I Want To Be An Asshole

[electroBeam]

For the last 8 years or so, I have been struggling deeply with being self conscious, and being a people pleaser. I have looked at Leo's videos, and I am applying methods such as the 6 pillars of self esteem, but the problem I have is very severe, and hard to resolve. 

Its mainly because in the past(particularly secondary education) I've been involved with people who did not respect me, constantly bullied me, constantly made out as if I was stupid, constantly made out as if I was selfish/nasty/horrible etc and it happened for at least 4 years, constantly. If you haven't had this done to you before, this skewes your ego up something fierce. The ego is extremely insecure, extremely unsure of itself, and extremely afriad of being rejected by someone, and looking like an idiot, or a harsh person.

And you can't just 'switch' it off

I've tried fixing this issue being pushing myself to being more social, trying to assert myself more, but what I've realized is that, this didn't actually fix the problem, it just changed my external environment to something else.

I'm currently in a group a university. And right now I'm confronted with the toughest challenge the ego could possibly encounter, an Asshole, who doesn't want to give any roles or jobs to anyone else, because he is afraid that I will 'stuff up all of the work he has put into it'. I havent confronted him, because my ego fears a return of circumstances of my unfortunate past.

But I've had enough. I've had enough of being like this, afraid, and non-assertive. I've spent 8 years like it. I want to be an asshole.

I have the group project tomorrow, what should I do tomorrow? What steps should I take to calm my ego down, and confront this person about his behaviour. How do I let go of the past to make sure it doesn't haunt me when I confront people? How will I tackle my fear of looking like a jerk, of being excluded. How will I stand my ground and be sure of myself?

I appreciate your time to help me tonight. 
 

 

 

 

[philosogi]

@electroBeam Who put him in charge??? Speak your truth and be ready to accept whatever the consequences are.

Chances are everyone else will be thankful someone is being the voice of reason. 

[Zane]

To be an asshole, i recommend observing assholes and study them and their personalities. To discover authenticity, i owe a bit to assholes but instead of cruelty and being cold and aloof, I focus on projecting genuine joy which looks like madness and insanity to an outsider but really, it represents my joy and being completely invested in the otherworldliness of art and that madness and joy gets attention from the actors and they love and feed off the energy. Like an asshole, i'm working on never apologizing my eccentricity and not entertaining criticism and hate and being completely detached from it and valuing authenticity, uniqueness, creativity, and freedom. Paradoxically, an asshole attracts and repels by masking themselves with charm or being funny but they reveal their true nature or assholes fascinate people. Donald Trump is the embodiment of the paradox because he functions like an Internet troll where he's completely motivated by attention and strongly believes that any attention benefits him and he clearly is unapologetic about his insanity and he easily manipulates millions of people because they misinterpret his crudeness and insanity as "charm." 

Edited August 27, 2016 by Zane

[egoeimai]

It doesnt mean that you must be asshole just because u are pleaser or sth. Balance it bitch

Theres no black and white only. Choose grey.

Edited August 27, 2016 by popi

[David1]

@electroBeam You don't want to be an asshole. That's even worse than being bullied, because a genuine asshole lives in complete ignorance. And sooner or later he'll be confronted with that. Read up on nonviolent communication and try to improve your communication skills in general. It's worth the effort.

[philosogi]

Guys I don't think @electroBeam was being literal? I think he's just fed up and wants to act assertive. Assertive != asshole.

1 hour ago, popi said:

It doesnt mean that you must be asshole just because u are pleaser or sth. Balance it bitch

Theres no black and white only. Choose grey.

But also, if a person has never been an asshole (even by accident) in their life, maybe they have to experience being it at least once before they can truly understand what grey is.

[Christian]

If you really think about it, the underlying reason why some people are "assholes"is simply because they have been psychologically damaged in some way. To distract and avoid experiencing this trauma, they build up a false self. 

This false self is an illusion and any action coming from this place is going to have degrees of inauthenticity. So you will not be fulfilled or grow from being this person you are not. 

In life, you gotta do the things that are emotionally most difficult. In this case, it means to directly confront the trauma rather than building a facade to protect your wounded ego structure. That structure is a Cult de sac. Be wise enough to see that now...