Life Purpose Found In A Fellow Person?

[DimmedBulb]

The more thought I'm giving it, the more I seem to feel like my purpose in life is to be with a very specific person, looking after her more specifically. Very much a special needs person. Few problems though: I'm not capable to look after anyone, she doesn't want it on a permanent basis, I have no money and she lives on the other side of the globe. I feel like I'd make a colossal mistake by going there, but I also feel like that's what I'm meant to do. Some help would be much appreciated.

Edited November 17, 2016 by DimmedBulb

[Vercingetorix]

How old are you?

Did you see her in real life before?

Can you go and take care of her for a period of time before deciding?

 

Is this a romantic relationship? There is kind of consensus about relationships that they tend to not work if the man put the woman before anything else, that a man should have something more important than his woman, otherwise she will resent him. Leo in his dating videos and David deida in "The way of the superior man" advice so.

[DimmedBulb]

@Vercingetorix Twenties, I did meet her and I failed pretty miserably the one shot I had at looking after her.

It isn't a relationship strictly speaking, because it's one sided and I've been replaced, though I'd say there a Dom/Sub thing going on. I'm basically trying to prevent her from killing herself or getting institutionalised by force.

[Vercingetorix]

Wow, interesting.

What are your feelings towards her?

[DimmedBulb]

@Vercingetorix I'd say unconditional love and responsibility, kind of like what I imagine a parent would feel towards their child(ren). There's also guilt though, like I have to make up for last time when I didn't deliver on the promises I had made. I was basically too scared to act, in fear of making a mistake, which is a pretty consistent theme throughout my life at this point.

[Martin123]

@DimmedBulb Very far from a life purpose imo. Life purpose is a way of being, it isn't a "job". Even more so, it is not dependent on others.

edit: Harsh truth about these kinds of relationships: What you see in here is your shadow working your mind. Get rid of your shadow, and you will realize the misery you'd be creating. Also, from a place of your shadow, you probably won't be making a big difference in her life, and one of you will get bored of the other one. 
You literally gotta suffer your way out of this through inner work on your suppressed emotions (shadow self). Meditate, meditate, meditate. And when you feel like giving up, meditate some more.
 

Edited November 17, 2016 by Martin123

[Vercingetorix]

@DimmedBulb do you have experience with other girls?  Asking because sometimes when you have nothing to compare it's hard to say if it's "true love" or "first love".

It's noble of you to want to save her and help but why do think you can do better than the first time? Maybe you need to work on yourself first for some time and only after growing and gaining more experience decide what to do?

I'm not sure I'm getting the situation exactly though

[DimmedBulb]

@Vercingetorix First and it's still as strong a feeling as it was a year and a half ago. Though you're right, no frame of reference. It is the first time I ever felt love and I'm unsure if I'll find something like this again. Not sure if that doubt is clouding my judgment.

13 minutes ago, Vercingetorix said:

It's noble of you to want to save her and help but why do think you can do better than the first time? Maybe you need to work on yourself first for some time and only after growing and gaining more experience decide what to do?

It's actually the one of the main reasons I want to improve myself (other ones being straight ego, pride, etc.). I actually considered getting a social worker's degree to aid that process, though I didn't follow through on that because I wasn't ready to go back to school just yet. Depression and all that, partially caused by that failure. I guess I want redemption. I don't think it's gonna go any better than the first time though. I shutdown under uncertainty, which is why I don't like pets generally. I can't figure out exactly what they want from me and they're unpredictable, so I just avoid.

This is only considering my side of the story. I don't know about her. I obsessed about her long enough that she got pretty annoyed and frustrated with me and sees me as incapable.

Edited November 17, 2016 by DimmedBulb

[Martin123]

@DimmedBulb Been there done that. Literally everything you are saying is coming out of your "painbody", "shadow-self", "suppressed-emotional trauma", "hurt ego",.... whatever you call it man. I really feel for you, but you really need a kick to get through this. Realize that all these codependent thoughts you have, are nothing but old pain wanting resolution. 

[DimmedBulb]

@Martin123 Pain body is a term I actually recognize

Given you've been there and have done that, could you maybe clarify how this is a pain body manifestation?

[Markus]

This is neurotic, obsessive, and self-centered. This isn't a life purpose, hell no, and it isn't even a relationship. It's a needy, selfish, foolishly idealistic attachment to your idea of a person. For fuck sake man!

To be specific, there are some very obvious problems here. One, you're trying to force your will on a person. That never works. Two, you yourself have unaddressed psychological issues. If you aren't mentally healthy yourself, how do you expect to take care of someone else, especially when they're mentally ill? However good your intentions, you will do damage. Also, how devastating would it be for you if she did die, whether from suicide or something else? If you see what you'd be doing as a "life purpose", your whole purpose and world would collapse.

Let it go. You can't help her. Build up yourself first. Fix your emotional issues. Then if you still have the urge you could pursue a career as a social worker or whatever else.

[DimmedBulb]

@Markus

15 minutes ago, Markus said:

how devastating would it be for you if she did die, whether from suicide or something else? If you see what you'd be doing as a "life purpose", your whole purpose and world would collapse.

Terribly devastated, but it'd definitely depend on what I was able to do for her. I want to everything in my might to enjoy life as much as possible. Actually getting emotional as I'm writing this. I've had visions of her funeral playing in my head on a pretty consistent basis at some point in time. The emotional reaction was extremely strong, stronger than I would have with my own parents's funeral and perhaps even my own. I'd miss her regardless of what I might have done, but I feel like it's my duty to serve her, so that she can at least be somewhat happy for once in her life.

 

19 minutes ago, Markus said:

This is neurotic, obsessive, and self-centered. This isn't a life purpose, hell no, and it isn't even a relationship. It's a needy, selfish, foolishly idealistic attachment to your idea of a person. For fuck sake man!

Let it go. You can't help her. Build up yourself first. Fix your emotional issues.

Yeah, you're right. I tried to answer that question everyone likes to ask a person who is stuck: what would you do if you had all the money in the world and had nothing to worry about. That was basically the only thing that came up. When I contemplate death, I see an empty tomb stone. I'm just really lost.

[Martin123]

@DimmedBulb Thats great, brilliant timing, now lets get found. (Just to paint a picture for you, this can take perhaps 2 years of purifying your ego, but let me tell you, once you get to higher stages of this game of life, damnit is that a whole new fun stuff,

[Martin123]

@DimmedBulb Pain body reaction? Well, pain body is screaming "hey, I need to save her, if I don't save her I am worthless."

[DimmedBulb]

@Martin123 Pain body I've found to be a effective, yet difficult concept to work with. Hence why I asked for the clarification. Now it seems pretty obvious.

I'm getting back into meditating through stream of consciousness writing: 3 A4s of hand written thoughts first thing in the morning. Takes 45 minutes, but it's good. There's some obscene shit in that noggin of mine :P.

[Martin123]

@DimmedBulb Just do mindfulness. Train it. Practice it. It is a skill that can can by itself dig you out of your situation, step by step, slowly, day by day.

[DimmedBulb]

@Martin123 Mindfulness when outside or when eating is lovely (and relatively easy to remember to do).

[Martin123]

@DimmedBulb MIndfulness meditation seems like a must. Just build a habbit and persist until it sticks (spoiler alert, after your purification begins, it gets crazy, after the crazy stops, meditation starts being a bliss.)

[Epiphany_Inspired]

I think perhaps...the only way I can think of....that your purpose could be found in another, could  be:

that person is like a role-model or mentor...showing you, the spark of a dream that was secretly lurking inside yourself ....and by witnessing another that has achieved harmony with a very similar purpose...you find what it is that you are meant to do....or maybe not....maybe it must always come form within, without influence...I don't know for sure...but I agree with the others, the situation you speak of now is not Dharma, it's dysfunction...you can find a much better way to serve the universe!

[Martin123]

@Epiphany_Inspired Oh there totally can be a catalyst from the outside. Look at what leo's doing. He's a catalyst for many.