wesyasz

How to let go

9 posts in this topic

So Im after looong and intense relationship. I mean INTENSE. Like being one for over 10 years and doing all together fulfilling dreams together etc. It somehow ended and I'm trying really hard to let go. But she's like coming into me in my dreams at night it's like getting through this brake up over and over and over again. I've just woke up after dreaming third night in a row of her and today it was like dream of packing up and sorting things just before splitting. And even things like saying my father never liked you. And it's like wtf at first he always liked me at second I don't even care because I never liked him ;)

I cannot be tortured by these dreams any more it's messing my mind up. Is there any way to just LET GO? I have enough of this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ime, the most important thing is no contact. No texts, no looking at her social media, no looking at her in photos. Second, release through writing. I released by writing several pages everyday. Everytime it pressures up, open up a relief valve through writing. A lot of the writing revealed unhealthy aspects of the relationship. This was particularly important when I missed the good times, had little hope for a better future and wanted to contact her. And writing allows relief which is really important for the mind and body. Third, do something new and healthy for you. I started doing yoga and it was so helpful to change my orientation. I did 1-2 hrs of yoga everyday and went from a total beginner to intermediate in a couple months.  It breathed new life into in my life. It’s a different thing for each person. I think it’s a big help to start something new and bold to re-orient in a new direction. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks a lot for your advice.

I do not contact her. Neither watch. I try to focus on myself, my own life and I even met someone new. 

And I also acknowledge worse times. The problem is it has been only good times. Apart from last few months. Anyway I am doing ok during the day but how can I go on if I dream at night of her and the moment of saying bye? And it's like three nights in a row? Can you ever say bye, really to someone you merged into one for nearly half of your life?

The only way to truly forget is to die. So that's not the way. It's more like how to integrate and make peace with it? I so not even wake up that troubled as before but still, it's annoying and unbalancing my already unstable balance.

Edited by wesyasz

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks! I was even thinking to write to her to stop visiting me at night! 😅🙄

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Nickyy said:

@wesyasz xD it's a big change, your brain is doing a lot of things to adjust. Seeing this all as an inevitable part of being human will give you depth.

Yes. Thank you. I'm just finding out being human is not as easy as I thought for previous 30 years. 

But if she's coming tonight I swear I write to her to fuck off o.O.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@wesyasz Hey, I totally relate to this. I second the writing idea. I mean, probably about 1/3 or 1/4 of my main journal is just me getting related stuff off my chest. Somehow doing it in a public way where I would normally do everything more privately made me feel a lot better.

It's better not to fight the dreams if you can help it (and sometimes you can't, I get that). It's better not to put yourself at more at war with yourself than you have to be.

Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise, have some kind of routine if it helps you. But also give yourself the space to feel and fall apart, as you feel like you need it. Socialize with people if you need it; don't let yourself become too isolated if you have trouble with your own thoughts in a vacuum.

Basically take care of yourself physically and emotionally, as best as you can manage it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What you probably felt was an intense connection to her. But its an illusion. The same intense connection you had to her, actually you have to every thing existing in the universe.

The illusion is pretty good so its totally normal for you to think that you now lost this connection. You can start to appreciate other things/humans and see the connection. It might take sometime, that is ok.

Watch actialized.org videos on emotional mastery, that might help you as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all this. I know conceptually it was an illusion, though it's my mind who doesn't know what illusion is, is playing it. And after over 10 years when most of the time we have been travelling the world together, meaning being together 24/7, and not seeing each other for maybe a week all accumulated together is pretty tough stuff as you can imagine :). Honestly there was no distinction between me and her for that period so you can imagine how it feels now. I'm still feeling I'm doing pretty well still being here :) and even overcoming this into being happy.

Edited by wesyasz

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@wesyasz do you worry about not finding someone like her again? One of the things that make it harder, at least for me in this kind of scenarios, is the belief that "no other women will get my shit just like this one did". 

Edited by oMarcos

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now