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clytaemnestra

Am I Crazy If I Fly 10000 Kilometres To Meet Up With A Man I Spent Only 12 Hours With?

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So, one month ago one traveler visited my town and I met and hosted him. At the beginning he was very shy and non-talkative (as many fellow Scandinavian men), but after few drinks he was a bit flirtatious (but very subtle) and we had a great time (non-sexually). He doesn't seem to be a player who just wants a sex, since he was flirtatious on the second day when we were outside (no time or place for sex) and he added me on Fb and he initiated a conversation first few days after he left (he told me also he has been thinking about me). 

So, after he left, this one month we have chated (like every second day maybe) and he told me I'm beautiful, smart, interesting and he suggested us to meet up in Asia in February since I'm gonna be there, but he changed his plan and now he's in Central America. So, I was beating around the bush how I'd like to visit Central America and he was also beating around the bush, so I asked him directly for my holidays to meet up and he told me he has no idea where he's gonna be at that time, so he doesn't want to promise me anything since he's not sure. He told me he'll update me when he finds out where he's gonna be and at the moment he's without an internet for 2 weeks, so I'm sitting and contemplating about the situation.

Firstly, I was sad because I thought there's no chance for a meet up and as a traveler myself I hate when I meet someone, but she or he is too far. Then, I met one girl who showed me some pages where I can find cheap flights and if I travel extremely-low-budget, I could afford it with my savings. She told me she'd go for him and that life's too short to miss the opportunities. Then, I thought like why I have to go all the way to Central America, there's nothing on the half way, but like maybe he could put an effort if he wants to see me. Then, I was thinking like, well, I'm a feminist, so I shouldn't wait, but to do something if I want to see him, we're both equal. Then, I was thinking like, but wait, isn't it crazy to fly 10000 kilometers to meet up with a man I spent only 12 hours with and I'm not even in a relationship nor I know if he's in love with me at all? 

Second thought is, what if he happens to be somewhere where I don't have any cheap flights to? Should I take it personally like he's not interested or that it's just a matter of circumstances and then to suggest to meet up in March when I have time, money and cheap tickets anyways?

Does the boundaries really exist or they're just in our heads? Yes, some say, there're plenty of fish in the sea, but I really felt connected with him and I don't think that a matter of being physically present means anything (I have more friends abroad than in my country, literally, when one travels and volunteers abroad that comes with). I plan on moving in September to the country he plans to move to some time and he told me that I have a good plan and he'll also come there when I move, so theoretically speaking it's not like out paths may never cross in the future. But still, I have no idea what to expect till that time. I don't know should I expect him to want to see me as much as I want him or just to go with the flow and if it doesn't work on holidays (and it can if he puts an effort) just to cool down a bit?

It's all fucked up. I hate those moments and I have to share it with someone. I'm all over the place with my thoughts, so any insight would be appreciated. If anyone is a traveler, do you feel the same sometimes? Honestly speaking, I feel like I should cool down a bit and go with the flow so like whenever happens the opportunity to meet up I should use it, if not I should be okay with it, but I have no idea how... 

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My first impression from your post is you're deep in love with the guy :).
Of course, most probably this is just the first sparkle.
So yeah, cooling down sounds reasonable.

But on the other hand, how often does it happen to you?
Isn't it a wonderful feeling? If so, I'd nurse it. Just for the emotion itself, no attachments.
IMHO, if you see any chance of a deeper connection with this man, it's worth it.
 

Of course you're left to consider the practical pros and cons of this on your own, such as costs, safety, worst and best scenario, etc.
As a bottom line, I say: If you feel perfectly safe about that, go for it.

 

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4 hours ago, clytaemnestra said:

So, one month ago one traveler visited my town and I met and hosted him. At the beginning he was very shy and non-talkative (as many fellow Scandinavian men), but after few drinks he was a bit flirtatious (but very subtle) and we had a great time (non-sexually). He doesn't seem to be a player who just wants a sex, since he was flirtatious on the second day when we were outside (no time or place for sex) and he added me on Fb and he initiated a conversation first few days after he left (he told me also he has been thinking about me). 

So, after he left, this one month we have chated (like every second day maybe) and he told me I'm beautiful, smart, interesting and he suggested us to meet up in Asia in February since I'm gonna be there, but he changed his plan and now he's in Central America. So, I was beating around the bush how I'd like to visit Central America and he was also beating around the bush, so I asked him directly for my holidays to meet up and he told me he has no idea where he's gonna be at that time, so he doesn't want to promise me anything since he's not sure. He told me he'll update me when he finds out where he's gonna be and at the moment he's without an internet for 2 weeks, so I'm sitting and contemplating about the situation.

Firstly, I was sad because I thought there's no chance for a meet up and as a traveler myself I hate when I meet someone, but she or he is too far. Then, I met one girl who showed me some pages where I can find cheap flights and if I travel extremely-low-budget, I could afford it with my savings. She told me she'd go for him and that life's too short to miss the opportunities. Then, I thought like why I have to go all the way to Central America, there's nothing on the half way, but like maybe he could put an effort if he wants to see me. Then, I was thinking like, well, I'm a feminist, so I shouldn't wait, but to do something if I want to see him, we're both equal. Then, I was thinking like, but wait, isn't it crazy to fly 10000 kilometers to meet up with a man I spent only 12 hours with and I'm not even in a relationship nor I know if he's in love with me at all? 

Second thought is, what if he happens to be somewhere where I don't have any cheap flights to? Should I take it personally like he's not interested or that it's just a matter of circumstances and then to suggest to meet up in March when I have time, money and cheap tickets anyways?

Does the boundaries really exist or they're just in our heads? Yes, some say, there're plenty of fish in the sea, but I really felt connected with him and I don't think that a matter of being physically present means anything (I have more friends abroad than in my country, literally, when one travels and volunteers abroad that comes with). I plan on moving in September to the country he plans to move to some time and he told me that I have a good plan and he'll also come there when I move, so theoretically speaking it's not like out paths may never cross in the future. But still, I have no idea what to expect till that time. I don't know should I expect him to want to see me as much as I want him or just to go with the flow and if it doesn't work on holidays (and it can if he puts an effort) just to cool down a bit?

It's all fucked up. I hate those moments and I have to share it with someone. I'm all over the place with my thoughts, so any insight would be appreciated. If anyone is a traveler, do you feel the same sometimes? Honestly speaking, I feel like I should cool down a bit and go with the flow so like whenever happens the opportunity to meet up I should use it, if not I should be okay with it, but I have no idea how... 

Take the opportunity!! Look you have no idea what could happen and that's the brilliance of taking that step into living a life that's true to you. It's about taking the risks that seem crazy because it could be one of the most important moments of your entire life. 

Maybe not but even if he's not the guy of your dreams you did one thing that 99% of the population are too afraid to do in going after your desires and experimenting with what works for you. 

Ultimately you should forget everything. Let go of all the preconceived ideas and beliefs and get in touch with your intuitive drive on what's right and go with it. Feel the fear and do it anyway :)

I will tell you from my personal life that every time I followed what felt right rather than safe that things turned out okay. I let go of my thoughts, took that step and said fuck it. 

Also I want to mention that you are going through a similar situation as me on my early journey.

Meeting my now long distance partner for the first time when people told me it was dangerous was a difficult thing to do. I had to let go of all of these societal fears and silly what if ideas and just do what felt right.

I did it and now I realise that what I gained from that was many insights and life lessons including the most beautiful and loving relationships possible and I'm so grateful for that. 

So spend the time to look inside to differentiate your authentic desires from the ego driven ones and work from there.

That is the advice I can give but I have a video where I go deeper into this to help you with your fears :P

 

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2 hours ago, Magic said:

 

My first impression from your post is you're deep in love with the guy :).

 

Yes. :)

2 hours ago, Magic said:

But on the other hand, how often does it happen to you?

I'm single for over a year and I liked only one guy before him (he's from my town), but I realized after I dated him that he's not the type of the person I want to be with. It happened in February. But I wasn't so crazy in love like now, I just liked him. 

 

2 hours ago, Magic said:

Isn't it a wonderful feeling?

It's very intensive feeling. In general, yes, it's wonderful, it's something to remember. :) On the other hand, sometimes I feel very sad with the fact that the things may not work and that he can change his mind or suddenly fell in love with someone and so on. But, even when one lives with a person, I'd say there's no guarantee that those things won't happen and you can never be 100% sure. I'm just afraid that I may be hurt at the end, I think he likes me, but still I feel incertitude, I don't know what's gonna happen. But, I don't feel like I should miss the opportunity, if it's possible to meet up, it's just that I talked with some people and they told me I've lost my mind, so I wanted another objective opinion.  

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11 minutes ago, Live Life Liam said:

99% of the population are too afraid to do

Yes, I was told I've completely lost my mind. 

 

25 minutes ago, Live Life Liam said:

you have no idea what could happen

That's the exact feeling. I feel like I want to see him and I'm ready to fly 10 000 kilometers to do it. Although everybody says I've completely lost my mind. Life is to short to miss the opportunities. Of course, if it's possible, like if I find still cheap flights and so on. I think more scares me if I don't find cheap flight and if he doesn't show any interest to meet in some another country if it's not possible in the one he told me he suppose he's gonna be. 

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On the other hand, sometimes I feel very sad with the fact that the things may not work and that he can change his mind or suddenly fell in love with someone and so on. 

That's because you've already set expectations and attachment. And it's exactly the opposite what I'd advise anyone to do.
As I wrote:

Quote

I'd nurse it. Just for the emotion itself, no attachments.

Nurse the emotion, don't expect anything, don't get attached to anything. Only the emotion is true, everything else is fake anyways.

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12 hours ago, Magic said:

expectations and attachment

Yes, exactly. I'll do my best to get a rid of those. I'm aware that those lead to neediness and self-destructive for any relationship behavior. 

Thank you for your answer.

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I am very happy to hear that :).
Please upvote my answer if it was of any help!

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If you do that, to me you will appear more normal than everyone else :)

The less serious and more playful you take life, the more you flow into the god-mind/state.

Edited by pluto
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On 11/30/2016 at 9:28 AM, pluto said:

playful

Yes, but I'm afraid that he's gonna think that it's too much and that I'm too pushy maybe. I'm not sure if he'd fly 10 000 kilometers to see me. I'm now thinking like 'you want it? go for it' and I'm trying not to think like 'he should do this, he should do that' as anyone tells me, but 'I want to see him, so I'll do this and that'. It's just me who decided to imagine a life without borders and to do what I want to do. Of course, he agreed on meet up and told me he'll keep me updated about his plans where he's gonna be and then I'll check if I have cheap flight and so on. He didn't invite me, I asked him where's he gonna be, he says where probably and I said I could come if I find cheap flight, he told me he'll keep me updated when he decides where's he gonna be, since he's on the road at the moment. I've never done anything so big, so I'm a bit scared at the end, I'd say. The fear of unknown and rejection. But it's good at the end, I'm pushing the boundaries. I mean, if I go, I'll propose him a plan I have and ask him if he agrees on that plan or wants to be somewhere else, since I have cheap flight to only one place. 

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@clytaemnestra

 Nothing happened between you two. Life is not a romantic movie where by flying 12000 km or doing anything proposterous you will be madly in love, happy and suddently everything is gonna be great.

Either way you have already chosen : you have written this post so you can rationalize your action which is just fueled by different emotions, such as loneliness, neediness, void, emptiness, lack of excitement and so on and so forth, based on what we say, and really finding sound ways for your decision to be rational : the world is without borders, I fear this or that but otherwise it's a good decision, it's part of the self-actualization journey, so on and so forth.

I'm probably someday gonna write a full article on neurotic love but meanwhile consider love and attraction as inherently neurotic unless you are very on point on your personnal journey.

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45 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

loneliness

This one mostly. The thing is, I don't find men around me who can fit my personality. I spent some time living in Western countries, so my views are very open and liberal, comparing to the conservative country I live at the moment. He's also a foreigner. I feel like I'm trapped in a society I don't belong to nor I can fit. Anyways, I plan on moving in September and before then I have goals to achieve in my personal development plan.
Yes, I know that we should be happy on our own if we want to be in an interdependent relationship, because if we're searching for others what we lack of, we'll end up in a codependent one. But still, I enjoyed talking with someone who understand me. I'm working on how to be happy alone and somehow I got used to it. I'm single for over a year. And I don't care about my surrounding. But this one was really intensive, when I met him. 

I haven't decided anything yet. When I wrote it two weeks ago, I was all over the place. He's outta the internet for two weeks already, so I've been sitting alone and contemplating about the situation. I realized that I"m overthinking, so I stopped thinking. I cooled down. I made also a plan B for holidays, which is also something awesome I'm looking forward to. I went out with one guy I met, I didn't like him in that context, but it was a good distraction. 

But still, I'm sitting on the fence what to do. I feel like going and not going in the same time. I don't know what should benefit me more. The time will show I guess, so I'll give a time to time, I have few days more until I should let him know. 

 

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1 hour ago, clytaemnestra said:


Yes, I know that we should be happy on our own if we want to be in an interdependent relationship, because if we're searching for others what we lack of, we'll end up in a codependent one. But still, I enjoyed talking with someone who understand me.

 

But still ? That means you don't really get it. You know it, but it's not true in your experience.

Ask yourself why you feel the need to be understood and need someone to be able to understand you. Why it feels so nice.

1 hour ago, clytaemnestra said:

I'm working on how to be happy alone and somehow I got used to it. I'm single for over a year. And I don't care about my surrounding. But this one was really intensive, when I met him.

If everything is flat and then suddently intense you've been carrying the problem arround and forgetting about it unless there is a trigger, and then the problem comes in full sight with huge proportions, thoughts, and you're a whole mess. Go deeper ! :D

 

PS : going on dates with guys just to forget someone is a very... low vibration ? Manipulative (because you don't care about the person in itself and there isn't a genuine desire to know him and use him to fill a object etc. ) thing to do.

 

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6 hours ago, Lynnel said:

need to be understood

Isn't that d-need? I mean, a need that is normal for every human being, the third one due to Maslow's hierarchy of needs? You want to say that every human being should live completely alone without a need to socialize and be understood by someone?

 

6 hours ago, Lynnel said:

If everything is flat and then suddently intense you've been carrying the problem arround and forgetting about it unless there is a trigger, and then the problem comes in full sight with huge proportions, thoughts, and you're a whole mess. Go deeper !

What's the point here? It's wrong to like someone and to have feelings? I should be completely untouchable and unfuckwithable? 

 

6 hours ago, Lynnel said:

going on dates with guys

It wasn't a date. Just hanging around with a guy. We were both very clear that we're only friends without any intention. 

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On 23/11/2016 at 5:20 PM, clytaemnestra said:

Am I Crazy If I Fly 10000 Kilometres To Meet Up With A Man I Spent Only 12 Hours With?

That's one of my definitions of sanity.

I've been there (16,000Km apart), twice.  It was hell being apart, but I wouldn't change anything about my experience.

 

"When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

...

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
"

- The Prophet

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21 hours ago, jse said:

experience

Thank you!
I'm now curious, did it pay off at the end? Yea, I mean, when one is outside of the comfort zone, it's a place for self-development. But like, would you do it again?

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In my case, the years of to-fro with long-distance relationships paid off in terms of a richer experience, rather than finally riding into the sunset with my soulmate.  I would do it again in a heartbeat, sans the emotional suffering.

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On 04/12/2016 at 8:41 PM, clytaemnestra said:

Isn't that d-need? I mean, a need that is normal for every human being, the third one due to Maslow's hierarchy of needs? You want to say that every human being should live completely alone without a need to socialize and be understood by someone?

In all honesty, I don't know. I've been working on my belief system lately and...well...

1) Humans are a gregarious species.
2) We need other people, etc.
Are beliefs. It's not true in my experience. I believe that they are really great beliefs to hold society together though. Unless you've been totaly alone for let's say one month, you can't really know. If after being totaly alone for a month, not seen another human, not talking to one, you start to become mad, well maybe that means that's true for you. (And even then it could be the belief creating a placebo effect).

If we take this to a very radical level, you actually never interact with human beings. You interact with your perception of the other person: what you percieve he thinks, says, looks like, smells like, all of those are perceptions you are witnessing.  Eckhart Tolle has a great joke about that ; " When two people talk on facebook/internet they believe they talk to each other while they only interact with a screen". So, when next time you think about someone, is there even someone or is it just a bulk of perceptions made into a person ?

 

On 04/12/2016 at 8:41 PM, clytaemnestra said:

What's the point here? It's wrong to like someone and to have feelings? I should be completely untouchable and unfuckwithable?

It's not up to you anyway :D I mean usually such strong reactions indicate a deeper problem. That's it.

 

On 04/12/2016 at 8:41 PM, clytaemnestra said:

It wasn't a date. Just hanging around with a guy. We were both very clear that we're only friends without any intention. 

My bad, I haven't dealt with all my assumptions yet :)

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On 12/9/2016 at 9:17 PM, jse said:

"When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

...

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
"

- The Prophet

This is so beautiful... :x

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