Ones

Life has become empty for me. Some years ago I was focusing only on spirituality, and when I look back I was probably on the verge of going crazy, at least according to what is perceived as normal. I was desperately trying to achieve a state of total universal emersion, like trying to merge 3D reality into fluid like infinite energy, total oneness. I could sort of do this sober, but when I smoked weed it really amplified "my" ability to do that. It made me so alien from others though. My friends just smoked to listen to music and watch silly videos and stuff, but while I was listening to the same music I could literally hear God speaking through all of the musicians and I saw God playing these human characters in the silly videos... Now it is 2 years later and I haven't smoked in probably a year or so. I've lost all of those childhood friends, my closest and only friends. I'm empty now. Like life has no spirit anymore, the mystery isn't there. I've listened to all the videos of Jim Newman, Tony Parsons and others likeminded for years. In my early years of spiritual seeking I listened to Eckhart Tolle, then moved to Adyashanti, Rupert Spira, Mooji and like-minded "Guru's" but when they didn't lead me anywhere I moved to Jim newman and Tony parsons. Let's just call it Tony Parsons message. There is no after Tony Parsons message, it totally destroys the joy of seeking truth, it just leaves you seeking without any hope of finding, but you're still seeking. "This is it" is the worst message ever. Like how can this be it? Are we just doomed to this human existences where we have to play this human game? If I had the energy to be pissed I would. I would be pissed that I'm controlled by this monkey body and brain, living in a society of nothing more than other human monkeys playing the same game as every other animal, just more advanced. I WANT FOOD, I WANT SEX WITH GIRL, I WANT TO BE HIGH STATUS SO I CAN GET MORE STATUS, MORE GIRLS, MORE FOOD, OOGA BOOGA insert happy monkey sound. The longing to transcend all of this crap is strong, but the hope to do that has been stolen from me, because "This is it." I feel like an alien, trapped in a human body with its overpowering natural desires to replicate and eat.

Cant belive ppl likes/liked this guy. The first time i saw him i got immediate crazy vibes from him. I'm happy he is being exposed. The role of the spiritual teacher is the juiciest role of all roles for sociopaths, because it is above every other role. There is a lot of material of this guy acting like an asshole online.

Appreciate the offer, but no thanks. I'll check out Lund. Thanks

Aren't we all? Show me one person who changes up their behavior and belief systems like they change their underwear. I'm pretty open minded, not so biased because I don't really have a belief system anymore. You've made assumptions about me by reading my post, but everything u read is filtered through your own perception of the world. You think you know what I am going through, but your actually only giving advice based on what you've gone through. We are blind to the unknown and all we know is what we have felt through our own senses, or through empathy by really connecting with someone. You've not really connected with me here, so this is pointless. Don't you see? This is not a personal judgement, it's just how it works, if we're not connecting and hitting that sweetspot of truth and unity then it is empty and has no weight. Then words are just words, and does not touch that which is beyond them. I don't believe that this is possible through writing on a forum, unless you really connect with that. I'm not saying what you've written wouldn't help somebody else, but it has to be for someone who is seeking it. If you're not seeking help everything that resembles help will fall on deaf ears. I'm not looking for help, or a quick fix to feel better.

Thanks for commenting

Well said. Battling it only suppresses it temporarily. Maybe ill come around to it but honestly, I'm just so damn tired of spirituality. I just can't take it seriously anymore. I'm not looking for answers anymore, I'm not a desperate seeker anymore.

Why haven't you killed yourself? 1. Killing yourself takes next level balls, also your pain has to overwrite the strongest human instinct; to survive. 2. The pain you leave behind you is taken on by all of your loved ones. Everyone will have to live with the fact that they will never get to see you again, they will want to know why you did it but it will be unanswered for the rest of their lives. 3. I think the hell you have to be in to actually do it is a much deeper hell than just thinking about it. I think about it everyday, but I have never attempted or planned to do it. Why should one live? There is no answer to that. Every answer will be shallow and meaningless. But just because there is no why, doesn't mean that you shouldn't live. Life is just life, and it needs no why. It isn't a thing, it is in which everything appears including" why's". Some would say that is a cruel universe, but actually it is neutral, it doesn't care if you're depressed or happy. That is why depression is so lonely and hopeless, because you realize that there is no help to get from the universe, unless you have the security blanket of believing in some separate God that will save you some day.

Im just numb, there is nothing to say really but I'll say it whatever comes up anyway. I cried like a baby till I almost couldn't breathe yesterday, and I've waited for that cry for so long. It all came out at once and it felt good, because I was actually feeling something real. Music kind of felt nice, sad music, I could feel the realness for a split second. Yeah. I don't care, I don't even want to get better because there is no point. I get disappointed everyday by the people in this world. Social media is really something. When I'm out I can't help but notice that everyone is glued to a screen, and I'm no better. Everytime I think something will turn my situation around and will give me meaning in my life again, it disappoints. I got a job recently after quite some time just doing nothing, I thought it would change something in me, but no. There is no meaning to be found anywhere. The only true meaning is expressing the meaninglessness beautifully through creative means, but I can't enjoy or create that, because I feel nothing. I can't feel. Somehow I like admitting it, because it means I'm able to stop acting like everyone else, I can be true to myself. I see people on here trying to give advice to others about depression and it is so dumb. If you've ever been depressed you know that quick tips like "cherishing the moment" and "exercising" is meaningless for one with it. When you're out in the world it's all pretend, everyone are just monkeys trying to act the right way to survive. We look forward to small things like going out in the weekend or relaxing after a hard week of work, but it never ends. We labour to relax and start over again. Spirituality is crap. Fuck that shit, people act enlightened but I know you're all bullshitting urself and everybody else. You are the worst kind of people, so self righteous and talk as if you're on a pedestal with some secret knowledge. I've been there, I've been that guy too. I appreciate the ones who ask and seek to know, those who are ignorant of the fact that nobody really knows, they are the ones who are actually real. Stick your awareness, yoga, gurus and ideas up your ass. If you took any of that personally or feel the need to defend something, I'm talking to you.

Enlightenment/this/nothing/infinity is appearing as a someone seperate from it, looking for it. That dream either is or it isn't, there isn't anyone in it making it happen, it is non-seperateness appearing as separateness. This message is utterly meaningless to the seeking energy, as it doesn't give it anything. The seeking energy wants more knowing, more control, more more and more, so it finds conceptual ideas much more helpful and interesting. There is no one here who knows what this is saying. There is no one behind these words. These words are emptiness wording. The words aren't pointing to something beyond this state. It can't be argued with because there is no substance in it, any argument or objection would still just be what apparently happens. It doesn't satisfy any need, because what is pointed to is: the experience of need is non-neediness appearing as the experience of need. The experience is trapped because the experience of need will naturally have the need to know that this is non-neediness. A loop of need that is never satisfied, because nothing is needed already.

Assertiveness is a natural consequence of having self respect. If you respect yourself and see yourself as having equal value as anybody else, then you will instantly notice and shut down anyones attempt to treat you lesser than equal. This might make you look like an asshole, but I would rather look like an asshole than betray myself and let people walk all over me.

Being highly neurotic can be really tough sometimes. I am also a pretty neurotic person, but I'll state some things that have helped me in situations. 1. When you're neurotic/self conscious when talking to people try to focus on them more than yourself. Make a decision in the morning to really listen to what people are saying today. When you're actually listening too what they are saying the response comes naturally and effortlessly. It is when we are too focused on ourselves that the conversation gets out of tune and somewhat unfulfilling. Just listen as if this person has something to say that you need to know. 2. When you're very neurotic and have depressive thoughts get a pen and start writing whatever comes up down. Just write it down, not with the intention of figuring anything out or solving your neuroticism, just write whatever comes up down. This helps release the thoughts, it is a way of expressing what you feel so that you don't just keep it too yourself. People might not be able to listen to your problems, so writing it down is a great way of getting that release. 3. Look at people, their clothes, their shoes, the way they walk, try to figure out what is going on for them right now. What are they feeling? Maybe find something you like about them, a trait physical or personality wise. Basically shift your focus outwards instead of inwards constantly. I haven't done this much, but I remember a time where I consciously did it and my mind relaxed. That is all I can come up with now that I think truly helps, I could say a lot of stuff but these 3 things seems have had the most profound effects for me. Hope it helps, I'm in a similar position and I know how draining it can be to feel so detached.

Leo you would do many of us a favor by inviting Jim Newman to a debate. I would love hearing both perspectives going in at each other, and it would be very interesting to see what could be derived by the conversation. It would be groundbreaking, a neo-advaitan being challenged by a seasoned spiritual seeker/achiever.

To say it is actually happening creates a distance to it, a solidity/realness. To say it is not happening can lead to much confusion because the individual will try to conceptualize that. So both, and neither of them. The point is that it doesn't actually matter, this doesn't need to matter to be what it already is.

I've been gas-lighted many times, especially by a friend that is prone to sociopathic behaviour. He takes advantage of vulnerable situations to feed his superiority complex and hunger for power. It like getting stabbed in your soul. There is not much to do, what happened happened. My advice is to become a better listener and to be humble. I think it is pretty common for people to be very aware of the impact a conversation has on them, so much that they are not really there in the conversation. Words are then filtered through egoism and self consciousness. If we practice selflessness, which is to actually listen, then we are on the same wavelength, then we're not out of tune. That is where love, harmony and connection lies. When we listen without our self agendas we can not be manipulated or maybe we can to an extend, but there will be no scar on your soul afterwards because you're not playing the game of "how can I win this conversation" but the game of "what is this person actually saying." We all want to be heard but not many want to be the first to "give." You'll notice that in listening to others, you'll be heard aswell.

How do you know if what you experienced was Kundalini? I had a big breakthrough some years ago and I have no idea if it was kundalini