Parents just got divorced. How do I help?

[fopylo]

My parents just announced to me and my brother that they are getting divorced. This was quite sad and brother took it harder. I wasn't that surprised to be honest. My parents are really not great and neurotic each one in his own way. I could kinda predict this was coming. My relationship with my parents is very not great, but I can also see how they are falling into a suffering loop they are creating for themselves, and even though I don't like being with them, the only thing I wish for them is that they will understand some of the exclusive wisdom I've gained about spirituality/suffering/self-help...
What can I do to help them?
My mother gets very angry and annoyed at the world all the time, eats junk, she doesn't get much attention in the small family because she is annoying.
My father seems hopeless, anxious, low confidence that he is trying to hide, criticizing sometimes.

I am not interested in spending time with them, as I'm also in camp. How do I somehow help them start their journey towards self-liberation. They are probably living in some hell that is quite in the background without them even realizing 

[LSD-Rumi]

@fopylo Many times divorce is the right answer. Many people spend tens of years in unhappy relationships trying to avoid divorce when they should had it years ago. Anyways, trying to change and guide people usually ends in failure but there are some steps you can do to have a better effect on people:

1. You say you want to help them but you don't want to spend time with them. This doesn't work in real life. If you want to have an impact on someone you must spend a decent time with them. So choose either to ignore them which is totally fine or help them by spending time with them. If you don't have the time for them, then advise them to see a therapist
2. Strengthen your relationship with your parents. Be gentle and extra empathic with them. People will be keener to listen to your advice  if they sense that you do love and care for them
3. Try  pointing out gently what's wrong in their life and how life could be much better if they worked on improving themselves
4.  Be an extraordinary person. When people see how good your life is, they will be more than happy  to listen to you
5. You have to be extra patient and forgiving. People don't change easily. 
6. Don't be judgmental. It is a major turn off for people if you showed any kind of judgment towards them 
7. Talk about your experience with Self-help and how it helped you point out wrong things in your life.
8. Show them some examples of people who successfully changed and improved their lives and how they can too.
9. Buy them some decent self-help books and introduce them to some good yt channels
10. Try to love and accept them whether they change or not, the human psyche is not made for change after all.

 

Edited October 20, 2021 by LSD-Rumi

[fopylo]

@LSD-Rumi Thank you very much

[mandyjw]

Sorry to hear. Look at what you wrote again. Since we believe we came from our parents, they really are fantastic mirrors of ourselves. We are the next generation, we want to see through and heal and deal with the shit they dealt us, taking the best parts, leaving the rest. But as long as we judge, them and try to separate ourselves from it, we HOLD ON to all that crap. That's the funny thing about suffering loops, they start and end with you. 

You even said, I don't want to spend time with them. You want this to be a healing opportunity FOR YOU. And that's exactly as it should be. This is the end of something, and it's ok to morn that, and the birth of something beautiful. For them, no who knows, maybe they fuck things up worse, or get back together more in love than ever, who knows, but for YOU. For you it's the birth of something beautiful. Isn't that what parents are for, fundamentally? Congrats, it's a boy!  

The selfish little shit you are is NOT SELFISH ENOUGH. CARE ABOUT YOURSELF MORE. 

[Nahm]

@fopylo

Don’t be sad for them, that’s too into their business. And one can not suffer enough to ease another’s suffering. Slippery slope. You got your own business at hand, keep digesting & allowing things to sink in, stay on you path. The timing’s going to be great, perfect. What they’ll need most is just a reference, an example. Much more than words. And divorce is just the end of the set up. They’ll see. 

[hyruga]

Just tell them you will always be there for them. And they can text or call you anytime if they need someone to talk to.