system which is also really appealing to me. I have also read that the noting style is a better method for passing stream entry enlightenment, that sweeping can be a bit clunky for that. If you have time to share some opinion on that I'd really appreciate it.  

Seems to work well for many people.

I've personally never done a Goenka-style retreat.