trenton

Self deception for healing

5 posts in this topic

I notice that my mind is taking some painful memories of me doing things that I regret and denying that they are true.  When it does it makes me feel better, but I am torn.  I cause myself a lot of suffering by holding these memories and the events in which I lied as true.  I am insisting on labeling how my mind is lying by saying it didn't happen.

I am resistant to this self deception and I am in an awkward position.  I think I should tell the truth.  It causes me a lot of misery to hold onto this, but I don't know what to do.

How do we deal with the mind denying my memories of things that make me feel bad about myself?

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22 hours ago, trenton said:

How do we deal with the mind denying my memories of things that make me feel bad about myself?

I don't think you're a bad person. Its really remarkable to see that you have the courage, wisdom and sincerity to look at the unpleasant memories head on and face them. That's real, true growth, and the sort of thing a 'good person' does. 

If God manifested himself in front of you right now, he/she would give you a massive hug for mustering up the courage to even think about doing what you're trying to do. 

 

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@electroBeam thanks a lot.

I think it is normal for people to not pay attention to this and I thought I was doing something strange and different.  I do plan to see a counselor in the near future.  I see this as a long term strategy for growth by discussing a lot of emotional trauma.  This way I can exhaust a good resource for dissolving parts of the ego identity.

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I have similar issue with you. I'm dealing with painful memories that I wish never happened.

What I find helpful are the following practices:

1. Do regular meditation in the morning and in the evening. I usually use key words such as "regret" "guilt" "forgive myself" "let go" "I am enough" "painful memory" "self-love" etc. and pick the one I like. The benefit of meditation is that it let the reasoning mind rest for a while and let me have a breathing space to feel things in a compassionate way. 

2. When you find yourself tangled in the resistance, simply say: "God, please help me to understand the event in a different perspective." 

3. Journal about your feelings. You refuse to look at it because you only see pain and hurt. But painful memories have many layers. Journaling about your feelings, such as "How was I feeling at that moment? What exactly happened? What can I learn from it? Why do I resist it so much?" can help you dig out deeper layers that benefit you.

4. Send compassion to people in similar situations. For instance, I used to feel deeply shameful about my eating disorder. So I joined FB groups and started my own chat group. I see how people suffer from it and I send my love to them. I know shame is exactly the hidden driving force behind addiction. Sending love to them is sending love to my past self. The thing is, people find it so easy to be hard on themselves. Sometimes loving other people is way easier than loving oneself.  It's a good start to love yourself back nevertheless. 

 

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@trenton In a way they really aren't true. We never remember things quite correctly, even if we are being completely honest with ourselves. What you really want to do is to focus your attention forward on what you want with your life, now. Was there a desire born out of those memories that hurt so much? Is there an inspiring roadmap for how you want to interact with others and face life in the future that is waiting to be drawn out? Take the lessons and the inspiration, make amends if you feel the desire to, and focus forward on what you want. If you can't examine them without too much pain now, focus on something else, something that feels good. Focusing on whether distancing yourself from the memory is right or wrong, actually is only strengthening the memory and the focus on the past. You really want to determine what you want now, and focus on that. If you put your mind to work on figuring out what you want and let go of the memories and self judgement, if there's a lesson from the past memories that is key to getting you to what you want or to be the self you envision yourself to be, it will be shown to you clearly. You don't need to do anything about it, and you can't, that's why it feels so bad to try. What you can do is figure out what you want, and focus on what feels good.

Self care is important when you feel the weight of guilt. Make a list of things that raise your mood or things that feel good to you to do. Maybe they are things you haven't thought about in a long time, an old favorite song, an old web comic you used to love, or some thing you've been wanting to do forever but haven't bothered to looking into making a reality. Make it a point to pick 2 or 3 things from that list and do them everyday until self care becomes a habit. 

Edited by mandyjw

My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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