Why Does Everyone Around Me Wants To Be A "grown-up"?

[Magnifico]

Hi guys,

I know this topic does apply Self-Actualization in an indirect way, but it has something to do with psychology I guess.

So lately I noticed some interesting with my social surrounding. Every friend of mine wants to have "the typical (mostly unsatisfied) life of an adult".

• I see friends who only talks about their work and always talks about that she must work in that shift and tomorrow in that shift and so on. She doesn't seem really satisfied with her job but loves to talk about the fact that she's working
• I see friends in a destructive relationship. Where they got push around or they have massive problems in communication, but they don't fix it nor break up because I see they like the fact that they are in a relationship like adults nowadays.
• I see friends always complaining about something und judging other people, like it is usual for many grown-ups to always complain about sth and be extremely judgemental

These are just few examples. (Note: I'm 19 and live in a rural area, maybe it is different in big cities). But what I want to say is everybody seems kind of unhappy what they do, but the fact that they do these things like working or have a relationship keeps them continuing. So why does everybody wants to be an adult so fast, only to have these things & not to seek for real love in relationship, business and freetime-activitites ?

I hope you get my question. It is important for me to know this, because I get in touch with them nearly every day and these kind of things are really influencing me, because I don't want to have a job just to have a job (although the image gives me a kind of satisfaction, like my friends) but I know it won't get me happy in long-term. I want to have a job where I am happy with what I'm doing

I think it's a kind of inner child in us, who always wanted to be a grown-up, who does things children aren't allowed to  do. I grew up with this dogma of have a job, a relationship, watch Tv in the evening and drink alcohol- "that's life" everybody said to me, but I know this needn't to be so unsatisfying . Or what do you think?

 

With love,
Tim

Edited June 13, 2016 by Magnifico

[Pav]

Because it's safe. There's a proven societal structure to guide them through it. Self-Actualisation is daunting to most. Your on your own and you must create your own path. It's a journey into the unknown. 

Most people have no idea that actualisation or transcendence exist at all. They haven't seen that there is must more to living than the norm. They've just never experienced it.

[Saarah]

@Magnifico it's about their self-image of themselves, trying to impress each other with the shiny idea of having your whole life together. Being an adult and having adult things is seen as suddenly having a more important, well put together life and so it feels good for the ego. Then  people wonder why they have mid-life crises and it's because they unconsciously followed the norms without asking themselves if what they were doing was important or fulfilling. Only soon it starts to catch up with them. 

A lot of adults are not really very mature at all 

[vizual]

People enjoy suffering, and they enjoy making other people suffer along with them, to justify their own suffering. Of course, they would never admit this, they wouldn't even know who they are if they weren't.

Edited June 13, 2016 by vizual

[Mal]

@Magnifico

Hi Tim,

I've never met a real grown up person in my life...

[Magnifico]

@Mal Haha love that one. It has a point

[aurum]

I can tell you that being a grown up is much better than being a kid IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. You get to do what you want, when you want and (hopefully) have the resources to do so.

The problem is that most people don't know or can't execute for whatever reason. So adult life actually becomes worse and they start longing for the days of "being a kid again". That's ridiculous.

 

[Phrae]

@Mal How does that make you feel? How do you live with that?

[Mal]

12 minutes ago, Phrae said:

@Mal How does that make you feel? How do you live with that?

You "get over it".  I don't need anybody to be anything other than the way they are, including myself.

I have access to high values because I developed them.  But ultimately they are nonsense in the face of reality.

I hope this answers your question as I wasn't sure exactly your context.

Mal

[Phrae]

@Mal Thanks for responding. Hoe did you develop them?

[Mal]

1 minute ago, Phrae said:

@Mal Thanks for responding. Hoe did you develop them?

Life experience. You learn from your mistakes.  That's the nitty gritty of it.