Posted January 26, 2021 36 minutes ago, Preety_India said: Why is it that when a woman states her challenges, she is called a victim whereas men always have to be sympathized with? Men are equally capable of playing the victim and it is seen frequently on these forums. Also, when someone is called out for "playing" the victim, they are asked to stop playing the victim. Victim-oppressor-rescuer is a very common unconscious theme that plays out in relationships. Noticing the unconscious invitation to play the oppressor is a significant challenge for men. Apart from extreme cases where people are physically threatened, relationships are always voluntary and the victim-oppressor-rescuer cycle is a form of mutual power play. Children do that. Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 @tsuki you never answered my question. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 But isn’t it common that men and woman search for someone te settle with in their thirties? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 5 minutes ago, Preety_India said: Tell me if you really believe what I just quoted, that being hurt over and over can be massive challenge? Yes, being hurt over and over is a big challenge. I believe that I said so multiple times. 6 minutes ago, Preety_India said: Do you at least understand and accept it? This comes off as condescending. 2 minutes ago, Preety_India said: @tsuki you never answered my question. The premise of the question is false. Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 Just now, tsuki said: Yes, being hurt over and over is a big challenge. I believe that I said so multiple times. This comes off as condescending. The premise of the question is false. I'm not trying to be condescending. Just asking you a simple question. It seems like you're avoiding the exact question I'm asking. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 @tsuki and if your answer is yes and you do understand that it's brutal, then that's all I wanted to know. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 1 minute ago, Preety_India said: @tsuki and if your answer is yes and you do understand that it's brutal, then that's all I wanted to know. Yes, my answer is yes. Dating is absolutely brutal. No regards for personal feelings. You will be hurt over and over until you learn how to spot fuckboys. Then, the relationship will put to the test whether you actually love the person you married. You will be hurt over and over until you learn to do that. Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 Just now, tsuki said: Yes, my answer is yes End of the discussion! INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 Hahahaha Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 Just now, tsuki said: Hahahaha Well that's what I wanted to know from you, whether you understood my perspective or not. You said yes and so I'm relaxed that you finally get it. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 2 minutes ago, Preety_India said: You said yes and so I'm relaxed that you finally get it. It's these seemingly small words like "finally get it" that keep triggering your partners into fighting you . I encourage you to go back through our conversation and read it with this relaxed mindset and see whether I said that dating is easy. Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 Just now, tsuki said: It's these seemingly small words like "finally get it" that keep triggering your partners into fighting you . I encourage you to go back through our conversation and read it with this relaxed mindset and see whether I said that dating is easy. Hahahaha This seems like a husband and wife arguing. You remind me of that. It's straight out of something my ex would have told me... "I encourage you to go"...... "and see whether I said"... This is cracking me up. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) Plot twist: I'm your ex. Edited January 26, 2021 by tsuki Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 2 minutes ago, tsuki said: Plot twist: I'm your ex. It almost feels like. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 @tsuki you're very much like me in many ways.. Fyi, this is going to be my last thread in this sub-forum, I'm happy that I have exhausted all my curiosities here, in terms of this sub forum, I don't think there is much left to explore anymore on this subsection, I had lots of curios questions and thoughts and I discussed all of them, now I don't have any fresh ideas or questions left. So yea it feels good actually. I can move on to other sections. Got all the burning questions answered. So far the participation in all of my threads was mind blowing and amazing. You know such discussions bring so much clarity and depth and they clear out so many previous beliefs, help you explore and learn new things you didn't know, bringing fresh perspectives, it's always good to discuss with others, no matter how heated the debate, it always brings out the other person's perspective and even if there are disagreements, there is something to learn. So I'm glad I kinda exhausted my curiosities on this and other threads.. I also liked the participation. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 54 minutes ago, Chew211 said: But it is educational to watch all this banter. It sure made me self reflect on my biases. Good to know that it's not just one gender struggling. You're right about it. That's why I like such discussions. Now it's time for me to quit and focus on other things Hope my thread helped open new dimensions and perspectives on dating. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 On 2021.01.24. at 10:28 PM, Preety_India said: I'm not looking for a solution. I don't want any. If you don't want a solution, where are you heading? In 10 years time what will happen with you if you don't want to seek betterment in your life. Absolutely nothing that lasts will come into your life if you are not even wishing for betterment in your life. Who is going to build, enjoy and play your life other than you? There may be some harsh conditions in this age, but there has always been some in any age. I would ask myself, do I want to be happy? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 @Applegarden everything doesn't have a perfect solution. It's sometimes understanding and acceptance of a situation that is the only solution. Embrace life. Yes vent it out when you want. But understand the cruelties of life and those cruelties won't have a solution. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 12 minutes ago, Preety_India said: So yea it feels good actually. Equating me with your ex was a dirty move. I feel terrible. 2 minutes ago, Preety_India said: But understand the cruelties of life and those cruelties won't have a solution. They only appear "cruel" and "brutal" from the point of view of the person that hasn't yet learned the lessons that are offered. It will feel different when you learn the lessons and look back at your current self. My lessons taught me that I'm only protecting my ignorance. Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 26, 2021 1 hour ago, Preety_India said: Also let's talk about general culture today. I want a feminine man, in a sense who understands a woman, who is not completely oblivious of what a female is. But if you look around, a lot of men act like boys. No offense please There seems to be horrible level of emasculation that has happened which makes men less responsibility oriented and encourages the whole "fuck boy" culture. It's very difficult to navigate around such men because you know they will always act like boys and never shoulder any responsibility. I don't want to sound harsh and say that men should always only be about responsibility, but when it comes to marriage, family etc, some degree of responsibility is expected out of him. A lot of my college guys were very girlish or feminine, I don't demonize how they are, and of course I expect some feminine sensitive behaviors in a man but I don't want him to act like my female buddy in male form. Such men bring drama and bitchy behavior into a relationship because of their lack of maturity but it seems more and more men are being encouraged to be this way and it's cheered on by other men. It definitely hurts your survivability as a woman when every man around you is acting like a man child. Your job is not to be their mommy. I thought a fuckboy was the typical alpha only wanting sex never relationship. The picture shows more of an efeminate hipster Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
