A few thoughts on love and relationships

[vander]

1.Love is a balancing act between the fear of heartbreak and living what’s arguable the greatest experience available to a human being. Worry too much about heartbreak and you risk losing the spell. Lean mindlessly to the experience and you risk losing not your heart but also your sense of self in the process.

2.The moment you enter a relationship for logical reasons alone you rob yourself of the irrational and emotional spark that makes love, love. It’s not enough to be with a person who looks good on paper, as sometimes what you really want differs greatly from society’s definition of the ideal. Be a slave to the list and you will likely only be happy in theory.

 

5.At the end of the day, love is an experience better lived and appreciated when you let go of control. Much like a memorable party, one may have all the ingredients for love and not find it, and just as easily have none of them and stumble into the most unforgettable experience ever.

 

What do you think?

[BornToBoil]

Beautiful ))

The first point is especially important in my opinion

[flowboy]

19 hours ago, vander said:

2.The moment you enter a relationship for logical reasons alone you rob yourself of the irrational and emotional spark that makes love, love. It’s not enough to be with a person who looks good on paper, as sometimes what you really want differs greatly from society’s definition of the ideal. Be a slave to the list and you will likely only be happy in theory.

 

THIS!

Had to learn this in 2020 multiple times.

Well put.

Thank you!

I'm no longer opening resumés from girls and taking down the vacancy posting

[vander]

@BornToBoil Thank you

[vander]

@flowboy Hahaha...hey, you live and you learn right? 

[flowboy]

@vander Oh yes... Just a few months ago I met this girl with a perfect list of qualities: passionate about her work, double PhD, entrepreneur, gymnast, poledancing, caring friend, great in bed... Apparently I ticked off her list too. Took us a real while to admit that there was no spark at all

[vander]

@flowboy Wow. Just wondering... do you have any idea of your perfect list qualities now?

[At awe]

1 hour ago, vander said:

@flowboy Wow. Just wondering... do you have any idea of your perfect list qualities now?

Is this list of qualities that someone wants in their life or is it a list that someone needs?

The first one is simpler to make . The second one seems more important. And much harder to make.

[LukeChester]

Good statements. As for me, I can define true love as a feeling of limitless kindness and happiness you can bring to people without any expectations from others. Your love makes you happy in this case. And when we try to change people, force them to do something in relationships - it's just a manifestation of selfishness, I think. Therefore, I can say that some couples fall into love addiction but not into true love. I found very interesting thoughts about this question in one article: https://ivypanda.com/essays/analyzing-love-and-love-addiction-in-relationships/ . It also includes books related to this topic.
However, love is the subject we can speak about eternally 

[Peter Miklis]

I'll be honest, I have little to no personal experience with relationships or sex in general (although I know some things from pure observation and intuition) but some of you guys/galls make me smfh lol

You guys are really making relationships impossible if you turn down "perfect partner on paper" because you don't feel "spark" hahaha not wanna sound mean, but it does make me cringe a little. You're really giving that much weight to a bunch of chemical coctail created in your brain?

Edited February 21 by Peter Miklis

[RendHeaven]

6 hours ago, Peter Miklis said:

> I'll be honest, I have little to no personal experience with relationships or sex in general

> You're really giving that much weight to a bunch of chemical coctail created in your brain?

Yep... that's telling lol

[Peter Miklis]

6 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Yep... that's telling lol

Yeah, I'm just unaware and inexperienced probably😀

[flowboy]

On 21/02/2021 at 8:48 PM, Peter Miklis said:

You're really giving that much weight to a bunch of chemical coctail created in your brain?

Whoever taught you that that's all it is, was lying to you... probably without knowing it. It's a very dangerous thing, to explain important and meaningful experiences away, using science words to put distance between you and what is meaningful to you... And to what end? So that you'll follow the rules and stay in school? Make parents and society happy? Deny yourself the truly meaningful experiences of life? At some point this becomes untenable.

I know that to you I sound like a nutcase, that's unavoidable. I can assure you I'm not, and it's great here on the other side of the pale

With some life experience (love, psychedelics, transformative experiences) you may find out for yourself!

[Peter Miklis]

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

Whoever taught you that that's all it is, was lying to you... probably without knowing it. It's a very dangerous thing, to explain important and meaningful experiences away, using science words to put distance between you and what is meaningful to you... And to what end? So that you'll follow the rules and stay in school? Make parents and society happy? Deny yourself the truly meaningful experiences of life? At some point this becomes untenable.

I know that to you I sound like a nutcase, that's unavoidable. I can assure you I'm not, and it's great here on the other side of the pale

With some life experience (love, psychedelics, transformative experiences) you may find out for yourself!

You are right of course, I just lack experience at this point of my life. My mind has a tendency to dismiss things I have not experienced. I'll try to have more of an open mind in future.