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7thLetter

What is the universe trying to tell me?

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Over the past 2-3 years, I keep noticing the same pattern of toxic behaviors within' some of the people in my life. All of these experiences have hurt me in a certain way, it just seems like the universe is trying to tell me something. And the fact that some of these experiences have hurt me so deeply, just makes it seem like its meant to be a clear message.

The toxic behavior from other people that I keep experiencing is "gas-lighting." Basically its a form of manipulation that is meant to manipulate the victim into thinking that they're wrong or crazy.

A little bit of a backstory about me though, I used to do pickup in 2016 for one whole year, and it turned me into a complete asshole. I would just be a jerk to random females I meet on Tinder, out in person, or over text after getting their number. The pickup friends that I had acted the same way. I thought this was what attractiveness as a male was, but it was just complete toxicity. This behavior would even bleed into my personal relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. I remember I had a job at a restaurant, there was a couple hot girls that I just acted as a jerk towards, eventually I got fired. Plus the girls never liked me for being a jerk. I quit pickup a couple months after this, and I still noticed some of these toxic behaviors within' me. It took A LOT of unlearning and healing, to try and remove these manipulative behaviors. At this point in time, I would of course say I'm not that person anymore, but maybe little bits of pieces still exist within' me.

The reason why I gave that backstory is because, I've heard that people's behavior towards you is just a reflection of yourself. So I honestly think that the universe might be trying to show me how manipulation hurts, and I'm getting what I deserved for how I've acted towards others in the past.

Thoughts?

 

____________________________________________________________

Here's a couple stories of people manipulating me and messing my head up. But if you don't care don't read this part:

1. Was getting a tattoo at a nearby tattoo shop, artist told me 11AM, Wednesday. I woke up early, showed up, but apparently some other guy was there for his appointment too with the same artist at the same exact time. I made eye-contact with the artist, wanted to say what's up, then the tattoo artist yelled at me, saying "YOUR APPOINTMENT IS AT 2PM! CHECK WITH THE FRONT DESK!" The owner was right there and apologized to me. I left and came back complaining and saying I wanted to cancel, cause the artist yelled at me and its like they don't give a damn. The guy at front desk denied everything. I talked to the artist, and he was gas lighting me. He put all the blame on me and said stuff like "I didn't yell at you? You kids always want to get into trouble! I'm going to lose my job!" I still wanted the tattoo so I said I was in a bad mood. So he made me apologize to the owner, even though the artist is the one who should've apologized to me instead.

2. Previous job, was manipulated and verbally harassed for a year by my Supervisor. Long story short, I complained about this Supervisor to the owner of the company. Week later, we had a meeting, owner was gas lighting me. He was basically telling me how wrong I am, dishonest I am, fabricated reasons why I'm doing poorly at the job. Did not discuss my concern at all, and fired me. This caused me some suffering. I found out what they did was illegal, took some action and got a bit of money out of it.

3. Recent experience, caused me a lot of pain. Had a crush on a girl at work, eyed each other for months, finally talked to her and got her number. She said she has a boyfriend, but we still could talk. Over several months we didn't talk much, had a few tiny conversations but that's it. But still, the eye-flirting was there and it just made me feel so infatuated with her. Big mistake, I texted her so much without a reply. Pandemic hit, won't see her again. Cringe, but I actually really liked her so I was in pain because she wouldn't text me or anything. Texted her a final time basically saying it hurts that she wouldn't talk to me, then she freaked out saying how she doesn't want to talk to me, etc. I just realized that she was gas lighting me, over text. Some of the stuff she was saying about me was true, but some a bit over exaggerated. She made me seem worse of a person than I really am. Then she asked for an apology (just like every other gas-lighter). I asked for an apology too, but she basically said no because apparently she's the only victim here and I'm just a fucking robot with no feelings. This caused me so much suffering.

All of these experiences have a couple things in common, I've said some things about them but all they do is deflect it onto me, put all the blame on me, then they ask ME for an apology. Because I'm the crazy one, I'm the one who's wrong not them, right?! I know that I'm always the right one but I'm just so blunt they can't handle the truth.


"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein

 

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I've been gas-lighted many times, especially by a friend that is prone to sociopathic behaviour. He takes advantage of vulnerable situations to feed his superiority complex and hunger for power. It like getting stabbed in your soul. 

There is not much to do, what happened happened. My advice is to become a better listener and to be humble. I think it is pretty common for people to be very aware of the impact a conversation has on them, so much that they are not really there in the conversation. Words are then filtered through egoism and self consciousness. If we practice selflessness, which is to actually listen, then we are on the same wavelength, then we're not out of tune. That is where love, harmony and connection lies. When we listen without our self agendas we can not be manipulated or maybe we can to an extend, but there will be no scar on your soul afterwards because you're not playing the game of "how can I win this conversation" but the game of "what is this person actually saying." We all want to be heard but not many want to be the first to "give." You'll notice that in listening to others, you'll be heard aswell. 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, 7thLetter said:

I've heard that people's behavior towards you is just a reflection of yourself. So I honestly think that the universe might be trying to show me how manipulation hurts

Exactly, but you are the whole universe.

1 hour ago, 7thLetter said:

and I'm getting what I deserved for how I've acted towards others in the past.

Thoughts?

That's not true, no one deserves anything.

When you are giving love, the whole universe loving :x

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