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Tim R

Recognizing toxic friendship

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1. How do I recognize whether a friendship has gone down a toxic path? 

    I'm at a point with a friend where it just doesn't seem to be very natural or healthy anymore, but I am not quite sure whether we're just drifting apart concerning      our worldviews (which is certainly the case) or whether it has turned into a toxic relationship where nobody really enjoys it apart from the unhealthy satisfaction        of flawed egotistic motivations that stem from underlying narcissism or low self-esteem (or maybe something else).

    It obviously takes two to tango, so I'm trying to figure out what might be wrong with me - but I can't change the other person. 

2. At what point do I have to end a relationship? 

3. How do I make sure that I'm not deluding myself about my flaws or the dynamic of the friendship? 

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1: It is a very one sided friendship

2: When they are consistently making you feel bad without trying and don’t want to change their behavior.

3:Flip the script.  Ask yourself why they are treating you this way.

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Might be an idea to take a break from seeing that person and have some time apart. Some friendships will come back into your life in an improved form, others not so much.


"No teaching, no teacher, no student." - Papaji

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Maybe if you've brought it up with them several times (maybe the rule of 3 works) in a respectful, truthful, and honest way (and taking responsibility for the feelings you have and not attributing your feelings to them, but maybe saying "When you do X, I feel Y"), but they keep doing the behaviors you feel bad about after telling them about it.

Not that this example is the same as your situation, but it might help.  I've noticed that I often feel put down by my roomate, and I've brought it up with her 2 times in a respectful way.  But, I've noticed she still acts and communicates with me in ways where I feel negative and hurt or triggered.  So at this point I just realized that I'm not going to pursue trying to open up to her much or maybe at all.  I'm not going to treat her like crap though, it's just me not opening up when I feel I'll just get hurt etc.

Edited by Matt23

"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"   --   Marry Poppins

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Welcome to self actualization! You gain awareness and recognize you have been in a toxic friendship for years.

On 10/17/2020 at 2:39 AM, Tim R said:

At what point do I have to end a relationship? 

When there is a doubt there is no doubt

 

 

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