Soulbass

What type of woman

12 posts in this topic

My mother is emasculative.

I'm super critical about myself.

What kind of woman should I look for?

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In this case you have to date your mother.

 

Just find out what kind of girls you like.. 9_9

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Why are there two irrelevant statements preceding your question?

You do you. What worked for me is instead of finding a particular type of girl date as many different types as you can, and find out which types don't work out for you. Process of elimination. Currently doing that myself, and boy is it a fun (and sometimes very not fun) ride. 

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A girl who knows what the word emasculative means. That would get rid of 95% of people nicely. I would start there :D


Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

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6 hours ago, Soulbass said:

What kind of woman should I look for?

The kind of woman you have been attracted to - that’s the kind of woman to look for.

Now think, who have you really been attracted to? What characteristics of theirs did you find alluring? Why did you develop a liking towards them? 

I’m sorry your mother treated you in such a manner, but you can overcome it. It will take effort on your part; first being getting rid of this identity that has been carved out for you. 

Think about this - who are you outside this persona? What’s your ideal self? There’s a way you visualise yourself, in the depths of your heart and in the corner of your mind, right ? Your true self lies there. It’s hidden, but it’s there - discover that, and then embody it.  

Find yourself, first. The right one will come by, eventually. 

Best, 

 

Edited by xxxx

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26 minutes ago, flowboy said:

 

A girl who knows what the word emasculative means

 

Or someone who is willing to learn? 

.

Also, 95%, dude? Come on. 

.

Edited by xxxx

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@xxxx Please don't be offended as a woman - I meant people.

I don't know what the right percentage is. I have never heard this word before. I can deduce what it means because I know the word 'emasculate'. But I've also hardly ever heard someone use that before.

So taking that, and my massive self-bias because people like to assume that most others are like them when it suits them, I picked 95.

Regardless, for someone who likes to use the big words, it's really nice to be understood without having to teach. Unless you have an ego complex wanting to be the smartest. (which I am often guilty of though)

 

It's not just a big word, it's also a complicated concept. Someone who understands that concept I would say is likely to be intelligent and understanding enough to be there for you, and not run away screaming, while you go through self-development and therapy, addressing this unhealthy dynamic with your mother and also freeing yourself of the neuroticisms you developed as a result. Which you obviously need to do at some point.

Edited by flowboy

Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

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1 hour ago, flowboy said:

Someone who understands that concept

Learning always precedes understanding; give people a chance to learn, first - you can then see if they have the capacity to understand post that. Never judge before that. 

Nonetheless, I do agree that this is a complex concept that requires strong emotional investment from both the sides, and that not all will be able to understand it; hence, it is best to do a careful assessment before getting involved in a romantic dynamic here. 

 

 

Edited by xxxx

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english isn't my native language, i did my best to find a translation - in french it's "castratrice".

like the mom character in "Coraline" (2009).

thanks all for replies.

Karpman drama triangle : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

i have a natural tendency to fall for persons with self-destruction behaviors (funny, because i'm myself super controlled and healthy). all is within me i guess, no drama and no attachment/suffering is required with others, i guess.

Edited by Soulbass

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@Soulbass  I was actually confused by your question.

Do you take your extreme self-criticism as something to accept, that you can't change? Cause it isn't.

The more you work through that, the healthier relationships you will be able to attract.

Go for any girl you want, but be aware that you will probably attract people with a complementary issue of similar size. For example: girls who will be overly critical of you.


Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

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@flowboy i have two options in life:

- do my best! (and die)

- don't give a f* (and die)

so far the journey have been oscillating between the two.

i should work with rose quartz...

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