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Bill W

Work Employment Fear

8 posts in this topic

Hi All,

Been a while since I reached out to ya'll.

Rather than write chapter & verse I just wanted to keep the opening post very simple.

Is there anyone out there who from an anxiety / fear perspective are doing okay except for when you are at work or getting ready to go to work?

I know work is not the real issue. I accept that. It runs deeper than that.

I'm riddled with fear when I'm at work. But all fear outside of work is manageable right now.

I'm loathe to isolate work as a problem as I believe ultimately fear needs to be treated across the board and isolating individual fears can be problematic as the root cause of the fear would still manifest elsewhere. That's my experience. But right now I feel I am carrying a huge burden. 

Can anyone relate? 

 

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5 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Bill W Wanting X....doing this Y again though....not yet seeing how x is leading me to y. It is. 

I'm going to ponder that before I ask you for clarity. Thanks though ?

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I feel fear and self doubt every single day, every time before I step foot into my work place. I may not have much experience in the working field as other people here as I just graduated last year in November, but I've been working since the September of last year. Over the span of these few months,  I quit my previous job. Because of fear. I was afraid I'm not good enough and that I wouldn't be able to do what I've been asked to. I'm working as a software engineer and everyday I'm expected to develop something. My university taught me nothing that I could apply in my working life. So I quit. I ran away. I just landed another job two weeks ago and I'm starting to feel that fear again and honestly, I don't know how to deal with it.

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3 hours ago, Vaulient said:

I quit my previous job. Because of fear.

 

3 hours ago, Vaulient said:

So I quit. I ran away.

 

3 hours ago, Vaulient said:

I just landed another job two weeks ago and I'm starting to feel that fear again

Snap! The difference between me and you is that I've been doing this for many years and you still have a chance to stop the cycle. Well I also have a chance as well.

What you describe is what we refer to in AA as "doing a geographical" and I've done loads of those. Basically, it's making an external change in circumstances (for me it is changing jobs, for others it is moving to a different city or country) with the short sighted expectation everything will be different next time and all the problems will be gone. But then, reality intrudes, and you realise your issues are still there. 

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@Leonora Thanks for chipping in with that. I can relate.

So tomorrow, I'm going to have to use every last ounce of humility, compassion, and holding my tongue as I can with my boss. He is micro-managing to the extreme right now and staff are dropping like flies. He is like the captain of the Titanic trying to get us somewhere in record time and we run the risk of all drowning because of this. 

I will try and be as conscious as I can that he is only human and probably is running around with a lot of fear like me. He is deeply flawed just like probably 90% of adults in the world are deeply flawed. Me included. 

I worry about slipping into what Russell Brand calls "beast mode".

I am fortunate to a degree in that I declared my mental health vulnerabilities prior to starting the job. I'm reluctant to play the "I'm not well card", not because I am ashamed, but because, how can I progress my fear if I keep bailing out when the going gets tough? 

Leo says it's about practice, practice, practice. Mental masturbation and being "all spiritual" when the going is good will only get you so far. Leo's message is the same as the AA message. 

The current work situation does allow me the opportunity to practice value based behaviour and spiritual principles. It also allows me the opportunity to revert to beast mode and go on the attack. The whole "how dare you, stick your pressure where the sun don't shine" is very tempting. To hit that "drama" button and walk out is tempting. Not to quit. Oh no, I'm not going to just walk away. I have clients to support. It's the clients who are the most vulnerable and they need me. They don't a me who is off sick for a week or two. They need me healthy and motivated. 

I need to get out of ME, ME, ME and remember what Jesus kept telling everyone. I am here to fulfill The Father's wishes. I am not here acting on my own authority and doing my own thing. I am to be of service. That will help calm me down. 

God Bless that Son of a Bitch of a boss. 

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is this video a mindfuck or what?

The only power fear has over us is the power we choose to give it 

It's good to allow fears to come out, out of the subconscious woodwork, energy released like butterflies 

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