Preety_India

Blackrose

33 posts in this topic

I always knew somehow that Blackrose wanted me. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know how I fell in love with blackrose but fall in love i did. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have felt vulnerable almost all my life. It's tough to not feel that way. 

Now that there's a masculine presence in my life, I feel even more vulnerable. 

Vulnerability is what defines a major part of my personality. 

I have felt weak, soft, fragile and mysterious.. 

 

Does this mean I'm a sociopath? 

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why would it mean you're a sociopath? 


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

Why would it mean you're a sociopath? 

Because sociopaths sometimes put on a show. 

I'm not sure if my Vulnerability is real or if it is some form of sociopathy. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I gave into a man whose name is Blackrose. 

I sometimes feel like I don't deserve so much love that I get from him. 

But I love him deeply. 

I'm forever grateful to him. Because at a time when my life was falling apart, he was a ray of light in a dark dark room, he showed what true love looks like, his honesty struck me as odd, because I had never known honesty, there was a pure soul in love with me, and I thought how could I even love this creature. How was it possible that I was shown love? Beautiful pure love. After so many ups and downs, I doubted the possibility of me being shown true pure love, it felt impossible. Where was I ? I had known only betrayal, poverty,loss,failure. 

I was so afraid that something would jeopardize it. 

I felt he was so much better than I could ever be. 

When I die, I want to remember how much he loves me, he was like a bird that came to rescue me from darkness.

His face is burned in my brain forever. I think of him every time I wake up in the morning, it feels like I'm smelling fresh flowers, his essence binds me  I feel for a minute he is right there and im basking in his glory and his innocent smile, and then I ask myself how much of me is really worthy of this. He will love me forever. Will I ever be able to repay him? 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

What will I do without him? 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
25 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Because sociopaths sometimes put on a show. 

I'm not sure if my Vulnerability is real or if it is some form of sociopathy. 

 

You are definitely not  a sociopath, Preety, let me just state that categorically. Sociopaths can't feel empathy, guilt, or remorse, and that doesn't apply to you.


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll be trying to process my Vulnerability here.. 

It will be a long process. 

Till then I want to maintain a low profile. I just want to be low key for the long haul. 

This will be tough for me because my inner core is extremely fragile and opening up about it has always been my toughest challenge. 

This delicateness inside of me has to be handled with gentleness.. Or it might suffer a sudden shock. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is it possible that I might always have been putting on a very tough external front in order to fiercely protect something gentle inside. 

I've noticed that my defenses have gone down significantly since he came into my life. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Preety_India

I bet this man will eventually lower all of your defenses.

So you can be fully vulnerable and maybe you’ll be even able to open up to him, while you are losing yourself in his eyes.

I agree.

This is a long process.

But you will feel better and better over time.

I can promise to you that you will feel whole and happy again. 

You now have an undying blackrose.

It always shows you it’s True colors, think about it and hold on to it whenever you need to. 

Talk to it and it will answer and listen with endless wisdom and compassion, always, forever.
 


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blackrose is so intelligent and funny. 

When he laughs, he makes me laugh. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can have long awkward silences and Blackrose doesn’t mind. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 Because at a time when my life was falling apart, he was a ray of light in a dark dark room, he showed what true love looks like, his honesty struck me as odd, because I had never known honesty, there was a pure soul in love with me, and I thought how could I even love this creature.

You are also honest. I admire your bravery in opening up and even envy a little :) . Taking into account all the cultural restrictions, whith which you grew up, and your vulnerability, your are very brave.  Though it´s partly a show, but only partly.  It reminds me on someone else :)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blackrose. 

Just thinking about Blackrose right now. 

And this. 

 

5ll2e8.gif

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This totally reminds me of him. 

 

5ll2t2.jpg

 

I love you Blackrose. 

:x


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm going to receive a dum dum goth dress as a gift. 

 

That's awesome. 

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now