Me and my boyfriend.

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

What time is it where you are right now?

Its almost 2 am for me.

[Preety_India]

You can Google time in India. 

I do the same. I always Google time in Germany. 

 

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

Ahh ok will do. It says its 5:45 am.

Here, I translated the song for you i posted earlier. I listen to it sometimes to remind myself that success is not everything.

The song is called "einsam an der spitze" meaning "Its lonely at the top".

Part 1:

Oh, Forget about fame and money, forget about hype and clicks
I am trying to change myself, but it does not change anything.
And all the children out there are listening to everyone of my sentences
They say, i´d be the best, but i feel like the worst
My family is safe, the plan has worked
And I'm racing with 300 on the highway
Everybody asks for selfies or autographs
But it feels like i am stuck in my dream
And maybe i just get into my car and just drive away
I wont stop, but i will keep my word
Fuck the record sales, fuck gucci, fuck micheal kors
and fuck the number-one-awards

Bridge:

Rolex-watches and millions, it does not matter what crap i own
Completely irrelevant, if i sit in a ford or in a daimler
I never thought that i would miss the old times
Because its lonely at the top

Refrain:

Brother, please tell me, when i am going to be free again?
And i am getting sucked in deeper and deeper
They say, that they know all of my songs
But I don't recognize myself anymore

Brother, please tell me, when i am going to be free again?
And i am getting sucked in deeper and deeper
They say, that they know all of my songs
But I don't recognize myself anymore

Part 2:

And nobody of you can understand it
I would love to talk about it, but i have no idea with whom
Everything´s ok brother, no problem
Everybody sees me laughing, but nobody sees me cry
You want a house and you want a garden, you want to go platinum
an awesome car, you can have all of it 
I have two sons, they wait at home
You want a place in the sun, i want a place in the shadow
And the watch on my hand costs fifty grand
but still i am not satisfied
Yes, i can buy everything i want for myself
But no humans that love me

Bridge:

Rolex-watches and millions, it does notmatter what crap i own
Completely irrelevant, if i sit in a ford or in a mercedes
I never thought that i would miss the old times
Because its lonely at the top

Refrain:

Brother, please tell me, when i am going to be free again?
And i am getting sucked in deeper and deeper
They say, that they know all of my songs
But I don't recognize myself anymore
Brother, please tell me, when i am going to be free again?
And i am getting sucked in deeper and deeper
They say, that they know all of my songs
But I don't recognize myself anymore
 

[Preety_India]

Can you please change your gender to male on your profile? 

Its making me uncomfortable. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Thank you for doing that. Thank you for easing my worries. 

 

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

Ahh ok will do. It says its 5:45 am.

Here, I translated the song for you i posted earlier. I listen to it sometimes to remind myself that success is not everything.

The song is called "einsam an der spitze" meaning "Its lonely at the top".

Part 1:

Oh, Forget about fame and money, forget about hype and clicks
I am trying to change myself, but it does not change anything.
And all the children out there are listening to everyone of my sentences
They say, i´d be the best, but i feel like the worst
My family is safe, the plan has worked
And I'm racing with 300 on the highway
Everybody asks for selfies or autographs
But it feels like i am stuck in my dream
And maybe i just get into my car and just drive away
I wont stop, but i will keep my word
Fuck the record sales, fuck gucci, fuck micheal kors
and fuck the number-one-awards

Bridge:

Rolex-watches and millions, it does not matter what crap i own
Completely irrelevant, if i sit in a ford or in a daimler
I never thought that i would miss the old times
Because its lonely at the top

Refrain:

Brother, please tell me, when i am going to be free again?
And i am getting sucked in deeper and deeper
They say, that they know all of my songs
But I don't recognize myself anymore

Brother, please tell me, when i am going to be free again?
And i am getting sucked in deeper and deeper
They say, that they know all of my songs
But I don't recognize myself anymore

Part 2:

And nobody of you can understand it
I would love to talk about it, but i have no idea with whom
Everything´s ok brother, no problem
Everybody sees me laughing, but nobody sees me cry
You want a house and you want a garden, you want to go platinum
an awesome car, you can have all of it 
I have two sons, they wait at home
You want a place in the sun, i want a place in the shadow
And the watch on my hand costs fifty grand
but still i am not satisfied
Yes, i can buy everything i want for myself
But no humans that love me

Bridge:

Rolex-watches and millions, it does notmatter what crap i own
Completely irrelevant, if i sit in a ford or in a mercedes
I never thought that i would miss the old times
Because its lonely at the top

Refrain:

Brother, please tell me, when i am going to be free again?
And i am getting sucked in deeper and deeper
They say, that they know all of my songs
But I don't recognize myself anymore
Brother, please tell me, when i am going to be free again?
And i am getting sucked in deeper and deeper
They say, that they know all of my songs
But I don't recognize myself anymore
 

I love these songs you post. They're so articulate. 

Germany makes great songs and great people like you. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel

You're so open minded. You challenge me whenever I ought to be challenged. 

I like how you take interest in things that I'm interested in. 

When I talk about politics, you correct me and tell me your views. I find it fascinating because I learn from you. 

Don't be hesitant or scared to argue with me. I am never offended when you dispute me on the forum. I'm good at debating and I'm very open minded to new opinions and ideas. So I won't be hurt or offended if you argue my views. In fact I feel good that you want to be eager to learn with me. 

I am never afraid of fights or arguments. 

I used to have endless arguments and fights with my ex boyfriends  hahaha, but mostly in good spirit. 

I never fight in a bad spirit. 

If I ever fight in a bad spirit, your ass will be placed in boiling water

I remember my ex saying I'm the most fiery woman he ever met. 

don't worry, I will mostly be very sweet with you, but you can never tell. If I get angry (which I often get ), my violent temper will be managed really well, you are already good at it. You pacify my fire. 

I'm a water sign. You're an earth sign. 

 

Whenever I'm angry, just say "calm down" and I'll instantly calm down. That's how easy it is. That's the code word. 

I'm like a lion during my anger outbursts but usually I'm as cool as a cucumber. I am usually sweet girly shy silent and very affectionate. I am never nosy. I keep to myself and remain mostly peaceful. 

But when I'm angry I can be quite hot tempered and give someone quite a hard time. I am not dominating at all. I don't like being dominant in a relationship. So I'm like a sleepy lion usually. Nothing provokes me usually.

 

When I am angry I show my anger by throwing objects at a wall. 

I have broken many many objects. It's my way of showing anger. 

But I don't yell. Just throwing objects or cutting myself. I become suicidal or self destructive. 

I don't scream in anger. I don't like screaming. Just throwing objects in air or crashing objects on the wall.

It's my way of showing aggression. 

 

But I remain silent even during my anger outbursts. 

I cry a lot. I usually cry when my trauma is triggered. 

I'm extremely introverted. So you have to be very sensitive to have a successful connection with me. 

Only when you are very deep with me, I can openly cry in your arms. Otherwise I tend to hide my tears. This is INTP behavior. 

If I cry I cry very badly and for long hours, it's almost like weeping and highly emotional. 

I had seizures as a child. Letting you know that I'm hyper emotional. 

My father died many years ago. My mother was abusive. My siblings were unsupportive. 

 

I had many cats growing up. I have a spiritual connection with cats. 

My mother sold those cats. So it was a painful experience losing my cats.. One of my cats died because my neighbor murdered the cat. That was when I was 14 years old. 

My father had a stroke when I was a child and he died later in my teens. 

I grew up around a narcissist mother and it impacted my self esteem. 

I felt unloved and uncared. 

My first suicide attempt was at the age of 15.

I had numerous suicide attempts after that. 

I have a scar on my wrist where I tried cutting myself 2 months after my father's death. I was hospitalized because of that suicide attempt. 

I am an HSP - hyper sensitive person. 

I suffer PTSD 

 

So if you have to hold me then you need to hold me on the palm of your hand like this 

Bunny in strong hands... 

 

I definitely need loving firm hand to support me. 

 

 

 

I call it bunny in strong hands. 

This is an overall snapshot of my overall personality. 

 

Just so you know who you're dealing with. 

I'm not dangerous. I have never been violent. I take out my anger on objects 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel

I also suffer Stockholm Syndrome. But it is not very strong. Just mild Stockholm Syndrome due to child abuse. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

@Marcel

I'm a very good listener. I'm not talkative. 

Another behavior of mine (not sure if this behavior is problematic), is that when my lover talks to me, I don't talk to the lover on the face. 

That is when you will talk to me face to face I will not talk to you, I get a bit shy to speak on the face. So I'll talk when you are looking somewhere else or looking away, I immediately say 2-3 words quickly and again go silent. 

I used to do this in my relationship with Joseph. 

He used to talk to me, and I used to be completely silent. But when he used to turn around, I used to immediately say 2-3 words when he is not paying attention. It's my introversion. I talk when the person is gone or away.. 

Like if you are talking to me in the journal, I will talk very few words on the spot with you. 

But if you are sleeping or away, that time I write a lot or talk a lot. 

So if you are sleeping, I will talk a lot in the background if I am in the kitchen, not loudly, just mumbling to myself everything I want to say. 

I tend to mumble a lot to myself when nobody is Watching. 

So my personality is like this. 

If you kiss me and stand next to me I will say nothing and simply stare at you 

 

But If you are go driving alone to the nearby store or outside somewhere, that time I will spend my time thinking about you or talking about you and I'll be talking to myself and I will be cooking for you or decorating the house for you or writing a card for you. So when you return back you will see everything I did for you. But once you are face to face with me I will again become quiet 

 

It is my shyness. I am very shy. People interpret me very wrongly. I'm not how I appear on the forum. 

My real nature is very meek and shy like my father. My father was shy. 

I let the man handle stuff in relationships. 

I remain quiet in the background. I don't decide things in a relationship. I will accept whatever the man says. 

In all of my past 4 relationships I was submissive and the man was dominant. 

I never took a dominant position. 

I follow the man from behind. I let him lead. 

When I am walking with my partner/bf/man, I let him walk ahead of me. I am standing behind him. 

I come from a conservative culture where women are more shy and submissive. 

I am mostly nervous around a man. Male energy tends to dominate me. 

I stay mostly quiet.

 

[Preety_India]

 

@Marcel

Whenever I'm talking to my man in a personal relationship, I usually have a deer in the headlights expression. 

I don't talk much.. I just tend to smile nervously mostly. 

I appear to be argumentative on the forum. That's usually because I am emotional or triggered state or because I don't find these people personal at all. 

They are strangers to me.. So I might appear extrovert in front of them. Only because they are strangers. 

But I have 2 faces. 

One in public and one in private. 

In public I'm a bit extroverted and a bit defensive for some weird reason. I think I'm generally hateful of people's energy. I look at everyone very suspiciously. As though they are harming me. It causes me to act neurotic and defensive. 

In private I'm completely different. It's a totally different personality.. In private, like in the house or around a lover, I'm extremely shy and nervous and quiet non argumentative, not defensive at all. I hardly speak anything and my voice is very low and barely audible. 

 

So the INTP Meme fits me perfectly. 

Outside I look like a lion. Inside the house I'm like a mouse. 

 

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

@Marcel

Also I have a weird habit of talking to myself when I'm alone. I talk a lot to myself. 

The simple reason is I don't talk to family or people. 

I hope you don't mind it.. 

I love you deeply. 

I am very lucky to have you. 

You're my soulmate who understands me perfectly. 

 

 

I am so happy while writing this. 

 

 

 

 

For the first time in my life I'm very happy 

 

 

 

Because of you. You brought me happiness.. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I feel so nervous. My heart is racing right now. Thinking about you. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel

When you're sleeping, I want to write a thousand love letters to you..

When you are not looking, I want to kiss you. 

I am madly in love with you. 

I can't believe this is happening. 

You're my angel. 

 

I feel so free and cozy with you. 

 

I feel very very warm and lovey dovey inside. 

 

You came into my life and made me so happy 

 

I am enjoying and savoring this moment. 

It feels so good. 

I feel very grateful for life currently because you are in it. 

I am the luckiest girl in the world right now. 

You are my heaven. 

 

I was feeling very sad before you came. I am very fortunate to get love in my life once again after all my failures in my relationships. 

I was feeling suicidal and lost and depressed and numb. 

You brought sunshine in my depressed world. 

 

Thank you Marcel. 

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

He came online and I immediately felt my heart flutter. 

My heart skipped a beat when I saw his name in the online user list. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This feeling is so good. 

 

Every time I catch myself seeing his name in the bottom user list I feel like a lovesick puppy. 

 

 

 

 

He is so cute. I want to just keep adoring him. 

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I'm feeling butterflies in my tummy. 

 

He makes me blush. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm feeling so excited. 

 

I never felt like this. 

 

[Preety_India]

(I want him to call me "dummy" or "silly" sometimes. I find it endearing. I want to be playful with him.) 

 

[Preety_India]

Since morning I'm crying happy tears. 

I can't imagine this feeling. He fills me with love. 

He is my prince and I'm his princess. 

He brings me joy.. 

I feel so fragile around him

 

 

I want to dedicate this song to him. 

 

When I sing this song I'm reminded of him. 

I am feeling so nervous. 

 

 

 

[Marcel]

You silly.

You went through a lot i can tell.

I had two suicide attempts in the past, i luckily stopped myself both times last second and did not end up hurting myself.

Once i saw a snippet of my funeral when closing my eyes and the other time i felt like my guardian spirit was hugging and comforting me.

I understand you quite well and i honestly love your personality. I also talk to myself a lot, but usually only when no one is around and im by myself.

I am a big introvert myself. I am not really shy around people, but i get tired and exhausted very quickly in social siutations with several people.

So i kind of have to spend time by myself to recharge. Being alone is my super power. 

My mind is like a super computer, i connects thousands of dots together to form a theory about everything in my surroundings and the world at large.

I sometimes completely drift of into my thoughts and stop perceiving everything around me. You cannot talk to me in that state, i would not even notice it, but if you want you can gently tap me on the shoulder and then i slowly come back to reality automatically. Or gently caress my back , that is my favourite way of being woken up, just some sort of gentle touch. I really cant brake out of this state in any other way, except if i hear a loud noise for example, which is very unpleasant and freaks me out whenever it happens. Its almost like being in coma, i need to wake up slowly, if i wake up immediately i will feel very insecure and confused.

I love analyzing patterns and behaviours. Finding ways to improve other peoples lives is my faviourite thing to do.

And since you are my soulmate, i will naturally use this to understand you inside out. I will transform you in a way you did not know was possible.

I even helped my mom lose 35kg and im close to get here out of her suicidal thoughts, if she is willing to do to it that is. Because following my lead is not easy. I am disciplined and i follow through with everything i say. If something like this will work really depends on the effort somebody is willing to put into my suggestions. But, i demand that everyone of my suggestions is questioned and not just blindly accepted.

As much as you may blindly trust me, i don´t want you to ever turn off your brain entirely and stop questioning me, just because you trust me.

I am not perfect and i make a lot of mistakes along the way. I am in an infinite process of trial and error when figuring out how to best relate to someone.

 

Edited August 22, 2021 by Marcel

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

You silly.

 

This was so sweet. You called me silly. Hehe. 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

 

Once i saw a snippet of my funeral when closing my eyes and the other time i felt like my guardian spirit was hugging and comforting me.

Well now you gotta live for me. 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I understand you quite well and i honestly love your personality. I also talk to myself a lot, but usually only when no one is around and im by myself.

Yep

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I am a big introvert myself. I am not really shy around people, but i get tired and exhausted very quickly in social siutations with several people.

I get tired too. 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

So i kind of have to spend time by myself to recharge. Being alone is my super power. 

My mind is like a super computer, i connects thousands of dots together to form a theory about everything in my surroundings and the world at large.

Super duper brain. 

 

 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I sometimes completely drift of into my thoughts and stop perceiving everything around me. You cannot talk to me in that state, i would not even notice it, but if you want you can gently tap me on the shoulder and then i slowly come back to reality automatically. Or caress my on the back, that is my favourite way of being woken up,

I'll touch you on your neck and pull your hair so you instantly snap out of it. 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

 

 

 just some sort of gentle touch. I really cant brake out of this state in any other way, except if i hear a loud noise for example, which is very unpleasant and freaks me out whenever it happens. Its almost like being in coma, i need to wake up slowly, if i wake up immediately i will feel very insecure and confused.

I will slowly kiss your eyes. 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I love analyzing patterns and behaviours. Finding ways to improve other peoples lives is my faviourite thing to do.

I'm not a analytical person. I'm a dreamer. 

 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

And since you are my soulmate, i will naturally use this to understand you inside out. I will transform you in a way you did not know was possible.

I want to be playful with you. 

 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I even helped my mom lose 35kg and im close to get here out of her suicidal thoughts, if she is willing to do to it that is. Because following my lead is not easy. I am disciplined and i follow through with everything i say. If something like this will work really depends on the effort somebody is willing to put into my suggestions. But, i demand that everyone of my suggestions is questioned and not just blindly accepted.

Yesss sir. Will do. 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

As much as you may blindly trust me, i don´t want you to ever turn off your brain entirely and stop questioning me, just because you trust me.

I trust you, that's it. 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I am not perfect and i make a lot of mistakes along the way. I am in an infinite process of trial and error when figuring out how to best relate to someone.

 

Nobody is perfect. But you're my Mr Perfect.