How to avoid getting fucked in conversations?

[Javfly33]

So...lately I've been more aware of everything...and it turns out, when I talk with older people than me, if we are having a conversation that we are disagreeing , sometimes I get "fucked" by them.

Not literally Obvious LOL. But in the sense that they are talking and I feel like I want to tell them "Woah, No, I fucking disagree with that,  and you are not right". And I just say things such as...  "yeah...but... " , "Well you are right but that doesn't mean that..." And overall I feel an impeding emotion of not being able to STEP UP FOR MYSELF and being "attacked" and "put in my place".

I have thought about this and I think it's because I don't set hard limits at the beginning of the conversation. Probably if I would be more aware and respect my limits I would stop them in the first line with something such as "First of all, please talk to me in a educated manner, I feel you are using an agreesive tone and I don't owe you nothing".

 

Do you empathize with me in this topic? Does this thing happen to you too sometimes in conversations?

Edited May 18, 2021 by Javfly33

[Javfly33]

There is probably a video of RSD Tyler for this? 

[Opo]

47 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

 "First of all, please talk to me in a educated manner, I feel you are using an agreesive tone and I don't owe you nothing".

Oh you silly liberals.. 

Boomers don't have enough emotional intelligence to understand this. 

You can't be afraid to hurt their feelings or be rude. If you are they'll smell it like dogs and walk all over you. 

Tell them in clear and direct statements what you want and don't be afraid to interrupt if they start rambling. 

[Regan]

respect for posting about this, i think it's quite a common issue

i think you care too much about how they perceive you, which in my experience comes from a lack of love for yourself

if you truly love yourself, then you won't give a fuck about what they think, because it'd be a disservice to yourself to not be authentic

i don't think you'd even need to stop them in the first line in that kinda way, cos that's letting them control your emotional state

i'd just wait til they finish and then just tell them exactly what you think without compromising at all

[Chew211]

My recommendation is to use this feeling of inadequacy to further study up your position and then be able to defend it. 

[EnlightenmentBlog]

Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. - Mark Twain

12 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

And I just say things such as...  "yeah...but... " , "Well you are right but that doesn't mean that..."

Being conscious and sophisticated in conversation only works if you're on the same level. You cannot introduce nuance to a dogmatic/black-and-white thinker.

 

[JonasVE12]

2 things. If you have a negative self-image and low self worth, you tend to perceive things in a way that serves your confirmation bias. In this example it's the underlying belief that you are not good enough and are unworthy. Because you have this dynamic inside of you, people tend to automatically react to this energetically. They tend to walk over you if you don't hold your ground strongly. When someone feels weak, they get perceived as weak through their subcommunication and the result is being walked over. When a thief walks down the street at night, he'll go for the people he perceives as weak. He'll get a sense through how they carry themselves. You can feel it when someone does not own himself. It's all in the eyes, voice and body language. Automatically, they will be targetted. The person you talk to may be dogmatic and have stupid convictions, and feel that he can let himself dominate you in the conversation because you are no threat to him anyways. People feel good if they are right and if he can have his own way with you, why wouldn't he.  

And of course, because you feel weak deep down, it acts as a confirmation bias. It's a loop. 

Breaking out of that loop is a proces. If you gain some confidence, release your emotions that cause this negative self image and low self worth, your subcommunication will shift entirely. Your energetic presence will let people realise they can't dominate you. And you won't even bother arguing with such people. If you talk to people that have a black belt in BJJ or do MMA, you will sense a sort of confidence where you instinctively understand that you should not mess with them. This is because of their self image that influences their subcommunication. People perceive their subcommunication and primarly react to this emotionally. In the end, you want to create a strong presence and aura that radiates high self worth and a positive and assertive self-image. The result is that people respect you more, so you won't have these situations anymore, and second, when it happens, you just understand that it's not because you are weak but because that other person has a different level of consciousness. 

[Javfly33]

4 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

I've been observing your posts for some time, and it seems this is the common theme for all your problems. You feel weak, you feel less than *blank*. And for some reason you feel a sense of comfort when you submit to some form of authority. You should really turn inwards instead of asking for advice, because this feeling of inadequacy is the root cause of all your problems. There's probably some deep psychological wounds from childhood. If you won't work on dealing with them, you'll be back on this forum with different flavours of the same problem.

I've been doing "instrospection" for the last 2 years. It hasn't gotten me much. I've come to the conclusion that My root psychological wasn't one particular traumatic event in childhood, but a set of variables and events mixed with maybe a particular genetics and a particular way of being raised.

So, basically, it's not that I'm going to sort out "what root problem was the cause" and then from that moment I will behave exactly like I want.

I think it's time for ACTION. I think it's the only way for me to trascend this.

[Javfly33]

@JonasVE12 brilliant as always man ??. You have described like you were in the situation , that's how right you got it haha.

Yeah in situations that I am differently energetically, I don't get this feeling of being walked over it.

I really want to change.