lxlichael

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  1. ADDED SOME SCOTIA AT THE END! (chill central here) And I’m just not interested in the present circumstances. I love you because I can’t help it but I’m not interested (again, circumstances). Here I am mourning someone I loved deeply and I get a death threat from a delusional retard that I warned you about so long ago. It’s like… wtf. That’s like the fourth death threat after the dude pretended to be my friend and then backstabbed me. I mean it’s hilarious to me on one level and then another it’s like, where’s the humanity honestly? There’s just so much immaturity here behind all the gaps in my previous message. I don’t want to connect with people that hang around deluded people that are so manipulative like that. Why is that a crime God? Deluded is one thing, I have a dear friend with schizophrenia. I don’t make excuses for him though. I actually spend a lot of time helping him. But the manipulation and the sabotage. It’s a no. Like… wtf. If you could put yourself in my shoes for a change it would be appreciated. I… don’t want to deal with this now though, I just wish you took me more seriously in the past and I wish I had of taken the need for deeper communication more seriously. I’m not blaming anyone. And I certainly don’t deserve the blame or the projection. I have never, absolutely never said anything that was bad to you outside of just attachment stuff. So this whole circus… I have the compassion, I have the understanding, I have everything there… it’s all been really, really immature when I’ve literally done nothing wrong you’ve just projected onto me and I perhaps haven’t been the best I could be if I’m responsible anywhere at providing the space for that deeper communication, if I’m at fault anywhere. I have to have boundaries over who my friends associate with if that association is affecting them and then me. That’s why the whole thing about the guy (meaning YOUR guy, your guy guy). I mean that’s a normal sane response from me in light of the stuff you said (previous message directly above). I shouldn’t be saying any of this though. No you don’t have to be sorry based on the premises of the previous message just above but just work for you, I’m glad you’re doing well, I want to see you shining as brightly as possible as I always have encouraged or at least tried to. And I meant what I said, if you love your guy I love him too. It’s just.. this isn’t the right time I shouldn’t be saying anything right now but it is what it is let’s let bygones be bygones for now. Enjoy your Christmas break and don’t let anything I say stress you out in any way. I'm genuinely thinking of actually permanently living in Quebec City, I love the French language. I love traveling though so it'll probably just be a phase. Buying my second place there, I'm inner city I want to get closer to the water while still inner city. Heading there in just over a week from now. For anyone reading this its genuinely one of the best destinations in the world, so many interesting people. Then its the Scotia! (that's Nova Scotia) And then there’s Scotia after Quebec City, off the cuff its the kind of destination where you fly out your family there for Christmas over a few days. It’s so beautifully peaceful in the right spots it seems. Going there for my first time. I don’t really want to spend the time to get a place while I’m there as planned, I may, I’d rather just enjoy my time there. If it strikes, I will though (get a place). And yeah, using it as a holiday destination for other people to visit is right on cue. My families been pretty good to me and so have many other people during this period. My journal on the context has naturally been pretty confined. If you don't hear from me, it just means I'm traveling but that everything is good. Have had a great talk with a good friend the last hour and they've encouraged me to continue traveling post this year which I may consider. I love taking as much of reality into my consciousness as possible so my experiences are constantly evolving in that sense. I'm sure everyone understands if I'm not back immediately or on the dates prescribed. Nothing changes though many things are close to completion point, it all depends on whether I want to present it, when I want to and so the on and so fourths in that regard relative to travel and other deeper processing experiences I'm going through. Bianca had an immeasurable positive impact on my life when we were together and still I am transformed by her as much as I am many people I am close to and feel gratitude for, when one of our loved ones go though, we all know what its like and for me I want to leave no existential stone unturned in terms of learning from my experiences for the betterment I want to generate moving forward; she wouldn't have behaved any differently compared to how I have explored my experiences concerning, in fact she'd only be thinking about how she could use the growth she garnered from the experiences for an even deeper impact on herself and the life she created because of it. I miss her right now. I believe in psychic connections with the after-life.
  2. You turned against me for literally no reason other than I should have communicated with you more about stuff. It was always just communication. I know that’s your most difficult thing though. If you at the very least started with “you hurt me really badly or you hurt me because of this x, y, z”, I would have listened. You turned me into a negative fiction that doesn’t exist when I just want to push humanity forward. We could have spoken about my over-protectiveness as well but instead I feel you just used that to judge me when it only came from a space of love. I wish I had of accepted him sooner, we just had no healthy space for deeper communication and so there was always failures there.The only reason I never accepted him was just because of the stuff you said. I shouldn’t be judged for my suspicion, I just needed understanding and for whatever reason you thought I wouldn’t understand you. I’m not sorry. You shouldn’t be sorry. Because if either of us are sorry and the end result doesn’t equal deeper communication where we can work slowly on things, the sorry means nothing. That’s the only sorry that really counts. I’m not your enemy, but you turned me into one repeatedly. I can sense his energy though, like I've sensed it over the past two years. I like his energy in some ways. I'm glad he's there for you. That makes me happy. I always wanted your best, I never meant for my “high” expectations to hurt you, you had expectations for me too. I still don’t know why any of this has occurred everything of “knowing” here is purely speculation. I can read you energetically but everything else is just for you to say and not for me to assume. I never meant to turn against you in the ways I did as well, when you felt I did. I don't know what its been like for you fully but I've taken everything and just learned from it. And stayed true. That's all I will ever do. I mean, if you didn't hurt me so badly those months ago I wouldn't have learned all this stuff right? Now if I choose to, I get to change the world with it. I'm strong, I can handle it. I'm not a masochist though, the boundaries do feel good without me being too xplicit there. It doesn't matter that you hurt me. I'm a fucking master now. What's important is learning. Enjoy your Christmas Holidays, for real. Quebec City and Nova Scotia for me (no Cyrpus as said), probs return home for Christmas. Perhaps I shouldn’t have written this. It’s done now though and I won’t delete it. What’s with the words anyway? There’s such a thing as psychism. Or an owl. Owls can carry letters. I have a balcony: I could have given it a little macchiato. This is all… the wrong time for this though… I’m sure you get that. I need a few months from a lotta people. There’s just a few people I’m really staying close to during this time and I’m lucky to have them. For me though, there’s just zero point going forward outside of deeper communication. I don’t really want to do anything, want anything or whatever if that isn’t possible. After everything that’s happened, I just distance myself from those that can’t communicate with me openly about the things necessary. I don’t hurt them. I don’t try to change them as I’ve learned to leave it to them. I don’t try to win them over because that’s kinda dumb when I know how important that is and I’ve got people that can do it. I just… leave it. Without touching it. That’s what I’ve learned to do. I don’t love them any less and I don’t love them any more. There’s just a boundary there. I’m not responsible for other peoples inability to reflect, deeply communicate and learn with me. I am responsible for the love, compassion and understanding I show them inside the boundaries that make everything make sense.
  3. BRIEF SPOILER: I’ll share a brief spoiler given some are probably curious not to mention totally bewildered, “wah u god realized man? And without psychedelics???”, so if everyone remembers my heart work… where I taught my consciousness to be able to communicate with my heart where on command I could teach my heart to change my whole body to a new state… one of the first people ever to discover this probably, at least with the ease that I can do it and with the ease of that communication…. I’ve now done that with the mind… I’m probably the first person in history to be able to achieve this or at least certainly publicly as I’m now expressing here. Meaning, I can command my mind and with just the slightest pressure so no straining simply holding my attention on the intention as fluidly and gracefully as possible, I trust my consciousness to build whatever pressure it needs to go to that place and well, it does. I’ll teach you all how to do this, sincerely, or at least give the instructions, I recognise I have some advantages while at the same time we don’t know precisely what they are outside of speculation. Yal remember my mastery of being project, well Bianca’s spirit has now unified everything for me now, as per as noted my philosophy titled Circulism to be introduced January 1st. You’ll all learn the importance of the realisation that you’re just a very dynamic, intricate and complex communication system that through the simple and pure attention of consciousness you can learn to communicate to, expand and grow many areas of being including the heart and mind in ways you never previously imagined. Checkout the previous post to read about my pink gloved boxing match where I’m getting absolutely mauled by a wee woman thinking that maybe it’s not a good idea to get a liger next year as I couldn’t handle two beatings hahaha. Merry Christmas 🎄 to yal in advance. That’s the spoiler for you and no more until earliest Boxing Day when I’ll be giving yal a present as I said a few posts earlier.
  4. To conclude the previous post: Quebec City and now newly as noted above Nova Scotia, plus... pink boxing gloves. To end this until Boxing Day as described just above I thought I’d share something more lighthearted. Have just been play fighting with boxing gloves with my friend. Pink gloves xoxo. Feisty punch! If anyone wants to vs me, I’ll only consider it if you get a handicap as I’m beaten pretty bad here and it doesn’t look like I’ll recover quickly anytime soon. She’s got me 3 and 0 and it doesn’t look like that’s going to get any better if we continue. Ha. Explore so much of life until all that’s left in you is to love it all completely between now and Boxing Day. I have a Christmas gift that’ll last everyone a lifetime. For anyone that wants to work with me in the creative sense introspect on my work to come and then wonder about what you can bring to the table. Circulism is the most life changing philosophy presented publicly to humankind. This is not an understatement (as noted will put my money where my mouth is). Pink glove love tap 🏆. I want to own my own liger next year. One that isn’t able to be put in the wild or a “better place”. If you could own any animal as a pet in the world and it was the right thing to do (given I believe in freeing all animals), what animal would it be? To be privately answered. Stay strong. Breath of fresh air, feeling the earths core move at the moment, it's giving me incredible grounding. (I'm not the best at goodbyes heh, it's all.... right... I'll be back... its good for me to take a break... I'll be so much more transformed when I return I've got some wild stuff you wouldn't believe planned... and it doesn't matter that I'm more transformed... I'm not going to look down on anyone... I have much higher expectations for myself in that regard moving forward....) Plus... and if anyone can believe it... I haven't even started psychedelic work and I've already reached god realisation. Heh and no attachments there, I'm on my own independent journey. Remember what I said here regarding separation anxieties and have fun with the last few posts. I feel like I'm leaving for a Holiday break after an exam period at uni ha:
  5. @ThePoint Emotional work. That’s for you to research. Otherwise wait until I begin sharing my self-derived philosophy titled Circulism. I cover, integrate and synthesise at the very least all important areas of human development, one of many of those areas is emotional development, which I will be going into in truly valuable ways that have never before been revealed to humankind. Starts latest in my journal you can research in my profile January 1st. It’ll change your life. If not, all the best with your own endeavours. Don’t have anymore time sorry man, I hope others help you out more. Peace. Strength.
  6. Regarding my post just above: Fuck. I can’t do this. I can’t babysit toddlers that aren’t real toddlers. And it’s not healthy if I perceive anyone here as a toddler. I’m giving my trust that you’ll all sort through your mess for whatever is there and for everything else, just add to the greater deeper sense of responsibility and personal meaning to your life with understanding as noted a few posts earlier that bridges intelligently with a good sense of humour. I shall see you all on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) here with a Christmas present for everyone along with cleaning up my page here. Sincerely, best wishes. I have some amazing ventures ahead of me, ventures in Quebec City and now Nova Scotia that after speaking to a friend I’ve decided to go to as well before the years end. I’ll now be buying real estate then in Nova Scotia as originally planned as well, Cyprus is next year now as stipulated and for everything else again, as stipulated. May you grow with me while I’m away and when we return, show each other our light of experience, wisdom and reflection that enables us to learn and grow together as a community. I genuinely enjoy watching everyone here grow and in saying as much I am just as much looking forward to seeing how you will all change for the future. See you all on Boxing Day (just posting one message on the day). Feels good to have the year over with. Repost of original message that’s now included the above introduction: “I suppose maybe you were all looking for some kind of sex tape at least by the end of the year. Nope. For me moving forward concerning the original intention of this journal, there is still the endeavour towards the uncovering, practicing and understanding of deeper relationships including sexual dynamics. Sex is about the relationship we’re having with another being, which is why relationships are paramount to my own endeavour here. Relationships are fundamental to my deeper philosophy in all senses, “relationship” defines the fabric of who I am and where we’re all a part of defining who the world will become that shapes the nature of our relationships between one another. I will synthesise this message with Day 2 of the above message. Overall, many of you have been on this forum for years now. It’s time to step up in terms of maturity, for all of us without judging anyone regarding that sentiment. An openness to experience life to a now deeper end. Cognitive, emotional, psychological and relationship maturity. I have high expectations for everyone here, including your role in benefitting the growth of my own consciousness relative to your intended meaning or at least to my own greater understanding. Stay strong. Experience deeply.“
  7. This ends my year... That’s right. My first video on Circulism and everything else related to what I have previously shared, starts January 1st. Thank you everyone for your support during this period. Sincerely, it’s been very much appreciated. Across the community... The projection is starting to end, thankfully. For closure across both forums and all situations not just involving me though all those involving myself as well I am dedicating this learning period regarding the last few posts and any other posts that aid closure until the 1st of January. That's literally how much time I think it will take. We don't want to revisit any issue in the future without the intelligence of insight through contemplation, reflection and perspectivism. Do not pay money to the fool of ego that blocks you from integrity in these circumstances. We want the forum to grow and evolve. Take in my post further above the last few posts on ego that I will re-engage here. You all need to become more contemplative if you truly wish to actualize socially and existentially in this life. There is literally no other choice you have, its how we're wired. We don't live with purpose and a truly fulfilling life without the ability to learn, reflect, grow and integrate our experiences towards our personal evolution and the better you are here trust me, the more happy, fulfilled, purposeful and beneficial to yourself as well as humanity you will be. I will be posting this message once per day at MID-DAY as per the video until, "again", the conclusion of the 31st of December. I will not be posting anything else. Be the cure you want to see in "New York City (where Robert Neville is doing is work)" actualized dot org hub. Keep the following post in mind in addressing understanding and areas where greater perspective is needed. Thank you for your time/integration and good luck! Back to the original post: Restoring integrity back into my journals by distancing myself from the forums (I.e. linguistic) culture. Individuation in the midst of understanding the role you play as a leader is situationally nuanced and ultimately necessary in order to not only maintain that integrity but deepen it. This is a chance for you all to check back into why you’re here and how you’re going to play that part for us all while doing so. The more you fit in unconsciously without realising it, the more you don’t provide the non-conformity required to extend the culture you’re meant to be a part of leading. This is what a teacher is meant to do and you’re all in your own way meant to become teachers as simply a natural consequence of aligning with your deeper purpose. There isn’t anyone in the journal section that should be aligning by the status quo of the general forum area if you wish to be instructing yourselves properly here. Otherwise yes I speak French, concerning Quebec City mentioned in the post just previous. Bianca did as well. She spoke 5 languages I speak 4 and a 1/2. Language really changes you and we should respect the kind that express themselves with cultural profundity in that way, not that it’s hard to in todays times. Depending on where you go George Bush excels in speaking on behalf of other people sometimes, he’s even recommended for speaking on behalf of a whole country as we know. But then there’s the continuity of pleasure that exists outside paying too much attention to the cultural disequilibrium and the role that language plays in raising cultures overall intelligence emotionally to cognitively to psychologically. Arguably, we win the “saving our planet war” with language, when everyone has language we win it through technology and when everyone has that it’s often through our hearts. We sometimes switch it around depending on the environment and time when we have an interest in impacting the macro to mini culture we’re generating consciousness connection with, something which should always be relative to our genuine understanding of perceptual intelligence and how it’s frames extend beyond ourselves. To oneself we’re always speaking to culture however private we are in our own musings. To own a phone at all is to be a part of the world that creates social consciousness and therefore the conscientiousness behind all memes that generate themselves and speak through our tongues, #Beyonce’s Christmas music will soon be hitting a store near you. Take pride and try not to fall too much into slang and contradictory humour that doesn’t send us into cultural ovulation of intelligence, admittedly I have had weaknesses here at times being influenced too much by my own as a consequence of the loyalty I have to local camaraderie as it’s sometimes difficult for my heart to disconnect from others. At least they’re not writing our constitution or at the very least when they have positions of power they’re not completely rewriting it on the part of political leadership. Write with right intentionality and that will come out especially when you maintain that intentionality. Language is a continual constructor and guider of awareness, they mediate each other and thus those centers of the mind and the rest of the areas of being are enriched vs culturally disenfranchised to the extent of our corresponding sophistication here. Thus when you maintain your original intention in spite of cultural interruption, you maintain your original emotional foresight and therefore your psychological equilibrium. This ability extends itself analogously in every other area of life and our relationships. Simply hold your original intention and you will guide the non-linguistic forces too of the languages that bind you together with those relationships vs break you apart by losing your perceptual senses with those intentions. Learn to say less with greater ideas and learn to say more with greater emotional congruity throughout while maintaining the former. This is me returning back to myself and putting the past behind us all. I have had to make various semi “adaptations” to this place and circumstances that I am now bringing brief existential warfare to as a means of ending the prior “warfare”. A decision I think we can all agree on by now through the closure I’ve repeatedly provided is something we’d all like to do on multiple fronts so that we can get back on track cognitively, emotionally and spiritually concerning our collective personal development. Preferably, I’d like to move forward on “only by example” terms, I can assure you the “making others look and feel stupid” is not the role I signed up for nor that I am built for, so very humbly it’s time for me to take up this new job opportunity that is available for all of us relative to our own realignment and deeper congruency with self. This has as it were, echoed to me as a consequence of raising my awareness of the roles I play against the cultural narratives that I wasn’t previously aware of by having more proactive awareness of the social gestalt here and elsewhere in my life as well as the larger role I play in civilisation on this pale blue dot. When we stop competing with each other, when others try to avoid stepping on each other’s relationships where we shouldn’t which by the way I do not subscribe to at all, we can be ourselves and by doing that, we’re able to “be the community” through our own one will. Your one divinity that sees the field and operates as it’s own singularity. That’s what I want for everyone. It makes the community stronger, better and more enjoyable to be a part of. The more we respect something that hasn’t philosophically earned it, the more we will falsely admire and personally become what we weren’t meant to and were instead even equipped to advance, teach and learn from for at the very least our own wisdom. The more we mock that thing though when we’re in the same community, the more we will less admire the progress we’re making in that same community and harm our efforts towards individual and social growth. I have also completely rearranged myself concerning the unconscious roles I mostly unknowingly at the time played in my personal relationships from top to bottom. Concerning our attention and psychological resources, for community there is more of an emphasis on the integration of chaos of that space into order which affects our communication, values and the resolution of the roles we play in life. For personal relationships there is more of an emphasis on the alignment of connection for mutual integration inside unconscious boundaries that define our break from chaos. In both the community and the relationships we have with the images and reality of the individual, there is this constant balance and exploration of order and chaos that places pressure on the roles that develop and the roles we knowingly or unknowingly play and too because of our past experiences. With each category from the personal to the collective or group space there is an internal relationship we have with the related environment that defines our own internal circumference and boundaries of connectivity which describes how we will process, integrate and learn from the experiences we have from those spaces that simultaneously either take away from or benefit them relative to our insight. This internal relationship then is our internal space for transforming our phenomenological experience of individuality as our “ego” and any collective that we influence which is always simultaneously seeking to understand its own “ego” and recreate it much more unconsciously through our individual “ego” expression. Only when we make our “ego” conscious do we become conscious of the roles we unknowingly played in the collectives unconscious. Further then, the more we can use our relationships as a vehicle for becoming conscious of the roles we play the more our relationship to reality and our general creativity with consciousness and it’s various expressions will improve, we will fall into more alignment and encompass our deeper sense of purpose that is intrinsic for all of us to want to know, align with and master. Not that I have this much and that’s what allows me to speak more closely to my truth, do not let a need for belonging define the break from reality you have, instead define the roles you play that are closest to your essence with social conscience and this will be the creative leap you make as the mirror to order needed to survive, thrive and bring leadership where required to realities chaos. Stay with me here. Now leave me alone for the next “weeks” or so and play right. Thank you for your understanding. I’m looking forward to this new chapter we’re all embarking on together towards the future. Integration of experiences. Redefinition. Rest. Learn. Rinse and repeat this process. You’re all doing wonderfully, you’ve got this process. Briefly, I’ve been thinking I may even stay in Quebec City during Christmas as I do actually have friends there I’ve just been looking for time alone. Bianca taught me most about the French language outside of my own self-driven learning (by the way Bianca Unity going ahead as planned is now a subset to Circulism). Will fulfil my promise noted in the post just previous regarding an in part introduction to Circulism in the way described there.
  8. To freshen up my post above, in about a week I'll post some of the underlying core emotional blueprints that will radically alter peoples consciousnesses to the extent they integrate this one post I'll make. This is more profound and yet more simple and pure than anything else I've ever shared. This is some brief introductory material concerning: Circulism. As shared just above. Then I will be gone for several weeks for as I said two posts ago now, I need time alone. Beautiful Quebec City. Everything else will come later. Change the world with me, don't be a part of the social problem on a personal development site. It doesn't look good. In fact its the worst place where it doesn't look good. Love. Dominance. Growth. Learning. Inner sight. Foresight. In hindsight... Learn from experience... Now more deeply... Then again, even more deeply. At every layer you're self teaching, you're growing, you're genuinely healing. I want you all to commit. Posing sets us all back a lot. We want the unconscious of this place as strong and as connective as possible. I want you all brave. I want you all grounded. I want you all in alignment with your personal truth.
  9. @thisintegrated Leave her alone forever.
  10. This ends here and now. NEVER AGAIN. (I am releasing myself from all future responsibility concerning Filibuster on a spiritual level no body message me about him again, leave him to his spiritual duties even though I'm led to believe he still doesn't really recognise them yet with full conscience. For anyone else playing "spiritual" recognise yours more and get out of your own ego) As promised, all I needed was simply one person to say that Filibuster could cure cancer. Now I believe him, in jest. If other people believe it, then that means something just as the effect that it has on people when they believe in Joe Dispenza. I don't care about him seeking payment anymore, he obviously needs the money and I want this out of my hair moreover I know what it feels like when people don't respect your time enough when you give your time away freely, as long as people know that on the one hand I don't put up with bullshit unless there's an eternal balance somewhere, like maybe you can magically spring Cuban Cigars and a Harley Davidson out of thin air and on the other, I seek to have a massive positive impact on the existential reality of humanity before my passing. I am a man of my word (concerning what I shared earlier as simply needing one person to say something positive). I guess that's Filibuster's vision board working wonders for him, in Australia this is how we communicate, sometimes we makeup names for each other. It works interchangeably with expressing our discontent vs raising camaraderie, in this instance it's the latter. With respect to others attempts on me in this case Filibuster, the other forum and whatever egocentric moderator there was on this forum... Moderators honestly fuck off from the forum if you at all fit into the category of the negative, we're on this forum for a reason. To grow, live, love and learn. Not to have our relationships fucked with by your projections. Get with the program. Otherwise all other mods that I've formed a relationship with, you're all good it's a pleasure talking with you and I only converse with you because relative to the circumstances we've been through I hold you in positive high regard. Lies are not good. Manipulations are not good. Trying to sabotage others... Not good. For anyone here, I will not lie for you. I will not manipulate for you. I will not do any of these things for you if there is no intrinsic love interest between us and I am not at all interested at the moment having my last name end with Filibuster at this time. Though apparently there are others that want to, all power to them, sincerely. These behaviours are not congruent with a strong spiritual leader who does not need to invoke these powers at the time. Status protection too, not good. Your status should stand on its own. For whatever inferiority complexes you have you must overcome them, not try and sabotage another that you subconsciously perceive as superior in some way or may pose a threat to your own status in the future. Spiritual leadership does not involve stonewalling and then sabotaging the person behind their back providing only one source of communication to keep the person at bay and gaslight your way out of the situation. You do yourself a disservice and it always returns back to you in this regard and in this moment at least in my case, I am restoring a blank slate. Getting through to me happens through honest-authentic communication and that is how we create a positive community that is stable over the long term. In a prior form, the actions I took were consistent with that form and the experiences I needed for my own integrations. I was fed up with the leadership behaviour on this forum and I wasn't happy with the way communication occurred on the related issues. It reflected a lack of maturity where there was a shared responsibility. I acted as an empathic response, and who else was sick and tired at the time of hearing about people dying as a consequence of this forum or whatever of anyone's teaching here? People needed a wakeup call and I'm glad I made that decision. I got to see peoples reactions and I got to see my reactions. I learned from all of them. This is now the equivalent to a past life. For anyone that doesn't understand why I took the actions I did by now, I cannot help your lack of neural power, its not my fault you haven't devoted the attention, detail and time required to understand my actions in light of my own spiritual progress and the state of the forum and the relationships on the forum at the time and what I have so far expressed. If you wish to genuinely speak to me about it, as per "honest-authentic communication" with the implicit clause of "positive community" aka communication that is mutually self-efficacious. I had a problem with people being poorly treated on the forum. I had a problem with manipulative people on the forum. I had a problem with people committing suicide on the forum and the issue not being properly addressed at the time. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why an empathic dude like me who believes in the power of spirituality in changing the world, "had a problem that wanted something fixed". Not everyone is as aware as me and everyone has levels of awareness that I enjoy learning from, may the spirit of our positive intent on this forum follow this cord and learn from the past with wisdom and inspirational creative growth. I have a new role that I am now fulfilling concerning "spiritual" existence if we call it that. I am back in Australia and enjoying my countries weather. I will as planned be going straight to Quebec City to my place there after the funeral and then roaming around to see real estate in Quebec City for a week or two for other places for reasons I don't even know yet, I just love it there and want to create more living there. It just feels right. For anyone that is truly understanding of their own spirituality so you don't even have to be serious about it you just have to be truly understanding of your own depths in this regard, this ends for you too. For every person that is influenced by me on any issue here or regarding any one, re-orient yourself now and integrate yourself towards the alignment of your true north. I've forgotten about this already and my future self doesn't want this as a part of its preoccupations. On the plane back to Australia I was working on my own philosophy that encompasses all the various popular and best philosophies known to man. That's what's important to me right now and that's what I'll be sharing in the future concerning "all things spiritual". Move forward with the leadership on both forums, do not condone the behaviour of the past, understand what works in reality and what does not and make a case for it then learn from your battles wisel. Go into your shadow and integrate it to its depths. Understand the mechanics of awareness, ego and all the major categories of being and the psychology that distinguishes itself from reality and unite everything here. Find common ground with the future version of yourself that looks on the past version of yourself with understanding, compassion wisdom and most of all, the amount of unification you need in this present moment to put you on your true north with your proper sense of purpose as what should have been the goal directive of the leadership in all regards here concerning their participation in any spiritual pursuits on either forum so that they could have had an ever so slightly more positive effect on the ripple effect that we now all look back on. The name of my philosophy is Circulism. I said that I would "destroy Filibuster", now he will be merely united, integrated, positively minimalized, stoicised and more. This philosophy will undoubtedly change many lives and I am lucky to be of positive influence to others in this regard. I put my money where my mouth is. For now, I encourage you to think deeply about your own respective movements in this regard ensuring that you re-announce yourself to and in this existence as self-efficaciously as possible. Change always happens right now, understanding that every decision we made makes this one we're about to make and every one we make forms the future we will bond or not bond with... To the level of wisdom you can self-fortify in this respect, that is your level of advancement along your personal path. Unity of consciousness, a symbiotic race towards greater collective understanding through too the growth in the individualistic path that enables people to identify higher realisations through personal consciousness as a means of slowly reaching the universal... This is how we can help one another and have a positive influence on one another's lives, to whatever small degree we have this effect of influence, don't take yours so seriously, just seek the understanding I noted is most important, then your sense of humour will be right on key with what is needed in light of your deepened understanding. We are on a forum in which Leo Gura is the administrator. Leo has shown tremendous personal growth. Acknowledge this. Embrace his explorational nature. Encourage his movements into the unknown just as you want to be encouraged. Seek out people that will encourage you in the way Leo as administrator of this forum deserves proper recognition for moving towards his highest spiritual vision. It is totally inappropriate to be gaslighting someone that's responsible for sharing their growth journey while being on a forum in which you hope to learn from them. Think about your communication relative to your own personal self-discovery into reality and act according to your highest will and your best language will always follow, outside of this, integrate your shadow at all costs to the best will that you know how and greater wisdom still. Right now. Good luck. No more. New Chapter. New World. Let's do it. Quebec City baby here I come (soon enuf). (reorganising my journal for Bianca's page here when I get back) Be here for pure reasons and you will create the more pure we need in this world. Purism of intellect, purism of emotion, purism of consciousness, purism of... integration where you're still learning to understand those darker parts of yourself and don't know how to unify them yet, that's alright, don't beat yourself up, beating yourself up IS the darkness... be vulnerable with your difficulties vs triumphs vs integrations vs unifications vs individualities vs collectivisms and your being will naturally pave the light you need to walk here to provide the purpose this forum needs in the way it needs from your unique perspective. All written on the fly, I am not responsible for people who perform self-harm based on this message because I did not proof read all of this at all as I'm too much in a rush. Catch my next 3 hour long comment. Love. Sovereignty. Freedom. Understanding. Circulism.
  11. I’m being asked to do a speech and a well as a song (mentioned previously) now for the funeral. Song is almost complete and I’ve only got a few days to think about what I’ll say, will share the song in some way either when I’m in Quebec or before I leave Australia for Quebec. I’ve spoken to family in Cyprus and we’ve now decided to postpone my travels there until next year. I don’t think I’ll be going to Nova Scotia. Quebec feels like home for me right now and to be honest I’d rather buy another place there and just process all of the experiences I need to in Quebec rather than go from place to place as I’d planned, I really just mostly want to be alone and being in another country including away from New York where I was contacted about what had happened is just what feels right for me. Anyhow all of Bianca’s friends from different periods of her life, colleagues, even her mothers friends and family are going to be there. Her mom and I have always gotten along don’t get the wrong impression. So there’s a bit of pressure on me to say the least. Her moms performing Joni Mitchell like I said and she’ll be giving a speech too along with some of Bianca’s other friends. Apparently there’s going to be about 200 people there. I really just want solitude. I’m already predicting my travels to Quebec City but I think that’s just a tendency to escape the presence and groundedness I need to bring when I finally get back to Australia. A part of me just wants to live in my own world and process everything privately, and that’s natural, I gotta bring my extraversion and social existence there though for the period as I have been doing. Janine one her friends, Bianca’s mom gave her my number, has got me picking up a few people along the way after-all… my cars the largest (can only fit one or maximum two adults if I have someone sitting in front of me on the Harley) so yeah… pretty sure there’s the unconscious expectation of me to help play host which is cool, it’s the least I can do and it’s what Bianca would have wanted. Read the previous post as a means of bringing closure to certain things you’ve maybe had questions over, or even the last few posts, to invite further questions from those areas and prepare for what’s going to be extended from them as expressed (with the obvious topics there now coming to an end). All of this has been an important time for me to re-evaluate my constitution moving forward now that she’s a deeper part of my spiritual contract with life but also as an important time to reflect on the impact I want to have on existence while I’m alive and the kind of qualities I need people to have who are coming along for the ride. Will probably delete some of these less than ideal posts when I share everything when I’m back online in a week or a bit after the funeral so take what screenshots you need to for future reference. I feel like I’m in between many doors in life I’m walking through while being asked to take one strong leap. And that’s fine.
  12. Airport musings, locked up in limbo in the airport and what else is in limbo right now? Still at the airport, alone… preparing for my flight… again… yeah I haven’t left for Australia yet. What do we do with grief? Worse what do we do with those that we have objectified enough to purely denote as those that we are grieving over, or are merely an object representative of a set of emotions from happiness to otherwise? Isn’t this what we do to each other when we breakup as well? I have as it were, never been able to live in such a way and won’t live in such a way even if I have that brashness up against those where I have expressed dislike. I am aware of the egos tendencies to encompass someone too much on either side of the spectrum emotionally and I am also aware of the life lost when we purely live as beings that are ego aware. Of which I am, my consciousness constantly performing nuanced feedback loops on the entirety of my body and my intelligence generating swifter and swifter categories of consciousness that provide the resolution on the ego. I am this pure awareness I have discovered where I used to falsely generate a self in the ego, which creates negative feedback loops and or that cap our potential of awareness on being. A positive feedback loop in this context is simply where consciousness finds a “truth loop”, that is it’s learned the act of communicating within the being which is in the case of described ego awareness where to recognise itself and where to remove where it’s falsely seeing and recognizing itself in realities mirrors, communication which provides accurate information that benefits beings self recognition and understanding that both separates one from ego and unites with it through a greater quality of intelligence. Get used to the idea that most people are doomed here but that everyone needs a chance. I am now actually beginning to proofread my posts whereas before I never did (haha), often it was a struggle to even re-read what I had written but because I’ve now reached a “higher level of awareness”, or whatever direction we wish to take it, perhaps it’s a diagonal direction or downwards if you compare it to now the reduced ability of my dick to command the vessel that is my being in body. To not be at least partly deluded by my bodies inherent sexual identity isn’t always a win it really depends on the demographic in which that change is superimposed, though I know, there is always the intelligence of adaptation but then the intelligence of adaptation is of course the intelligence of not being our truest selves, and don’t we already have enough people signing up for that in todays world, much more, people that have not developed the awareness to realise themselves let alone act that out as a “role” to play? We role play ourselves in society and I of course in part use my journal as experimentation, “how much can the world tolerate of our true selves? How about a self that is simply exploring it’s true self? How about the idea of true self still needs refinement and just like the majority of human concepts this has become a buzz word that only our true selves can truly make itself?”, just more we need to make original unto ourselves and that is of course the pathway to following things down to the ends of truth to, true self. Hey? Isn’t everyone happy here that I’m becoming more ego aware? Do you all now realise that I am the best in the world at this or have you lost your sense of humour? Aren’t you all looking forward to my dissertation on ego awareness and through this ego release, healing and growth? I’m sure you all are. I’m sure you all are. My coffee is getting cold. Sitting in this cafe, that’s what the modern world feels like it’s turned life into. Relationships get too hot and we pull away. Too cold and we won’t even drink it. Where is the experimentation? Where is the life we put into our true selves that we also put into the true self of another? Beyond pictures of merely grieving them but celebrating their capacity to be their true selves and learning from their example. Isn’t this what a true relationship is after-all? The joining of two true selves? Like two dear dung beetles rolling one ball of societal dung to the other side of society as a part of “playing our true self part” in society? Aren’t we all exhausted by this notion of society? Aren’t we all sick of the lack of true self inherent in it and yet we pedal it like a defensive shield to avoid diving too deeply into the true nature of ourselves? There is of course, individuation there that the related person is still learning to differentiate paves the way from a different perspective on society itself. We generate positive to negative appraisals of this notion of society and what we believe it represents which represents what we can term an “ego fixation” which the path to individuation is simply the act of slowly becoming aware of those appraisals through deeper and deeper self-differentiation and how we’re tangled up with those clauses that then allows us to make a more reasonable assessment of the notion of society relative to the true self. The true self that I am now teaching, is neither devoid of ego nor inclusive of it, it is the awareness that is able to be seen once the ego is integrated enough until society is just seen as a word that encapsulates the civilisation that fellow dung beetles have created rather then a concrete screen of reality to help you interface with, sigh, the ever changing nature of reality. Reality’s underpinnings don’t actually change that much, the deeper we go the more we arrive at unchanging truths that become the true self of those aspects of being. To me, if you’re able to see your true self and you’re able to see the true self of another, there is always love there and connection is representative of the depth of “in love”. I loved Bianca and I still love in the same way I love the many people who share and interact with me as best as they can through their true self, whether they have that described awareness or not, their deeper sentiments are always trying. And for those that roll around continually in the mud of ego as they’re still trying to see the rest of the world through all the beautiful women (or men) they’re wrestling with figuratively speaking with “the world” representative of true self, there is simply awareness of people here as well as best as our awareness can handle it otherwise there is just our ego finding its boundaries across the void of sociality. I think this is perhaps where some get confused with respect to my own behaviour here as well, like it’s really difficult for them to handle the psychological dissonance and I partly don’t blame them for that however for a person that claims to be “all spiritual” and stuff enough to consider them fit for the job of luring people in to a paid service I naturally have higher standards given it’s a matter of individuated societal ethics to ensure there’s integrity in spirituality, the one area of life people often truly need refuge in the “truth sense” and so ethics are a must in order to maintain the stability of this representation. Back to me, I find it interesting and it’s been interesting throughout my life in various ways like peoples difficulty handling the speeds on a Harley that I often only pleasure myself with unless I’m riding with a friend. People’s egos boggle up and down when they struggle to contextualise my behaviour sometimes and that’s partly my fault as I falsely attribute ego differentiation onto others when I should do no such thing unless that’s something that’s become deeply interwoven within a relationship, aka more open communication is required. They’re not able to comprehend that someone can go against the norm or act contrary to social agreements while also not being egoic, even though this scenario may be actually much more likely for a person here. It’s also falsely assumed that somehow people with less ego are also more morally free, which isn’t an intelligent assessment in fact all it means for those that do genuinely have less ego is that their moral centers in their brain and body are simply not operating well. And this is a problem. This is what you need to look out for really. Some people falsely assume that good and evil is just a societal contract even though someone with genuine empathy never learned how to genuinely emotionally react to the pain of another who didn’t deserve. This has been my primary concern with respect to Filibuster and the various betrayals, manipulations, sabotaging, passive aggression, gaslighting’s and sleight of hands. Which is why I don’t give a fuck really with respect to my words. There are some here who want me to be more broad reality appraising, more negotiating of the character of the circumstances and so on but they’ve misinterpreted the simple fact that people respond better to insults and that it takes more raw cognitive power to understand which can otherwise confuse the strength of the signal from perception to unconscious emotional choice. “Non-duality” or whatever false reality appraising does not escape any one of us from simply treating one another through the rope of the agreeable unconscious social contracts we bind together with each other our desire for mutual conversing and to the extent of the departure from this contract we cut the rope. But aren’t we bored with that now. As I sit her, moving my teaspoon around parting the froth from one side to the next to the point where I’m no longer able to make patterns on the chocolate top because it’s become too chaotic it reminds me of relationships that either I don’t want to be a part of anymore as purely a practical measure not because there’s something inherently wrong with people as I don’t judge others and then those relationships that I don’t want to make too chaotic to the point where they’re no longer salvageable. And then, there’s those relationships where it represents where you’re forced to make patterns in reality without them and herein lays my experience with Bianca’s absence. We parted ways mutually about two years ago and only remained in contact every so often. I have only seen her three times in fact since leaving one another however I’ve spoken to her at least a dozen times and have had messaging with her on and off. She has had one boyfriend since me but her mother says it was nothing really that deep between them as far as she knows. I’ll be meeting him at the funeral, it’s going to be a bit weird. I’ll be meeting a lot of people I haven’t met before. I loved Bianca and this page is an expression of the love I’ve always had. For those that have revealed themselves to us, where we have devoted our true selves and therefore our deepest of vulnerabilities, there is always a persistent mutual love there even if we’ve decided to part ways or add whichever variation one wishes to add to this. For all people I choose to have in my life and they me, I treasure my experiences with them without making things “too precious” though arguably I have done the latter too much not realising at those times it was my ego, though that has been done towards me as well and there’s definitely special experiences we can have together when this happens mutually and at the right time. It is the basic premise for why we come together at all, that there’s a specialness to it that in the ideal sense we also give to ourselves and therefore our lives. We have to learn to give it to ourselves though before we can give it to another or rather simply open and join ourselves with another. Bianca was always so altruistic with the love that she expressed as I have told, she had a very nurturing side that I bonded with and that really very interestingly brought out such a primal side to me that she grew in various ways I felt. She was the first woman I learned from to have this energetic sense about people, life and myself and how to at least begin to apply that to one’s relationships in a fortuitous sense. As awareness of being grows, the more we can be one with both compartmentalization of being, the unification of their categories while holding true to our inner pure awareness and this is in essence when all of those experiences can flow through consciousness through that pure edge to reflect the true self. We dance with our misunderstandings, encourage our choice amidst them with fear and in our contemplations, learn to re-read them through the scope of awareness that bonds us to a closer truth that enables us to be more at ease with life. For your own contemplations: What is the true self? What is truth? What is the self? What is a relationship in the context of these terms? Where do we fit true self in the middle of ego of another we’re having a relationship with? How do we create the space for another to insert their ego into our true self? For the last two questions it’s not like we’re all at the same level here, I’m clearly above everyone that’s ever existed for example so I have to pander to yal the masses. If there’s one thing I miss Bianca for it’s her sense of humor and our banter. Just like, a little thing at least, the most of which was simply to understand the depths of her as I knew them and she knew mine. It’s really difficult to maintain that close after we’ve both decided to go our separate ways and we weren’t both fully developed people at that stage either that would enable us to facilitate that enough even though we stayed in touch. And other life circumstances just not aligning, otherwise perhaps there would have been the accommodation if that felt right between us. I’m not sure I’ll come back to New York. After the funeral I might just go to my place in Quebec after I spend enough time comforting her mother and spend enough time running a few errands. Skip Punxsutawney where I planned on going and save it for early Feb for actual Groundhog Day. Just… stay purposeful… aware… allow awareness to grow you in unexpected ways… (so many cool mappings to share in the coming weeks by the way to help people out)
  13. Two steps back while contextualisation of the former, a krypto-knights tale of the sword… of love, will, destiny and whatever war shoes, far from them and life’s closeness holding. The ability to be passionate through play is analogous to the ability to be romantic and aware, the ability to be dominant and yet ever-present, the ability to be a lover while simultaneously lost in your own business. Life continually sends intrigue, how intrigued are you by it? Are you so intrigued as to be lost in it or are you so intrigued as to your own peculiar reactions that there is both self-hood and appreciation of the lover as much as there is this then appreciation of your own love from afar and thus with just as much closeness. How close do you give this distance, how much distance do you give this closeness? Do not make your reactions obvious or too inconspicuous so that life is not seen, temptations too consuming nor fleeting, allow as much resolution as what gives rise to both the feeling and the intellect, for then there is no loss of the timeless instead this brings an intimacy for the intellect that is otherwise foreign to most humans and an intelligence to the heart that foregoes most non-4D chess reasoning ability. Bianca had this in her. Just sharing as I prepare for my flight while waiting for something. That is, the ability to see the world in full but not be of it nor lost from it, it is home and it is a place to create home. A secure attachment to the seduction of life enables its life long romance through awareness that brings power and dominance, reigning of adequate appropriations of potential concerning entropic resolvings of order and chaos. Pay attention and you have sight of this connection, stare too long and you may get lost but to not stare at all at life with curiosity that leads to wisdom, is to be the reason why man remains in their ignorance, sometimes, strategic social ignorance, the power struggle that pervades most humans inner well-being when they do not shine enough light on the power struggle with their own awareness. May this serve as brief introductory prose for my Ego Distinguishment example to reflect a minor case study that predictions can be made from on what’s to come. Now… two posts above… Just to finish up this journal between now and December, get the journal back on track so that others aren’t confused that the previous post was the example I said that I’d be sharing… Filibuster… it sounds like an outdated vibrator made for hyenas seeking the spiritual path, clawed by lions. All hyenas learn to do is the art of stealing, mostly, with moderate attempts to the positive contrary. One particular grammatical error I made in the previous post is an interesting juxtaposition for this one, it sits there, alone in a story for an ego to occupy it’s attention with, only significant to the person that lives inside the language of expression, even though, like any problem or dilemma we face in reality, there are “tens and tens” of languages of reality, especially social, that live and breath outside its significance and yet, this bee flying back to the honey comb with the incorrect pollen, is what occupies the beehive most. I know I know, I whack the beehive sometimes. And then there are quiet rivers, platypussies. And somewhere underneath the breath of brashness we’ve learned to have as a survival mechanism, sometimes too just to protect our own attentional faculties or to however “subtly” assert ourselves from humour to dominance, there is love. Bianca still feels that way. She lives in my happiness, peace, joy, solitude and now too, my sense of purpose, commitment and striving. She has reacquainted me with the love I partly lost for the social world as it exists as an existential category even if I have been so enmeshed in it all my life, I feel disentangled now more than I ever have as I learn to remember what it was like to be tangled up in her energy and the lessons she had for me through her example as a woman. As a lover. As a being. Do not hold your gaze too strongly on the minds preoccupations nor these per se, holding the gaze strongly on an occupation with awareness though felt with the entirety of being, we learn and further learning, wisdom, differentiation, pulling away, pulling towards, experimenting… the river runs wild, for love if we’re brave and when that bravery turns to mastery through trial and error, for fun with no loss of love and no distance we had to afford ourselves with in our earliest explorations… this is our path to wisdom, that we begin through our hearts desire for truth and then our minds determination of the virtues we must endure to make it out of Plato’s cave, the light of love, with no longer a need for an expression of or towards heroism, as it becomes too commonplace and second nature for one’s being. The sword from the stone, was always one that needed to be pulled from your heart. Is it not more brave then to be brave enough to learn from your pain then than to gamble in the chaos? That has been one of my lessons, that makes you invincible, that makes you appreciate life through the enormity of distance generated by the power of the light of awareness you grew through your challenges with the darkest moments of awareness, that allows you at will still, to speak with more closeness than any man (or being) could, while staying there. Open arms, enjoying the storm through humble connection, feeling thunderstruck, with surrender, the enormity of your beings awe at exaltation it’s immortalized courage and will through unmoved understanding that balances so carefully through ensuing earthquakes which force continual consciousness awakenings. Open the doorway my dear, love is about to enter, but so too, far from that closeness, the wisdom of a thousand speaking minds of greater years that somehow spoke through one unification. Bianca Unity. The antiquity of humanities romance with wisdom and it’s mastery; lovers lost, kept secret and close simultaneously through the minds hidden written scriptures, bibles to guide, new ventures to unwind. To live again Bianca… to live again. Love.
  14. Two years on this site, finishing this year off with Bianca Unity. It's truly beautiful, sincerely for me, however.. Cataclysmically heartbreaking it's been where it's appropriate to use that term. A haphazard expression... Almost as if I'm speaking to Bianca right now... Fuck. After speaking to Bianca's mom (of whom is a psychiatrist by the way, Bianca was a medical doctor and she wanted to be a psychiatrist like her mom), I just cannot... again I repeat, I cannot believe how attached I've become to this forum given my much more significant responsibilities in life. To me, it's just so utterly bizarre. I know yeah I remember, this is what happened after the girls spoke to me about it some weeks ago where I said that was going to be my last journal entry because of what they said to me. I'll speak about this briefly though... like there's zero need for me to be here and share in the way I do obviously. It is what it is though and I'm here to stay ha. I will just go though if I get immature shit on here where either I am not allowed to enforce my leadership on an issue or no proper leadership on an issue is taken. Like honestly, as I've expressed in the past the level of maturity on this forum is absolutely absurd especially in the leadership. I've come to respect Leo and certain mods however, though tighter controls and regulations on behaviour is my preference concerning any leadership opportunity which is why I'm so harsh on Mr. Filibuster -10.0 who thinks God sucks his dick as I've expressed in the past but when put in front of an esteemed psychiatrist who's extremely equipped as well with the spiritual fields all that's going to happen is him get his panties wet while she delves into his delusional psyche to create the fabrication that he gets other gullible people to believe in while connecting the "law of attraction" with his success on his site and not the deliberate manipulation, stealing and the fact that he has just gullible people on his site; Filibuster -10.0 has no real conceptualisation of the law of attraction outside of rudimentary principles that may align for him because he has a prefrontal cortex that has the necessary attentional faculties without which all of his vision board would just be visions out of his ass which is what most of his limp dick linguistic speak is anyway. This is why that cu** is going down and he's going to be dominated to the hilt at the very least relative to the way I have stated it simply for the fun of doing it and because its genuinely the right thing to do from my perspective as he STOLE, LIED and CHEATED without regard of anyone outside of "polite machiavellianism" which somehow wins people over. Go to my Musk post on the previous page, this is where in a position of leadership you can just gaslight with this "polite machiavellianism" and so many people will just believe you because of your niceties, he's already shown how successful he's been there though because he's still doing it to this day to Leo on his site its just so fucking transparent what a manchild he is, negging in subtle immature ways rather than conducting his site with proper leadership and integrity. Who cares though right, I have no emotional intensity behind my accurate judgements, its just me having some fun kicking his ass when it comes to enabling others to permanently have information available to them that otherwise makes his self-appointed expertise with no proper inspection on earning respect to permanently make him redundant. Who knows, maybe when I'm done here if he still hasn't earned his stripes in the spiritual community when I clock off on this site I'll just shutdown his site while strategically providing a pathway where one needs to be created for other people. It's up to Filibuster to make his mark, I'm an honourable guy unlike him, I don't just do things for shits and giggles, devils and angels. Hopefully everyone now sees through that dumb fuck anyhow, relative to me anyway. There's no need to chain yourself up linguistically with respect to insults when someone is using those chains as weapons while you're just trying to use those chains within the boundaries of your integrity. Fuck it. I'm not stage green, yellow or straight turquoise on spiral dynamics so go fuck your overly shallow intellectually inept perceptions of me I don't abide by them, you've probably been given some rundown education on x or y concept and believe you can just apply it to a guy you've never even had a conversation with or had proper insight on with criticality, objectivity and openness. Integrity or maybe even just not that maybe its just general consciousness awareness has not been what I have been hoping for but it is what it is, its caused some frustrations but all of those frustrations have led to these projects which have dramatically led for me to define the nature of being to myself with my projects in arguably more accurate and better ways than perhaps anyone ever has in existence, at least that I know of to date. So who's to argue about the frustrations, maybe they were needed right? Moving forward from that anyway I've been reviewing the last two years anyhow and I just realised how little awareness I've shown over the attachments I've built with the reality and greater world around me, falling in love with the worlds to peoples problems for example then falling out of love with those problems. Note to self, do not fall in love with other peoples problems. It sounds like the most obvious thing in the world now but back just two years ago I didn't know enough about my own heart, consciousness, meaning and purpose to be able to light the candle to my own church of life understanding. I was so hell bent on pursuing what my heart thought was right and good that I had little to no awareness over the consequences of the attachments that I had formed and the ramifications they would have for my personal life. Granted, all of this very theoretical while still extremely practical original work that I've produced and in part shared on this site I did not have as loose wisdom change to just cash in when I needed it. I am honestly shocked. Legitimately. I have learned so much about my capacities and inclinations for and around attachment, the heart and the mentalism I have had around this or not in my adaptation to this concerning this space. Which is what I had intended early in the beginning. It's utterly, utterly fascinating as I now reach back into and learn from my experiences. Quite honestly, I do regret all of my experiences on this site, I just say it as it is as yal know but I would have regretted it so much more if it happened on any other site and I wouldn't have had the space to explore and discover in the way I wanted to, create personal projects based on those experiences and then learn from them deeply. Because I didn't have all of this original work I've self-created I couldn't self-navigate where my own ego development was or where to place it because little do most people know I've been exploring an inordinate amount about myself that has required A LOT of processing which has invariably led to the work which has now brought the awareness and at least for now, expression of these revelations. I've learned so much about my own over-protectiveness and whole swath of other aspects of myself that arguably I just never would have learned about to the depth that I had if I didn't have the courage to make the decisions on this site that I did. I could just... as I said those some weeks ago... Leave and my life would probably be better off in many ways. I mean I live a great life I have a tremendous amount to be grateful for. You are as it were, stuck with me though as I stick with my commitments, I honour my loyalties and where I choose to stay I try to make the most of it. In light of what I have newly discovered, self-generated and creativised about consciousness, the mind and the heart, and well, this extremely important and deeper project of mine, At the beginning of the year, I haphazardly titled the ambition of becoming one of the strongest minded people on the planet. Life has undoubtedly thrown so many challenges at me this year to test me emotionally, cognitively and physically, and in my personal life, I have conquered all of my challenges so far and learned from them all, some of those lessons I've been able to pass on to this site. Will I be the most mentally tough person on the planet by the end of the year? Probabilistically, I wouldn't be able to measure outside of comparing myself to the toughest people that I know, one of whom happens to be my father (neglectful childhood here though that I've put in the work to recover well from --- while maintaining the admiration I have for my father). In short, I'd say that I have considerable advantages over most now to the point where yeah, I'm pretty happy where things have now landed drawing closer towards the end of the year. Just had to get this one out haphazardly. Easy breezy. I partly struggle to find the words and adequately identify the where's and the what's as I am still going through a grieving process but, Bianca passing has now just changed so many things for me as I was saying, there's just such a radical shift in terms of how I now evaluate my social environment and my movements in it relative to my own independent existential development. It's for the better, and so too is my continued love for and with this forum beyond this year so I can continue to share my own unique development moving forward so that the next person that comes along and delves into this journal, even if its just one person, truly takes something away and it changes their life for the better. That's going to be the person that I'll be writing for moving forward, in part, and I will take great honour in that endeavour as I am with Bianca Unity. ----- Like I've been saying, I'll be back to this journal when I'm back in New York, only so many hours now before I leave for Australia and then back to one of the greatest cities on Earth. I've been looked after, so I'm well on that front. My only concern with this particular sentence is that you're also looking after yourself well, whoever you are that doesn't matter, its genuinely important for humanity that you take that seriously while having respect for the humour, awe and general fluidity you can bring that.
  15. When I'm back here, I'll do a very long extended example of two posts above. Unprocessed emotions are our biggest achilles heel as human beings. I will give people the full scope on the "how to" through the lens of how I've briefly introduced "ego integration work" there. This will be covered as soon as I'm back in New York from Australia and that's a personal promise. You'll never again have to wonder how to process emotions through the lens of the ego and its development again and it's probably the truly first comprehensive release for humanity to date on how to go about this. Naturally this is a great time for me in both practice and sharing. "The world falls into us", let's upgrade that now to "the world falls before us" starting with personal mastery. If you're still at the level of where you're really uncomfortable working with deeper topics of consciousness like this that are still extremely practical in nature, this journal is probably no longer for you because the rest of the year is mostly going to be dedicated to processing my relationship with Bianca as an act of both honouring her and bring closure to all of my experiences combined with my now newly titled Bianca Unity Project. I will be exploring and learning from a lot of my relationship with her in depth but it will be through these deeper psychological frames where there is true growth and learning as this is how she would have wanted it and she would know that this is how I would have wanted it for her if it was instead me that passed away. If I could hold her one last time, how much of my life could I give to her before we released our embrace is all I would be thinking about. Dominate the love that opens your life to it.