Life Transformation Documentation/Journal

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9 minutes ago, Nahm said:


Oh boy. Next thing ya know our periods will be syncing.

omg yours is today aswell??

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Feeling completely dead today, or equivalently feeling like everything is completely alive. 

I wonder how such a state like this would go with NN-DMT. 

Should try it. 

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The importance of collapsing the spirituality vs career paradigm. And further, collapsing spiritual materialism vs minimalism. 

I've tried it, spiritual materialism doesn't work. BUT, so doesn't its opposite. The middle way, is the way.

By leaning too far on the spiritual materialist paradigm, you end up abusing spiritual teachings to suit your own egoic agenda and minimising your ability to see reality for how it is. Leaning too far on spiritual materialism makes you unable to see the "free will is an illusion" insight, and makes you believe in wacky things like the ego can control the dream. This leads you into a false pretence and bastardisation of spiritual teachings and reality. For example, implying that law of attraction = you can attain whatever materialistic desires you want. No you can't because you're not in control of the dream. The other issue with spiritual materialism is the trap of chasing states and spiritual ideas, insights and dogmas to keep yourself happy, rather than the truth. For example, cherry picking what Love is. Love is a deep connection with a woman, but its not murder. Also Leo's obsession with attaining mystical insights is another example. 

But on the other side of the coin, completely rejecting materialism isn't good either. By rejecting materialism, you can fall into the trap of believing in false pretences about the world being cynical and pessimistic. You can believe that everything that feels good, is ego. That materialistic desires are ego, and must all be avoided. This can lead you into a dark state where you disconnect yourself from Love and Bliss, and replace them with cynical and pessimistic thoughts. In the name of being spiritual. Rejecting materialism also leads to suppressing desires like sex and fame and wealth. Which leads to the existence of dark shadows lingering in your system, and a inability to weed them out because you think it isn't spiritual to do so. The other problem with rejecting materialism is not seeing the God, Love, Bliss and Beauty in the universe. by rejecting materialism, you reject wealth and sex and fame. By rejecting those things, you judge them and even possibly hate them. This blocks you from seeing the beauty, love of those things and why they are there.

The right way is the middle way, where you keep true to your sincere intentions as a seeker, and follow your commitment to see things the way they are, not the way your ego wants, but at the exact same time, you allow genuine materialistic desires to flourish, without indulging or being too attached to them. And you're open to and accepting of the Love, Wisdom, Truth of those materialistic desires and objects. 

The point is to be aware of the traps and consequences of materialism, especially spiritual materialism, but indulge and enjoy them anyway, up to a point that you ensure you aren't falling into any traps. 

Indulge and fully experience materialism, but always remember to be quite detached, open minded, wary of traps, and to ALWAYS keep the bigger picture in mind, the bigger picture in that everything that is materialistic is impermanent, transient, and all materialistic indulgence is meant for Being Truth, Love and Bliss. Allow materialism in, but never let down your guard of its dangers. And always assess whether the consequences of your actions are reaching a negative, counter productive/spiritual tipping point. 



Reflection of desire: a trap.

The buddha quote (paraphrased) of "don't forget to get off your raft before entering the island" is slightly misleading and nuanced. The raft being desire, and the island being enlightenment.

Yes you gotta get off your raft to enter the island, and clinging onto your desire for too long is a big trap, but an equally big trap is getting off your raft before getting to the island, and bullshitting yourself into believing you're enlightened when you're not.

My path has been highly ruthless, lots of anger, negative emotions, ego bashing. Its a deeply masculine path. And that's the way I like it, because it ensures I don't get off the raft before I reach the island. 

Infact, chucking away your desire for enlightenment too early, is a 1000x bigger trap than clinging onto your desire for too long. And that's because, if your desire is big enough, after some time, your desire will burn itself up purely because its unable to hold its own energy for too long. Its equivalent to slamming your raft into the island due to high velocity. Forcing yourself to get off the raft, not because you want to, but because you have to. This IMO is the ideal way to handle desire. Be so ambitious, so hungry, such a huge seeker, that you run yourself into the ground, completely and utterly burn yourself out. That way the ego has no chance of using the buddha's quote above to become satisfied with anything other than enlightenment, and bullshit itself into believing its enlightened when its not. But at the same time, you've got no chance of clinging onto desire, because you're burnt out.

I use to be like others, and deeply value the wisdom of letting go of desire, but as I mature on this path, I see how desire for enlightenment and truth is everything in being successful on this journey, and too much desire is much much better than too little, even if enlightenment takes an extra few years and ample amount of depression more. Its better to be safer than sorry. 

I've fallen on both sides of this path, jumping off too quickly, and clinging onto desire. It takes desire to let go of desire ;)

At the beginning I jumped off too quickly dozens of times. Which lead to great pain once I had the rude awakening that enlightenment didn't happen. I then desired fiercely as a knee jerk reaction, and ran my raft right into the island, smashed it to pieces, and it took me a year to recover from being burnt out (or repairing my raft following the analogy). Yet as soon as the raft smashed, a huge turning point/awakening occurred. 

I've now been smashing my raft into multiple islands for the past year now, and life just gets better and better, and more and more growth occurs.

An analysis that doesn't consider the downsides of a particular approach is just plain biased and dishonest, so it wouldn't be fair if I didn't mention that there's one big downside to ramming your raft into islands and smashing them to pieces (apart from the extreme depression, anger, basically negative emotions). There's a large recovery period that's required after your raft smashes to pieces. And a bit of trauma. That has to be worked out before setting sail again.

Even though that downside is bad, its way better than getting off too early without realising it, or not getting off the raft after landing on the island IME, both of which have occurred with many other seekers, and have convinced me that the approach I'm taking is the best. Its just the hardest. 

Edited by electroBeam

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Main Sentiment from the past week

Over the past week it has really occurred to me that letting go and merging with infinite love is BINARY not grayscale. 

Its black and white, not a 50 shades of grey. Its this or that, not some of this and that. 

To fully merge with infinite love means to let go over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and NOT stop anywhere inbetween. To stop inbetween is effectively not letting go at all. 

And it cannot be figured out, as much as a contemplative, philosophical INTP like me is addicted to doing. You must drop with no reason, purely faith. Purely hope for the best sort of attitude.

And further, you gotta let go of the desire to contemplate and understand everything. Let go of the fear of going insane, regret or making the wrong choice, fear of hurting others, fear of 'not coming back'.

its complete and utter letting go of absolutely everything. 


And so that's what I'll be reminding myself of the coming weeks:

1) let go of contemplation and understanding

2) let go of the fear of regretting your decision to let go

3) let go of the fear of hurting others.

Because infinite love is TOTAL and ABSOLUTE letting go, any less is holding on just as much as a normal person's consciousness. Letting go is a BINARY thing, its all or nothing. 


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This journal is going to focus more on my worldly LP, because my desire to seek, while its still there and I desire waking up and consciousness work, the desire has decreased, and my desire to make an amazing LP has dramatically increased. 

My new LP:

LP statement: I combine and translate technical research into revolutionary inventions, concepts and models that makes the world a better place. 

DoM: Finding the commonality or 'root' of a bunch of complex problems, and solving ALL of them with 1 solution/invention involving a bunch of highly technical and novel discoveries, methods, practices or research. 

Other skills:
1) communication and persuasion.
2) understanding people's technical capabilities.
3) making a powerful vision
4) mathematical modelling and setting up experiments. 

5) mastery over seeing things from multiple perspectives. 

6) mastery over the creative process. 

What my LP is not:
1) typical engineering work: solving routine problems with standard methods.
2) management: managing people.

At this point, my understanding of invention is this: the ability to solve lots and lots and lots of little problems through 1 solution/invention (instead of solving multiple little problems through lots of little solutions). And in relation to technical innovation, this generally means recognising the value and potential of certain technical research projects, and developing a unique and powerful vision/idea on how those technical research projects could be combined and oriented in a way to solve many many many problems in 1 go. 

As a medium, what I've noticed is I desire clarity. Whatever or however I contribute, I want to develop mastery over it, and that means clarity over and awareness and expertise over multiple distinctions in a niche area, the niche area for me will be the art of invention. 

Where I distinguish my skills from typical engineering work is, I'll be inventing things not using standard, routine methods, but using unique methods (like new research and ways of thinking about things) and combining things in highly novel ways; the mastery to combining highly unrelated, diverse things in unexpected but powerful ways. Compared to an engineer, I wont be as fast as a typical engineer in solving a typical routine problem, nor will I be able to forecast and produce stuff up to the standards of a typical engineer with a routine problem, but I will be able to invent highly valuable, and novel things which a typical engineer could not. 

Tasks to do towards this LP:

I need to become an expert in the creative process. I need to read and contemplate what 'creativity' means. I need to read and contemplate what 'invention' means. I need to understand the history and philosophy of invention and creativity, how creativity worked in the past, how creative organisations are formed, what makes people great inventors, what are the traps and blunders of being inventive or creative, how to forecast into the future what the most valuable research projects will be, how to forecast what people will need in the future, how to be a big picture thinker. 


Insight from past week

I became conscious of past lives. I developed a deeper knowing of how reincarnation works. When you reincarnate, everything that you identify with, project, dream up, remember, think, believe, etc. Gets thrown away. BUT there are things that persist throughout different lives. Conscious effort towards consciousness work (like contemplation and meditation) actually persists throughout past lives. It gets carried over to your new life. So if you're at a Level B in consciousness work in this life, that same level of consciousness will get passed to your new life and you'll more easily handle consciousness work in that next life. That's because 'waking up' or different states of consciousness are not delusion. They are a 'flavour' of emptiness. And that flavour, while may be covered by projections and delusion, doesn't go away. That flavour doesn't just include how 'awake' you are, it also includes, at a very deep level, what your personality is, because at a very deep level, your personality is basically the way you wake up to god. And the way you wake up to god also carries over. So whether your conscious effort was kriya related OR jnana related, also gets carried over. Your inclination for a particular spiritual path is related to your past life. 

And I realised this by becoming aware of how identification works on a deeper level. I became aware that 'knowing', while can be covered up by thought, persists constantly at the heart of your consciousness. And that 'knowing' grows larger and larger as you do consciousness work. And that knowing is unaffected by projection, thoughts and identification. So that level of knowing is passed on through reincarnation. 

And the point of your next life, is to carry on with the progress of that 'knowing' and make it deeper. 

So all the conscious effort you're doing in this life, goes towards a work in progress for your next life. 

And so that's the mindset I have right now of my LP and awakening work. I'm not believing in this perspective, I sort of just got it through an insight. That's just how it feels to me right now. And I have no fear of death because of it. I'm actually excited to reincarnate into a whole new world, because I have this sense of optimism that all the 'knowing' that was done in this life will be used to build up on in the next life, so that I can have an even better life in the next life. 

Edited by electroBeam

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1. Let go and ground yourself in infinite love. Remember the illusion of death, and the multi lifetime plan. Throughout the day, use this letting go, to let go of all ego resistance. Remember that you already have what you seek. And everything done in this life is not to get Love, but to live by it. An expression of it. All effort in this life is to draw yourself closer to God. To deepen your experience of God. To know thyself better. It has nothing to do with the external world. 

2. review LP statement. Embody it.

3. drawing and journalling dreamboard stuff for 5-10 minutes. 

4. work, with the constant intention of doing it to train yourself for your LP. Put constant effort into honing in your LP through your work.

5. Insight and contemplation about creativity, invention, innovation. Reflect on how you went today at work in relation to your LP. Visualisation exercises.  (1-2 hours). 

6. Spend some time reflecting, contemplating, meditating on the grand scheme of things: infinite love, multiple lifetimes, death (destruction of the body), knowing and insight, knowing Me or I or Brahman. (1-2 hours). 

Edited by electroBeam

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After a day I think the ayahuasca I had did affect me more than I expected, because my baseline was a bit lower than it was on the ayahuasca. 

Orientation for living a good life:

Life is a play/dance/story/movie/dream. Its made of magical pixie dust (aka consciousness). Life becomes not fun when you take it too seriously, when you fear death and don't see the bigger picture: which is the entire point of life is to create for the sake of creating, because as God you love your creations and you love creating. Bliss and Love IS creating.

When you fear death, and fear other stuff, you start projecting stuff that isn't fun and isn't true, such as your coworkers don't like you, you're bad at blablabla, you're evil, you're a monster, lava and certain items are poisonous and bad, etc. Its so much more beautiful to see lava as a dream, rather than to see it as something that can kill you. Compare the lava in real life vs the lava in legends of zelda. Notice that the lava in legends of zelda is 1000x more beautiful than the lava in real life? That's because the legends of zelda lava can't kill you! Notice that horror movies are so much more fun when you're conscious that they are just movies. Not real. Too much immersion = fear. Not enough immersion = cynicism, nihilism, stupid adviata vedanta traps like everything is an illusion, intellectual detachment. Get the balance right. 

The bigger picture of life is to create! Create beautiful, amazing awesome things. If you do that, you're in tune with God. If you don't do that, you're fucked, and FYI low self esteem, fear, devilry, self deception, etc. Is not beautiful creation. Beautiful creation is passionate creation. Creation that brings you bliss and love. 

Instead of life being a 3D world, its actually a language designed for God to communicate to you Truth, Love and Bliss. And God communicates to you this way due to Your love of creation. He doesn't tell you stuff directly, because by telling you stuff indirectly, he can create an epic play in the process of your waking up process. 

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Insights Today:

1. Accepting reality does not mean accepting devilry or delusion. It does not mean accepting 'bad', 'evil', 'corruption', 'judgement', 'hatred', etc. It means accepting the thing that causes those judgements. Accept the thing that causes those judgements, but replace the judgements with optimism, love, passion, bliss, 'being proud', etc. For example if you're socially awkward. Accepting reality does not mean accepting that you're a no hoper, or that you're bad with humans, etc. It means accepting the awkwardness that causes the judgements of being a no hoper or bad with humans. Then loving that awkwardness, being optimistic that the awkwardness can be loved by others and can lead you to living a good life (reframing the awkwardness from = lack of prosperity to = lots of prosperity) is beautiful, funny, cool, cute, and you should be proud of it. 

2. Handling the macro and micro. Macro = hands off. Micro = hands on. When inventing a solution to a problem, and you're the leader of a team, give your employees the macro tasks, but be hands on and largely do the micro tasks yourself (if you're a creator like me). The micro task being the 'linchpin' or the crux of the whole idea. The important part, the gem, the oracle or the heart of the entire thing. 

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Exposure to subtle state of consciousness. Description and suggestions for maintaining it/remembering and entering its state sober:


If i was to summarise this in a sentence, I would say its compete and utter harmony with the dream and form. My identification is not the body or the entity/humanistic identity, its an identity that encompasses the entire present moment. Its like the entire present moment is my body. The human body, and all its other components, is just 1 cog out of a trillion. 

My 'ego' has blended into the present moment/dissolved. I feel like I have just blended into the present moment/consciousness. Just dissolved into it completely. 

There's no resistance at all. Its(awareness) completely smooth. Hence why I summarise it as completely harmonious. Everything that's happening in the present moment is working together perfectly. 

There's no humaness going on here. No resistance. No fighting. No human reactions (like shock or jealousy or guilt or judgement or anything) its like I the human isn't even there. Its completely dissolved. The body is like a finger apart of a bigger whole. 

Complete surrender of everything, for everything. Complete, absolutely complete surrender. 

I am like a designer/master engineer whose piecing everything together with the soul goal of making the most love possible. I'm working with the present moment more smoothly then I work with anyone else, more smoothly than my parents, best colleagues, etc. Its like all the parts of the present moment (God's employees) are all so on board with God's vision that they all just work perfectly. Its like a perfectly working tribe. Tbh seeing how well all the parts of God are working together right now is making me shed tears a bit. Its... like watching a company that has the pure goal of making everyone feel loved, and all the employees are dedicating their entire life to it for little pay, and they are all so loving and so alturistic that they are all just working together without fighting at all, and they are doing an extremely effective job, with absolutely no desire for credit for their work. They have no ego and they are just working perfectly together. And this has been happening all along. This is so unexpected. I feel very grateful. 

I get this strong sense of purple stage shamaness, integrating and being fully in harmony with nature... except expand it to the entire dream/universe. Everything, literally everything in the present moment and dream... the sun, the planets, dark matter, my story, all the reincarnations, my past, my future, the ego, the devil, is all working together absolutely perfectly to architect the perfect solution for maximising love. All of those things ^^ are god's employees working perfectly passionately, perfect communication, perfect integration, perfect intelligence, perfect mastery, to make maximum love.

Helping others, being alturistic, is literally anti ego. And its better than being egoic. 

Things are just happening. No need to think about it or question it or stop and worry about it or anything like that. It just happens. Because its perfectly smooth/no resistance. 

It knows EXACTLY how to maximize love. It knows the perfect blueprint/engineering design to make absolute love happen. 

There's this huge sense of perfectness. Like maximumness. Like ultimately perfect. Like can't get any more perfect. The design to produce absolute love can't be improved, its literally the best it can possibly be. Like that's what the present moment/consciousness literally is. Its literally perfect design of maximum love. 

Huge sense of loving everything. Unconditionally. And its not doing it for fun. Its doing it because ITS IMPORTANT TO DO SO. Its a very visionary, noble, drive to love unconditionally. God really fucken sees and is aware of the massive, massive, massive, massive importance of loving everything unconditionally. Its like a super important mission to do so. Its like very very noble and necessary. Its the ONLY important thing to do in this universe, everything else is not important. 

The significance of helping others, having no ego and dissolving with the present moment and just working with the present moment perfectly to achieve perfect love has really hit me in this 'trip'. I've just been hit with the deep deep deep deep deep deep deep signficance and importance and necessity of being alturistic and working with god and all his little minions collectively to achieve perfect love and harmony(gosh that sounds so SD green in retrospect hahaha....). 

Deep Deep Deep Deep sense of gratefulness and 'togetherness'. No aloneness going on at all. I do not feel like I am God all alone at all. I feel like I'm connecting with a trillion of God's little minions/dreams and we all have the same desire, the same goals, we all love each other and we are all just trying to help each other with massive passion to do so. And we are all willing to completely let go and surrender everything for each other to help each other out.

Absolutely 0 arrogance, 100% humility, there's 0 space for hatred, or judgement, or anything egoic. Its completely alturism. Completely help other. That's it, help other with massive passion. No credit or laziness, just help other and that's it.

Perfect motivation and passion comes from 0 resistance. Passion and motivation increases as resistance decreases. Resistance IS ego. Resistance is identification with body mind. Less identification with body mind, more passion and motivation. 

for action steps see here


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Insight over the last few days about what  karma actually means: 

Physical suffering doesn't come from the pain and discomfort of the present moment (such as picking up an extremely heavy object and holding it, or having a cold shower, or getting kicked in the balls). It comes from resisting the present moment (resisting the pain and discomfort) if you don't resist you don't go through suffering. End of story. Why do you resist? Because you have shadows, and shadow work to do. You feel guilty about something you did, you don't feel right about your future direction in life. You feel like you made a wrong choice somewhere. You worry over something (like your mum dying) etc etc.

These shadows are the exact opposite of surrender. They are 'clinging on' ness. Your guilt from not correcting the cashier when he gave you an extra 5 dollar note, while doesn't seem like much, is actually very deeply preventing you to surrender your ego, let it go and drown and just dissolve in infinite love.

In your daily life, you might be going fine, but there might be this slight sense of I ness. Or this sense of suffering, or this sense of limitation or this sense that "there's something more". And it doesn't seem like a shadow. It just seems like some sort of limitation. But when you inquire deeper, you realise this mere sense is actually a shadow. You inquire more and unseemingly out pops that not correcting the cashier of that 5 dollar note that you did a decade ago, that you haven't let go of yet. That was what that sense was, yet it seems so different to that on the surface. 

If you had a life purpose that was true to you (instead of what your parents, society colleagues told you to have)

if you never did anything to anyone that would make you feel guilty

if you always said what you honestly believed you should have said

if you always made those decisions that felt right, rather than the decisions that were exciting or titillating(for example, choosing to save money for a house instead of buying a fancy computer that doesn't provide very essential value to you)

if you always thought about how to give, rather than how to get

if you always chose to believe in yourself at the cost of losing financial, social or economic security

if you always chose to stand up for what was right at the cost of losing financial, social or economic security

if you always treated others how you truly feel they should have been treated, rather than what your anger, hatred, judgement, friends, family, society said how you should treat them


if you were always honest with Yourself

if you always sincerely loved Yourself

Then, you'd have no ego. 

If you followed all of the above, then when someone physically kicks you in the balls, you'd have no suffering. Because the kicking in the balls prompts pain. Pain that makes you think you're gonna loose something. You're gonna loose your beautiful state that you're in now, and enter some hell hole state, or possibly die. Possibly disappear, possibly go to hell. That's really why being kicked in the balls hurts. Its all about being worried about loosing something, and being worried about a truth, that you don't like, being revealed. It has almost nothing to do with the pain itself. Its all about what that pain could possibly mean in the future (note NOT what that pain means now, its always a hypothetical, future state that causes the suffering, what things may turn into, not how things are now). 

And note the thing you're losing is that sense of "grasping" or "holding onto something". It feels super important. But thats a trick. On the outside it looks like a heart, something which keeps the universe together, but on the inside, its shadow. Its guilt, or shame or whatever else. 

The kicking in the balls, prompts guilt, sadness, depression, wrongness, concern, regret, shame, embarrassment, again all these emotions that the kicking in the balls prompts has nothing to do with kicking in the balls, its got to do with the shadows it reveals. Kicking in the balls prompts that guilt from the cashier. And the pain is coming from that guilt, not from being kicked in the balls. 


This is how karma works. All those little things where you're living life not to how you KNOW deep down you should be living life to, but living life in-authentically to yourself, all that stuff gets tucked away, and comes back to bite you when the possibility of loosing your sense of self, or some state you're comfortable with, arises. Like getting kicked in the balls. 


Indirectly, if you had not done that guilty act with the cashier, and told him/her that she gave you the wrong change, that would boost your pickup results, and increase your happiness and reduce your suffering during getting kicked in the balls. Because where is all that fear of pickup coming from? Its coming from the cashier guilt incident, shame, not feeling like you're expressing yourself enough, etc. Its incongruence with your authentic self and your authentic actions. And your incongruence seems so small at times. Like stepping on an ant. Oh boy, if you think your fear of pickup is not coming from the guilt of stepping on that 1 ant back 5 years ago... then you're kidding yourself.


Start living congruently with your authentic self. Be extremely strict about it. Don't let yourself feel guilty, shameful, embarrassed about anything. Don't step on that ant, correct that cashier, wave and say hello to that down syndrome kid when he walks up to you and tries to communicate with you, be loving to that poor person on the street, don't let anger or dogma make you hurt others, even if they are in the wrong. Don't blame others for mistakes you made and don't judge others when you don't know the full picture of their lives. Just don't do any of it because all that stuff will make you suffer more when its time to grow, when its time to die, when its Gods time to change. And it prevents you from letting go... which is ultimately the point of life. 


Useful Download About Work

Each person has unique and extremely revolutionary discoveries/inventions/ways to impact the world. These revolutions are covered by social conditioning, indoctrination and dogmas, low EQ, low IQ, lack of consciousness, fear, shadows, traumas, lack of moral development, etc. To fully get in touch with your discoveries and inventions that you are to share with the world, you must do shadow work, consciousness work, explore other perspectives, have diverse experiences, shed ego, indoctrination and dogmas, etc. You must also contemplate, put attention on, love your passion, curiosity and child like nature. This passion isn't necessarily tied to any particular medium (like mathematics, or music or software code) but could be tied to anything. The point is to put attention and focus on it, engage with it, contemplate it, get more in touch with it. It feels good the more you do it. It feels blissful and sometimes loving. Follow your bliss and love. 

By product of the above, you deepen and get more in touch with your unique, True Self, which is ripe with creative potential, and has unique insights, tendencies, ways of looking at things which are beautiful. When looking at problems or any sort of phenomena, your deepened state instantly sees that problem in a unique way, and therefore develops a unique solution/perspective that expresses extreme bliss, love and joy. 

But without the ability to express that joy, you cannot share it. 

So you must also learn how your mediums that you express your unique perspective work, how the entities(probably people) you want to transmit this unique perspective to work, how they understand the world, what they accept, what they reject, what makes sense to them, what they want and don't want, etc. And then you must use this mastery over mediums to express your unique perspective on the world as effectively as possible.

You ultimate career goal: Get paid loads of money to express your best, authentic Self and unique worldview through mediums that you enjoy working with. 

Your unique medium is mathematics, technical writing and illustration, and software engineering. You also specialise in medical devices specifically, but can of course branch out to other areas. You also specialise in intelligent agents (artifical intelligence and making things smart) but again can branch out into other areas from that passion. 

The more you spend your career time on those mediums, the better your life will be. 

From this perspective, value = sharing your unique worldview/Self/Way of understanding the world + through mastery of a particular theme/field (being artifical intelligence/agents, mathematics, software, technical illustration and writing). 


1) increase your career mediums by the above. Because the more you do your mediums, the more joy you will have because you're doing only what you love. 

2) master your mediums to make expressing your unique worldviews extremely effective.

3) do consciousness and shadow work, explore other perspectives, follow your curiosity, shed ego and dogmas, increase your child like mind to deepen how in touch you are with your unique perspective, worldview and Self. 

Edited by electroBeam

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Specific clarifications for LP

The audience you want to work with are other engineers. You want to provide science, research, frameworks, ideas and systems for other engineers to use to enhance their ability to create impact on the world. You want to reach out and impact millions of engineers and companies so that they can solve more problems more effectively. 

You want your ideas to impact the world to relieve suffering: help people with health conditions, help people in poverty, lack of access to water and hygiene, etc.

Job titles: Applied Mathematician. Contributing to areas of computer science, biology, topology, chemistry, etc. 

Edited by electroBeam

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Attitude to have in relation to research and discovery:

All research is worth it if you're sincere in your intentions for why you're researching it. You may not get the result you want, or achieve what's needed, you may end up screwing something up, etc. But if its with the right intentions, its an unforced, unavoidable error. 

There's something to learn from everything given the right intentions, doesn't matter what it is. And those learning experiences are extremely valuable for your life even if they aren't even remotely related to the current task at hand. 

Note on Motivation

A gigantic vision is required to move through life in the direction you want/towards God. But you must also not get attached to that vision, because being attached to the vision can cause you to get sucked into the vision, have unrealistic expectations (which causes bad planning errors, depression from not achieving your goals, lack of motivation from the vision seeming too impossible and a pipe dream, causes you to be too rigid in your direction in life, instead of flowing and adapting to changing dynamics, etc).

Get the vision, feel its power, and chuck away the contents of the vision and just keep the feeling, to the point where the contents no longer exists. Use the feeling (rather than the content) to power you through the day. 


"The content is like the raft, the island is the feeling. Once you reach the island, chuck the raft away."

Edited by electroBeam

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Just realised that the 'useful download' method can be, and should be, applied to all fields where you're exchanging value with a human.

The general principle is:

1. Get into a flow state, or high level of consciousness. And develop your consciousness so that you have a very deep existential understanding of consciousness and have embodied a wide array of rich and deep experiences. 

2. Spread that flow state/high level of consciousness through learning how to work with the people you're trying to spread it to. If its your career, learn how to spread it to logical, mathematical scientists and engineers through technical writing, illustrations and presentations, etc. Or to business people through charisma and simple but easy to understand slides, etc. If its dating and sexuality, learn how to spread that state to women through pickup and charisma and high emotional intelligence and masculinity. 

3. Enrich (1) through getting an exchange in value from (2), to make it a loop. 

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Refinement of LP Download:

Holy shit, of fucken course. You're not a human! Its funny how you can have so many awakenings yet still forget you're not a human!








... in a sense, the human is not creating the work. The work is creating the human.

Same with this post, this post is not from the human. The human is from this post. 


It is time for you to transcend the paradigm of, the idea that, you are the one learning, you are the one creating the work. 


The work is a collapsing of infinite intelligence. 

The learning is a process of consciousness evolving through itself. 


This is a truth, that all others are unaware of, and you'll just have to put up with it. Your bosses, colleagues, etc. Don't get, and never will, that you are not producing the work, but rather the witnessing of infinite intelligence collapsing into being the work. 



As this post is written, it is 100% clear to You, God, that its coming from God. You are 100% seeing that the human is a byproduct or a side effect of infinite intelligence creating this post here. 

Time to make it fucken bigger. Make it more aware. your job is to GROW the awareness that witnesses the collapse of the work that spontaneously occurs and that you mistakenly credit as yours. 

ohhhhhhhhh.... and the thoughts... aint the human's either. The thoughts are coming directly from God. So all ideas that has been invented are not coming from the human. The human is an idea at the same level as all the other ideas you have for work. The projection that the human idea is somehow more deep, real, important, valuable, etc. Is delusion.

Why is this new perspective important to embody?

Because the thing limiting you from producing valuable work, is literally, LITT-FUCKING-ER-ALY projecting the work that is produced by the present moment, id limited in sophistication, wisdom, beauty, intelligence BECAUSE YOU THINK A HUMAN INVENTED IT. And by projecting that nonsense, you limit what that work can be. The work must fit into your beliefs about that human belief. Or that ego belief. And that is not on if you want to achieve maximal results in your career. 

It was important for you to do this in the past, because the process of waking up involves you evolving from thinking you're a mere human, to a developed human, to a super human, to infinity itself. 

And now its time for you to drop the developed/actualized human archetype, and take on the super human or even infinity archetype. 

How will Your perspective change moving forward?

Radical stuff will change from adopting this new perspective. You will no longer see a causal link between the thought you have of the human, and the creation of human/man made things. Rather you will directly see the creation of man/human made things as being of infinity itself. And the thought of human, does not cause creation of reality, but rather the thought of human is at the same level as the thought of the designs of the man made thing. The human does not create man made things, infinity is both creating man made things and humans at the same level. And is creating that illusory causal link between human and man made thing as part of the illusion of the dream. 

Everything that is special, beautiful, powerful, important, valuable, rare, intelligent about the human, will be directly seen into the present moment instead. The thing under the human (which you were not consciously aware of all the time) will be seen rather than the human. 

This is all god, this entire post. There's no going back now. Its god, only God, and the human... that's there as apart of God's creation, doing nothing apart from appearance. Which is not what you believed before. You believed the human had a substance which could create man made things. 

When you talk to people, you're talking to God now. No going back. The humans you talk to are silhouettes, shadows (in plato's cave analogy) to the God you're talking to. That intelligence that humans have IS god, and the humans are just the creation. 

Which also means... your relationship with judgement will now be massively disrupted. You can no longer isolate yourself from things you seem to not like. They will be deeply connected to you. 

Your low self esteem will be massively disrupted. It now no longer have legs to stand on. You barely had any self esteem issues left, but the ones you still had are now totally fucked. 

Your relationship to other people hurting you... now totally undefined and nonsense. Saying someone hurt you is like saying what's the colour of jealousy. 

Showing off and being arrogant or thinking you're special compared to other people? Totally impossible. 

People taking credit for producing work? Beatles taking credit for their music? Einstein taking credit for his works? Martin Luther King taking credit for his ability to change the world? COME ON PLSS, THAT WAS ALL YOU ALL ALONG. Martin Luther King never existed as a person. He was always a story FOR YOU to traverse through. He was the seat of the bus, while you were the passenger. But all along in this incarnation you confused the seat for the passenger. It was you who went through that incarnation, remember?????

And many more things.


All in all, nothing much will really change, but your perspective will be subtly different in a radical way... if that makes sense. 




Edited by electroBeam

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The ego has to go. The life purpose that will be partaken moving forward has now transitioned to a completely non egoic life purpose.

Your download was still too egoic for what you're about to do. Your download was about how to make your human self look valuable amongst other humans. That is no more. That's pointless, useless. Its time to think beyond the human, and think about how to make the entire experience as a whole seem super valuable. In other words, maximising love. 

You don't want to do this, you're resisting a lot, but you're now going to enter a state where you don't think about what to do, but completely feel as the present moment, in a holistic fashion on what to do. You love to think about what to do and make plans, because it makes you feel wise. It makes you feel like you're covering all of your bases. To drop all that will make you feel like anything can happen, and what you want to happen wont happen. Well as you'll see in the future, that's utter nonsense. But for now, you will be diving into being and working with the present moment moving forward, and for the short term, that will mean a lack of planning, and instead a deep harmonisation and working with your fellow partial aspects of yourself and present moment.

You're cooking that brew of ayahuasca now? That's great, but the trip has already started, and its gonna last a long time. 

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How successful you are in your career, relationships and spirituality is how joyful you feel doing them. 

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Growth = encountering/getting in contact with your fears + that are preventing you from reaching your highest self + willingly and deliberately/consciously loving/enjoying the moment of encountering those fears.

You need all 3 elements for growth.

If you don't love the moments of going through your fears, then you are encountering and facing your fears, but not growing and expanding from them.

If you don't go through the specific fears that are required to reach your highest self, then you aren't growing in the direction that You want to, and aren't manifesting the life you want. 

If you don't go through your fears... then that goes without saying. 

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I've finally accepted the fact that my life purpose is not to be world class, a master or expert in a particular field. Its to live a magical, wonderful, dream like story, where I explore new and unexpected facets of reality, triumph through inner demons, learn wisdom from my adventures, experience sadness, tragedy, empowerment, wisdom, etc.

I basically want to live an epic story. That's it.

And I've done enough spiritual work now to feel in my bones that this life is a story, and an epic one. 

My last trip (on 60 grams of Syrian rue) has had such a powerful experience on me, and has radically changed my consciousness to an irreversible state that changes everything. What I saw on that trip, cannot be unlearnt, or unseen. And there is permanent 'damage' or change, depending on how you look at it, from that trip. 

And my god what an epic journey that trip was. Holy fuck. And not just that trip, but the days leading after it. This has been an extremely intense part of my life.

Living the life I have, taking risks, going on an adventure, being passionate about what I'm doing, what I'm trying to achieve, living moment by moment, is the life I truly want to have. Not living a predefined life, artificially limited and put myself into a box. I want to allow whatever happens, to happen, but do it with passion, adventure, for growth, expansion, development. 

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Here is a description of the Absolute here.

I have the desire to 'rest' in the egg for a bit more time, and to explore the egg more deeply. While allowing life and the dream to continue. 

I don't really identify with electroBeam as an entity anymore, because there's no separation between electroBeam and the egg. But I don't identify with the egg either, because its still real that electroBeam is a character, and this particular POV is real. So I sort of identify with the egg, but through electroBeam as a character. 

How the dream unfolds is still important to me. I'm not just gonna sleep on a parkbench like Eckhart Tolle, but adopting a dualistic perspective, or forgetting about the egg is definitely not on my radar, and wont be for a while I reckon. I would need to replenish and cool off from the journey I've been on before doing that.

Deepening the egg is on my radar, and it will probably make the dream more fun anyway. More of a pleasure to go through then a drain. 

Edited by electroBeam

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