vander

1.Clear thinking is the bread and butter of good decision-making. The easiest way to improve the quality of your decisions is to stay away from any kind of decision-making for some preset time, be that a day, a week, or a month. Over time the same emotions that gave you a false sense of certainty will fade, and then, and only then will you know for sure how true clarity looks like and feels. 2.The more you learn the better decision-maker you become, simply for the virtue of being more aware of what you need to be aware of before making a decision. And this is even more important than just being right, as there isn’t much of a difference between that who makes the right decision despite its lack of information and wisdom to do so, and that who simply makes the wrong decision. The true decider is not the Wiseman or woman within, but the gigantic and outer coinflip we call serendipity. Sure you won today, but can you be certain you will tomorrow? 3.Decision-making is a process improved by the application of intentional reasoning. The end product, meaning the final decision, must be the result of a rational series of steps starting from a sensible personal theory or hypothesis and culminating with the choice of the best possible next step you can think of. Leaving any part of it to lady luck may lead you to what you want in the short term, but it won’t make you any better as a decision-maker in the long. The next time around you will find yourself once more thirsting for the coin-flip, and the results may not be as good. When you’re rigorous about the way you make decisions, failure becomes the teacher that tells when something is wrong somewhere in the homework but without giving any details, and it’s by tweaking each step that you learn more about the system as a whole. It’s only then that you change it from the scarily mysterious, to the comfortably familiar. Familiar enough to make you feel like and realize that leaving any decision to chance is a bad idea. 4.Like old wisdom says, there is a lot more to be learned from a defeat than there is from a victory. There are gold nuggets of knowledge to be found from a decision deemed wrong by a retrospective look at the past. As at the core of every bad decision lie the traces of whatever personal weakness or character flaws that led you to it in the first place. It’s not enough to ask what you did wrong, but what about you made you do it. And maybe, just maybe, you will get to prevent not only a single mistake from repeating itself, but an entire class of possible errors of judgment, without ever having to pay the price. 5.It’s from decision to decision that the saw of decision making is sharpened, eventually enough as to allow for the selection of not only the next step, but the right next step from the set of other possible future steps… all of that under the context of the many more that need to be taken to make a vision a reality, whatever it may be, from the smallest goals, so little we don’t even give them the title of “goals”, to the largest of the visions with the power to change not only a single life, but humanity as we know it. The only way to get better at deciding is to decide to decide more often, and to accept that even the best of us are not immune the blunders that come from choosing what to do next and mean it, even when by “meaning it” we mean sticking not just a finger or an arm out, but sometimes even the neck if not the soul for it. What do you think?

1.It's human nature to get lost in the present and to falsely assume that tomorrow will be an extension of today. Tomorrow just like human nature is a mystery. Influenced by forces too complex and difficult to discern. So use today to prepare yourself for tomorrow's evils, even if the ships are high, and the weather is clear. Think of tomorrow with hope for the better, especially when you find yourself right in the middle of a personal hell. 2.Even the darkest corners of human nature lose their power when frequently observed and studied under the light of self-awareness. Being aware of how evil you can be is the first step to keeping the dark side where it belongs. In the dark. 3.Human nature is about intent and motivations. The way to study one's motivations is not by listening to words, but by listening to that which is not communicated verbally, as there is much more truth to be heard from an involuntary action/behavior. Understand the story the mouth chooses not to tell, and you understand a person's true nature. This is true even when the person you have under a microscope is no one other than yourself. 4.Having your nature under control is as important as life itself, as if you let it control you, you'll go through life like a slave of your pre-dispositions. Being your best or worst self will be a random occurrence like the weather: good today, bad tomorrow with no rhyme or reason. 5.At the end of the day human nature is not a straightjacket. Sure it will nudge you to certain things while moving you away from others, but you are the ultimate master. You always have the final say. The ability to go against one's nature is what makes us human as opposed to animals who are mostly driven by instinct. So, to blame all your shortcomings on human nature is to deny your humanity. What do you think?

1.The first step towards more rewarding social interactions is by becoming a more interesting person to spend time with in the first place, and the way to that is by experiencing life more often, while learning more about more. The more you learn and experience, the more you’ll have to talk about, regardless of whether you’re one on one with a captivating extrovert who also traveled around the world, or on the stage attempting to entertain a crowd of socially awkward and nagging introverts. Rember that being socially skilled has nothing to do with introversion/extroversion. Social skill comes with inner value, built through life experiences and acquired wisdom, wrapped in the interesting mini-stories that make up great conversations. //Become more self-aware 2.It’s not enough to think about or look at you the way you see yourself. The way you come off to others is arguably more important, as the quality of your social interactions will be heavily defined by the story your behavior tells, regardless of whether that story is reflective of who you truly are or not. Learn to see yourself from someone else’s perspective, and adjust your behavior accordingly. //Remember…It’s not about you 3.Social interactions are one of the few things in life whose quality tends to decrease with increased care. The more you care the tenser you become, which brings you closer to that which you fear the most. There is a contradictory and yet effective beauty in not caring about what people think. The fact that you don’t care about how a given social interaction will go makes you more relaxed, and then more spontaneous, which in turn makes you look more and more like a social genius now, even if you didn’t carry the same reputation in previous circles. //Practice, Practice. Practice 4.Like most things in life, being social can also be improved through practice, as there are lots of lessons to be learned by listening and by doing. The only difference is that the lessons learned by doing stay with you for a lifetime. The brain may forget the lesson, but the body won’t. And this remains true even when you’re unable to verbalize the why behind your ways. What do you think?

1.The tendency to compare ourselves with other people is at the root of most people’s lack of satisfaction, even when what they have is more than most people can ever dream of. 2.Wishes that come from our comparing ourselves to other people are not conducive to true happiness, since just when you finally manage to get even, there is always someone with more. There is always someone doing better, at least enough to make you feel like we don’t have enough. There is always someone who makes you feel like you need to get even. This is why there is no point in grounding your identity on being the best anything, as you will always find yourself the loser if you think hard enough about your accomplishments. 3.Today, happiness is only real for those things we can brag about. The thing is that human beings come in all shapes and sizes, which in turn make one’s source of happiness different from someone else’s. Sometimes what makes you truly happy is not something you can brag about, and that doesn’t make your source of happiness any less worthy. 4.Just as we can be less happy when we compare ourselves to other people and lose the comparison game, so we can when other people openly compare themselves to us. Just because someone makes it sound or look like your way of living is inferior to theirs doesn’t mean it is. In fact, trying to change their mind about it is a losing battle, as you’re now playing a game in which the rules are set by your opponent, and phrased in such a way as to automatically put them 5 or 10 steps ahead. The worst thing about it is that this is the kind of game in which winning always leaves you with a bitter-sweet aftertaste. One where happiness only exists in forced smiles but not in the heart. 5.Comparing yourself to yourself from the standpoint of your own values is one of the most important steps towards true contentment. When you let someone else set the rules you may succeed at winning the game of appearances at best, and at worst risk losing it in perpetuity, as the same mind that created and imposed the rules in the first place can just as easily change them, and logic is not required. Emotion is often enough of a reason. What do you think?

Hahaha...definitely. It's sometimes surprising to see how confidence today, is equated with noise. How being loud = confidence when often the opposite is the truth.

1.True confidence is a door only unlocked by two keys: value and self-improvement. The more you work on earning it the better you become as a person, and before you notice it, confidence stops being the goal. And that’s when it becomes fully manifested. First inwardly through the stillness that comes when you’re instinctively certain of yourself, and next when the behavior you needed to fake begins to show effortlessly. 2.Confidence created by positive self-talk alone never lasts, in the same way that attempting to treat an illness by only treating the symptoms doesn’t work. Sure you will feel good in the short term, but as time goes the effect wears off, and before you notice it, you’re back to where you started, still looking for the next fix. Still not sure why you feel unsure. 3.It’s not enough to look outwardly confident as if the same feeling doesn’t exist behind closed doors, the internal weakness eventually begins to leak behind the mask you fight so hard to keep on for the public. 4.When you have a solid reason to feel confident, there is no need to talk about it. The reason speaks for itself. You don’t need to be reassured by friends or fans anymore. I a way, your reason for confidence is your greatest cheerleader, working 24/7 to remind you of your greatness. 5.The very attempt to fake confidence is by definition an expression of its lack. (Bonus) True confidence is born out of skill, and skill in whatever form it may show itself can always be worked on. It can always be improved. Confidence is a by-product of one’s accomplishments whether inside or out. So why fake it when you can have the real deal? Why fake it when you can live it? What do you think?

It could be due to how you handled failure before? If nothing else works, just ask yourself what's the worst that could happen if you did fail. More often than not the result of failure is not death nor long-term damage to reputation or anything like that. If you're embarrassed in any way it's usually short-term or not as bad as you think. But then again even embarrassment or being made fun of for failure only works when you care about it. When you're the first making fun of yourself or even laughing along when people make fun of you for it you're no longer in the spotlight. So think about all the bad things that could happen if you do fail and try to prepare yourself for those in such a way that they lose their power over you when they do happen.

1.Brink up people in worse situations but who somehow managed to come up ahead. 2.Let them know you think they are better than that 3.Never tell them about their "victim" tendencies or that will only bring their walls up and anything you say after that will fall on deaf ears.

If the book is really good I would treat it like a friend instead of something you only experience once. Go back to it as many times as you find useful I would say.

1.On the road to success bumps and slips are not just a possibility but a certainty. Keep in mind that each trip and fall will feel like the end of the world. The road will mercilessly smack you in the face. A statement of how foolish you have been for even trying. You will taste your own blood and tears, and the worst of it is that you will have to be your own nurse and therapist. Patching away your wounds and sorrows. Self-doubt will be your travel companion, whispering negativity along the way while urging you to turn back around at every step. Just remember these are nothing but ghosts. The kind that walks day and night feeding off the uncertainty that comes from chasing a dream. And just like ghosts, they have no real power over you. Each step forward is and will forever be yours to take. Each step forward will make them fade away just like the night does into the day. 2.It’s from within the dark hole of defeat that you discover your true self. The decision to stand up and try again is the most important of all, as it’s from failure to failure that you build an image of perseverance or withdrawal. It’s much easier to keep a reputation than to forge a new one regardless of whether this reputation is personal or worldwide. So think twice before throwing the towel, because quitting is never an isolated event. 3.Defeat is a monster only beat through a long-life commitment to relentlessness. Remember that when you quit on a goal or a dream you lose a part of yourself. A part you will forever mourn. Each time you get back at it is never a waste, even when it doesn’t result in success. At the end of a lifetime, the fact that you’ve always tried is an accomplishment in itself. An accomplishment no money in the world can ever pay for. 4.At the end of the day, the pain of defeat is nothing but energy. You’re ultimately who decides where that energy goes to. The same energy that fuels the voices that tell you to quit, can be channeled into the same voices that beg you to keep going as both exist in parallel. It’s just that sometimes some voices are louder than others, but they are always there….waiting to be heard… if only you try hard enough to listen. 5.The only lie worth telling is that an impossible dream can be achieved, as what’s truly possible is often tainted by the glasses of defeat. Sometimes a new perspective is all you need to keep going even when fabricated by a mind desperate for success. So tell yourself whatever you need to get out of the hole, as life has a way of surprising us with our dreams when we pace ourselves in the marathon of success for long enough. What do you think?

@flowboy Wow. Just wondering... do you have any idea of your perfect list qualities now?

1.To be grateful is to look at what you have and to realize none of it is guaranteed. Had you been a little less lucky, that which you now take as basic could just as easily be perceived to be as valuable as that which you now crave but do not have yet. 2.The constant chase for more is a virus only stopped when you take the time to appreciate what you have. For a moment you realize how lucky you are and other people having more is now less of a problem. For a moment you’re clear-minded. In grips with reality. This is until you go back to the wanting mode, and once again get high on the illusion that the next purchase or accomplishment is without a doubt the key to happiness. 3.To the perpetually ungrateful the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. This remains true even when the other side is not new, but something previously had and thrown away on this non-stop search for “better”. 4.Gratitude is the sunshine that allows us to realize the beauty of the present moment just as it is. You’re happy as you are even though you know you could always want more or have more. 5.The way to more gratitude is to be mindful of all the great things that came your way whether by luck or personal effort. And if that doesn’t work, it should suffice to remember that things could have always been worse than they are. What do you think?

@flowboy Hahaha...hey, you live and you learn right?

@BornToBoil Thank you

1.Love is a balancing act between the fear of heartbreak and living what’s arguable the greatest experience available to a human being. Worry too much about heartbreak and you risk losing the spell. Lean mindlessly to the experience and you risk losing not your heart but also your sense of self in the process. 2.The moment you enter a relationship for logical reasons alone you rob yourself of the irrational and emotional spark that makes love, love. It’s not enough to be with a person who looks good on paper, as sometimes what you really want differs greatly from society’s definition of the ideal. Be a slave to the list and you will likely only be happy in theory. 5.At the end of the day, love is an experience better lived and appreciated when you let go of control. Much like a memorable party, one may have all the ingredients for love and not find it, and just as easily have none of them and stumble into the most unforgettable experience ever. What do you think?