Iiris

Building Foundational Habits

68 posts in this topic

  • Yoga ✅ 30min + 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7.5h and took a nap yesterday

Naps have become my thang apparently

Too much attachment to these journals. I occasionally have a spike of shame over the littlest things I write. Then when I correct them later I have a spike of shame over correcting them. It's painful. It's just that I care too much. And try too much sometimes. And now I'm slightly ashamed by how much I care and am ashamed

Why try to create an image of yourself. Helping others is more important. Wayy more important. But sometimes I just feel like a love vampire. Most of the time

I signed up for the meditation retreat. I sign up for a music camp they ask me what's my favourite genre of music, I sign up for a meditation retreat they ask me if I've ever considered suicide. Jeez. Though that's understandable. I'm kind of worried if I did the payment thing right. I'll probably have to send them another email and ask.

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On 02/07/2020 at 6:51 PM, Iiris said:

No problem xD

I don’t talk about it much to them. They both know I meditate and do stuff like that, but I don’t think they know how deep I’m into this stuff. Never mentioned Leo, my mom would think he’s a crazy cult leader

My mother is a materialist. My father is probably not. He’s a very philosophical and esoteric guy. I used to talk about God and reality and enlightenment with him even before I found Leo’s content. Though he doesn’t understand the emotional and love part of this at all. It’s fun to philosophize with him sometimes. I rarely do it nowadays though

Also my father’s mother was deeply into New Age kinda stuff. When I was alone with her she randomly started talking about chakras and angels and humanity’s rise into the 4th dimension and stuff like that

@Iiris Proof that a materialist and a new ager can hit it off then! I have this idea in my head that I have to find a really spiritual woman and I'm sure it's limiting me big time, especially as most spiritual people still have massive Ego's anyway most of the time. 

I'm glad you grew up with both sides of the spectrum represented. That must mean you can relate to people from both camps a bit better. Thanks for sharing by the way 

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19 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

@Iiris Proof that a materialist and a new ager can hit it off then! I have this idea in my head that I have to find a really spiritual woman and I'm sure it's limiting me big time, especially as most spiritual people still have massive Ego's anyway most of the time. 

I'm glad you grew up with both sides of the spectrum represented. That must mean you can relate to people from both camps a bit better. Thanks for sharing by the way 

:) Yeah I guess it has helped me to see the both sides better, though materialists definitely frustrate me sometimes. My dad mostly just hides his weird metaphysical ideas from people, he doesn't have the best communication going on with my mom. He just bursts out some weird shit now and then and makes my mom confused

 

  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Mediation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7h

I was pretty close to not doing yoga and meditation yesterday, but managed

Been feeling more connected to everything today, especially to myself and nature. It's lovely.

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  • Yoga ✅ 25min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7h and took a nap

Got home from work today and spent a lot of time watching dumb youtube videos. I'm going to get my shit together now.

I did the payment thing right with the meditation retreat. It's super cheap because the teachers don't get paid they are there voluntarily. It's in december.

I need new shoes but I've been too lazy to look for them. I also need a new bicycle and I need a new zipper to my backpack. All of those are on the verge of totally falling apart. They've already fallen apart a bit.

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7.5h

Apparently my guitar amp is falling apart too. It's almost 30 years old so it's understandable. And I didn't like it that much anyway. I'm just going to steal the one we have in our basement to my room. I don't like playing in the basement for some reason. The one in the basement has a way better sound. Though you have to play loud as heck with it and I'm not good enough to play loud as heck

What else? Felt a bit low yesterday. Just a total lack on inspiration for anything. I was a bit pissed off too. I use the fact that I'm in a hurry as an excuse for being pissed off. And I'm somehow always in a hurry. It's an incredible talent. Even if I first have plenty of time I manage to magically get into a hurry. I don't remember the last time I was early for school or work. I'm always just on time or a bit late. And I think I'm somehow the victim of being in a hurry. Like it's not my own god damn fault every time. Reminds me of my father way too much. ugh

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7h and took a nap yesterday

I felt better again yesterday. Probably because I took a 2h nap. I felt so relaxed and open after it. I don't know if it's wrong to take such long naps. For me they feel good. I can't sleep enough during the night so I sleep during the day. Just closing the curtains and going to my bed and curling up into a ball

I'm pretty tired at going to work at this point. And it's only 5h a day 5 days a week. Still feeling like I can't handle it. My lazy ass. Well it's okay if I feel that way. I'm pretty much using all my weaknesses there. I have to be social and practical. I'm not very good at either. I can pretend to be social but it's quite exhausting in the long run.

This is deep

 

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min + 25min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided + 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ almost 8h

Bumped into another meditation challenge on youtube. It's for beginners but I like doing beginners stuff sometimes, since I tend to forget the basics

My neck and shoulders have been stuck. I have to work at pretty shitty positions sometimes.

Social anxiety has been surprisingly absent. I don't feel out of control. I feel present and in control.

Walked through some beautiful scenery yesterday. Water lilies were sparkling in the sun.

Also, I'm feeling sort of sad right now

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 30min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided + 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 6.5h

Went to bed at 00 but was fantasizing until 3am. Escaping the sadness! Now I have a headache from the lack of sleep. I feel quilty. But I forgive myself. That's what I wrote in the sentence completions too. A big part of them are in the form of "If I added 5% more self-compassion into my day I would forgive myself for this and that" Most of them aren't really about any conrete doing.

Yeah I'm just going to keep forgiving myself

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