Dissecting "How To Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You"

[Rolo]

On 11/05/2020 at 7:11 AM, jimwell said:

 If you have been extremely and disgustingly abused by your parents during childhood, that means you are an adult person who has low self-love, low self-esteem, and a doormat.

 

I dont think that love should be measured in this way, it cannot be measured by our trauma if it is beyond our trauma.

[jimwell]

9 hours ago, Rolo said:

I find that when i go to a specific trauma and do the forgiveness techneque that trauma is linked to other related memories.

My bully is related to my aggressive father to my cruel boss to other bullies and so on... 

When i stick to one specific event will it make the other events esier to heal? 

I can feel the tension in my body and it just feels like all this rejection and hate. The tension feels like so many people... 

The tension is like the devil and there is a angel somewhere else and the angel is repressed and in fear of the pain, when i do this nondual thing it feels like they are both integrating but the fear still crops up its like the hate from my bully and his projection of my weakness is the very thing i am afraid of becoming.  

That tension in your body is the collective pain trauma inflicted by all your abusers. Continue to be aware of that to keep it under control.  All your bullies are related in a sense they have one thing in common, they all hated and hurt you. First, your father bullied you. That left a vibe in you which is subconsciously or consciously detected by other bullies. That is why you were regularly targeted by bullies. Or at least a few times.

Why do bullies bully others? It is to regain their perceived lost of self-esteem and power. They were bullied by their father and other bullies. The second reason is to transfer their pain and trauma to others, lessening their trauma. That helps them survive. They choose targets who they think are weaker than them and safe to mess with. They never choose humans who are as or stronger than them. Why? Because they are pretentious cowards. They can't handle people who pose a threat to them. Remember that.

Don't work on one traumatic event only. That will not be enough to heal other traumas. Work on every trauma or painful memory. That is a lot of hard work. So I understand if that is not possible. As mentioned in my original post, do at least 70 percent. If your childhood was really bad like mine, do at least 90 percent. It is normal to remember other repressed trauma while working on a specific trauma. It even feels endless. But it eventually ends.

You will know when your trauma is greatly minimized and you have achieved significant healing when you can willfully welcome the trauma or painful memories in your mind and feel a sense of peace. Before you achieve that, keep telling to yourself "I want to be at peace with this horror memory." every time a painful memory comes up. And of course, you need to do the Word or Onenote trauma exercise first and learn the lessons of the painful memories  so it would be easier for you to move on.

 

8 hours ago, Rolo said:

I dont think that love should be measured in this way, it cannot be measured by our trauma if it is beyond our trauma.

If a child is enormously abused by his parents, that child will ask why his parents hate and abuse him. And he will believe it is because he is a bad, worthless child, and he deserves the abuse he receives from his parents. The child will blame himself instead of the parents. That automatically results to low self-love, low self-esteem and much self-hate. This belief and "self-view" are completely ingrained in his soul that he retains them until adulthood, even until death if he doesn't do anything about it. If you can't see this truth, contemplate it and do introspection until you can.

[ZenSwift]

On 11/05/2020 at 1:01 PM, Leo Gura said:

This exercise was only for forgiving people who hurt you. It was not an exercise to removal all possible childhood trauma. That would be a much bigger project.

Do you have any such projects in the works? Or know of any projects like this? 

[jimwell]

Wow! I started this thread 6 years ago. I have completely forgotten about it. I can't believe I spent too much time and energy in including all those details. I was too generous. Now, I'm not that generous anymore. 😑  

[Natasha Tori Maru]

On 24/05/2020 at 3:13 PM, Rolo said:

I find that when i go to a specific trauma and do the forgiveness techneque that trauma is linked to other related memories.

My bully is related to my aggressive father to my cruel boss to other bullies and so on... 

When i stick to one specific event will it make the other events esier to heal? 

I can feel the tension in my body and it just feels like all this rejection and hate. The tension feels like so many people... 

The tension is like the devil and there is a angel somewhere else and the angel is repressed and in fear of the pain, when i do this nondual thing it feels like they are both integrating but the fear still crops up its like the hate from my bully and his projection of my weakness is the very thing i am afraid of becoming.  

Speaking from my own experience - it helped me on my healing path (and in particular application to forgiveness and surrender as a method of unravelling emotional wounds) to try to go back to when I first felt that particular feeling.

We experience loads of stuff. Often I get frustrated with myself. My own self frustration and negative narrative (shame based) was never triggered as much after I went back to my feelings and tracked it to the source. I first felt that when my father tried to teach me mathematical times tables. I just couldn't get it. The feeling of frustration and shame with myself was my first memory of it. Sitting at the table. My Dad getting really, really angry at me - and me feeling it was my fault for his anger. Banging his fist on the table. Hearing him from the other room comment to my mother "I think she may have a learning difficulty". I didn't even clearly remember this until I went back to the feeling.

Every new instance of feeling self frustration was retouching that first taste of it. And I realised I was fearing that. Something about becoming aware of the first time I felt it lead to it unravelling. I wasn't worried about experiencing it. The narrative stopped. My frustration lessoned.   

I think what happened was: finding an early emotionally significant memory changed my relationship to the feeling.

I forgave my Dad and myself because I wasn't responsible for his reaction - and he wasn't either. He was just conditioned to respond like that. He was stressed. Upset at himself for being unable to teach me. I stopped being afraid of feeling frustration. I didn't even KNOW there was a layer of fear there. I surrendered to fully feeling the whole memory all over again to realise that the feeling couldn't hurt me. 

I used this process extensively for around a year, and it dissolved a lot of my own negative inner narrative. And like an operating system freed from hidden background processes choking it into gridlock - my entire living experience became 90% easier. None of my intellect was being swallowed up by unconscious reactions, thoughts and narratives. Life is a lot easier. Effortlessness.

Forgiveness and surrender did this for me.

It might not work this way for everyone - but it did for me.

Edited 4 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[eliasvelez]

On 11.5.2020 at 7:19 PM, Guest Bazooka Jesus said:

The problem that I have with this type of exercise (I have been doing similar ones over the last few months) is that I cannot really point to any insular events that "fucked me up"

For this I highy suggest that you go to a Somatic Experience Therapist. This is a bottom up method(from what is now present, in the body, and work from there). Life transforming stuff

Edited 2 hours ago by eliasvelez

[Natasha Tori Maru]

11 minutes ago, eliasvelez said:

For this I highy suggest that you go to a Somatic Experience Therapist. This is a bottom up method(from what is now present, in the body, and work from there). Life transforming stuff

Seconding this - go from the feeling to reach the emotion, which can open up the actual memory of the event (sometimes it does, sometimes not, sometimes not needed) and work to change the relationship to the feeling.