fridjonk

The Elixir Lake Of Wisdom

143 posts in this topic

Just picked up 160mg ketamine which my friend kindly gave me, I'm about to head in right now. As I was picking it up we took a walk on the beach, it was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. We stood there in the star-lit sky with decent aurora, when all of the sudden, it became so unbelievably close to us and so intense that it felt like we were literally stood inside of them. And weirdly it was exactly where we were stood. I doubt many people have experienced this. Felt like God was revealing his true beauty to us. I can barely believe this just happened, and I've seen some intense aurora before. Perfect to experience this before a trip.

Edited by fridjonk

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About that Ket trip.

It was so powerful I didn't even see a reason in trying to make a trip report. I was not expecting such a powerful trip at all. It was in the 6-7g mushroom ballpark of intensity. But I resisted the breakthrough because I was just not repaired in the slightest. It was kind of nihilistic in a weird way, very nothingness-oriented since it is a dissociative after all, so one can expect that. 

I'm feeling a lucy trip coming up and I'll be more prepared for that one. I want to focus more on discovering my life purpose with that trip.

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@fridjonk I can relate. My first Ketamine trip was fairly traumatic with nausea and vomiting.
From our previous conversations I believe you have a somewhat better tolerance than I do concerning Ketamine. It’s so weird to go into the Ketamine hole. I couldn’t leave the room I was in because I couldn’t tell where the floor was. Couldn’t discern horizontal from vertical. Don’t really care for that stuff. A medium dose is plenty for me anymore, if I do it at all. To be honest I really don’t find much that’s beneficial or therapeutic about it. Same for 3 MeO PCP. It too is classified as a dissociative. Tried it a couple of times. Not interested in that stuff anymore either.

Glad you reported in. Your aurora borealis experience you had pre-trip sounded really neat,,,,  


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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@Zigzag Idiot Yeah I hear you. It can be quite a "freaky" experience. I only see myself moving further away from substances like Ket, Mdma, etc, once I've tried them enough. I feel like the traditional Mushrooms, LSD, DMT are more than enough for this work. I've really grown to like LSD as you might have seen in previous posts, and I feel like I've established a special bond with it, so most trips are smooth sailing and lovely. xD And that it lasts for 10-14 hours leaves so much time for realizations, integration, contemplation, etc.  

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@fridjonk I second that motion,,,,


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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After these two edible trips I've done now, I think I'm ready for a good LSD trip. They felt pretty recreational compared to my other edible trips, didn't really have any purpose for them. Watched Leo's new vid on one trip, I skipped pretty far into it and enjoy it a lot. Nobody goes into details of reality like Leo does, no one I know of. 

I feel like edibles are too draining mentally and physically. I've been absolutely drained like a lemon these two days. I'm hoping the LSD trip will be more energetic and open. I want to focus a portion of the trip towards my life purpose. I'm gone be preparing the next days for the trip by watching some more Leo and contemplating more.

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After having tripped a couple of times by now. I want to jot down some mistakes I believe I make every time so it gets imprinted in my mind.

 Nothing needs to get done before the trip. 

I've got the tendencies to have a long list of videos to watch before I head in. Most of the time some Leo videos I've already seen multiple times or Matt Kahn or what else have you. This all completely collapses once the ego has melted to a pulp. I like glimpsing some of the spiritual teachers when I'm tripping out of fun, and since an LSD trip lasts almost 10-12 hours. Sometimes it will be Osho and sometimes Leo or Matt. I even like scrolling through media to see what the world looks like through god's eyes, completely unjudgemental, and you instantly notice that it's all made out of pure love. All the deaths, tortures, rapes, poverty, all complete love. With That being said I'm still going to watch Leo's latest holism video which I glimpsed on the edibles, and his guerilla business advice blog.

Not contemplating and being mindful enough.

This is a big one I make every time. I feel like when this lacks beforehand, it often affects the trip and makes it less powerful and insightful. Yet it doesn't always feel this way. Sometimes trips, where I've been totally unprepared and spontaneous, were the most incredible, but overall if I take my 100+ trips this would likely be a reoccurring theme.

Not being specific in what I wish to explore.

Most often when I go into an LSD trip, I often have the same realizations over and over again, but more crisp and detailed every time. One of the major facets LSD reveals to me over and over again is pure truth. What pure absolute and relative truth are. I often wish I had gone in a little bit more prepared with pre-written things of what I'd like to explore. Yet! I also feel like going in completely empty slate is just as valuable. Perhaps this is just an ego thing of wanting to dictate and explore more. The trip reveals what you're ready to see. On this trip however, I will write one thing down to contemplate, and that will be life purpose. 

Not being honest and precise enough.

I've often not been clear enough about why I'm actually wanting this exact trip. In general, I like tripping because I'd like to know what this life is, what this reality is, why is it like this, and how did it come to be. But often I feel like the trip want's to reveal more basic self-actualization/purpose in life, but I go too deep, and so far beyond the human level that a life purpose doesn't even compute, because there are no humans anymore. Perhaps it's possible to balance this a little better. 

And as I mentioned in the first problem, I've actually contradicted my own ass. :D Which is why I take these "problems" lightly and won't be pushing them aggressively rather than a friendly reminder to myself. 

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Posted (edited)

 

Wasn't exactly planning to trip tonight but I love me a spontaneous trip so I'll be diving in tonight. ^_^

Edited by fridjonk

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8 hours ago, fridjonk said:

I even like scrolling through media to see what the world looks like through god's eyes, completely unjudgemental, and you instantly notice that it's all made out of pure love. All the deaths, tortures, rapes, poverty, all complete love.

Yeah, try scrolling through the forum when tripping. It's pretty wild. Just reading what people write sometimes makes me feel like I'm standing right next to them, knowing them super intimately. The intention behind every post is suddenly so clear. The energy radiating from words on a screen is so overwhelmingly present. Crazy stuff:D


My website: The Inward Morning

Dei nostri templum terrarum orbus est

 

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What an utterly marvelous and perfect trip.

The less I say, the better.

It's not about me.

 

14 hours ago, flume said:

Yeah, try scrolling through the forum when tripping. It's pretty wild. Just reading what people write sometimes makes me feel like I'm standing right next to them, knowing them super intimately. The intention behind every post is suddenly so clear. The energy radiating from words on a screen is so overwhelmingly present. Crazy stuff:D

I saw your comment on the trip and it felt very intimate, it made me smile and laugh. ;)

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In some incredible manner, I've managed to procrastinate on reading for months. I feel like a new book stack is maybe what would kindle the flame. I've still not finished This is marketing by Seth Godin which I started almost a year ago. And here it sits in my line of sight, waiting to be read. Been getting back into my online business again after a year's break, so it would be fitting to actually start the book right now.

I'm happy I've gotten the spark back for my online business, It's a fun little game. But definitely not aligned with my deepest purpose, yet I enjoy it on the egoic level, and fortunately, I'm aware of that.

I've also been getting more interested in long-range shooting which has always been a passion, but it comes and goes. I really want to buy a new centerfire rifle soon, 17. hmr likely and a new shotgun like the Benelli Vinci Supersport Carbon. It's a really fun hobby, to go out in nature and walk to go shoot either clay pigeons or steel targets at 400-1000 yards. Also want to get into bows at some point, it's more primal and...quiet, lol. :P

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Been wondering if I should go walk up to the volcano that just erupted over here. It's about 30 min drive away from where I live and 6 hours on foot to get up close to it. The only thing that's kinda stopping me from it is the life-threatening gas levels in the area. But it's also a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get up close to lava. I'll contemplate tomorrow whether I'll go or not. ^_^

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Last night I watched Leo's "guided exercise for realizing you are god" on a little bit of Kratom. And it sparked some opening and expansion in my consciousness. What an incredibly powerful video that is. I've kind of gotten into the habit of not doing any spiritual work while not on a psychedelic because they deliver every time you want them to, and to an alien extent. But I want to get back into contemplating more daily and meditating or shamanic breathwork. I'll probably watch the guided video on infinite consciousness tonight to keep the momentum going.

About two hours ago while I had finished working out, I was walking and contemplating the distance that kept shortening until I reached a point where I couldn't go further. I became very lucid and felt like I was literally inside a dream, dreaming the distance coming closer to me. While my awareness had just been stood there at the same spot forever.

Consciousness is a very alien thing while being nothingness at the same time. :P

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Posted (edited)

There's been a big discussion on animal cruelty and suffering in the society section lately. And so it's brought a lot of memories from having lived on a farm for a big part of my life. I've stood in pools of blood from animals which lives were taken because either they were sick or old. We had a horse that had gotten an infected foot about 2 years ago and it had to be put down. Of course, we do it in the most humane way possible, a pin-gun which is placed on the forehead and it shoots a knife into the skull so the animal drops dead instantly, then its throat is cut to ensure its completely gone and there's no way of it waking back up. This can be hard to witness if you're not used to the farm-life, liters of blood pouring out in an instant while watching the animal twitch due to the muscle contraction and nerves shutting down. This can often be taken the wrong way, as if the animal is suffering when in fact this is a completely normal part of death.

My least favorite memory of all was when we had to put down 13 rams, due to old age and them not being of any use anymore (such is it on the farm). The absolute bloodbath that was, but we made sure to not let them know what was going on and so it was done one by one behind closed doors. Then we took them to what I can only describe as the absolute worst place I've ever been to. A big container filled with sheep from other farms that had collected about 100 dead sheep in the container, the smell was bad enough let alone the sight. 

A part of me wishes this didn't have to be this way, another part knows that animal eating will not be banned nor gotten under control on a global level for at least 200-400 years. And so this is how it will be. I'm leaning more towards not eating meat more and more, even though this is the game of god. Suffering must be included for the ultimate love and freedom that allows reality to flourish. But that doesn't mean I wish to support animal suffering. The animals on our farm have always been treated with the utmost respect. They are free to walk in and out a big part of the year and then set free into the mountains in summer. Yet their offspring are taken from them after 1-2 years (when they've grown apart) and sent to the slaughterhouse which is always a sad day. So I'm torn on this issue. I really love animals of all types so much, their innocence is unmatched so it doesn't feel quite right to take part in this collective suffering it brings. I see myself in their eyes.

Peace ?

Edited by fridjonk

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Posted (edited)

I don't know why I still hang around this forum. Most of the questions being asked have been asked multiple times and it's just come to a loop now. I feel like I use it to keep myself distracted from doing the actual work. I get kind of stuck in the conceptualization of spirituality mixed with real work, but it's not as effective as 100% effort. Pretty much 85% of people on here are keeping themselves asleep by putting forth questions that can't be answered in text. Like this back-and-forth argument on non-duality, nihilism, solipsism, love, etc, that just roots you deeper in delusion. I do like most users here but most of us are kidding ourselves with spiritual work staying on here, especially if you run amok. Perhaps this is just ego rambling, it's been a while since I had a good trip so it could be the case. But I still feel it's a waste of my time and I keep deluding myself as if I'm actually gaining anything staying on here. I could get all the answers I need and could find them myself If I wished to. 

I'm just kinda over this, to be frank. I often mindlessly scroll around here not partaking in much discussion because it's just silly to be going back and forth on matters that can only be directly realized. You've officially played yo' self if you're taking part in some metaphysical and spiritual battle with others. 

The most use I see in this forum is journaling from time to time. It's healthy to put your thoughts out there and expressing yourself. And all the wonderful people here are also nice to talk to. Someone to share thought with that's interested in similar things as oneself is.

---

Anyways, aside from this rambling. I've finally started to read again, It only took about 9 months of staring at my bookshelf. :D I'm currently re-reading "religion of tomorrow" and "the book of not knowing", and about to re-read "the big leap" as well. I like re-reading books to extract all the juice from them, It's very noticeable how well and smoothly you understand what you're reading for the second time. I really feel like I should start meditating again, been a while since I had a good meditation routine. Psychedelics are such comfort when it comes to sacking that off, the difference is so vast I sometimes feel it's just not worth it. But I do notice I feel better when I meditate and more at peace.

Edited by fridjonk

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Couldn't agree more. 

Lets face it we done our spiritual work. Helping "others" with it. It's like repetative cirle jerk. There is also nothing in relative you can learn or improve in here. Waste of time. 

So I decided you know what. Take it all for myself and improve my own dream. 100%.

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It's not long I feel until I will go for a 20-day psychedelic retreat. It's been sort of my mission to dive completely in without holding back for a long time now. Often at times when I use LSD, it's utterly profound and amazing and it usually lasts for a week or longer. But then the ego settles in and gets comfy. I'm really interested in completely going for it, and merging deeper and deeper into god without restraint. All I wish to do with my life right now is to explore reality and its various facets.

I also feel like I need to find my mission in this life as I'm kind of out of direction right now. I really don't have a goal I can focus on which really annoys me because one of my passions is to be deeply passionate about something, to study it, and do it to the best of my ability, I really love mastering something. But most of my goals and ambitions were built on ego, so now I really want to find the thing my soul yearns to do, what my heart desires as Matt Kahn would put it.

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