J K

What do I do in the meantime?

6 posts in this topic

I'm 21 and am currently attending university. I haven't had a relationship since high school, but I finally met a girl with whom I hit things off this past March. We hadn't been talking for long, but had an unexplainably strong connection. We could talk about anything, always had a great time together, and eventually had sex (my first time). When summer came around, things kind of fizzled as she lives in Nevada and I live in Alabama. We talked about seeing each other when we get back in the fall, but we've hardly spoken since. I can't stop thinking about this girl and am making myself miserable thinking that things might not work out when we get back. I find it impossible to let go of the situation and just be patient. What should I be doing in the meantime for myself and to give us the best chance possible?

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Posted (edited)

If you think about her all the time chances are she is thinking a lot about you as well.

If you cannot find to stop your worry, chances are this is what you must experience to mature enough for the next girl.

Edited by Windappreciator

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If the girl is focus of your life it wont work in a long run 

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Posted (edited)

Hey Man,

firstly thanks for sharing! I will now give you the raw truth. You are suffering from an illness called "Oneitis". The mindset that there is only one girl in this world that you could potentially have a great relationship with. In short, you are setting yourself up for failure. One of the keys in maturing as a man is to learn to give yourself to love and approval that you otherwise seek in romantic relationships. When you are able to do this then you can shift from co dependent relationships to co creative relationships.

From what I see is that you are creating suffering within yourself by holding on to her. Why are you doing it? Do you think your relationship will get better this way? How attractive is a man who is dependent on a girls validation?

Now I am saying this sounding like some guy who is inferior to you just to tell you I did the exact same thing, therefore I am able to relate to what you are saying. I had to learn it the hard way. You asked what you can do in the meantime and here is what I have learned.

Learn to make yourself happy. Learn to genuienly be happy by yourself without anyone around. Do the things that give you joy. What are you passionate about? Do you love singing, dancing, doing math, painting etc? Do that! Do it fully! See you life in the bigger picture. You may continue seing this girl and you may not. Either way your life will go on. New opportunities and experience will come along their way.

So my suggestion is the following. See if you can let her go. I don´t mean actually, feel free to see her once she is back and enjoy her presence. I mean the attatchment you have around needing her. See if you can be loving towards her without needing anything in return. Hope this makes sense. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Edited by Julian Fernando

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Find your life purpose; Do your passions and meaningful activities!!! Go lift weights, practice martial arts, go create a life apart from your partner, as hard as that can be sometimes! I promise she will love you more for it!

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@Julian Fernando Thanks for the response man! I've realized that it's ridiculous to think that there's only one girl out there for me—I don't necessarily even know if I want a relationship with this girl. It's just so hard to know that such a good connection may not come to fruition and could go away.

 

I know the key is to let go, and I try, but it's hard to put into practice. Which practices (other than general meditation) have helped you with "letting go"?

 

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