Building Foundational Habits

[DrewNows]

41 minutes ago, Iiris said:

I'm listening right now to this song that was posted in the Music thread, it makes me real happy

cool it has a real surrendering quality to it...

The song cloudy days you posted, heaven in my ears (sucker for saxophone) 

[Iiris]

4 hours ago, DrewNows said:

cool it has a real surrendering quality to it...

Yess! I might have to go play and sing it later myself

4 hours ago, DrewNows said:

The song cloudy days you posted, heaven in my ears (sucker for saxophone) 

Glad you enjoyed it, I love the saxophone too

[Iiris]

Alright, I was anticipating this would happen. But I cannot sing that song because I start crying immediately. I'll try again later.

• Yoga ✅ 30min
• Meditation ✅ 15min guided
• Sleep
  • No electronics ❌
  • Bedtime ❌

I went to bed at 2am and woke up too early at 8. I had to drive my dog + slightly drunk parents and uncle around the town at midnight. I have no idea why they had to take the dog too. But I didn't mind driving them around. My dad and his brother are a pretty funny duo.

Last night was the first time I didn't do the sentence completion exercise. I did 2 sentences and then I was like fuck this I'm going to sleep. I did it this morning though. But then after it I spend bit too much time on Youtube. Which means way too much time. It looks like whenever I have a day off from work I'm unable start my day properly.

I'll let myself go to bed before 00:00 when I don't have work the next day. If I have work it's 23:30.

[Iiris]

• Yoga ✅ 20min
• Meditation ✅ 15min alone
• Sleep
  • No electronics ❌ I went and opened my phone for 20 seconds after I went to bed
  • Bedtime ✅

I'm able to sing the song now

I slept almost 7,5 hours. I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm. I'm going to take a nap today

My tooth hurts. And it has a brown spot. I probably need to call the dentist. I got my wisdom teeth removed a month ago and I couldn't brush that spot. So I guess it's from that.

[Iiris]

On 1.6.2020 at 5:34 PM, Iiris said:

syncronizities

I should probably figure out how to spell words before I use them pretending I understand them

• Yoga ✅ 5min
• Meditation ✅ 15min guided
• Sleep
  • No electronics ✅
  • Bedtime ✅

I planned to do more yoga in the evening but I had a life purpose related crisis. I was also planning not overthink in bed but, well I did.

On 12.6.2020 at 3:54 PM, Iiris said:

I still woke up too early. But then I fell asleep again. But then my alarm rang.

Happened again. 6.5 hours of sleep

I didn't eat breakfast today. I ALWAYS eat breakfast, so something's wrong. My mood last evening and today is well represented by this picture:

I need meditation. And sleep. I need to relax

[Iiris]

• Yoga ✅ 30min
• Meditation ✅ 15min alone
• Sleep
  • No electronics ✅
  • Bedtime ✅

Woke up too early, fell asleep again, then my alarm rang. Slept 7-7.5 hours.

I've been feeling like an asshole lately. Last time I cried myself to sleep was during final exams, now it happened again. It's very relieving I should do it more often.

Feeling lonely. It's a shitty feeling but there's something beautiful about that melancholia.

I'm quite tired, it's probably why I'm feeling a bit down rn

[Iiris]

• Yoga ✅ 20min
• Meditation ✅ 10min guided
• Sleep
  • No electronics ❌
  • Bedtime ❌

I have no excuses for the sleep thing this time, I was procranastinating and I managed to get myself to bed at 00:30 because that

Had a day off from work and an EXTREMELY slow morning again. I can't even tell how slow. I feel quilty because I was supposed to do lots of stuff today.

I'm afraid of dissappointing people and being a dissappointment. I'm always doing everyhting I can to not dissappoint people, and it takes away enormous amounts of energy. My father's way of raising his kids has always been, act very dissappointed if you want to change their behavior. Bringing up the dysfunctional relationship with my father again, yayyay, flashbacks to my last journal

[Iiris]

I could tone down the sarcasm a bit sometimes. I tend to hide my hurt and shame behind it.

• Yoga ✅ 30min
• Meditation ✅ 15min alone
• Sleep
  • No electronics ✅
  • Bedtime ✅

Got 7-7.5 hours of sleep.

Sometimes I think I'm a special snowflake, but I'm not really, I'm just about the same and as lost as everyone else.

Going through the same cycles of lots of laziness and less laziness, then lots of laziness again. Yesterday I managed to procrastinate my morning yoga until 10pm, I guess that isn't really morning yoga anymore. Then when I did it I realized, it wasn't that terrible after all! I didn't die, only my bad mood died

[Iiris]

My mom has told me to read one article from the newspaper, I said I'll read it but I never did, now I found the article laid out on my room table :DD I guess she's tired of my bullshit

I've been talking to her about developmental psychology, the article is about it. Some Robert Kegan has figured out 5 different stages of development. Basically second stage is red/orange, third stage is blue, fourth is green, fifth is yellow. It's pretty interesting I'm always excited when they talk about this stuff on more mainstream media. They left out the first spiral dynamics stages and kind of left out orange. I think because orange is so common that it's hard to notice

• Yoga ✅ 30min
• Meditation ❌
• Sleep
  • No electronics ❌
  • Bedtime ❌

Yesterday was a total  flop. I guess it's normal to flop once in a while. Slept 3.5 hours. Went to sleep at 5am, I was watching youtube and even participated on the forum conversations here which I rarely do. Basically sent one video to a personality types thread

And I didn't do the sentence completions last evening and this morning. Whyy am I doing this to myself? Don't know if that question helps anymore

Edited June 19, 2020 by Iiris
I accidentially sent this fricken post, I'm gonna edit the rest in

[Iiris]

• Yoga ✅ 30min
• Meditation ✅ 15min alone
• Sleep
  • No electronics ❌
  • Bedtime ❌

Went and got drunk yesterday evening. I hate drinking but I guess I do it because everyone else does it and it helps me to deal with people. Alcohol doubles all my depressive emotions. And gives me hangover. I just hate it

I had work the next day so I got home at 23:30, managed to meditate after that. But it wasn't enjoyable the more I focused on the present the more I felt like throwing up. Did the sentence completions again, went to sleep at 1. 7.5 hours of drunken sleep. Which equals to very little sleep.

Whenever I do something dumb this journal gets more interesting, I guess I should do more dumb things

For some reason I started to practise my signature on the notebook. I've never had a proper signature but I guess I have now

[Iiris]

 

• Yoga ✅ 30min
•  Meditation ✅ 10min alone
• Sleep
  • No electronics ✅
  • Bedtime ✅

I slept over 8 hours!!!! And I'm having a day off work today and still got out of bed before noon! This seems like a pretty good day, finallly

I was going through a dancing themed thread here this morning and dancing to some of the songs there, it was great. I need to dance more. It's a great way to connect to music. Also increases body awareness and stops me from overthinking. It makes me feel better overall

I love dancing to this song, the verse is very rhythmic

 

 

Edited June 21, 2020 by Iiris

[Iiris]

• Yoga ✅ 30min
• Meditation ❌
• Sleep
  • No electronics ❌
  • Bedtime ❌

I flopped again. I made a post in my life purpose journal and it took longer than I expected, also the post was pretty catastrophic. Then I felt quilty and dissappointed in myself because I spent over an hour writing an absolute disaster and missed my bedtime because of that. I felt so bad I skipped meditation and everything else and binge watched Youtube again until 5am. JEEZ. Sentence completions were skipped again. I still feel bad about it, and and now I'm tired on top of that

Can I forgive myself. I'm trying my best. I'm actually trying too much. I care too much. Can I really blame myself for that.

Edited June 22, 2020 by Iiris
I accidentially sent this fricken post AGAIN, I'm gonna edit the rest in

[Iiris]

• Yoga ✅ 30min
• Meditation ✅ 45min guided
• Sleep
  • No electronics ✅
  • Bedtime ✅

I felt like meditating again. Had a hard time letting go of the body again. But found the same place of vulnerability again. Lots of thoughts but I wasn't too attached to them

Slept about 7.5 hours.

I stole this video from the 5meo dmt megathread but I have to put it here because it's hilarious, and inspiring

 

[Iiris]

• Yoga ✅ 35min
• Meditation ✅ 15min alone
• Sleep
  • No electronics ❌ opened my phone for 20 seconds
  • Bedtime ✅

I'm trying to hold on to some kind of image that I'm creating here and I'm trying to get some kind of reaction out of people. The egoism that makes me want to create that image is the thing that destroys the image I'm trying to create. And now I'm just watching the image collapse. I can't identify with it because otherwise I'm the one who is collapsing. Less painful to let go of the image than to identify with it at this point.

Took a nap yesterday and slept 8 hours at night

I think I've healed my tooth with a magic toothpaste

[Iiris]

• Yoga ✅ 30min + 20min
• Meditation ✅ 15min alone
• Sleep
  • No electronics ✅
  • Bedtime ✅

Difficult to let go of my thinking addiction. Some thought patterns especially are very sticky. Too much emptiness if I leave them

I'm not afraid of people, I'm afraid of being alone! Which makes me afraid of people's rejection which makes me afraid of people. Things are twisted! SO darn twisted

The world sucks at least partly because people aren't aware of how twisted things are, I think. You think you are going somewhere but you end up the opposite

Slept almost 7.5 hours

I'm going to go lay in the sun now and listen to this album

 

[DrewNows]

You know what’s funny, I “thought” against sharing this with you yesterday...

i have not yet watched it but me feels it could serve you 

2 hours ago, Iiris said:

I'm going to go lay in the sun now and listen to this album

Excellent, enjoy! 
 

btw I love looking at all your honest judgements and flipping them around into positivities  

Edited June 25, 2020 by DrewNows

[Iiris]

2 hours ago, DrewNows said:

You know what’s funny, I “thought” against sharing this with you yesterday...

i have not yet watched it but me feels it could serve you 

I watched it, seems great, I'll start asking the questions!

2 hours ago, DrewNows said:

Excellent, enjoy!

Thanks I enjoyed thoroughly! I'll probably have to do that again. It's a magnificent album

2 hours ago, DrewNows said:

btw I love looking at all your honest judgements and flipping them around into positivities  

Cool! : P I'm glad to hear my posts are of some use

[DrewNows]

1 hour ago, Iiris said:

Thanks I enjoyed thoroughly! I'll probably have to do that again. It's a magnificent album

the sun is the souls connection...lovely music too. 

I am learning zodiac signs, you're a leo (fixed-fire), would you like to hear what i learned about your sign? (you probably already know)

 

Edited June 25, 2020 by DrewNows

[Iiris]

52 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

I am learning zodiac signs, you're a leo (fixed-fire), would you like to hear what i learned about your sign? (you probably already know)

I know something but yeah I would like to hear!  As a self-centered leo

[DrewNows]

Leos likes themselves and their life a lot, enjoy alone time, best at things having to do with entrepreneurship, the sun sine. Just got this from a video/channel i am learning through (it's quite fun) 

I am a pisces, naturally flowing, feminine quality, very spiritual, transmutable, and a burning heart truth seeker

Edited June 25, 2020 by DrewNows