To do before awakening

[J J]

Hello, everyone.

In a nuthsell, I just can't completely let go: I refuse to die. This has happened quite a few times, in meditation sessions, which just manifests as a slight fear sensation, but specially during 5-meo-DMT trips. All 5 trips I have made in my life, adjusting my dosis from mild to moderate, never to a high one, have shown me how terrified I am of letting EVERYTHING go. I just am not ready.

I have recently become a parent, I am deeply in love with my wife, bought my dream house, made an important career change and my life is doing great, honestly, plus I have two big projects in mind to work on in mid- and long-term, involving business and specially my family, of course.

I have been pursuing enlightement, but I am just not ready. I have tried to convince myself otherwise, but the results have been disastrous, because as I can now see, there are many thing I want to experience, go through and achieve in life. 

This brings two questions, and I'd appreciate all of your invaluable opinions, specially yours, @Leo Gura:

I have discovered the path I want to follow for the next 10-20 years. I'm 25 now. What aspects should I keep on self-developing in order to keep improving? 

And what would you say is the most important thing to teach my children, so that they can also be in the path of self-development?

For the record, I am now going to deeply study the episodes "How to raise a rockstar kids" and the "Advice to young people" series, so maybe my answers are already there. 

Thanks in advance, love to y'all.

[BipolarGrowth]

When you let go, it’s never really lost. It might help in a lot of those endeavors you mentioned to pursue spirituality as long as you don’t go too hardcore. Being able to let go can be a huge source of freedom which allows for more authenticity and less attachment/suffering. 

[Chives99]

You have a nice life , why trade reality for nothing. 

[Moksha]

Instead of pursuing enlightenment, which is a grace rather than an achievement, learn to be present. It is the greatest gift you can give to yourself, and to your family. Children are a litmus test for your capacity to remain present 

[JuliusCaesar]

12 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

When you let go, it’s never really lost. It might help in a lot of those endeavors you mentioned to pursue spirituality as long as you don’t go too hardcore. Being able to let go can be a huge source of freedom which allows for more authenticity and less attachment/suffering. 

This is similar to what I was thinking.

 

@J J Keep in mind that if you lose your ego "everything" you have as a mortal. You'll gain absolutely Everything(that which you have plus everything you don't have). So the stakes here are infinitely high, if you succumb to fear you'll be depriving yourself of the greatest possibility. Think of it like this, if you were offered a dollar or a trillion, which would you take? If you say the trillion, then you'd probably have to answer the question of taking infinity vs the finite with the choice of infinity.

 

Another thing you should consider, is that when you're doing 5MEO, you almost certainly will come back to your mundane ordinary life afterward. So the transitory nature of the experience should comfort you as you know you're not going to truly lose your old life in any permanent sense(or temporary sense either, as you gain the absolute while in the trip).

 

20 minutes ago, Chives99 said:

You have a nice life , why trade reality for nothing. 

Reality is nothing. That isn't the question relevant here, the actual issue is infinite reality vs finite reality. Infinite love vs finite love, infinite truth vs finite truth etc etc.