Guy friend suddenly cutting me off from his life

[wwhy]

Don't be. There is no rule that says you have to understand everything.

[somegirl]

On 8/6/2020 at 4:36 AM, wwhy said:

I think you were both not honest about the situation, and its great that you are open to learning and growing from it.

Your current boyfriend of 8 months, is he aware of your friendships with men who you know like you as more than a friend? How would you feel about your boyfriend maintaining a friendship with a girl who he knows wants to be more than a friend?

@wwhy Yes, he knows. I don't keep secrets. 

[somegirl]

On 8/7/2020 at 1:54 AM, wwhy said:

Yes. They were both not being honest about their intentions. For me all I need is "had a boyfriend for 8 months, never once mentioned him to my other flirty friend". If you need more information and facts about the situation, that's just you. Ask her for those, instead of trying to play her lawyer. She does not need one.

You assume a lot of stuff that was not once mentioned in my original post. 
I took pictures with my boyfriend on social media and, and this former "friend" of mine follows me on social media platforms and views stuff I post there. He saw an instagram story where I was with my bf. So I thought he came to the conclusion that I am in a relationship. But obviously not. Maybe he had different story in his head. I can't know that. But that would be kinda funny and delusional from his side because everyone else that saw posts with my boyfriend came to the conclusion that I am in a relationship with him.

I told my boyfriend about this "friend", so he knows everything. Thanks for your concern. 

Though, what was done was done, and this ex friend is obviously not my friend anymore 

And never really was one, which sucks 

Edited August 10, 2020 by somegirl

[somegirl]

On 8/6/2020 at 3:00 AM, K Ghoul said:

Fun fact: a guy will not talk / hang out with a girl if he doesn't find her sexually attractive and would not want to have sex with her, eventually   (guys in this thread, correct me if I'm wrong)
You said you find it to be an issue when a guy talks to you only because he is hoping something would come out of it. This should only be an issue if this is your first date, and he is asking you his place or yours type of question  As long as they are being respectful, their sleazy hopes and dreams shouldn't bother you at all, like who cares.
It's normal for a girl to have lots of admirers, going out on dates with them, accepting their courtship etc. (no sleeping with any of them, obviously), screening for douchebags, and only keeping those around who are respectful. I can't think of any other method of finding a decent bf. It takes time to get to know someone, find out what he is about, what his character is etc. (cause they tell whatever lie it takes to get you in bed so only their actions/behavior really mean anything).

You didn't sleep with this guy, he did a shitty job at pursuing you, him having a tantrum over someone else snatching you shouldn't bother you at all, his reaction is inadequate, it's his problem that things did not pan out the way he wanted them to. 
 

@K Ghoul If that's the case, I struggle to understand how other girls keep friendships with their male friends without it ever becoming something more. Yet again, maybe they struggle as well, since I don't know what's going on in their lives. 

In my life I have only 2 male friends that I knew since I was 4. And we were always friends and nothing more. Those were the only two people that were male that I was able to only be friends with.

As I grow older, it seems kinda impossible to do that. Every other male seems to have "hidden motives" when talking to me

Edited August 10, 2020 by somegirl
To clarify

[Akemrelax]

On 8/5/2020 at 6:00 PM, K Ghoul said:

Fun fact: a guy will not talk / hang out with a girl if he doesn't find her sexually attractive and would not want to have sex with her, eventually   (guys in this thread, correct me if I'm wrong)

@K Ghoul I say you are wrong. Plenty of men are friends with women they don’t find sexually attractive or have a desire to have sex with.

@somegirl From what I understand, you met an immature man. Take it lightly and move on.

I’m not a social person but, like someone else also pointed out, I try to be mindful of men and women’s different communication styles. It may be helpful to be more mindful of these differences in the future. Generally speaking, guys are rude to each other but don’t mean it, and girls are nice to each other but don’t mean it. Men insult each other all the time and women compliment each other more frequently than men (from what I see, especially on social media, I’m not a girl). As a guy, I can’t make fun of or call my female friends names the same way I do with my male friends, unless they are very close to me, they would feel offended. 

So compliments can be a big deal for men. When your colleague friend texted you “Hey beautiful”, it was not a casual text men send their friends, IMO. (Not saying that you should have said something at that time or that it’s your fault.) Being nice, which may come as “normal” to women, can sometimes be interpreted in the wrong way by some introverted men. 

I generally try to be less rude and nicer when talking to women (most men do it unconsciously from what I see). Maybe you can try being more assertive and straight forward in your tone of voice and language when talking to male friends in the future (just don’t scare them away).

 

[wwhy]

On 8/10/2020 at 9:09 PM, somegirl said:

You assume a lot of stuff that was not once mentioned in my original post. 
I took pictures with my boyfriend on social media and, and this former "friend" of mine follows me on social media platforms and views stuff I post there. He saw an instagram story where I was with my bf. So I thought he came to the conclusion that I am in a relationship. But obviously not. Maybe he had different story in his head. I can't know that. But that would be kinda funny and delusional from his side because everyone else that saw posts with my boyfriend came to the conclusion that I am in a relationship with him.
 

Its a deduction, not an assumption. If more relevant information ever becomes available, then I'll change it. We all assume stuff.

Like for example:

• assuming a flirty "friend" knows about your boyfriend
• assuming a "friend" sees all your social media posts
• assuming a "friend" came to a conclusion
• assuming a "friend" maybe had different story in his head
• assuming a "friend" had "hidden motives"
• assuming there is only one side to a story

On 8/10/2020 at 9:09 PM, somegirl said:

I told my boyfriend about this "friend", so he knows everything. Thanks for your concern. 
 

I'm assuming you meant "he knew everything", the phrasing kind of implies he just recently got the memo after the fallout with your "friend". All these assumptions!

Assuming you're not just here to bash your ex "friend", atleast take this

3 hours ago, Akemrelax said:

I generally try to be less rude and nicer when talking to women (most men do it unconsciously from what I see). Maybe you can try being more assertive and straight forward in your tone of voice and language when talking to male friends in the future (just don’t scare them away).