Insights from dealing with a mentally ill family member

[Preety_India]

My personal  insights from dealing with someone who is mentally ill in my life. And what I learned. Sharing it with you. 

 

How to deal with someone who is mentally ill in your family 

Certain points to keep in mind 

 

• You can always try your best to show compassion and help the person improve their symptoms 
• If you tried your best and nothing worked, then it's not your obligation or responsibility to help the mentally ill person. Do not engage in Self blame. Let go. Learn when to let go. If a person doesn't put the necessary effort to change you're simply wasting your time. They might never change. Learn to accept this. 
• Understand that caring for your own needs does not make you selfish. It is something you deserve absolutely and something that you deserve even more when you are dealing with someone who is mentally ill. 
• Do not demonize mentally ill people. Yet it's important to understand that the caregiver family member who is taking care of the mentally ill member is literally going through a nightmare. Most people don't even think about them. The stress of dealing with a mentally ill person can cause a serious danger to one's physical and mental and emotional health. 

• It's important to raise awareness in society about sympathizing with those who dealing with a mentally ill family member. Lot of people don't grasp the challenges of being a caregiver to a mentally ill person 
• You will need more energy and stamina than average person because your challenges are really severe. To successfully deal with a mentally ill person, you need tons of emotional maturity, control, patience, resilience, strength, stamina stability, and lot of grit to survive under pressure and a huge amount of Positivity. 
• They can transfer their state on to you. So if they're stressed they can get you stressed. It's like a ripple effect. Be consciously aware of this. Block this transfer by constantly resisting their transfer to you. 
• Them Being mentally ill does not give them the leverage or license to commit a crime against you. They are still accountable. If they do things that are of a criminal nature, seek help and don't tolerate it. Don't blame yourself. Approach authorities if your life is at risk. And do not be lenient or too trusting or do not give them the benefit of mental illness as an excuse. Remember that mental illness should not be a license or entitlement to do wrong things and get away with it. They are just as accountable as any regular person. Mental illness is no excuse whatsoever for wrong things. 
• Move out of the house/family if you have this option. 
• Cut the cord. If you are having a distant relative who is mentally ill, the impact is not huge. But if you have a spouse, a sibling, a child and most importantly a mother with such a problem, the effect is going to be intense because you're biologically by birth and psychologically connected to this person. As a result they can have a huge influence on you because of this invisible cord they share with you. Cut it. Consciously Detach from them so as to minimize their impact on you. Mentally cut this bond. 
• Sometimes mentally ill persons in your family can blackmail you emotionally and guilt you to stay with them. Do not fall for such manipulation. If you feel they are harming you, you are completely entitled and deserving of putting your needs first and not sacrificing your life for them. Do not think that you are selfish if you are not willing to put up with their behavior anymore or take the harm they are doing to you. You are not being selfish by taking better care of yourself especially when you need it so bad. You don't deserve to suffer the consequences of their mental illness simply because they are your family member. You have no such obligation to tolerate the suffering they are inflicting on you. 
•  When you are with a mentally ill person, it can take a toll on your self worth. Learn to love yourself because it's absolutely necessary you do it in order to protect your self worth 
• When someone is mentally ill, they are literally like a ball of negative energy or a time bomb. This is not to demonize people who are mentally ill. This is only to understand how it feels like to be around a mentally ill person. 
• . It's important to have a careful tradeoff between having compassion for them and not sacrificing your health or life for them. Of course you can have compassion, yet when it reaches a point where you feel like you are sacrificing too much or your compassion is coming at a huge personal cost, it's important to create a tradeoff and show compassion only to the extent where it's beneficial to both of you. 
• Do not ruminate over the question why you are suffering so much, accept things as they are and let go. Don't go into a self pity mode. 
•  Do not let them gaslight you 
• Have compassion and mercy for them but do not lose compassion for yourself. Respect yourself just as mich. 
• Learn to say No when their mentally ill behavior is going out of control and hurting you. Especially when their behavior is infringing on your personal boundaries. 
• Consider therapy. As much as they need therapy for their chaotic psychosis, you need therapy as a caregiver to be able to deal with their negativity and their constant attacks and consequences of their behavior. Therapy will help you to stay calm under the pressure they constantly create for you. 
• Do not be too emotionally invested in them especially if they are not putting any effort or not showing any willingness to change their destructive ways. And taking good care of your emotional heath is no crime, in fact you as a caregiver deserve it much more as you are the one who is going to suffer the madness of a mentally ill person 
• You are not less Empathetic if you consciously decided that you don't want to deal with their nonsense. Just because they are your family members, they don't have the right to snatch your life and peace from you. Learn to put your foot down firmly when something crosses the line. Never let boundaries be broken and mental illness should never be used as an excuse by the other person to break your boundaries. You are entitled to keep your boundaries. 
• Don't give up. One day things will be better if you keep being positive 

 

 

Edited September 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[itachi uchiha]

27,000 posts already

Damn u r an actualized.org celebrity

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, itachi uchiha said:

27,000 posts already

Damn u r an actualized.org celebrity

Please don't make this personal and stay on topic. I don't like being discussed in a very personal way when the thread is discussing a serious topic. 

Don't make it about me. 

Thanks 

Edited September 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[Yeah Yeah]

It does become tricky dealing with someone who's not completely present and not properly playing the social game everyone else expects to be played, or at least not even putting in enough effort to correctly socialize like everyone else and contribute to the overall family and community they're a part of.

Taking care of oneself is important, I personally put waaaay too much on the line for someone who played mind games and would steal belongings out strangers cars, become gay for drug money, and cut himself always creating spiritual rituals to become possessed by the evilist spirit available, I can't remember its name, but he'd cut himself and all sorts of things, even creating distance was hard, he'd ask me to dig up graves to find cartel money because he became fasinated with the drug shows on Netflix and tried to persuade me there were treausres hidden in people's graves, and I'[d say no but he'd persists and that'd piss me off, somehow he'd sneak into my house and bang on my bedroom door high and asking me to go out and buy him more drugs, haha, anyways, this is interesting, probably a lot harder if interms of it being a close and beloved family member, he'd start punch ups with his dad and draw schitzoid symbols all over his bedroom walls,

Great kid from the start, too, lives in an amazing house, great family, was employed and interested in studying, I worked with his older brother, us three always went to cinemas and all sorts of friendly events around the location, but yeah,

Interesting insight here, does have a peculiar effect on those associated with the person going through a challenging time of sorts, yeah,

But then again, I question, too, if they're right from their point of view,

Edited September 25, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Preety_India]

@Yeah Yeah I agree with you. Setting boundaries and not let them get away is a huge positive step to self protection 

 

[Yeah Yeah]

@Preety_India ?

[Guest EmptyVase]

@Preety_India

It's so important to keep the balance between caring for yourself 'vs.' caring for mentally ill folks. Drawing boundaries for personal space, though, that might expand.

That's also connected to questions around responsibility. An inquiry into personal and collective responsibility is also very worthwhile. It also raises the question about the role of balance, and how balancing out different perspectives against each other is crucial.

As little resistance as possible, and as much openness as possible. That helps tremendously to navigate through life's chaos. Also shows how there's harmony in the seeming chaos. How tf does life do that?

?

[Preety_India]

@EmptyVase that's a good point. 

[BlackMaze]

Wow this was amazing. As i had the experience of this for many years i can say that you nailed it. It's a tough situation that people without such an experience simply can't grasp. 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, BlackMaze said:

Wow this was amazing. As i had the experience of this for many years i can say that you nailed it. It's a tough situation that people without such an experience simply can't grasp. 

Yes it's difficult to share it with people who never had the misfortune to deal with such circumstances. They almost never get it 

But those who have been there know what it means to go through it